Pages

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Imperfections make me, me.

My dear friend, Gina gave me an award. One that I've never gotten before...and so I figured for a Saturday when my brain is shut off--it'd make for a simple(r) post.

With this award, I'm supposed to post on 10 interesting things about me....but, I'm not going to do that. I want to do something different.


My other dear friend, Brittany recently had a post about her imperfections. I loved it. Honesty is refreshing. We are all REAL girls, right? Although I feel that I'm extremely honest about my feelings and emotions here as it is, I'm going to go ahead and post about my imperfections (as many as I can until I've had enough for the day), rather then post about interesting things.

Here it goes.

There has been clean laundry on my bedroom floor for over two weeks now begging, no, pleading to be put away. I dread this task. I'm being completely lazy.

My legs look like hairy monsters. I hate to shave. I do it when it's necessary, but-right now I consider it an unnecessary time.

On that note. I H.A.T.E to shower. hate it. I only shower every other day because I have to or my hair gets unacceptable. I'd probably go longer if I could get away with it.

I escalate situations quickly at times, and often regret things I say to my husband. I can be downright mean, and nasty. He certainly doesn't deserve it.

I hate how wide my hips are. I'm TOO curvy. Like, not the good kind of curvy.

I've only been able to face the scale since being pregnant so I can monitor weight gain/loss. Before that, it freaked me out and I steered completely clear.

After I miscarried, I wanted to cry my eyes out every time I saw a pregnant woman. I also, secretly, wanted to hurt them. That makes me horrible, I realize this. I also prayed that no one close to me would get pregnant during that time, because I would not have been able to face them. How incredibly selfish.

My husband lets me choose what restaurant we eat at....EVERY time.
Again, selfish (on my part)...Selfless on his.

My feet SMELL horrid when I wear certain flats.

I don't paint my fingernails.

Pregnancy hormones have done a number on my face.

I don't leave the house without makeup at least on my eyes...EVER. Because? I hate the way I look without it.

I don't have a best friend. One best friend. That I don't share with anyone else. I lost that friendship a few years ago and still cry over it. I can hardly even remember why. Immaturity, I guess.

I do not want to teach forever. It is not something I could picture myself doing for even more then a few more years. I hate saying this out-loud, or typing it...because then, I let people down.

My bathroom floor is disgusting. I shed, I guess.

There is mold on our shower curtain liner, and I just KEEP forgetting to purchase a new one. It disgusts me every time I see it, yet, obviously doesn't stick with me long enough to remember it when I need too.

I feel guilty for getting pregnant so easily both times when so many amazing women struggle with infertility, PCOS and other issues. It aches and pains me to read blogs about it. So, to not feel the pain, I often stay away.

My writing is so not up to par. I am often intimidated by people who are so fluent in their writing. I just.can't.do.it.

Christmas shopping stresses me out.

I worry about finances.

My purse is so disgusting. I keep way too much junk in it, and often can't find anything I need.

I sit on the couch after school, instead of making dinner.

I hate that I look mad, or angry, or sad when I'm just sitting still and hear, "Whats wrong?" often. When nothing is wrong.

I have junk drawers in my house. Like, too many. Its embarrassing.

My dog often bugs the crap out of me.

I don't read my Bible. There are no excuses. I'm just bored.

Some days, I can't believe I forgot to pray.

I am not the best wife despite what my husband says. Although I'm sure people would like to think we have "problems" that I just don't blog about, I actually have a really amazing marriage. However, I attribute 99% of that to my husband. Because, I suck at most things wifely. I realize I am really blessed to have him.

No matter how hard I try, I'll always hate to cook, and bake. I'll possibly never be good at either. I'll never be awesome like my sister-in-law, Kesh who has amazing meals for her family every day, and a fresh loaf of banana bread on the counter each week. I totally envy that in her.

I fear, every single day that someone else will have to raise my child. I absolutely dread that I'll have to get a report from some daycare, or some friend who watches my child about what they ate, nap schedules, etc. I cry, almost every day that I may have done a selfish thing by not waiting until I could definitely stay home to have kids. My heart hurts over this.

...and on that note, I think I'm done. Not, done---there are many more, but this is really all I could handle for today.

Love to all......and if you feel inspired, I'd love to see more posts like this. It's actually kind of freeing.


*For all of you lovely ladies who have given me awards in the last few months...thank you. I do not post them all because many are repeats, and for the sake of not posting the same thing over and over. But, I really do appreciate how cool you girls are, and how many of you I've gotten to know through this blog-world. I love how you write from your hearts, and give such beautiful, thoughtful feedback.


21 comments:

  1. I also credit my good marriage to my amazing husband. He has the patience of a saint.

    Loved reading this, I might steal this post idea soon!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this. What a beautiful, vulnerable post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for sharing! We are alike in a lot of ways. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates showers, I always thought everyone loved them!

    ReplyDelete
  4. And this is why I love you so dearly. If it makes you feel any better, I am right there with you on almost all of these!!

    I do, however, LOVE that Logan goes to school. It's so fun to hear what he did during the day and how he interacted with his friends. Keep that in the back of your mind if Baby does have to go to day care. Granted, he didn't start till he was 2, but still. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have PCOS and have been struggling to have a child, but I still rejoice for others. It just feels better not to see them so often. I don't know how women live through miscarriages, I haven't been there (thank God), so I think you are stronger than you think.

    But I do get a little angry when people say how much they would hate to be pregnant, have another child, would jump off a bridge if they found out they were pregnant, etc. I kind of want to pull their hair and shake some sense into them.

    Great post! I love hearing all about you and getting to know you through blogs!

    blessings,
    Jen

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have my "stinky" flats, too.

    And I feel you on so many other things too! And seriously, I worry terribly about finances. Like, sometimes I think I may have anxiety because of it.

    you're not alone, sister! Love you for doing this!

    It's so good!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I relate to soo many of those. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I also hate to shower. I wash my hair every 3 days and on the off days I take a bath so I'm at least clean.

    In regards to hating pregnant women...my SIL told us she was pregnant (at 13 weeks) and in my head all I could think was 'she is going to be 8 months pregnant at my wedding and she is the MOH'. This baby will make me and aunt and I should be excited but I was just SO angry. I have cleared things with her now and talked it out and am SO excited to meet my niece but for a while it was hard. So I totally understand your hatred for pregnant women, it doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I feel you! You are so completely honest and I relate to so many of those, but I have MULTIPLE pairs of stinky flats. And wear them often. ;)

    Thank you for your honesty, I needed to hear that, it is so comforting to feel humbled and human with other blog readers.

    ReplyDelete
  10. OK so we are JUST ALIKE! I counted and 23 out of the 30 imperfections you wrote describe me to a T!!I just unpacked a suitcase that was from September, Could NOT tell you the last time I shaved,have not showered since Friday and I only did today to go to church,My poor hubby,Im wearing my stinky flats as I type. We have been trying since Jan to get pregnant,I had a misscarriage in May and now we are still trying! I have 2 kdis that I got pregnant with right away but now we cant seem to get pregnant. After my misscarriage I would just cry when I saw pregnant woman. I tried to act strong because I do have other children but its so hard.I still get envious when I see pregnant moms. I think we would be great friends if we ever met! This post made me feel so much better that there are other people out there that arent the super mom/wife! Thanks Katie!

    ReplyDelete
  11. AND this lady is why I follow your blog! Thanks for keepin it real =D and showers I couldnt agree more damn hair! =D

    ReplyDelete
  12. What an eye-opening post. Give me a few days and I think I just might do this.

    ReplyDelete
  13. What an eye-opening post. Give me a few days and I think I just might do this.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You're beautiful. I need (feel like I need) eye make-up, too :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. wow - you and I are alike in SO many ways! I sit on the couch and don't make dinner. I HATE saying I don't want to teach (because of how people think of it). I'm lazy. I HATE getting ready in the morning. I worry about finances..... :)

    Funny. Hang in there Girlie! Life is just that. Some day we'll figure it all out, right?

    ReplyDelete
  16. So it's a little weird how so many things you said I was like oh my I do that too!

    I thought I was the only one that did not have one best friend. I am blessed with so many friends, but not just that one you know. It makes me sad to think about it because I know I used to.

    Hope you had a good weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love this :)

    I have a VERY selfless husband as well. It very much equals out the selfishness of mine. *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  18. I have had clean laundry piled up on the guest bed for 3 weeks. My husband even asked if I was ever going ot put it away this weekend. I started...but only got half way. I hate putting it away.
    I hate to shave my legs and take showers too! :))
    I like to be clean- I just do not like the process! :) ha

    ReplyDelete
  19. Love this post. It is so refreshing and it is so good to know that there are others who are just as imperfect as I am! :) Our imperfections are what make us beautiful and unique. Thank you for being woman enough to admit your imperfections. I am not sure I can do it...but I'm gonna try!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Love this!! And may have to steal it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete