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Friday, September 17, 2010

Sometimes, it's innate.

I know people have 43 million opinions on babies and how to raise them, "train" them, and live life with them.

I get it. You have to have your own 'way' to make it. Your own way of living the best life you can with a little sidekick or two (or three, or four).

But, I cannot tell you how many people, whom I know personally that told me that babies should work around your schedule...after all, they are YOUR babies. They are even a bit demanding about it, and are all, "They should not cramp your lifestyle...blah blah".

I mean, hello?! But how does your lifestyle not change with a kid?

Maybe I'm crazy, and that's quite possible.

But, I just don't get it.

I've had people tell me to just bring the pack-n-play and still have late nights out with friends, and just bring your miserable kid along and force them to sleep anywhere because YOU ARE THE PARENT and blah blah, and your kid should blend with YOUR!lifestyle! for pete's sake.

But forgive me if I ruffle any feathers for saying this...

While pre-baby I was totally on board with "yea! I will still live a normal rockstar life with a baby!"....... it just hasn't happened.

Why?

Because I cannot CHANGE the personality that my child has.

I cannot help the fact that like clockwork at 7:45pm , EVERY single night, she is miserably exhausted, ready for a bath, and craving to be in her own environment.

I, personally don't believe that is something I could have trained. "Now Emeline, you are NOT ALLOWED to be miserable and tired while mommy and daddy are hanging out with friends, you hear?" Um yea. Doesn't work that way. At least for us.

What I've come to realize are, babies each have their own personality. I think a lot of mommies of two can tell you that. Two kids can be polar opposites of one another, but both still be your flesh and blood.

My kid?

She just so happens to be so much easier to manage when she's home in her own environment around break-down time.

But that's just me.

All kids are different. God made us all uniquely different, didn't He? Why do we expect babies to fit into one mold?

So while having my sweet daughter may mean a tiny bit of sacrifice here and there, and for the time-being, may cramp my rockstar lifestyle (totally kidding, we are such homebodies anyway...and love it), it is totally worth it and I still love it.

All this to say that I've found you just cannot blanket wittle babies under one statement, or theory...since it "worked" for you. Or whatever.

They are all so uniquely different.

And NOTHING....I repeat, nothing is wrong with you as a parent when your kid gets fussy every.single.night at the exact same time. [I'm just typing this out so I can start to believe it, myself...ha...]


~*~

Have a Happy Friday! Ohhh Friday, how I love thee.

29 comments:

  1. I totally agree, I have only ever taken my kids to one party and that was my parents birthday at which they fell asleep. Sure I have been to peoples "parties" which arent raging when my babies were little, but I always left early. I felt it was enough to say I care about you as a friend to show up, but I am leaving at 8:30pm because I have kids now and if you care about me as a friend you would understand this. I dont have many friends like that as it turns out which is disappointing :(

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  2. Personally, being the single friend who has the friends who are now parents. I go out of my way to make it easier on the person who has the other human. This means going to their house, meeting at chick-fil-a/McDonalds, etc for a play place, going to the mall that has an indoor play place. I'm single and flexible and I can easily go and do. I think when there's a baby involved your friend should be able to count on you to make life easier not more difficult or guilt trip you, but that's just me.

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  3. I agree totally. Ethan is pretty good when we're out or on vacation but he ALWAYS does better when we're home.

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  4. I hear ya! I've heard the "babies join YOUR life" rant a million times. But I like for him to be comfortable and familiar with where he is. I kind of feel bad if we're out somewhere unfamiliar, like to a restaurant, for too long. I'm not saying I'll always be like that, but he's so little right now that I just want to try and be consistent with our lifestyle. Esp. with me recently going back to work, I've noticed that he's a bit confused about what's going on, and it's taking a while for him to adjust. Plus, he is ready for bed at like 5-5:30 EVERY night, without fail. Like, about to have a meltdown ready for bed! So dinner out as a family very rarely happens, and that's okay :)

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  5. The people who say babies should conform to YOUR schedule are the people who don't have babies. It's not that easy. I don't get to choose when he eats or naps (for the most part) so I can plan my day. We pretty much run around his schedule. At least for now. Will it be this way forever? No. But right now you can't exactly reason with him or say "Just another hour and then you can eat...mommy needs to finish running her errands." Yeah. NOT gonna happen.

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  6. It's so refreshing to hear another Mom say that exact same thing! I've had so many married friends that haven't embarked on this whole baby journey yet look at us like we're crazy because I won't go out for drinks and desert at 8:30 at night. Maybe that's why I like my mommy blogger friends more than some of my real life ones =)

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  7. I agree with you. I have a certain person in my life who is all about the "don't let the baby dictate your life" thing (major Baby Wise advocate) and it drives me nuts. Just as you said - every kid is different. When you choose to have a child, you are accepting the fact that your life WILL change.

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  8. AMEN, sister! I just told a soon to be mom that a babies schedule will emerge and that the parents will adapt to it. You can't create the schedule of a baby. It just happens. If they cry at 7 PM every night? It is going to happen. Connor likes his home environment too. LOVES his own bed and sleeps like a champ in it. Sleeping elsewhere? Sketchy. He does adapt to other environments, however, I use the excuse that he likes his own so that I don't have to go out every night and be with others. I want to stay home, do my thing, and not be bothered and I see nothing wrong with it. You are a fantastic mother and don't think any differently!

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  9. I'm with Charbelle........ as the single, kid-less friend, I feel like it's partly my responsibility to make it as easy as possible for my friends to go out with me.

    We do the Chick-Fil-A dates (cleaner playgrounds, lol) or go to a park or something kid-friendly. It helps that I genuinely love their children and like to spend time with them, lol.

    On the opposite spectrum, I also try to be the friend that's available for a "I am GOING OUT OF MY MIND and need to be something other than a Mommy for a little bit" get-together. Whether a quick coffee date or Sunday matinee or complete Girls' Night Out, I try to be available and willing!

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  10. I hear ya girl!
    It depends on what's best for us- parent & baby.

    If I realllllly need to do something/have adult time & can't get a sitter then I will try to make whatever accomodations so the kiddos can be placated as long as possible

    but then

    there are the days when the kiddos need to be in the house so that my sanity stays in tact...its not worth trying to go out, ya know?!

    We're the parents. We choose. And God "bless" those peeps who are all doty-judgy- that they may never have to eat their words...lol

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  11. When my kids were as little as your little peanut, they always did much better at home where they felt comfortable. Once they hit the year mark, it was much easier to have them out later and do more things I wanted to do. Both my kids are well adjusted and can go anywhere with us and not give us problems. Sure it's a bit of a sacrifice now, but it's for her best interest and that is what really matters.
    BTW, there will be plenty of time in the future where you can hang like you used to. And your sweet girl will do just fine.

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  12. Not that I know...But I totally agree with you. They are who they are just like we are who we are. Well said!

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  13. Thank you for posting this. I respond while my 4 week old screams for no reason and nothing I do helps. So anyway...right. There is NO WAY to go on as you did previously, not going to happen. Not for a while anyway. This little person dictates EVERYTHING I do. She ate 3 times yesterday before I ate {or showered} once. And it took me 3 hours to watch The Back UP Plan b/c SOMEONE needed something every time I pressed play. True story.

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  14. amen! i cringe when i hear the whole "your baby joins YOUR lives, not the other way around" idea. cringe.

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  15. I love when people try to tell others how to parent....it seriously makes me laugh. Each kid IS so very different.

    Both my kids are sticklers about their bedtime. We try to keep them up sometimes, for certain occassions, and like clockwork, they are grumpy and want to go to bed. My 2 year old tells us at 8pm every night, "I'm tired, I need to go to bed".

    Nothing wrong with letting your kids be comfortable and happy in their own element. The baby/toddler stage goes so fast...before we know it, they'll be teenagers and we can live it up however we want and not worry about bedtimes.

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  16. This might just be me, but the reason I had kids was because I wanted kids. I had every intention of my life revolving around them from day one. Especially in their early years, which fly by so fast. I can't imagine NOT adjusting our schedules/lives to accommodate a baby. And now a baby and a toddler. I am a firm believer that a routine and a normal schedule is very healthy for children,there would be no way to maintain those if K and I were still trying to go about our lives pre-kids (unless we had round the clock help of course!).

    Anyways, I totally agree with you. :)

    Also - ALL babies are different, and you have to find what works for you. B does not like the same things that S liked when she was a babe. But it does help to get tips from people about what they've found to work for them, so that you can try it or a version of it for yourself.

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  17. THANK YOU. It's so crazy how people try to force you into their style of parenting or make you feel guilty because your kid likes to go down at 9pm. I'm all for still being a person (and not JUST mommy), but seriously, not staying out late with friends all the time is just part of the deal. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. :)

    ps. the single people without kids that help us moms out make a WORLD of difference. So thoughtful and awesome!

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  18. TOTALLY agree with ya chickadee!! And yes Noah gets fussy around the same time each night too!! I think it is best for us to do what works for us and by us I mean our kiddos! I don't believe in making ur kid miserable so u can go out and have some stinkin game night at a friends house. I am just so happy to even be a mommy that I could care less about all that other junk..hehe We are homebodies too!!

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  19. I can completely empathize with this. Kirsten also gets tired every night between 7:30 and 8:00. Sometimes, when we do have to be out and about, she can magically stay up super late (even 10:30 one night this week), but I don't really LIKE doing that to her. When my sister was in the hospital and everything with her baby we were hanging out at her house a lot, and Kirsten did amazing being up so late and gone so much. They do what we ask of them. But personally, I would rather save those few times she's going to be forced to stay up and out of her comfort zone for times when it's necessary, and not do it regularly. You are so right though, "to each their own". But, I agree with you:-)

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  20. who on earth told you that. Are they kidding them selves? That is insane. I still try to do things and both of my girls have been SO GREAT with falling asleep in the car or stroller or baby carrier but really to bring the pack and play or to think you can head out to lots of parties and late night dinners is insane.

    I think you are doing a great job and really once you have a baby in my opinion most of those late nights change and you want to be home with your man and your child / ren. You don't really want to be out drinking tell the wee hours of the night ( ok maybe sometimes its needed ).

    Thats just my opinion though. I would rather be at home outside with my husband and with our neighbors then pack everyone up to go to a late night party. Heck we cant even make it to the movies any more!

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  21. These comments are great kater! You know how I feel! :)

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  22. My first was easily portable. She'd sleep anywhere, anytime, and was just laid back about that. So yeah, I could do church in the evenings, and dinner with friends and she'd sleep in the carseat peacefully.

    My second screamed all the time. Couldn't take the boy anywhere for six months.

    My third? This baby? Every night BY 6pm she's done for the day. And she's ready for bed, no matter where we are and what we're doing, and if I try to put her down someplace other than her crib she won't sleep. And she's inconsolable, and will be FOUL until she sleeps.

    So yeah. I totally get it, girl.

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  23. Ahhhh!!! I totally relate! My friend just came over yesterday to visit and she was awesome because she totally let my toddler dictate our schedule. I love her!!! People are crazy and no one knows how to parent your child better than you :)

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  24. It's not called the "witching hour" for nothing!

    Having been a nanny to twin girls since 2 1/2 months (now are 14 months old) I know each child is SO different and personality and temperment is set from birth. The twins I nanny for are total opposite but both so sweet and adorable in their own ways.

    P.S. I love your new header pictures, so cute.

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  25. haha I'm thinking the 'people' who told you not to change YOUR lifestyle don't have kids :)

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  26. Heck, I think, since y'all are homebodies, she's one too! She inherited it from her lovely parents! I totally agree with you. You can only expect so much from a baby. They are who they are.

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  27. I think you're right, that every kid is different and you have to manage that for yourself.

    But believe me, it's incredibly frustrating when I'm out at 9 pm at a restaurant and a mom has her kid out and the kid is SCREAMING because they're tired and need to be put to bed. There are just some things you have to let the kid win!

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  28. My theory on parenting is ALWAYS do what works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Ask for advice and then weed out what doesn't work for you. Use a sifter for all things you're told. Try it if you want to. Keep it if you want to. Trash it if you want to.

    Also know that EVENTUALLY, she will get to a point where she can either stay up a bit later or fall asleep in your arms if you're at a calm enough place (not a rock concert, but a friend's house, maybe). The completely cramped lifestyle will eventually go away, but I don't think we'll ever be back to complete freedom. :) haha! (I count this as a blessing as well.)

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