I'm not sure if somehow I've made this unclear-and I'm all about honesty. So, I must get this out in the open.
I don't 'have it all together'.
Not even one bit.
I'm sorry if I've made it seem that way. I never meant to fudge the truth or make you believe something that's not exactly 100% true.
After a few of you lovely ladies asked me yesterday how I handle work, school, marriage, pregnancy, etc...and manage to [dreaded words] "keep it all together"--I started feeling guilty.
I most definitely do not have it all together. I so wish I did. But, not me.
Part of that probably has to do with the fact that I'm NOT a Type "A" personality by any means. I don't keep to-do lists. I don't stay on top of things as well as I should. I don't always put my 100% effort into everything at all times.
The truth is--I'm mediocre in most areas.
I'm mediocre as a homemaker. Honestly? My home doesn't get deep-cleaned (or cleaned!) as often as it should. When it does-it ONLY (I repeat, ONLY) happens because I have an awesome husband who does 75% of it while I waddle around and do the other 25% in the same amount of time. [What? I'm slower these days.] During the week...there is mail strewn on counters, thank-you cards piled on the kitchen table, the pillows on the couch are out of place, and there are doggie toys all over the floor. Like a lot of you...I'm also exhausted when I get home from work-and yes, I do just sit down a lot of the times after work and do n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Also, I have days where I don't cook a darn thing for dinner because I lack the energy, or the creativity to be able to whip together something cute and equally delicious. I lack those skills. Big time. Sometimes, I just wait until Declan comes home (2 hours after I get home), and
I'm not the best "student". You all know that I'm normally taking a grad class here or there. Luckily, in this moment, I'm not (hallelujah!). The truth is, when I take them--I don't put my full effort into them, either. I do what I can to make it work into my busy lifestyle. I hand things in on time, but is it always my best work? Absolutely not. Do I get decent grades? Yes, but that's probably because the teachers are too busy themselves to nit-pick over my work. Honestly? Another area where I don't give it my "all", nor do I keep it all together. Again....mediocre.
I could always be a better teacher. There is always room to improve as an educator--and that's just part of being a teacher. Constantly growing, constantly learning-constantly improving on your lessons to make learning better for the students. The truth is, I'm a pretty decent teacher-but there is always room for improvement. I feel that with the pregnancy I've not been up to par on where I should be, but luckily, I don't think the students notice. It's more of a personal thing. Feeling bad for being more irritable, feeling guilty about sitting to rest my swollen feet now and again, and feeling bad about lacking the energy and excitement that I should have on an everyday basis, and I don't.
...the list could go on and on.
I guess it's easy to appear as if you have things all together. Honestly, that wasn't my intent. The point in all this is to say that I'm just an average-wife, an average-teacher, an average-student, and an average-pregnant woman.
I do things little bits at a time to get things done.
I always take time to rest.
I leave dirty dishes in the sink at times.
I leave mail unopened for days.
I don't fold our TV blankets everynight before going to bed.
Heck, I don't even make our bed everyday.
I leave my makeup out on my sink instead of moving it afootaway to where it belongs.
The list goes on and on...
but, you should get the point by now.
Please note: That was by no means a pity party. I need and want zero pity. I just like being honest, and the honest truth is-I'm not the best at most things. My life is a daily balancing act (like yours), but I often fail. Miserably. I think its important to know we all have struggles, we all get tired, we all are busy and we can't always be perfect in all areas, and thats okay.