Yesterday was an emotional day for me.
You see, my sister, Susan and my little brother, Steve left for Zambia, Africa. Not just for a week...not even two weeks, but for ONE MONTH.
My sister isn't just my "sister". She's my best friend. We're 2 1/2 years apart, we hang out often, text, shop, talk on the phone, and just love each other times a million...
...and I'm sad when she's gone.
So yesterday, when I woke up to a fussy baby at 4am, I realized it was about the time for them to make their way to JFK airport to board the flight to South Africa (where their layover was). So, I sent a quick text to my sister saying something along the lines of, "I miss you already....I love you so much...blahblahblah...."
I knew I wouldn't wake her since she had to be up getting ready to haul herself and all her goodies for the people of the village to the airport.
She texted me back assuring that the month would fly by, she loved me, blah blah blah.
I replied, "I doubt it. :( " [Regarding time 'flying by']
I lost it.
I couldn't stop crying.
I haven't cried like that in a long time.
Lots and lots of tears flew down my face and onto my now soggy pillow. I had to hold it in as not to wake my now back-to-sleeping baby. So, I got that dreaded lump in my throat. I haven't had that feeling in so long, that I forgot what it even felt like. It sucked.
You see, this is my sisters 4th trip to Africa, and my brother's 3rd. This isn't anything new. In fact, Susan has stayed there for as long as 3 months at a time. This was only 1 month trip, afterall.
But, something was different this time. I let fear overwhelm me. Fear of the worst happening. Fear of the "what-if's".
And she texted me: "You're not having bad feelings about me going are you?"
And I cried more.
By this point, I woke Declan up and through tears told him how sad I was about them leaving. How I'm scared. How stupid I feel for being scared because this ISN'T new territory for them... or for me. And he just held me.
I told her, "I don't know...I seriously can't stop sobbing...this isn't normal. I'll just keep praying."
Because really? That's all I can do, anyway-right?
And then she said the part that hit me the most and was the truth I needed to hear, "God's got me, Kate and we just need to rest in that and trust Him. Love you so much!"
I laid in my bed for the next hour or so, with tears coming down my face, a lump in my throat and I just kept praying.
I won't really understand why so much fear overwhelmed me this time around, when I never had those feelings in the years past. But, what I do know is that it was a good reminder to me.
When you've got nothing else, you can pray.
God's "got" you.
I'm inspired by my sister.
If you're curious what they're doing in Africa, check out my sister's blog and her posts about the village.
If you're someone who prays...please, please, please keep my family in your prayers. Not only are my brother and sister there for a month, but in 2 weeks my mom and dad are joining them. Pray for God's protection, traveling mercies, and for the relationships they keep building there.
~UPDATED: They arrived safely this morning :)