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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

God's got me.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me.

You see, my sister, Susan and my little brother, Steve left for Zambia, Africa. Not just for a week...not even two weeks, but for ONE MONTH.

My sister isn't just my "sister". She's my best friend. We're 2 1/2 years apart, we hang out often, text, shop, talk on the phone, and just love each other times a million...

...and I'm sad when she's gone.

So yesterday, when I woke up to a fussy baby at 4am, I realized it was about the time for them to make their way to JFK airport to board the flight to South Africa (where their layover was). So, I sent a quick text to my sister saying something along the lines of, "I miss you already....I love you so much...blahblahblah...."

I knew I wouldn't wake her since she had to be up getting ready to haul herself and all her goodies for the people of the village to the airport.

She texted me back assuring that the month would fly by, she loved me, blah blah blah.

I replied, "I doubt it. :( " [Regarding time 'flying by']

And then?
I lost it.

I couldn't stop crying.

At 4am.
COULD.NOT.STOP.

I haven't cried like that in a long time.

Lots and lots of tears flew down my face and onto my now soggy pillow. I had to hold it in as not to wake my now back-to-sleeping baby. So, I got that dreaded lump in my throat. I haven't had that feeling in so long, that I forgot what it even felt like. It sucked.

You see, this is my sisters 4th trip to Africa, and my brother's 3rd. This isn't anything new. In fact, Susan has stayed there for as long as 3 months at a time. This was only 1 month trip, afterall.

But, something was different this time. I let fear overwhelm me. Fear of the worst happening. Fear of the "what-if's".

And she texted me: "You're not having bad feelings about me going are you?"

And I cried more.

By this point, I woke Declan up and through tears told him how sad I was about them leaving. How I'm scared. How stupid I feel for being scared because this ISN'T new territory for them... or for me. And he just held me.

I told her, "I don't know...I seriously can't stop sobbing...this isn't normal. I'll just keep praying."

Because really? That's all I can do, anyway-right?

And then she said the part that hit me the most and was the truth I needed to hear, "God's got me, Kate and we just need to rest in that and trust Him. Love you so much!"

I laid in my bed for the next hour or so, with tears coming down my face, a lump in my throat and I just kept praying.

I won't really understand why so much fear overwhelmed me this time around, when I never had those feelings in the years past. But, what I do know is that it was a good reminder to me.

When you've got nothing else, you can pray.

God's "got" you.

I'm inspired by my sister.

~*~

If you're curious what they're doing in Africa, check out my sister's blog and her posts about the village.

If you're someone who prays...please, please, please keep my family in your prayers. Not only are my brother and sister there for a month, but in 2 weeks my mom and dad are joining them. Pray for God's protection, traveling mercies, and for the relationships they keep building there.


~UPDATED: They arrived safely this morning :)

29 comments:

  1. I think it's a normal reaction to start to be more fearful once you become a mother. At least, I know that happened to me. And I think it was on the Pioneer Woman's page where she wrote about being afraid of flying and hundreds of women wrote back that they can relate - that once you become a mom your outlook changes. I think we just want to nurture and protect and keep everyone we love safe and warm.

    God bless your brother and sister on their trip. You've got such a wonderful, loving family!

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  2. Sending up prayers for your family to have a safe trip there and back!

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  3. Praying for safety for your family and peace for you.

    Hormones can make your emotions a little wacky, especially when you are breastfeeding. Don't read anything more into it than that. :)

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  4. Keeping your family in my prayers, Katie!

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  5. Praying for all of them. What a wonderful thing they are doing!

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  6. what an awesome sister & brother you have! I'm sure it is scary having them travel so far away --but it is truely inspiring that they want to help! God is definately working through them. So glad they arrived safely -- I will continue to pray for them this month while they are there, and for your parents when they travel in a few weeks!

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  7. Girl, it’s at those times when fear overwhelms us that we need to rest in his peace. And that’s good advice your sister gave you!! :) Praying for them!!

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  8. I love that she said that :) I've found that since becoming a mom, I am a million times more emotional than I was before, about everything! I mean, I have to change the channel because an iPhone commercial comes on! haha

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  9. Prayers coming your way! I love that it's such a simple but true message. God's got you.

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  10. This is just an amazing example of how people in your life can inspire you in so many ways. It's always nice to have that little reminder every now and then that God is with us at all times. :) I'm praying for your sis!

    xo
    Jess

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  11. The extra fear you felt this time may have something to do with the fact that you're now a mother and those worrying instincts might kick it into high gear. But your sister is right, God's got her, and God's got you. What a great message. I'll be praying for your family. Keep us updated on how their trip is going.

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  12. Kate...so beautiful and so true. Thanks for that sweet reminder. Praying for your brother and sister as they're gone, and praying for you as you miss them. God is using them in a big way :)

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  13. I will keep them all in my prayers Katie <3

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  14. I definitely believe in the power of prayer, and your family is in mine for sure! Stay strong! You can do this!

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  15. I will keep them in my prayers Katie! I promise. :)

    I think it's an incredible mission that they do! I hope the time goes by quickly for you!!

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  16. I will keep them in my prayers!!!

    Having my siblings (and then parents) a world away would make me cry, too.

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  17. Sending prayers to you and your sister. Goodness this was such a touching story because my sister and I are the same way. She and I are 2 years and 2 weeks apart and she too is my best friend.

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  18. will be praying for them katie! They are doing such amazing work, and God will keep an eye on them, I'm sure :-) But I do understand your sadness and worry :-(

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  19. Just found your blog...needless to say I'm now following! Your sister is an inspiration, thanks for sharing this story! Praying for them and their work! Thank goodness for people like your sis!

    Oh and I'm a former teacher turned SAHM! Your little one is precious!

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  20. God will protect your family, he is with them and working through them!

    I actually have a college friend who will be MOVING there indefinitely in November: http://www.wesslersinzambia.com/

    P.S. I followed your blog before as Married to a Med Student.

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  21. So glad to hear they made it safely! Definitely will keep them in my prayers!

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  22. I'm wishing them a safe trip and safe return.

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  23. Your whole family is in my prayers, hun. They are doing the Lord's work, and I am so grateful for their choice to serve our God in such a wonderful way. And I'm so grateful for the sacrifice you've made in the name of the Lord, too.

    Love you!

    And, ya know, you can always call me if you need me!

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  24. I've definitely had those moments but once I give up control and seek God's comfort I feel so much better.

    Praying for you and your family!

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  25. awwww sissy your post made me cry. i appreciate your love and support so much. after i got your texts i started crying, too but we all prayed as a group and i felt the most overwhelming peace come over me. i think God has big plans for us this time and that's why the enemy is attacking us hard! i'm so excited for the testimonies that will come out of our time here.

    love you so very much! tell eme-kay aunt susie loves her very much. you are the best sister ever!!! sending lots of love and hugs and kisses your way- xoxoxoxo

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  26. Very good and moving post!
    God's got them and you! I will be praying fervently until their return! :)

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