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Monday, July 19, 2010

"Grief is a process, not a state." ~Anne Grant

Just last week, the date came and went--and it had marked a year since my miscarriage. It's amazing what a difference a year can make. Absolutely amazing.

Last year, at this time-I was heartbroken and struggling with grief, and for good reason. No matter the size of that little baby at the time we lost him/her, it was a life--and a life that was conceived in love and genuinely wanted and desired. My heart hurt. Our hearts hurt.

I found myself going through different stages of grief dealing with the loss. At times, I felt crazy with emotions. Just yesterday at our little house Church (which we LOVE), our pastor's wife spoke about grief. Odd, as it was exactly a year and a day later after I wrote a post about the grief I was going through.

She talked about how grieving is a healthy process. Brushing your true feelings under a rug is not. Walking through each step of grieving and really feeling your emotions is the best thing you can do to stay spiritually healthy. So often (and I'm guilty of this), we do things to numb the pain we feel....listen to music, watch TV, eat, etc-instead of really working out the raw emotions we have.

So often in this world, we think of being "emotional" as a bad thing. In fact, it's not. I'm one of those who is learning that every day.

A year after my miscarriage, I'm in a different place. I have a beautiful baby girl physically here to hold and to love on. I can snuggle her, and take in all her precious baby smells, coo's and wiggles. But, I can still recall in an instant the gutting and real, raw, true feelings of sadness I had when we learned we lost our first baby.

My point is this: give grieving it's time, and the time it's due...and if it takes a while, so be it. Don't feel bad for not "getting over" something quick enough. Give.it.time. There were moments I felt that I grieved for too long about our loss. But really? It was good. So good. I believe that when you give yourself that time to really feel then you can truly experience the joy and happiness on the other side. I know I have.




19 comments:

  1. So true! It's hard to really feel those emotions and much easier to just ignore them instead. I know I definitely need work on this instead of turning to comfort food, which actually makes it worse.

    Great picture! I love her little smiles :)

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  2. Powerful post, and I just LOVE that picture. Emeline is such a beautiful baby.

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  3. Such an awesome and truthful post!!!

    I love EmeKay's sweet little smile.

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  4. Very true. I have found that really feeling your emotions actually helps you move on, not the opposite. Glad you are doing well...

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  5. Such a beautiful story of God's redemption and his trading beauty for ashes! Thabk you for sharing your sweet family with us!! :)

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  6. Great post... so true. Often we all try to "be strong" but what we really need is to just break down and get it all out!!

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  7. I started following you around this time, it was heartbreaking but I am so happy for you and how far you've come =D

    p.s.
    This is by far my favorite pic! SO precious.

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  8. *hugs*
    Pain is so hard, so real, yet so vital sometimes. Grief is a good thing, I agree.

    And can I please say that picture is the best ever? You're both smiling. I LOVE it.

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  9. My favorite part was acknowledging that being emotional is not a bad thing. Being in touch with your emotions allows you to work THROUGH them rather than bury them because you don't know what else to do. In that respect I feel sorry for most men because while they feel emotion, no one has ever taught them what to do with it. And that's why girls are better. ;-)

    I'm so happy to see how far you've come and here's hoping that this time next year I'll be able to join you!

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  10. your experience was heart breaking, and I'm so glad you came so strong on the other side! Grief is a tough process, but God is always amazing! You now have a perfectly healthy and beautiful little girl! I love this picture :-)

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  11. Great post, girl. Another friend of mine is coming up on her year mark of a very sad miscarriage...and also now has a beautiful baby (and oddly enough is also a teacher). I couldnt imagine how scary it was and I'm sending a hug for what you went through, and for the happy, gorgeous little baby you have in that photo.. :)I love the photo you posted btw.. Framer for sure.

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  12. I am someone who is really open with my life, and therefore, I seem to get over things really quickly, moving on, etc.

    But I'm really not. Privately, my grief comes back suddenly and intensely, much later than I think it should, sometimes.

    I sometimes feel guilty about my grief, but it is my emotions, and because of my experiences, I do have every right to them and to heal from them at my own pace and the pace the Lord knows is best for me:)

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  13. Ah, this made me cry. So true and so honest. Thank you for being so open with us! It's funny how God works... And I definitely believe in giving the appropriate time to grieve. It's the only way to get through to the next phase...Now you are blessed with that precious little girl. God is good all the time!

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  14. Such a hard thing to go through but it made you stronger and look how far you've come in a year! Such a cute pic by the way. :)

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  15. Amen. I think emotions are so so so important. I love the picture of you and E! Such a happy mommy and babe :)

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  16. My heat breaks for you, hun. I can't imagine what this time of year feels for you. Thanks for the truthful and wonderful post. Grief means different things to every single person, you are completely right.

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  17. I love your advice on grief.. so true. The pictures of you and your daughter make me smile everytime I come here.

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  18. Thanks, I really needed to read something like this right now. My parents are currently going through a divorce and I've been grieving for the close-knit family I'm losing. I, too, have worried that I'm spending too much time grieving but I know you're right: I need to be patient and let the grief run its course.
    Thanks for the great advice. :)

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