Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What are YOU searching for?

Yesterday I somehow got sidetracked with looking at my Google Analytics. For some reason I got lost, absolutely and completely lost in a sea of ridiculousness that is my traffic sources.

As in, what people google and it brings them to my site.

Honest to goodness, I was in shock at some of the things I read. A TON having to do with pregnancy (nothing shocking there), but things like:

[These are directly copied from analytics. Trust me. I cannot make this up.]

"33 weeks pregnant blog"

"32 weeks belly feels soooo funny"

"33 weeks pregnant why am I sooooooooo big" (I'm willing to bet the last two are the same person. Just a hunch.) 

"Enjoy last days with bump" 

"Honey nut cheerios bump"  (I don't get it. No. I really, really don't.)

No harm in those, right?

But then there was:

"Saggy belly" (Not proud of that, not gonna lie.)


"Falling Uterus" (Yes. FALLING. I do not ever remember claiming my uterus has fallen. But hey, you never know.)

Then, there were the one's I was all "OHMYGOSH people GOOGLE THAT??? Like, they actually type full paragraphs in google search bars??"  No, really. They do. For the record, I will leave spelling mistakes and all in these next few:

"Boy: is yur name google? girl: no, why? boy: coz yu gt everything tat im searching for"  (People, apparently search pick up lines....I'm so impressed. This is a new one. I might just use it. AND HOW DID THEY GET TO MY BLOG FROM THIS?? I digress.)

"What has forty teeth but cannot bite but yet not learnt to bite" (I may just google that to find out the answer now.)

"we are truly blessed and sometimes I forget. We must not let the negativity of life bring you down." 

"u always drive in the slowest lane no matter how often u change" (umm? k...)

This next one gets me every time:

"It's funny how when your finally happy people try to tear you down. jealousy, jealousy, jealousy. ill have you know im happy and you cant break me so keep on trying" (go ahead. laugh.)

Then there were:

"I hate putting christmas decorations away"

"I love spontaneity and some craziness"

"I can't get luckier to get such good husband" (collective: "awww")

"Kmart cashiers get so annoyed"

"Oh my gosh my cant i find a frikking application online!" (not my spelling, his)

"my baby girl I post pictures everyday" (not surprised by this one)

"snow is coming twitter funny" (huh? Sounds like code for something.)

"Puuuuuuush poo toilet" (this is Declan's favorite)

[Don't judge ME for this next one, please?]
"wet and 18 daddy love it" (oh my gosh, I feel dirty...and I will not share the other dirty ones. Ew.)

"amazing craft room" (why THANK you google)

"gross little banana"

"can being laid back be innate"

"can preteen puppy love last whole life?" (cue deep thoughts)

"declan cookie"

"eyelash lids need to be moist"

"mom blogger with writers block" 

To name a few.

I was amused for a few hours with this yesterday, that's for sure. Have you ever checked your analytics? It's always a good time.


Happy snowy (at least here) Wednesday!


  1. Do I have to pick a favourite? Because I'm not sure I can.

  2. For some reason, "gross little banana" left me crying from laughing. I wonder what they were hoping to find.

  3. how do you check this? it would be interesting to see?

  4. too funny!! i love going on my site stat counter (which is similar to google analytics) and reading all this stuff ;)

  5. for some reason, "gross little banana" has me rolling with laughter.. i mean, really? these are hysterical. i need to check mine out- i don't think i've ever looked! people.. the internet.. just lends itself to a whole host of possibilities!! LOL!

  6. hahah some of those are great! ive gotten some crazy ones in the past too ... "dentist office smell" "annual exam paper gown" "haircut - my neck" "stay at home mom grad school dropout".

    it IS a wonder why people google what they do.

    PS. there was a post last week about the 5am phone calls from the schools letting us know it's delayed or canceled - i get them too! and i dont even have a child or teach or anything! i mean, i appreciate the call, but it doesnt really apply to me at this stage. i wonder how i got on the list.

  7. Ooh I love looking at these!! It's so funny... and slightly creepy at times lol

  8. how does one check this? soooo funny. you should post these more often!!!

  9. That is hilarious! How would one check these? Not that I have anyone who reads my blog lol! But it would be fun to see what comes up :)

  10. Hahaha! I can't stop laughing! I love it! My favorite and oh-people-actually-google that moment was Declan's favorite! haha. Puuuuuuuuuush poo toilet! haha. Thanks for making my day!

  11. one question- what is a declan cookie and how do i find the recipe?

    bahahahahahaha!!!! HILARIOUS! i agree- you should do this like once a week or something.

    oh and ps- you're 1 following away from 666! *cue creepy music*

  12. The pick-up line one was me. Just sayin'.

  13. How do you figure this out?! I think you shared it before...can you send me the link? THANKS!

  14. My search results aren't nearly as much fun as yours! :)

  15. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! That freakin made my day.
    Puuuuuuush poo toilet??? Who is googling this stuff??? lol.

  16. i now want to make the hubs activate analytics on my blog, JUST to see what people google to get there!!

    and it's true...kmart cashier DO get pretty annoyed

  17. when i FIRST started blogging, I had a quote in my header and then I saw a google search for this:

    "'every once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale' where the HELL is mine?!?!"

    (that was the quote on my blog)

    I STILL love that one and laugh at it. poor girl :( haha

  18. This was hilarious!! I know alot have already asked this, but how would I check mine?

  19. I'm surprised one of the top searches isn't for "Banana Bread Baby" because that's how I've found your recipe 234234 times. One day I'll print it out :)

  20. Way too funny! Glad a took a break from work to read this. Thanks for a few laughs ;)

  21. This is so FUNNY! I don't look at mine a lot, but the few times that I did a lot of requestes came from my post about Jayden being sick way back when. It's so funny what people search for!!! lol

  22. I agree with Lucy, I'm not sure I can pick a favorite either! this was really funny and really interesting!

  23. Some of those were hilarious.....and some disturbing - from both creepiness (the wet daddy one????) and poor spelling. haha.

    i think the cheerio bump one might be my favorite. so random.

  24. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

    THough I'm kind of prone to like "gross little banana" the most.