Pages

Friday, April 30, 2010

Love and a Bump

Wanna know a sad story? As of yesterday, I had ZERO pictures (okay, maybe one) of Declan and I together while pregnant. So, at one of our family cookouts last night (we have them about once a weekend--what can I say, we LOVE them), I had my sister pick up the camera and take a few shots.

They turned out pretty good, for our 4-minute photo session...Thanks Sue!

I'm glad we managed to get a few of us together while being "very" pregnant. Whether I'm retaining water in all sorts of places I'd like to forget (face, arms, ankles-BLAH)--I know I'll want to remember this special time in our life.



...and now that I have these photos--she can come out now! ThankYouVeryMuch.

Happy Saturday!!






39 week bump updates

How far along? 39 weeks

Total weight gain: 29lbs. I actually lost 2 lbs this week at my appointment. I hear that happens at the end, sometimes.

Maternity clothes?: Some and some not.


Note: Stretchmarks appeared on the underneath side of my belly. Right now, I'd have to label that as the worst part of the pregnancy (which isn't that bad)...and for now we'll forget about the 24 solid weeks of vomiting, ha.

Oh, and the haircolor changed too--you like?

Sleep: Some nights I get up and am WIDE awake for anywhere from 10 minutes-2 hours. Sometimes, I get up one time just to pee. Other nights, I sleep right through. I've been really lucky to have really great sleep this entire time.

Cravings:
Definitely wanted mexican food more the last two weeks, and vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles from Dairy Queen.

Best moment this week: Today. It's my LAST day of teaching for a while. I'm going to be a mommy! Woohoo!

Movement: Yep. She moves a healthy amount for how far along we are and how squished she probably is.

Gender: My little headband-diva she will be.

Labor Signs: False labor...gotta love it. My body can be SO confusing, let's put it that way!

Belly Button in or out? Flat

What I miss: This sounds funny, but if I drop something in the car on the floor, I literally CANNOT bend down and get it. That really annoys me. So, I do kind of miss that, I guess?

Weekly Wisdom: Everyone wants to tell you their labor story. Sometimes its to scare you, sometimes its to help motivate you, sometimes its just for the heck of it. It's fine to listen to them-but realize, your labor story will be your OWN and you cannot compare it to anyone else.

Milestones: Umm...We're due in a WEEK people. That's a milestone! I am literally d.a.y.s away from MEETING MY DAUGHTERRRRRR!!! (sense the excitement?!)

Favorite Moments: When people tell me that I look good for being 'so' pregnant, or the sense of accomplishment of making it this far...I guess? I think that sounds weird, but, I don't mean it to be. I'm just so darn excited to have had a healthy pregnancy. We are so.so.so blessed!

[I'm hoping there is NO 40 week bump updates (wishful thinking)...if there is...I DOUBT I'll be posting, haha.]

Happy Friday!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Funny Kid Comment of the Day

Lately, the kids have been making me lots of cards as I finish up my last days teaching them before I head off on maternity leave. [Sidenote: 1.5 days left! Tomorrow's my last day! woo!] Most consist of really cute little things having to do with the baby, obviously.

Yesterday, I got one that said:

"I hope yur baby cums (hehe) out son (soon) when you get home."

I loved that one, and couldn't have agreed more with her. Although, I do prefer to make it to the hospital in time.

Then, I got one that was super sweet and said:

"Thank you for all you've taught us this year. You are the best art teacher ever. I hope your labor is pain-free."

And I melted.

How.freaking.cute.

She cares about my labor! gah! love this kid!

But yesterday---

I got this one. It's a front and back, and it's from the entire class (they were all sneaky passing it around)....and, well...I really think you should read it for yourself.

[So if you're having trouble seeing it, definitely zoom in by clicking on the picture.]



I love how they write "signed by" as if it's an official document or something.

[The back]


Welp...at least I know they love me.

Best line ever: "Your baby's sleeping--Make a run for it!"

Honestly.

Where do they get this stuff?!?

~*~

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Timing.

I walked into our house church Sunday morning and I must have looked 'down'. Immediately our pastors wife said, "Whats going on? I can see something's up..."

I said, "Ohh nothing. It's just...I wanted today to be the day."

[You see, we'd been guessing all along when this baby would be coming, and Declan's guess was always the weekend I hit 38 weeks...but, no cigar.]

She grabbed me and gave me a big hug.

On our way out the door that afternoon, she said...."Hey Katie...just remember, God's timing is always absolutely perfect. Remember that!"

She's right.

I know that.

It's true, too.

One thing after another in my life has always proved that God's timing is absolutely the most PERFECT ever. Truly. In regards to getting jobs, in regards to the timing of pregnancy, of buying a house, of EVERYTHING. It's been undeniable that God's hand of protection and timing has been on me and my husband.

Why would I doubt that now?

Truth is-I don't doubt it. It's just that my 'tired and worn out' flesh has taken over.

This morning in the car, my song came on. You see, I've been listening to this one CD over, and over, and overrrrrrr again this entire pregnancy.

I was in the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru (don't judge), and it hit me.

Why had I considered this my song the whole time? Something in me knew this song was speaking to me the entire time. It comforted me when I felt (and feel) like the future is still unknown. It comforted me when I was having 'down' days and felt guilty about the possibility of putting my future daughter in daycare (not judging those who do--it's just my extreme desire to be a stay at home mom that's all).

The song's main line is: "Strength will rise (in you) as you wait upon the Lord."

Waiting.

The hardest part.

What I'm struggling with RIGHT now.

Waiting for the 'unknown' to become known.

Handing over those things that are out of your control and being willing to WAIT for God's perfect timing--his best.

I fully believe that our daughter (as impatient as I am), will be coming when the timing is right-no, p.e.r.f.e.c.t.

He's never failed me yet.

~*~

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A letter to my little girl.


To mommy's "love",

I remember writing you a letter when you were due in 10 weeks. Now, you're due into this world in about 10 days. 10 DAYS. I know right now I seem oh so impatient about those 10 days, and I tell you daily that you are welcome 'out' here. But, the truth is-I know that you'll be here in no time. It will all go by so fast, and probably seem like a blur.

But, I want to remember every detail.

Every little moment that made your labor and birth special.

Unique.

I want to remember your first cries and the e.x.a.c.t. feelings I have when they lay you on my chest for the first time.

I'm so scared of time passing too quickly. Right now, I'm wishing the days away. When you finally arrive, I hope that every single moment s l o w s down.

I want to take it all in.

Because I already know how special you are.

Do you have any idea just how loved you are, little girl?

We wanted you soooo desperately.
You are the first little munchkin that will make me a mother.

"Mama".

I want to remember every sweet smile and coo. I'll be taking waytoomany photos of you, I hope you're ready, and not camera shy.

I cannot wait to watch your Daddy melt into a pile of love-mush when he holds you for the first time. It makes me cry just thinking about it.

He's going to the best dad, and I hope you always see that and feel his love and protection.

You're also so loved by your heavenly Father, too. He formed you in my womb-and made you, you.

I'll try my best, and do everything I can to be the best mom I can be.

I know I'll mess up...but I can bet you one thing---you'll always feel loved.

You're welcome to enter into this world any day now sweet, love. We're overjoyed at the thought of "meeting" you and welcoming you into our family.

Until you decide to show your face and get things rockin' and rollin' in there---just keep working on forming the cutest chubby cheeks ever, and being you.

Because, "you" are all we want.
Love you, sweet one.


Monday, April 26, 2010

Another Lesson by Moi

Lesson 230982 in what NOT to say to a very with-child woman.
{some things may not seem as bad to you, but trust me-in your 39th week of pregnancy+hormones=annoying}

~*~

-"I've noticed that your face is getting fuller these last few weeks!"
[Thanks, jerk. Its called water retention. Let's make pregnant women feel even more self-conscious why don't we?]

-"You're not nervous about labor? That's weird, because you should be. I've sat in hundreds of births (as a former OB nurse), and its really scary."
[Okay, now honestly...I'm a first time mom. WHO says this?]

-"You LOOK ready."
[My response is normally, "I FEEL ready". But, I know what this means. I look all sorts of fat and round, and swollen. Thank you for being so kind in the way you say it at least. Sigh.]

-"You're STILL here...?!?!"
[Uhh WHO else is staring back at you RIGHT.NOW.? Um. Yea. Pretty sure I wouldn't be here either if I had it my way.]

-"It's not possible to have that baby anytime soon, you're still carrying too high!"
[Excuse me? Even my freaking OB says I'm "very" low and she is rearing to go. ShutTheheckup. I hate your opinion.]

-"You didn't have that baby yet??"
[Um again. HERE. I. AM. Full belly and all. Does it look like it? Honesttttlyyyyy!]


Okay...just had to vent. Obviously. 2 posts in a day is odd for even me.

and...OMG I sound so bittter...apologies...

~*~

I swear, way better, more sentimental post tomorrow. But of course, pregnancy related. Nothing new here ;)

Not Me! Monday! The "I'm THAT crazy pregnant woman!" version.

I absolutely am NOT embarrassed to write this post. I am not worried about being honest (errr...) about how ready I am to have this baby. I did not have to remind myself that I've been honest this entire time, so why.stop.now.

I absolutely would not wish my baby to come out until her due date. I mean, wouldn't every mother want their baby to cook as much as can be and get super chubby cheeks in the last week or so?

I absolutely did NOT google (ahhhhhhh!) all the inducing-labor techniques, and did not find that some of them are fascinating, and some are kind of scary. [I promise...I will NOT do the castor oil thing, I honestly am NOT a fan of having chronic diahrea and/or vomiting. Nothankyou.]

I did not put on some DVR'ed shows on Saturday afternoon to occupy my mind while I did lots and lots of hip rotations and some bouncing on the birthing ball. I did not look like a complete idiot.

I did not then decide to research pressure points. I did not try to rub that one spot on my hands for waytoolong and I do NOT currently feel my hands are bruised in those spots now.

I did not do other various things that I'm too embarassed to admit. I did not hurt my back in the meantime.

I did not exhaust myself to no end mentally on Saturday. This way, by the time me and Declan were ready to get out for the night...I was a royal mess and didn't realize it.

On our way to the movies that night I did not suddenly say, "Wait! I don't want to go to the movies anymore!" I would never just change my mind, or our plans at the verylastsecond. Not me.

I did not end up sobbing my freaking eyes out in the car (mascara running down my face and all) because I couldn't decide what to do instead of going to the movies. I was not overly sensitive and freakishly hormonal, and I did NOT feel crazy or look like a nut-job to my husband [good thing he loves me].

We did not have to sit in the car until I could calm down enough to go into a restaurant to eat. I would never work myself up that much that I had the ugly snort-cry. I'm much more 'together' then that.

We did not end up having a good night despite all my emo-ness, which ended in a vanilla cone with rainbow sprinkles from Dairy Queen.

An ice cream cone would never make me feel better.

Despite the crazyness that ensued (ie: my psycho pregnant hormones) on Saturday, I did NOT get spoiled by my mom earlier in the day with an awesome manicure and pedicure.

I do not think that nice fingernails and toes will make labor happier for me. I would not be that silly or worried about something so trivial in light of the big events to come.


~*~

To join in the Not-Me fun, check out MckMama's blog.

~*~

Happy manic Monday!


Friday, April 23, 2010

38 weeks and a great big SIGH.

I really don't like to talk numbers or nitty gritty specifics on my blog. In any way, shape or form, honestly.

But, today...I'm feeling slightly down.

I need to write about it.

Hence, this post.

I've been honest about everything pregnancy-related. So why hold back now?

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my almost-38-week appointment. I was really hoping for some change since last week. At my 37 week appointment I was 70% effaced, not dilated yet, but the baby was "very" head down. The doctor even told me she didn't think I'd be one of those "overdue" pregnant women. Which is awesome.

Yesterday, an entire week later...I find out there's been no change.

I know this is why internal checks can be so horrible. They give you a false sense of hope, even as much as you tell yourself it won't.

Because at this point (38 weeks), everyone just wants to be a mom. We want progress. SOMETHING to hold onto that proves this baby is going to make it's way out and not live inside you f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

The doctor did tell me, though, that the baby is "wedged" in the pelvis and not floating...which is a great thing. She's in the right spot rearing to go....and just needs everything else to happen so she can come out and meet her parents.

Come on body, get a move on!

The saddest words I think I heard at the appointment was when the doctor said to me, "I think I'll probably see you next week at your appointment."

I cringed.

I did.

A whole other week of waiting. A whole other week of sore feet. A whole other week of swelling. A whole other week of teaching. A whole 'nother week of not holding her.

So, in my efforts to see all things in a positive light lately....I've compiled yet another a list of why this could be good.

-Next week is my official 'last' week of school anyway. It's probably better I finish it out on nice clean note as planned.

::scratching my head trying to come up with more reasons::

-I've said since the beginning that I'd like her to come between April 30th-May 8th. Although, that all seems SO far away. Even now.


(Okay, this list is sucking...)

-I'll have more time to drive myself crazy "nest" and get things ready for the little chica.

(Uhh...pretty much everything is done.)

-She could have her birthday on a Mexican Holiday (Cinco de Mayo), and well, how fitting for her mexican-food-loving-mama?

(Does it seem like I'm digging for reasons now...? Because. I. TOTALLY. am.)

-Another week (or more) to blame pregnancy for things. My mood, my hunger, my need for ice cream. Whatever it may be.


(...and another week to gain more friggin' weight!)

~~~
Umm...
well, that didn't go so good.

Since my list didn't go as planned...at least I can think of one really good thing right now.

It's Friday.

Hallelujah.

Don't worry...I didn't forget.
Me in all my glory swelling.

ps: I do realize that dilation and effacement doesn't necessarily tell much because some women dilate 0-10 in a day with no warning (like my mom), or finish the effacing during actual labor, etc. But, withthatsaid, it still didn't help to give me much hope. Although, things could be worse with no progress, eh? The bright side....the bright side...


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thankful Thursdays, in a major way.

I'm thankful for a beautiful place to call home.


I'm so very thankful for this awesome relationship. I love this man to no-end.


I'm beyond thankful for the precious little miracle that was made with so much love [whom I desperately want to meet!].


...and I'm even thankful for the little rascal who makes our life anything-but-dull.
Our fur-son, Mac.


Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The perks.

Yesterday, Declan came home from work and said, "So...you're ready to be done school and just have this baby, eh?"

...my immediate response:

"You must have caught up with my blogs."

[Yes, he already "knew" all this, but of course my last 239083 blog entries reaffirmed that.]


It's true. I've kind of been complaining.

I've been whining and telling you all how very "done" I am with all of this. How ready I am to meet my baby girl. How tired, and exhausted, and OhmyGosh my feet are so dang achey every.single.day.

I just have to be clear about one thing, to make sure there is no confusion.

I think pregnancy is the coolest thing ever.

HONESTLY.

Despite all the crazy stuff my body endured over these last 12 months (umm...yea, I've been pregnant for a year now including the miscarriage--now can you blame me for wanting to meet my baby already?!?) I still think it's just plain amazing, in pretty much every way.

No, its not glamorous.
Yes, you lose sight of that body you once knew.
and NO, you don't feel good the entire time (well, most of us anyway).

But it's still awesome.

So, today I decided to compile my list of reasons why I find pregnancy so.darn.cool. The truth is, I'm already excited about the fact I want more children and I'll get to go through this a few more times. But shhh...let's not let that get out just yet.

Here we go...

-Your body is growing another human. Miraculous.

-You get to feel many different stages of baby movements. The little flutters, then the little popcorn kick, then those fun "cute" kicks as I call them-and then the crazy ninja moves. Watching your belly "dance" has never been so fun or entertaining.

-You get the baby all to yourself. :)

-Just knowing there's a little LIFE inside you is simply amazing.

-Bonding with the baby. Oh my goodness. I seriously feel so connected
(well, duh!) to this little girl already. I'm her mommy and she knows it. She'll know my voice.

-People are genuinely interested in your well being when you're pregnant.

-Sometimes, you'll even get some special treatment here or there.

-You can eat goodies guilt-free.

-So much love is poured out from friends and family
(especially for first-time parents-with showers, etc.)

-Watching your belly grow. It can be a little scary at times, but it's SO seriously amazing what your body can do. [Everyone should take weekly pictures. I definitely don't regret that, and am so glad I did.]

-The anticipation. [Although it's killing me now!]

-Planning with your spouse. This has been such a fun time for Declan and I--and I'll cherish all those moments when it was just 'us'...painting the nursery, building furniture, talking about our future.

-Making a nursery....and creating a little 'home' for your babe.

-Giving yourself a good old belly rub. The motherly, nurturing instinct just kicks in.

-An expanding heart...my heart has grown so full of love already
(and I haven't even met her yet). It's going to bust.at.the.seams when I finally hold that bundle of sweetness. Just wait.


From my bulging-with-love heart to yours...

Happy Wednesday!


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Funny Kid Comment of the Day, Okay-I'm done now.

As the little kindergartener girl walked into my class yesterday, she made a comment about me having the baby.

Not a huge shocker, considering-most of the kids are buzzing about "when the baby is coming out".

But this little kinder-girl constantly talks about specifically "when the baby is being CUT out of you". [Like, I kid you not--she says this EVERY time I see her.]

While I realize her innocence is really cute...I just am not a fan of her lingo, at all.

Also, I never correct her-because, ummm...what the heck am I gonna say?! Besides, some babies indeed are "cut out" of you, per-say. I do NOT want to get into any more details as to 'how babies come out' because that would be wrong. On.So.Many.Levels.

But yesterday, when I came into the classroom, the same kids were getting settled-and I gave them a little talk about how "we have one more class together before I leave for the rest of the year to be a mommy"...

That same little girl piped up with no warning and shouted to the class,

"Yea, guys-Do you know HOW the baby is coming out??? Well, first the doctor has to get a knife...and then he has to CUT her belly OPEN and then he RIPS the baby out!"

I did my best to cut her off. AsQuickAsIcould. But to no avail.

Luckily, they are just kindergarteners--and none of them knew any better nor did they care about her lesson in being an OB doctor. They were in their own world.

But--gahhh.

Just plain weird.

A little awkward.

The icing on the cake that I'm ready to go...be done.

I need a break from school.

Mentally...oh so very "done".


The end.


Monday, April 19, 2010

Monday Minutes

-This weekend was an emotional one. Declan's dad has been in the hospital very sick with pneumonia and earlier in the weekend they were saying he had a slim chance of making it. The good news is, he's actually doing MUCH better, and the doctor's are feeling optimistic. So are we.

-In the midst of all that going on, we still had a productive and fun weekend while keeping him on our mind and doing lots of praying.

-I got to eat Mexican food Friday night, and well, what pregnant girl can complain about that?
(Other then the 45 minute wait...gahhh...)

-My mom met me at the mall on Saturday evening and bought me some awesome nursing bras, nursing tank tops and cute nighties, even! It may not seem exciting, but it totally was to me. One less
(well, 6-less) things I have to purchase on my own...and they will make life easier. I love my mom :)

-I finally bought a pair of sunglasses after squinting for the last year and a half, and they may or may not have some bling on them.

-I am admitting that yesterday morning I woke up and whined to told Declan just how tired, sore, and ready to be done being
this pregnant. Even though I really have loved pregnancy, at the end--it's hard. Not.gonna.lie.

-We spent most of Sunday in the hospital in Philadelphia visiting Declan's dad with the rest of the family. It was good to just be together and to see for ourselves that he's on the road to recovery.

-Last night, I reeeeally wanted spaghetti for dinner. No meat or anything in it-just spaghetti. We made that happen, and seriously, spaghetti never-tasted-so-good. Truly.

-I have 10 days left of teaching "officially"...however, if baby decides to come earlier, that could change that.

-My substitute is spending the whole day with me today to shadow. After this day is under my belt, I'll be ready to get these next two weeks over with, and quick.

Hope your weekends were lovely...!

Happy Monday!


Sunday, April 18, 2010

260 days down, 20 to go.

(Running late on some of these posts this week...but, that's the type of week it's been.)

How far along?
37 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain: 26 big whopping pounds...amazing isn't it.

Maternity clothes?: Of course. But, lately I've found that a lot of the flowy tank tops fit nicely over my bump without even stretching. Then, I'll throw a cute open flowy top over it, and it looks really put together. Plus, I love saying, "...and it's not maternity!" haha.

37 weeks 2 days

(using my iphone right after rolling out of bed... I know you love it.)

*also taken moments after crying/whining to Declan about how much my back hurt, how crampy I am all over, and how I'm finally just ready to be done being pregnant, even though I've loved it.

Sleep: Decent! Still only waking up about once a night to pee. However, I'm just up more finding myself awake at random moments dealing with different aches and pains.

Cravings:
Nope, not really. I mean, I'm hungry a lot, but then can't always eat as much as I'd like too.

Best moment this week: The doctor on Thursday saying, "Whoa! She is RIGHT there, in perfect position, ready to go." So, she's in the right place at least :)

Movement: Um, yes. Her movements have started to hurt more. Honestly, she's SO up against my tummy now (I guess because she's squished), so her little knee and elbow jabs have become uncomfortable. There was one time I shrieked a little because it was crazzzzy what I felt, and totally out of the blue. But, nevertheless...she's alive and well. Plus, I really do love feeling all her movements.

Gender: "She", "she", "she"--of course, a girl.

Labor Signs: Some, but nothing I'd like to put out there to be analyzed by all. I do love you, though.

Belly Button in or out? In and staying in.

What I miss: Just feeling comfortable, and feeling like I can bend over easy, etc. I would like to not feel so much pain in my lower back, but that comes with the territory of strapping that much weight onto your tummy.

Weekly Wisdom: Crying out of pure excitement (and maybe a tiny mix of hormones) and joy over meeting your baby soon is a-ok.

Milestones: Full term. She can literally come at any time and be totally healthy! Everything is developed fully. She is welcome to make her debut.

Favorite Moments: Way too many to list. I've had a billion! This entire pregnancy has had awesome moments. Even though I want to meet her sooo bad, I know I'll also miss aspects of pregnancy. Some of my favorite moments include praying over her in my belly-for her future, her destiny and for the calling on her life.

~*~

Happy Sunday...!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Full Term and Fully Over-Googling.

***Psssss: I'm featured here today! Hooray. Well, the nursery is anyway. Head over to Spearmintbaby.com to see all the details, where things were purchased, etc.

~*~

I'm so beyond thrilled it's Friday. I've been looking forward to it all week. Heck, I have only "two" more Friday's left before I'm officially not the teacher-version-of-me, and I'm the mom-version-of-me (or at least close to it).

To say I'm looking forward to that is an understatement.

Duh.

It radiates from every pore in my body.

Heck, I'll word vomit all over you how excited and ready, and thrilled I am for this all to start happening.

My body is slowly progressing. In my book, any progress is good progress.

I've inundated myself with google searches.

All of which have made me more confused.

I've called almost every friend I know and talked to them about their labor experiences, what their contractions felt like, and asked them questions like "how dilated and effaced were you, and for how long??".

It's all made me even MORE confused.

More convinced that we are all SO.very.uniquely.different.

More sure that I need to shut my mouth and stop asking questions.

More sure that I need to trust my instincts and the things I feel in my own body.

Or tape my hands behind my back and stop typing questions into Google.

Because, good Lord...only HE knows when she's coming.

No one's experience is going to be exactly like mine.

So I'm done.

It's just gonna happen how it's gonna happen.

The opinions of when other people feel I'll have the baby are just that....opinions.

And, you know my theory on opinions:

They're like buttholes, and everyone has one.

So, I'm not being rude. I promise. I'm just being real. Honest. Truthful. This emotional pregnant chick (yoo-hoo! over here. Yes. ME!) doesn't want to hear, "Ohhh, I'm sure you'll be overdue! You look too good to go into labor anytime soon."

Because, while you* THINK you're giving me a compliment-you're really just ticking me off.


Have a Happy Friday! I sure need a weekend, don't I? :) haha...


*By "You", I do NOT mean any of "you"--I promise.


Now you get to see me in all my belly-sagging glory.
This is what happens at the end.

Photobucket

Thursday, April 15, 2010

My long, long day.

The sun is shining so bright today.

The weather is going to be 70 degrees.

It's crisp.

It's not too hot, not too cool.

It's perfect.

I want to be home. I want to be enjoying it. I want to be "mommy" and not "Mrs. B" anymore. I've hit my breaking point. If all things go as planned I will be here for another 2 weeks and 1 day. [Seem like I'm counting? I.totally.am.]

I was hoping to make it another full week before getting to my "I just wanna be home with my baby!" point. But, that didn't happen.

I have 11 more school-days to check off the calendar.

And the worst part is...

that today...

on this very beautiful, sunny, p.e.r.f.e.c.t. spring day....

I'll be stuck at school.

From 8am-8pm, for parent conferences.

Not only that, but during my only 'break' of the day (where I can legitimately get off campus for an hour), I have to go to my 37 week OB appointment, that's 30 minutes away from school. Talk about running around like a crazy woman.

After that appointment, while I'll be tempted to drive home, cuddle up with my husband and watch some DVR'ed shows we're oh so behind on--I have to drive back to school for two more hours of conferences.

Sigh.

Doesn't anyone know just how preggie I am?

Just 'sayin.

~*~

PS: I wanted to do a Thankful Thursday post...but things got crazy on me. I am OH so thankful. Really, truly. There are so many good things about to come, and I'm bursting at the seams with love.


Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

That's her.

I'm at a loss for words for the first time in my life.

I never run into any trouble typing up my daily thoughts or stories.

Ever.

Until today.

I sat on the couch last night, laptop in hand, watching American Idol half-heartedly (I'm starting to lose interest slowly...), waiting for the words to come for today's post.

They didn't.

I paged through thousands of pictures in my iPhoto, thinking maybe I'd get some inspiration to post something cute from the past.

But nothing.

Instead, Declan and I laughed and reminisced at just how tiny Mac was when we first got him, and how much our nieces and nephew have grown up, and "oh my where has the time gone" type stuff.

We looked at pictures of when I had a flat belly, and I teared up just a tiny bit that I may never ever see that stomach again.

Declan said, admittingly-"I almost forget how you used to look". (He meant no harm in that statement, and I took no offense. He was being adorable and sincere.) I agreed that I, too forget what it feels like to not have a watermelon in between my lady-friends and my va j-j at all times.

Still, I felt no real pressing, no real desire to write about anything. That is an oh-so-rare occassion for me. Honestly, the words normally come spilling from my head onto the screen.

I could only think about writing about one thing.

Of course, you know what it is.

My baby girl.

This pregnancy.

The fact that it's almost over.

The way my body is totally gearing up for labor and I feel different.

The way I cried my eyes out on our long walk last night for seriously nofrigginreason. [If any of my neighbors are reading this, I swear-just hormones. I wasn't being beaten or anything, ha.]

The fact that my stomach feels like its hanging so low I have to tug at my shirts all day long.

That everyone is noticing my belly and its different shape.

How I'm looonging to meet this little love, and I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

The way that I'm actually excited FOR labor. [Weird, I know.]

Or the way that I feel at this point I'm a 'ticking timebomb' as I say...and you never know when things are gonna start happening.

Thats what I want to write about.

I don't particularly want to write funny-kid-comments of the day, or even take note of the funny things they say anymore.

I don't want to write about my puppy.

I don't want to write about how I'm pretty sure DD put spoiled milk in my half/half coffee this morning.

I don't want to write about the beautiful weather, or the fact that it went from 90 degrees down to 50 in a matter of a 2-day span.

I don't want to write about school or the mean things a few co-workers have said.

Because I'm focused.

On one thing.

And that's really all I can think about.

...and that's her.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Got it all together? Who...me?

I have to tell you something.

I'm not sure if somehow I've made this unclear-and I'm all about honesty. So, I must get this out in the open.

I don't 'have it all together'.

Not even one bit.

I'm sorry if I've made it seem that way. I never meant to fudge the truth or make you believe something that's not exactly 100% true.

After a few of you lovely ladies asked me yesterday how I handle work, school, marriage, pregnancy, etc...and manage to [dreaded words] "keep it all together"--I started feeling guilty.

I most definitely do not have it all together. I so wish I did. But, not me.

Part of that probably has to do with the fact that I'm NOT a Type "A" personality by any means. I don't keep to-do lists. I don't stay on top of things as well as I should. I don't always put my 100% effort into everything at all times.

The truth is--I'm mediocre in most areas.

I'm mediocre as a homemaker. Honestly? My home doesn't get deep-cleaned (or cleaned!) as often as it should. When it does-it ONLY (I repeat, ONLY) happens because I have an awesome husband who does 75% of it while I waddle around and do the other 25% in the same amount of time. [What? I'm slower these days.] During the week...there is mail strewn on counters, thank-you cards piled on the kitchen table, the pillows on the couch are out of place, and there are doggie toys all over the floor. Like a lot of you...I'm also exhausted when I get home from work-and yes, I do just sit down a lot of the times after work and do n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Also, I have days where I don't cook a darn thing for dinner because I lack the energy, or the creativity to be able to whip together something cute and equally delicious. I lack those skills. Big time. Sometimes, I just wait until Declan comes home (2 hours after I get home), and make him ask him to grill a simple hot dog or hamburger for dinner. I try to stay on top of a few things daily-mainly, the dishes and keeping the counters relatively clean. That's about as far as it goes. Pathetic? Maybe. But, I'm being honest.


I'm not the best "student". You all know that I'm normally taking a grad class here or there. Luckily, in this moment, I'm not (hallelujah!). The truth is, when I take them--I don't put my full effort into them, either. I do what I can to make it work into my busy lifestyle. I hand things in on time, but is it always my best work? Absolutely not. Do I get decent grades? Yes, but that's probably because the teachers are too busy themselves to nit-pick over my work. Honestly? Another area where I don't give it my "all", nor do I keep it all together. Again....mediocre.

I could always be a better teacher. There is always room to improve as an educator--and that's just part of being a teacher. Constantly growing, constantly learning-constantly improving on your lessons to make learning better for the students. The truth is, I'm a pretty decent teacher-but there is always room for improvement. I feel that with the pregnancy I've not been up to par on where I should be, but luckily, I don't think the students notice. It's more of a personal thing. Feeling bad for being more irritable, feeling guilty about sitting to rest my swollen feet now and again, and feeling bad about lacking the energy and excitement that I should have on an everyday basis, and I don't.

...the list could go on and on.

I guess it's easy to appear as if you have things all together. Honestly, that wasn't my intent. The point in all this is to say that I'm just an average-wife, an average-teacher, an average-student, and an average-pregnant woman.

I do things little bits at a time to get things done.

I always take time to rest.

I leave dirty dishes in the sink at times.

I leave mail unopened for days.

I don't fold our TV blankets everynight before going to bed.

Heck, I don't even make our bed everyday.

I leave my makeup out on my sink instead of moving it afootaway to where it belongs.

The list goes on and on...

but, you should get the point by now.

Happy Tuesday!

~*~

Please note: That was by no means a pity party. I need and want zero pity. I just like being honest, and the honest truth is-I'm not the best at most things. My life is a daily balancing act (like yours), but I often fail. Miserably. I think its important to know we all have struggles, we all get tired, we all are busy and we can't always be perfect in all areas, and thats okay.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Yep...it's about pregnancy again.

I had considered doing a question/answer post about my pregnancy and pregnancy in general (things burning in your mind to ask), etc---it's been on my mind the last few weeks to do. But, then--it occurred to me that I'm already freakishly honest about this whole.entire.ordeal and well, you probably have ZERO questions because I don't leave much to the imagination, considering I'm an "over-sharer" when it comes to all things pregnancy. I mean, heck, you guys know about the early-on constipation, the puke (oh the puke!), the pee-pants story, the weight-pretty much everything.

So, with that-I figured I have a few more things to add to my list of "things I'll want to go back and read" about in regards to this pregnancy.

Here it goes:

-I read online and in various places that when you "drop" (or when 'lightning/engaging' occurs--the technical word(s)), you will breathe easier. It IS true. It's totally true. The downside (for me, at least), is that I feel a lot more lower back pain and pressure 'down there'. I've also noticed from the front my belly looks funnier since I'm lower. Nice.

-I'm waking up almost every morning (after getting a very decent 8-9 hours of solid sleep, and not even getting up to pee!) feeling as if I didn't just get a good night's sleep...and as if I could sleep all.day.long. The downside is, I'm still obviously teaching--and I have to get up. I've felt pretty out of it for the first few hours of the morning, and exhaustion has seemed to overtake me at various points in the day. But, seriously-can you blame me? 26 days left in this pregnancy, and 15 more days left of teaching-but, who's counting?

-I still manage to muster up random spurts of energy (ie: nesting) to do various tasks around the house. For instance, this weekend-Declan and I spent over 2 hours in our walk-in closet purging clothes, organizing, putting winter stuff away, and stuffing two ginormous trash bags full of clothes and hauling them off to GoodWill.

I even got the energy up to take better photos of the baby nursery (since it's being featured this week at Spearmintbaby.com):

pssss, we got our cute standing lamp, too! It's finally complete.

-One day I'll have my normal sized feet back--and the next, not so much. Swollen-city, here I am. I cannot say this enough...personally, I am SO glad not to be "very pregnant" in the real heat of the summer. I would die. I'm also just not cute enough to pull off all these 'little' pregnant clothes (tank tops, shorts, etc).

-Just like my feet, one day I can wear my wedding rings, and the next-notsomuch.

-Those dreaded stretch marks. I did so well...for so very long. But, a few of those unwelcomed creatures have decided to take up residence on the underneath side of my belly, and I'm not happy about it. I've gone cocoa-butter crazy, and I'm almost starting to convince myself the lotion is making it worse. Or, maybe its the fact that there's a "watermelon-sized" baby girl in there (according to my pregnancy app) as of today, and DUH, my belly IS stretching. Sigh.

-I LOVE to take walks. LOVE it. The weather has been awesome, and my dog is obsessed with taking walks--not to mention, there's definitely a benefit to me, also. It's great one on one time with Declan. Some days, I could walk foreverrrr (it seems), and other days, I'll stop at the halfway point and say, "I'm not sure I can make it home" (all dramatically, too), because my body just feels that tired (after teaching all day!).

-I remember people telling me to treasure all the kicks when they are cute and fun between 20-30 weeks, because "you'll eventually want the baby to STOP.moving.already" when the moves are much bigger and more uncomfortable. BUT, I honestly don't feel that way at all! Not even in the slightest. I still make Declan watch my belly bump up and down, and I still ooh and ahh over what body part is sticking out, and I still put my hand on my belly to feel the steady beat of her hiccups at least twice a day. I love it...all of it, and I know I'll miss that part.

-I'm still happy being pregnant. I mean, I'm sooo excited to meet her and dream about it all the time. But, I get semi-annoyed when people say things like, "She needs to COME out already!", and "You're just so uncomfortable, that baby needs to be born!". First of all, I'm not "so uncomfortable", and secondly, she can come when she pleases. Do I have a time-frame I'd like to see her born in? Of course! But, my desire isn't exactly the deciding factor here.

I guess that's enough for the day. If you do have any burning questions for me pregnancy-related--shoot. I'm game to answer anything (well, most things...).

Happy Monday!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Silent Sunday's

I can't wait to actually button these jeans again...

[Yes, they were not buttoned in this photo-classy. I know.]

...but for now I will treasure this belly because, oddly, I know I'll miss it when it's gone.

Happy Sunday!

Friday, April 9, 2010

36 Week Bump Updates

How far along? 36 weeks

Total weight gain: Had an appointment yesterday afternoon...and...::gasp:: 23 lbs (total). I may or may not be able to attribute the rapid weight gain to eating the entire tray of chocolate covered strawberries I made earlier this week, and devoured (bymyself) in a matter of 3 days.

Maternity clothes? Um yes. All I can say is that I kind of wish it wasn't SO HOT because I was.not.prepared to be this pregnant when it was this hot out (its been 90 degrees!), therefore, my clothing selection is low, and almost non-existent at this point.

36 weeks.

[If you think I'm looking a bit lower these days, you aren't alone. More on that later.]

Photobucket

Sleep: Once I'm asleep-great! However, waking up is getting harder and harder to do. My body just wants me to sleep and not go to work (ha). The funny thing is, when its a Saturday, and I CAN sleep in--my body won't let me. Or, is it my mind that won't let me?! Either way...hmm.

Cravings:
Yea, did you see those chocolate covered strawberries up there? That was a total.random.craving. They were oh so yummy.

Best moment this week: Feeling like I can breathe again! I woke up yesterday morning and felt different. I can breathe! I could fit my entire hand under my boobs and it feels empty. I usually felt her butt right there, up under my ribs, making breathing hard(er) and also causing me to be out of breath more often. I've felt a ton better!

Oh, and while at the doctors...she said to me, "Have you noticed that you're dropping?!" I said, "YES, in fact...I think its funny you said that because I JUST noticed today how much different I feel!" She said, "Well, that's a good sign of progress!" [Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily think she meant progress as in, "you're gonna pop!"..but more as a step in the right direction.]

You can see a difference from last week's picture. Notice the space between my lady lumps and my tummy--much more of a gap this week.

Photobucket

Movement: Yes, but, it's true that it does slow down in the end. Baby is just too big to make lots of cute little movements. I get stabs and jabs down in my 'area'. It's...umm...fun.

Gender: daddy's girl

Labor Signs: lots of bh contractions...getting stronger, but not 'the ones'. Still have time ;)

Belly Button in or out? I'm thinking since we're this close to the end, it's staying in.

What I miss: Skinny feet. Well, my feet were never "skinny", but gahhh....the heat, and pregnancy are doing a number on my feet. They are definitely getting swollen these days and it's not cute. At all.

Weekly Wisdom: There is SO much to be excited about and thankful for. I am ooozing with excitement and joy :)

Milestones: Making it so far...and with a healthy pregnancy at that. We have come so far. The miscarriage was one of the hardest, most heartbreaking things we have EVER been through. In those moments I felt so much desperation to start our family and felt that it would never happen. God is SO so so so SOooo good, and we get to meet our daughter, (omg-our "daughter"!!) in a few short weeks, and she'll change our lives forever. I can't wait to fall head over heels in love.

Favorite Moments: All the moments I'm spending with Declan by ourselves....cherishing it...taking walks together...relaxing together...being just us, but looking forward to our family.

~*~

Have an awesome Friday!


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Thankful Thursdays


so thankful for the gorgeous weather...and that my classroom 'fan' got fixed today....it truly made a difference to this girl with a heater strapped to her tummy (as I tell my students...haha)

thankful that my 36 week Ob appointment this afternoon went just perfectly fine...heartrate in 140's, had a lovely strep b test (sarcasm, total sarcasm), blood pressure is good, etc...

so thankful and in love with my husband who's been taking care of cooking dinner (ie: grilling food) over the last week or so. also, love that he will watch our bank account because I hate dealing with money.

feeling thankful that I can breathe better...definitely noticed a change this morning and baby girl's little tush is no longer hitting my ribs. I think she's headed south and I like it that way. progress, progress.

so thankful that we found Mac's kong...guess where it was? Little man took it out on the deck a few weeks ago, and it must have fell off the ledge--I found it in the 'depths' of my townhouse-sized-yard the other day. needless to say...he is a happy boy, and i'm a happy dog-owner again.

I'm thankful for the 'ready' feeling....I mean, I don't feel worried, anxious, or nervous--I just feel ready. I'm not yet at the point where I "want.her.out.NOW" either. We have things in order...and she's welcome anytime. I'd actually prefer her to wait a few more weeks so I can close off this school year right.

Also...I'm overwhelmed and full of so much thanks for all people have done for us, given to us, showered us with love and gifts for our daughter. It's amazing the love you feel when you're about to have a baby--we've been so blessed with things, and it makes bringing her into this world so much more feasible.

Thank you, all of you...for all your sweet words, gifts, thoughts and prayers...!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The lazy, hazy days of summer (uh..spring)

The seasons have changed around here...or so it seems. I'm afraid to even blog about how nice it's been weather-wise for fear that somehow, someway I'll jinx it, and I don't even believe in jinxing!

It's been sunny.

It's been a bit breezy.

It's been absolutely beautiful.

I love it.

We love being outside. We love enjoying gorgeous spring days. We absolutely LOVE to cook on the grill, and even eat our dinner outside at our table on our deck.

It means it's springtime.

It means the carefree days of summer are ahead.

It means longer nights (with more sunlight).

It means walks around the block.

It means long nights of sitting around, with good friends and good conversation.

Love.it.love.love.love.

Can I just add, that I love it so much-that I'm currently writing from my deck-laptop in place, ice water nearby and chubby feet propped up....soaking up the sun. I'm such a multi-tasker. [Confused? I tend to write my posts the day before...it's currently Tuesday afternoon...and GORGEOUS!]

proof:
Not only do Declan and I love the outdoors at this time of year...but so does our Mac-boy. So much so, that I have to leave the screen door open for him (hence, doggie door coming soon) so he can come and go to play on the deck as he pleases. However, recently he's mastered the art of nudging the screen door open with his nose. Yea, we know he's smart, he gets it from his parents. However, we need to teach him to close it, too.

He's a little sun-worshipper.

So we'd like to think our soon-coming little Miss will also enjoy lazy, breezy, sunny days outside with her old folks and puppy. Heck, it's gotta run in the family.


Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Oh, the "H" word. The dreaded "H" word.

Hormones.

We all hear about those 'raging' hormone changes that happen during pregnancy. The truth is, although I joke about being hormonal and such, I've really not experienced many issues or crying spats because of the hormones.

I mean, there was that one time that I cried on the closet floor because I hated all my maternity work pants. Yea, and maybe that one time when I laid on the kitchen floor and screamed and cried at Declan for absolutely NO reason that I can remember currently. But other then the occasional breakdown, I've not just been a crying mess this whole pregnancy. Honestly.

But yesterday, on my birthday-it was a different story.

Let me explain.

First of all, when we were shopping at the outlet's...I just felt SO slow. I just don't walk nearly as fast as I used too. I could easily chase my nieces around, no problem. Today was a different story. I felt useless, tired, and HOT. It was 80 degrees and sunny (beautiful, truly), but I realized why I'm so thankful not to be very pregnant through the brutal heat of the summer. Not to mention, I was in a tank top. Pregnant arms=not cute (not on me, anyway), and I felt so very 'ugh'.

With every step I took, more and more pressure was put on my bladder, making the urge to pee pretty much constant. I literally went to the bathroom 4 or 5 times just while shopping. It felt like I went every 2.5 seconds. Frustrating AND annoying.

All of these little things started to wear on me. I was annoyed and easily irritated and normally my tolerance for just about everything is so.much.higher.

I got into the car with my sister (on our way to get pedicures) and just started to sob. I cried, and I cried. I couldn't really tell her why I was crying...and I felt bad for crying at all. After all, I was having a GOOD day. Whatthefreak was wrong with me? I just felt moody. Tired. Overwhelmed. I felt...I felt...hormonal. As if I had no real control over my emotions.

I held back my tears and allowed myself to enjoy the rest of the day. After all, I had no real 'reason' be upset over anything.

I got home exhausted, and all I wanted was a nap. A quick, one hour nap or rest before Declan got home from work and our evening plans commenced. Little did I know, he decided to come home early and surprise me. Little did he KNOW that surprises don't go over quite as well when your wife is crazy-tired, 9 months pregnant, and....hormonal [yea, I said it again].

He had every right in the world to come home and spend the evening out with me, heck, even if it was an hour earlier then I thought. But, in my state of exhaustion, I was cruel. I was mean. I wasn't grateful. He told me to get changed into something nice, and that we had to leave, like.soon. I freaked out. I whined. I moaned about how "sweaty" and "hot" I was. I told him I just wanted a nap. I needed 10 minutes to re-do my makeup. Then I shrieked at him to "go start the car and at least get the AC running, gosh darn-it!"

I was nasty.

I wasn't me. Well, my normal 'me'.

When I finally got in the car, he told me how beautiful I looked and how excited he was to spend the evening out with me taking me on a birthday date.

I broke down, again, crying, on the way to dinner. My mascara ran. I searched for a tissue in the car and wiped my eyes. I tried to explain to him that "I just don't feel like myself!", and "I over-did it today!", and "I couldn't try on any of the clothes I wanted too!", and "I can't walk as fast, and I peed 293083 times today!", and "Ohmygosh I'm not even sure why I am crying and ruining this night!"

I dried my tears, and calmed myself down. What the heck was going on with me anyway? I can seriously only explain it as hormones, because obviously this behavior isn't normal (for me at least). I think that as I'm creeping closer and closer to D-Day, my body is very obviously sensing big changes are about to occur. Thus, an overflow of emotions.

I guess, I can be thankful that I haven't been crazy-hormonal this entire time and that it's just hitting now when we have a month left.

But, someone better say a prayer for my husband. He has to live with me everyday.

~*~

happy tuesday!

Monday, April 5, 2010

A very-pregnant-birthday.

Obviously it's been quite a busy birthday since I've had no time to post all day. I know, I know-it's not like me at all to post this late, but it is what it is.

So, what have I been up to today? Lots. Perhaps, too much for this very pregnant girl.

-an early breakfast date with my sister

-a trip to target where I purchased a breast-feeding momma's tankini for the beach (I know, right. It should help me 'not hang out' and it's rouched on the side, which may give the 'more thin' illusion, ha. One can hope.)

-a 3 hour shopping trip to the Premier Outlets (with sisters and nieces) where I purchased only a few baby clothes via gift certificate at Baby Gap, and stopped to pee every 2.5 minutes. (Annoying. Terribly, annoying. That's for tomorrow's post.)

-a pizza lunch

-a stop at Panera for a strawberry smoothie fix

-a spur-of-the-moment Ross shopping trip where 29303829 cute dresses passed through my fingertips because I couldn't try them on (duh), and couldn't purchase because I have NO clue what I will look like sans baby-bump. (Again, a post for tomorrow.)

-Finally, ultimate R.E.L.A.X.A.T.I.O.N. Me and my sissy got our European Spa Pedicures. It was heaven on earth. The sad part? From all that walking earlier, I had chubby, swollen feet. Not attractive whatsoever.

-A quick returns-only trip to babys-r-us.

-Get home only to discover my sweet hubby had light pink roses and a single* balloon waiting there for me (he had to work today).


-Got another flower delivery from one of my wonderful friends, Chrissy, her husband and her daughter. They are GORGEOUS.


-Got two other packages conveniently in the mail today that are for my little girl. They both made my day because SO much thought and love went into them.

-Heard the door open, and realized Declan came home from work an hour early. Realized something must be up. Hmmm.

-Declan takes me to the Melting Pot for dinner (have never been there and have always wanted to go!). I was greeted with lots of "Happy Birthday's!" and even got a really sweet card from them and a $10 off for the next time 'gift'.


-Quick return-trip to Pottery Barn Kids (it was right next door...couldn't pass up the chance.)

-Ate a delicious dessert at Rita's Waterice.

-Pass out (or blog) from exhaustion and realization that I'm in my 36th week of pregnancy and I just don't have the same amount of energy as I used to.

Overall....busy.

Crazy.

Fun.

Exhausting.
[More on this tomorrow...I know, you can't.wait.]

Happy birthday to me.

*Since my 18th birthday, Declan has given me the amount of balloons to match my age--every.year. It was cute, and sweet...and all that--until this year. When I decided that I didn't want that anymore. I wanted him to save the money and not waste it on 25 friggin balloons. So, although I was slightly afraid I hurt his feelings, he did indeed abide by my wishes. I got one single balloon and not 25. However, in Illustrator he drew a picture of 25 balloons (what a cute graphic-design-nerd!) and stuck it in my birthday card instead. Love him.


PS: Did you see my maternity photos?! If not--go here to check them out.