Despite being fully prepared that being alone during the day is the life I'm going to be leading as a stay-at-home mom (for the time being), I still let my hormones get the best of me Sunday night. I was extra-clingy to Declan. In fact, at one point...I sobbed (hello...let me just tell you...the hormones do.not.leave once the baby comes out...fyi) to Declan about how sad I was he was going back to work, and "who's going to take the dog out?"...and "who's going to get me water when I need it...?"...and "I don't know if I can do this...!" and...."I just love her so much and want to be the best mom ever--".
He was awesome, as usual...and affirmed me that I'm doing a great job and he's loved watching me learn and shape into a mommy. He told me I could do it.
Inside, I knew I could...but for some reason I was letting fear well up in me that was completely unneccessary.
Monday rolled around and Declan got ready for work. Emeline and I were still sleeping, and we both got a good-bye kiss.
We woke up a little bit later...and started our morning 'routine' (there is really no such thing as routine with a newborn in my opinion). After feeding, my little girl went down for a nice long nap...and she hung out with me in the bathroom in her vibrating papasan chair while I took a shower. I probably peeked out from the curtain approximately 349 times in the span of my 10 minute shower. She was sleeping soundly...and no noises seem to bother her...ever. I even had enough time to do my hair, makeup, and get both her and I dressed and ready for the day.
On my first day home by myself with a 1-week old, even getting a shower is considered a success in my book.
Heck, I was even able to put in a load of her laundry too. I know...I impressed myself, too.
I sat down again, you know...to feed the little peanut...and I pulled up my email.
I saw an email from my husband that was titled: "The Best Mom Ever"
and it read:
I just wanted to check in how you're doing. I know you're sleeping as I type this email but when you get up let me know. I love you and admire your strength. you are doing incredibly well as a new mommy. I am proud to have my daughter brought up by you. Can't wait to see my girls at lunch. Love you guys!"
I was instantly in tears.
1. Because of hormones. (leave.now.please)
2. Because I love that man so much.
The next time I looked at the clock, it was 12:30 and time for Declan to come home for lunch. He came home and greeted us girls with lots of kisses. It was a breath of fresh air to see him in the middle of the day. He held the peanut while I made us some grilled cheese sandwiches (we're sooo fancy around here), and we caught up on our days so far. Mine, obviously--consisted of feeding her, changing diapers, taking a shower, feeding her, changing diapers and putting in a load of laundry. All of which resounded "success" in my ears.
I had plans of going out that afternoon...to challenge myself and see if I can really handle this. I wasn't too worried, but, it's always a little bit scary your first time out with a newborn on your own.
Funny thing is...someone had JUST sent me a facebook message that day which had a note of encouragement in it that read:
"Being a stay at home mom has it's own challenges and adjustments. My little bit of advice is to try to go somewhere by yourself the first day or second day. Grocery store, meet someone at the park, anything! It will give you so much confidence!"
Declan headed back to work and I packed Emeline up for a little outing. Off we went to Kohl's to return a few outfits that were too big for my petit baby. However, as soon as I pulled in the parking lot--she started freaking-out-crying. I parked and jumped in the backseat, and like an old-pro, I fed her right there. Not only did I feed her there, but I also changed a dirty diaper. I have a feeling this was the first of many car-feedings and car-changings. Either way...for my first day alone? These are all huge, ginormous successes.
My sister met us there, which was nice to have a little moral support on my first day out. With a sleeping, peaceful baby I was able to make it through Kohl's...return some things and get some newborn outfits that will fit. Not only that, but we were able to make it through Babys-R-Us too, where I needed to purchase a few baby-related essentials.
Next thing you know, we were back at home--I was able to put away laundry and Emeline slept in her swing.
Within the next hour...Declan was home.
Phew. I had made it.
We did it.
I felt really good about our day. It went pretty flawlessly...and it did give me confidence that I can do this.
It may not seem like a lot to anyone else--but, it did to me.
Me and my girl...we had a great day. And I'm smiling because I know we have a lot of other great days together in the future.