Dear Motherhood Maternity (and other random websites you sold my information to!):
Please stop sending me emails about the best pants to fit my "bump" at this stage of pregnancy. I am not pregnant anymore, and it feels like you're rubbing it in my face.
You are not sensitive in the slightest bit, because you're just a stupid computer system that vomits out a bajillion emails a day. I try to unsubscribe, yet you still do it---to badger me, harm me, make me go batty-crazy. Stop it. I'm begging you.
I do not want a discount on maternity shorts, belly bands, or anything of the like. So shut the heck up and LEAVE ME ALONE. You're not helping the situation, and I hate you for that.