We all hear about those 'raging' hormone changes that happen during pregnancy. The truth is, although I joke about being hormonal and such, I've really not experienced many issues or crying spats because of the hormones.
I mean, there was that one time that I cried on the closet floor because I hated all my maternity work pants. Yea, and maybe that one time when I laid on the kitchen floor and screamed and cried at Declan for absolutely NO reason that I can remember currently. But other then the occasional breakdown, I've not just been a crying mess this whole pregnancy. Honestly.
But yesterday, on my birthday-it was a different story.
Let me explain.
First of all, when we were shopping at the outlet's...I just felt SO slow. I just don't walk nearly as fast as I used too. I could easily chase my nieces around, no problem. Today was a different story. I felt useless, tired, and HOT. It was 80 degrees and sunny (beautiful, truly), but I realized why I'm so thankful not to be very pregnant through the brutal heat of the summer. Not to mention, I was in a tank top. Pregnant arms=not cute (not on me, anyway), and I felt so very 'ugh'.
With every step I took, more and more pressure was put on my bladder, making the urge to pee pretty much constant. I literally went to the bathroom 4 or 5 times just while shopping. It felt like I went every 2.5 seconds. Frustrating AND annoying.
All of these little things started to wear on me. I was annoyed and easily irritated and normally my tolerance for just about everything is so.much.higher.
I got into the car with my sister (on our way to get pedicures) and just started to sob. I cried, and I cried. I couldn't really tell her why I was crying...and I felt bad for crying at all. After all, I was having a GOOD day. Whatthefreak was wrong with me? I just felt moody. Tired. Overwhelmed. I felt...I felt...hormonal. As if I had no real control over my emotions.
I held back my tears and allowed myself to enjoy the rest of the day. After all, I had no real 'reason' be upset over anything.
I got home exhausted, and all I wanted was a nap. A quick, one hour nap or rest before Declan got home from work and our evening plans commenced. Little did I know, he decided to come home early and surprise me. Little did he KNOW that surprises don't go over quite as well when your wife is crazy-tired, 9 months pregnant, and....hormonal [yea, I said it again].
He had every right in the world to come home and spend the evening out with me, heck, even if it was an hour earlier then I thought. But, in my state of exhaustion, I was cruel. I was mean. I wasn't grateful. He told me to get changed into something nice, and that we had to leave, like.soon. I freaked out. I whined. I moaned about how "sweaty" and "hot" I was. I told him I just wanted a nap. I needed 10 minutes to re-do my makeup. Then I shrieked at him to "go start the car and at least get the AC running, gosh darn-it!"
I was nasty.
I wasn't me. Well, my normal 'me'.
When I finally got in the car, he told me how beautiful I looked and how excited he was to spend the evening out with me taking me on a birthday date.
I broke down, again, crying, on the way to dinner. My mascara ran. I searched for a tissue in the car and wiped my eyes. I tried to explain to him that "I just don't feel like myself!", and "I over-did it today!", and "I couldn't try on any of the clothes I wanted too!", and "I can't walk as fast, and I peed 293083 times today!", and "Ohmygosh I'm not even sure why I am crying and ruining this night!"
I dried my tears, and calmed myself down. What the heck was going on with me anyway? I can seriously only explain it as hormones, because obviously this behavior isn't normal (for me at least). I think that as I'm creeping closer and closer to D-Day, my body is very obviously sensing big changes are about to occur. Thus, an overflow of emotions.
I guess, I can be thankful that I haven't been crazy-hormonal this entire time and that it's just hitting now when we have a month left.
But, someone better say a prayer for my husband. He has to live with me everyday.