Since the day we brought Emeline home from the hospital, she has slept in a bassinet in our bedroom, about a foot away from me. In fact, she slept in the same bassinet that my dad and all his brothers and sister did, too. Cool, right? I'm into all that stuff, so I do find it pretty neat that we got to use it, too.
However, over the last 4-5 weeks I've been saying that I've wanted to get her sleeping in her crib in her own room by the time she turned 3 months old.
To be honest, I have no idea why I set that time-frame. I guess, I just kind of felt like it was good timing. She's not a newborn anymore. Her sleeping habits were starting to get better and better. I figured I could handle it.
The truth is, having her in a bassinet next to me was purely for my own convenience. I liked to peek over and check her whenever I wanted. When she's hungry in the middle of the night, I liked to just roll over, pick her up and pull her in bed with me to feed her. If she was a little fussy, I could gently reach over (without leaving my bed) and put my hand on her belly to soothe her. And most of all? I liked having my little family (Mac included, don't judge) all in one little room together at night. It felt...secure. It felt safe.
But the other night, I knew it was time. She'll be 3 months old next week on the 10th. I figured if I started a little early and all hell broke loose, I'd at least have a week or so to figure it out and still meet my mental goal.
We had the room all ready. I had a nightlight on for a soft, dim light. I had the room-darkening curtains. We had the soft hum of a fan going to block out some extra noises (as her room is right above our living room).
Now all it needed was a baby.
I swaddled her because that's what my kid likes. She ate. Then I laid her down drowsy but awake.
She started to squirm. [One of Declan's nicknames for her is "Squirmy Worm", ha]
She also started a little "eh, eh" noises. Not cries. Just a little fussiness.
I instantly thought the crib wasn't going to be happening that night. And secretly? I was glad. I wanted to swoop my baby girl back up and put her in her bassinet by my bedside, where she belonged.
But suddenly. It stopped. No more noise.
She was sound asleep.
Like, completely knocked out.
My heart felt heavy, though. It felt like such a huge step in acknowledging my baby isn't a newborn anymore. She has her.own.room! I'm a monitor's distance away from her now. And honestly? I was sad.
When Declan and I crawled into bed that night, it felt weird. For the last 3 months we had to creep around quietly because she was always asleep before us. We'd have to whisper our 'goodnights', and keep the bathroom light on the dimmest setting for fear of waking our sleeping baby. Although that all seems annoying and inconvenient to creep around like that, it became our norm.
That's when the emotional-mommy tears came streaming down my face.
Declan lovingly consoled me. There were no words needed. I didn't need anyone to tell me 'it would be okay'. I know all that. I do. It just was shockingly more emotional then I thought it would ever be.
Right before I decided to attempt to fall asleep for the night (or until my first wake up call), I decided to check on her just one more time. As expected, she was still oh so very sound asleep.
I laid in bed again and literally prayed this quick prayer, "God, give me super sonic hearing. If my baby needs me...please...please make sure I hear her". And yes, I used the word super-sonic with God. He understands.
Despite having the monitor right by my head, I worried I wouldn't hear her. Or, what if something happened to the monitor? What if...what if.
I ended up sleeping like crap.
I stared at the green signals of the monitor for most of the night. I would doze off here & there, but ultimately? I got the worst night of sleep I've maybe ever had, and that's sayin' somethin when you have a baby.
I found my self waking up at times when I swore she'd get up and surely, she would need her momma.
It didn't happen.
I rolled over to Declan at 5am and said, "Babe...she's been sleeping for 8 hours straight! Wow!"
I rolled over to Declan at 6am and said, "Babe! It's now been 9 hours! Holy cow."
Then at 7:15am, I finally heard the first little baby noises over the monitor.
10 straight hours. My baby girl slept 10 straight hours.* For the first night, in her crib, alone.
The second I heard her little morning noises coming from the monitor I jumped up with a spring in my step to get her. Honestly? I missed her.
When I peeked over the crib I got the biggest smiles and cute coo's ever. She was happy to see me. I was happy to see her. It melted my heart. I scooped her up and kissed all over her sweet cheeks.
I brought her into our room and Declan and I ooh'ed an ahh'ed over the fact that she slept 10! straight! hours! We were in shock.
And sadly? I didn't even get to reap the benefits of a nice, long stretch of uninterrupted sleep because I was up all night staring at that freakin' monitor. But, still.
It worked out. The crib, that is. Nine days before she turned 3 months old, she's sleeping in her crib like an old pro. And you know what? The 2nd night I wasn't as sad about it. It get's easier.
It's better for all of us. She needs her space. We need our space. It's all part of the process, right?
My girl's growing up.
*As I suspected, the straight 10 hour night was a total fluke. She hasn't done it again since...but, she has been sleeping about 6 hours, up once to eat for 10 minutes, then right back down for another 4-5 hours. It hasn't been bad at all. However, it would be reeeeeally, really nice to get a 10 hour stretch again, you know...now that I'm sleeping better.