So, last week I was going through a lot of different emotions. I can mainly thank hormones (thank you hormones!) for intensifying the emotions. But, they were, and are, truly indeed real feelings. Most of which I've been struggling with has to do with things down the line that I simply cannot control. Just so you know, and aren't thinking I'm clinically insane or something (which, well, you never know, haha)-basically this has all been about "when the baby comes" talk and about me going back to teaching versus my innate desire to stay home. That's that, really--and all I care to discuss here for the time being.
But, with all that said, it's just been an internal battle and it's been manifesting in lots of tears (hi, again, hormones!). What I've realized this week thanks to wonderful people in my life is that I don't have to carry that burden alone, or put it all on my shoulders. I have a very loving God who wants me to lay my burdens down and let Him take them on for me. My life and the direction it goes, indeed is in His plans anyway-- right?
I like to pretend like I can handle it all on my own, but the reality is--that's why I hit those breaking points like I did this past week. I can't do it myself.
I've realized I try to control too many situations--its the natural teacher preparedness in me. It's not bad to be prepared, but this is a test of just how much I can trust and wait, and be patient. My mom always said to me growing up, "You know, God is a God of the last minute!"--and even though I hated when she said that, I found it true in so many things in my life. Finding a teaching job after college being a very prime example. It landed in my lap 3 weeks into the school year...when I had lost all hope. Last minute, indeed.
So last night I was taking a bath (my poor, achey back) and reading my devotional (you know, the one for "busy moms" ((I don't yet count, but still)), that has a 5 minute read of the New Testament in it)--
and guess what the verse for the day was?
"Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burden, for I will give you rest."
Like, umm...are you kidding me?!
Who rigged this book to match my life so perfectly?
In that moment, I felt peace.
I felt confirmation.
I felt that the timing was right.
I believed with all of me that HE knows the desires of my heart, and that they're pure.
Then at church this morning, we started singing a song that really spoke to me a few months ago when I was struggling with grief from the miscarriage. It has a very, very, very simple chorus line that says, "You make all things work together for my good", and "Your love never fails."
When I had lost what felt like all hope when our first baby didn't make it--I clung onto that bit of the song for weeeeeeks. I sang it over and over in my head. Tears streamed down my face when they would sing it in Church. But surely enough, His LOVE never fails and I'm so blessed to be carrying a healthy little girl, today.
This morning, as we sung that song-I clung to the words again with teary eyes.
I know He'll make all things work together for my good. Because? His love never fails.
I don't need to worry.
If you'd like to hear the song, I'm adding the video below. I love, love, love it and it's so catchy. It seriously lifts my spirits. Wait for the chorus line...it's worth it.
Have a beautiful Monday!