Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I just can't shake it.

Most days I keep things light around here. Today, I just can't shake this feeling. I'm overwhelmed. Tired. No, exhausted. I have the hungover feeling but without the alcohol the night before. I can attribute that to all the blanket-over-my-face snotty crying/sobbing/screaming I did last night. I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn't help it. You could say it was hormones. Yes, I agree--that was enhancing it. But my emotions? Those are so real.

There I sat, 6 months pregnant (almost)--just realizing for maybe the first REAL time that the desires of my heart are more then unlikely to come true for a while, in fact, they're impossible. I don't even want to go into details...there are no details to go into...but, all I can say is-what the freaking HECK was I thinking? I was being a dumb, naive girl. Life isn't fair. People aren't measured on the same scale...and people don't hand you what you need.

Sometimes life doesn't pan out the way you see it so beautifully in your head. When reality hits, it hits. Unfortunately for me, it was later rather then sooner.

Now, I need to get my watery eyes and puffy face together before I can teach the future leaders of tomorrow.

*I'm disabling comments because I don't want anyone to feel I'm fishing for compliments or feel they have to give "i'm sorry's". No one should be sorry but me for being naive and living in a pipe-dream. This is my place to write, I don't keep a handwritten journal--this is it. So, here's my sad, pathetic post of the month.