I'm at a loss for words for the first time in my life.
I never run into any trouble typing up my daily thoughts or stories.
I sat on the couch last night, laptop in hand, watching American Idol half-heartedly (I'm starting to lose interest slowly...), waiting for the words to come for today's post.
I paged through thousands of pictures in my iPhoto, thinking maybe I'd get some inspiration to post something cute from the past.
Instead, Declan and I laughed and reminisced at just how tiny Mac was when we first got him, and how much our nieces and nephew have grown up, and "oh my where has the time gone" type stuff.
We looked at pictures of when I had a flat belly, and I teared up just a tiny bit that I may never ever see that stomach again.
Declan said, admittingly-"I almost forget how you used to look". (He meant no harm in that statement, and I took no offense. He was being adorable and sincere.) I agreed that I, too forget what it feels like to not have a watermelon in between my lady-friends and my va j-j at all times.
Still, I felt no real pressing, no real desire to write about anything. That is an oh-so-rare occassion for me. Honestly, the words normally come spilling from my head onto the screen.
I could only think about writing about one thing.
Of course, you know what it is.
My baby girl.
The fact that it's almost over.
The way my body is totally gearing up for labor and I feel different.
The way I cried my eyes out on our long walk last night for seriously nofrigginreason. [If any of my neighbors are reading this, I swear-just hormones. I wasn't being beaten or anything, ha.]
The fact that my stomach feels like its hanging so low I have to tug at my shirts all day long.
That everyone is noticing my belly and its different shape.
How I'm looonging to meet this little love, and I get goosebumps just thinking about it.
The way that I'm actually excited FOR labor. [Weird, I know.]
Or the way that I feel at this point I'm a 'ticking timebomb' as I say...and you never know when things are gonna start happening.
Thats what I want to write about.
I don't particularly want to write funny-kid-comments of the day, or even take note of the funny things they say anymore.
I don't want to write about my puppy.
I don't want to write about how I'm pretty sure DD put spoiled milk in my half/half coffee this morning.
I don't want to write about the beautiful weather, or the fact that it went from 90 degrees down to 50 in a matter of a 2-day span.
I don't want to write about school or the mean things a few co-workers have said.
Because I'm focused.
On one thing.
And that's really all I can think about.
...and that's her.