Kind of odd to talk about my blog, well, on my blog. But, I'm going to try and do just that. In fact, this particular post will take me days to write, as not to miss any important details I'd like to discuss. But...here it goes.
I love to write. I do not consider myself a writer. I hate to journal in an actual pen & paper type of way. I, absolutely have never journaled in this way before successfully. I have many-a-journals with one or two entries in them, and the rest are just empty pages. Some people would say that you're only a real writer when you write in a pen & paper type way. That's debatable, but not true in my opinion. But again, let me clarify: I do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT consider myself a writer. I just love to blog. Which happens to involve writing. That's that.
To learn a little bit about me, I think you all should know that blogging is not a trend for me. It IS literally, a part of me. I have been writing in an online journal for just about 9 years now as of December 30th. 9 YEARS! They say it takes 30 days or so to start a habit...so, I believe now that after over 3,000 days of writing in this format--it becomes more of a way of life then anything else. [For the record, I used to blog on LiveJournal, and then in 2007 started with blogger.]
I blogged for all this time without hardly a single soul reading what I wrote. Up until this spring, my only real readers (or blog-checkers) were some of my family members and a few friends. That was it. My intentions of blogging was never, and is never to "get more readers", because, honestly...although I love you all (I really, really do!)...I write for myself. Despite what anyone else thinks.
Yes, of course, there will be the occasional fun swap, or giveaway...and obviously that involves you lovely ladies (there really arent any men readers that I know of), but on a normal day-to-day basis...the blog is for me. It is, in fact, an online journal of sorts--is it not?
Now that I have some really great friends through this thing called blog-land, I have really learned to love and appreciate your encouraging words, comments, and heartfelt gestures (packages, letters, emails, facebook, etc), and the hand that has been reached out to me in the best of times and worst of times. Many of you, truly are my friends, and there are a few of you I know I'll one day meet. [It is amazing who you can connect with just by blog-reading, isn't it?]
On another note...lets talk about my blog title for a moment, Loves of Life. When I created this blog a few years ago, I believe it went without a title for a bit. Then, a few years ago this "Loves of Life" phrase stuck. I think the title in itself says something about the way in which I view my life...as do many of your title's. They really do encompass in a glance just what the blog is about. I do in fact, view my life as glass half full...I do try to find the little joys and loves in my ever-hectic life trying to cut it as a teacher, wife, homeowner, and soon-to-be-mom. I, really, genuinely do. I think that many of you who know me...know this is true.
Does this mean that I don't complain? Heck-to-the-NO. I complain too often and am working on that. (You've often heard the complaining here.) Does this mean I'm oh so patient and loving? NO. I often say, "Why did I become a teacher if patience is a necessity...honestly?!?!"----BUT. I do, genuinely, and truly try to find the joy in the midst of tough situations, use my heartaches and trials for good in the end, and strive to be a better person. Whether my journey is on a slow track or not...it's going in that direction. Or else, that's my goal.
So this little second home to me is more then just a blog. It's that. A home. I get offended when people say things like, "Well, I don't have time to blog." [Making it seem like I have all the time in the world. Trust me-I juggle a lot of things too. Hello? Masters degree almost done, while working full time, taking care of a house and husband in between running to the toilet due to my soon to be firstborn...yea..busy, I get it.] Because, it's almost the same as me saying, "Well, I don't have time to tie my shoes." It's just a natural thing, a part of me, a part of my life. How about...a necessity. For me.
Also-I want you to know that what you are reading is always true (okay, of course I insert sarcasm and slight exaggeration for dramatic effect at times...but you get it). I do not try to hide parts of my life, but obviously, as I try to only post once a day--naturally, there are parts that just won't ever be written about. I do NOT ever try to deceive anyone into thinking I have the perfect life, the perfect marriage, the perfect house. But? As you can see-the title of my blog alone shows that my focus isn't on the negative. It just isn't. I don't view my life that way, and pray that I never will. Do I have my moments? Or my posts that are filled with utter agony and grief at times? Absolutely. After all...we are dealing with life, here...full of unexpected twists and turns.
However, every one of you who has been around for a while should hopefully realize that I'm not afraid to share about the nitty gritty of my life. I also, have a hard time keeping the heartache inside, when it's clearly very much there in my life at that moment. I am honest...almost to a fault.
This blog, as dumb as it sounds, is an extended version of myself. It is, just that, though--part of me. It's real, it's honest, it's the truth. Even with posts filled with heartache and anguish, I hope that you see the true me is to uncover some deeper meaning, and find the good in the midst. If that happens days, weeks or months later--then so be it.
Obviously...this blogging journey for me hasn't come to an end yet (and possibly never will unless you can hold me down for 30 days computer-less to break the habit of blogging...hehe. Works for nail-biting, I hear!), and although I did it for years with no one listening...I want you to know I appreciate each and every one of you. If there were no one out there reading or listening...I would, indeed, still be typing away daily at my computer, hitting submit on this blog. After all, it's me.
Thank you for hearing my heart and for your endless encouragement.