Just last week, the date came and went--and it had marked a year since my miscarriage. It's amazing what a difference a year can make. Absolutely amazing.
Last year, at this time-I was heartbroken and struggling with grief, and for good reason. No matter the size of that little baby at the time we lost him/her, it was a life--and a life that was conceived in love and genuinely wanted and desired. My heart hurt. Our hearts hurt.
I found myself going through different stages of grief dealing with the loss. At times, I felt crazy with emotions. Just yesterday at our little house Church (which we LOVE), our pastor's wife spoke about grief. Odd, as it was exactly a year and a day later after I wrote a post about the grief I was going through.
She talked about how grieving is a healthy process. Brushing your true feelings under a rug is not. Walking through each step of grieving and really feeling your emotions is the best thing you can do to stay spiritually healthy. So often (and I'm guilty of this), we do things to numb the pain we feel....listen to music, watch TV, eat, etc-instead of really working out the raw emotions we have.
So often in this world, we think of being "emotional" as a bad thing. In fact, it's not. I'm one of those who is learning that every day.
A year after my miscarriage, I'm in a different place. I have a beautiful baby girl physically here to hold and to love on. I can snuggle her, and take in all her precious baby smells, coo's and wiggles. But, I can still recall in an instant the gutting and real, raw, true feelings of sadness I had when we learned we lost our first baby.
My point is this: give grieving it's time, and the time it's due...and if it takes a while, so be it. Don't feel bad for not "getting over" something quick enough. Give.it.time. There were moments I felt that I grieved for too long about our loss. But really? It was good. So good. I believe that when you give yourself that time to really feel then you can truly experience the joy and happiness on the other side. I know I have.