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Monday, January 12, 2009

Confession of a 23 year old gal

I love my co-workers, I really do. I work with some really funny guys...other specials teachers, like myself. Whenever they think somethings wrong with me...they ask, and normally, nothing really is wrong, I'm usually just tired, and I tell them. They have no compassion whatsoever and usually make some kind of joke like the smallest violin in the world, or cry me a river, wait till you have kids. That's always the clincher. Always.

In fact, they borderline make fun of the day I will come in and announce a pregnancy. They are always like, "You just wait!", or "Your life is OVER!" or "You've never experienced tired until you have kids!" One of the guys always says, "I just can't wait until the day you come in and tell me you're pregnant, I'm just gonna lauuuughhhh". Gee, thanks.

I truly believe I am not living in la-la land about what kind of responsibility children bring. I am a very realistic person. I did not go into marriage expecting a fairy tale, and will most definitely not go into having children thinking its all peaches and cream. In fact, what keeps me from having children right now is that I'm enjoying living this way, and so is my husband. Also, we are trying to be smart financially first. Our life is at the point where we can live more selfishly then a couple with children. It should be this way, we haven't been married for even 2 years yet. This is priceless time that I get, I should enjoy it-right?

With all this said...I have to be honest. If tomorrow I found out I was (oopsie!) pregnant, I would be happy and glowing and thrilled to death. My deepest desire is to be a mom, and although I don't ooze that to the outside world, its the truth. The other day I told Declan that I can't wait for the day when we're trying. You know...the day the little 4-week packs go in the trash....the day when I know it would be okay to get my eggo preggo. The day when he's shootin' to score. That time, I cannot wait for. I also dream about the pregnancy experience, literally..I dream about it often. Besides all the weight gain, and weirdness of your skin and swelling...how beautiful is it that something is growing inside you perfectly made and a mesh of both you and the one you love the most? I think that's incredible.

So, although I may not come across as the most nurturing, can't-wait-to-be-a-mommy, compassionate and self-less kind of gal...I am admitting that at heart, it's who I am. I know my time will come and it's not now. I know that when its that time, it will be exciting. As my husband sweetly reminded me the other day, I don't need to rush. Good things come in time. I also have to remember that I do have it good, even now.

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