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Monday, February 28, 2011

Confidence and stuff.

I'd love to go back in time.

You know, to slap my high school self and to tell her that people's opinions of me didn't really matter. That what I wore, and how I did my hair wouldn't affect the person I'd become. Or the person I was, even.

Too often when we're young (and into adulthood, too) it seems we place way too much value on what others think of us. I was totally guilty of that. A lot, actually. But, little by little as I've grown and matured a bit, I'm finding out how much I actually like that person I am. 

On top of that? I'm realizing how other people's opinions of me don't really matter. At all. What they judge about me is only that. Judgements. Not fact, not truth. It means nothing.

It seems like with most women come those sorts of issues. You know...the pressure. The pressure of being or looking a certain way. Then the shame that comes with feeling like you don't fit the 'mold', or whateverthehell that means.

I still sometimes have those thoughts. You know, those ones that used to lurk around every corner in my high school years.  But, thankfully not nearly as much. Partially, I think that just has come with me growing & maturing...life situations...experiences, etc.

I'm so glad that phase of life...of unnecessary pressure and crazy young insecurities is mainly over. Because? Blech.

Yes, I still have insecurities. Hello? My body? Not.the.same. The stretch marks on my lower belly prove that I will never, ever be the same. But then again, I will never, ever be the same.

And that's okay.

Sure there are things I could nit-pick about myself, but, I like me.

I like the me that's a selfless mother. The me that's a wife. The me that writes. The me that's honest. The me that would rather cuddle on the couch and let the house go on occasion. The me that has a friend in every state (and some countries) thanks to this fun & crazy internet world. The me that desperately needs coffee in the morning to function. The me that can be trusted with secrets and empathize with others.

You get it.

Of course there are things I need to work on and things I need to change, ways my jiggly body could improve or ways I could be a better wife, mother, friend, sister.

But. Remember how I wanted to slap my insecure self?

So, I'll stop now. [See how easy it is to quickly beat yourself up?]

What do YOU like about you? And yep, thats a question I want you to answer.

Go ahead, I'm waiting.

[New readers...and lurkers? That means you, too. What a great way for me to get to know you.]

**

Happy Monday, beautiful ladies.

29 comments:

  1. What a great way to start the morning!

    I love that I've always been a strong, confident, independent woman, but that I've bent enough to let myself rely on others (i.e. my husband).

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  2. Good Morning!!

    I love that I am a child of God....always growing in faith! Learning to live life slowly....trying to pay attention to ALL the details :) And, I, of course, love that I am a mother to sweet Maddox!

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  3. Love your post this morning, and totally agree! I had those high school days where the "cool, older girls" would pick on me from tme to time. It can definitely give you a good dose of insecurity!

    I think both college and the years since have taught me a lot about myself, and I am so glad that I learned everything that I did before we got married. I think it prepared me to be a better, more confident wife! I am not a Mommy (yet), and I'm sure that will teach me even more!!

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  4. Awe what a GREAT post. I think its so easy for us women to beat ourselves up because we have so many insecurities. Trust me I've been working on that myself but it helps that my husband loves me for who I am an he does't care what I look like.

    What I like about my self is my eyes they change colors everyday its amazing to me.

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  5. Don't you wish you could tell your daughter, right now, to not care about other people and have her believe it forever. Especially through the teen years. Oy.

    I love the me that LOVES being a mom. Even on hard days, I couldn't imagine anything different. I'm blessed.

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  6. Do you ever read something or hear something that you just know was meant for you? Like, when the Pastor preaches on a certain subject and you know he is talking just to you? That is exactly how I felt during this post.

    I wish that I could go back to my high school self and tell her that it does not matter what people think of you, or even what they say about you, what matters is how you carry yourself, how you treat others, and how you have respect for yourself and those around you. High school would have been so much easier if I knew then what I know now.

    I like how I sincerely care about people, and the god given compassion I feel towards others. I like knowing that people know they can come to me if they need help or just need to talk things out. I enjoy helping people, and nothing gives me greater satisfaction than making someone smile.

    Thank you for posting this, Katie, it is just what I needed to hear today.

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  7. Amen! I would NEVER go back to my teens, or even my 20s. Weird as it sounds, the older I get, the more I like myself. I'll take my 20-year-old body, but that's about it ;-)

    So...what I like about myself is my writing. I never thought of myself as one, and even when I first started blogging I didn't. But through the years, I feel like I've really come into my own, you know? It feels good :-)

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  8. I've always been the girl with body-issues...even though I've always been thin. So now that I am six months pregnant and definitley NOT the thinnest girl in the room anymore, I am learning to love my new self.

    Not only is this pregnancy a beautiful gift from God, it also will end with a perfect addition to our family...one that we prayed for.

    So I am LOVING my pregnant body!!!

    Thanks for this post!!
    Erin

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  9. I love this post!! I love my back...it is covered in freckles and just looks so "fresh" lol

    PS: I have a baby body too, whenever someone makes a comment about theirs I tell them that its just "baby love"

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  10. This was awesome. You know what else? Half of that "everyone is judging me" crap we go through in our teens? It's all in our heads. Sure (like in adulthood) there are the few jerks that actually DO put pressure on us. But for the most part? I'm pretty sure my teenage friends didn't care all that much what my hair looked like that day at school. It probably never even entered their minds.

    And on that note, I love my hair. I cannot tell you how many years I spent trying to pump up the volume. I didn't like my hair. It was straight and boring. Now? I see it as sleek and sophisticated. :)
    As for something non-physical, I love how being a mom has boosted my self-confidence. At the end of the day, the only ones I answer to are the Lord, my husband, and my baby boy. If those three are good, then I'm good. :)

    LOVED this post. I'll be back to keep reading everyone's answers.

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  11. I swear motherhood has so much to do with my confidence. It's like the mother bear instinct to protect our child (physically/emotionally/spiritually) reveals to us our own confidence in our values and who we are and who we want to teach our children to be. It reveals how sure we are of our invisible traits and how much more valuable they are to us than say physical traits. So suddenly, things that used to shake our confidence are so minor because we are so much more sure of the things we truly value. There really is so much more that could be said to this effect of motherhood on a woman's confidence level and assertiveness...

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  12. As I was nursing Jackson, I kept thinking of things that I like about ME!!! There are many insecurities about myself...but every time I would think of one, I would pair it w/ a GOOD thing...so here goes;

    I LOVE that I am a Wife and Mother!!! It's the most amazing feeling in the world! I love that being a Mom autimatically makes me a TEACHER!!! My kids will learn from ME!!! :D I love that I can cook and clean as if I were getting paid! LoL! (I wish) I love that I can sing the words to a song that I have not heard in years and remember it ALL! I love that I can sing! :) I love that I can go out in public and NOT have to wear make-up...putting on a face = BLAH! I just do not need it all.the.time. I look just fine w/ out it...BUT, when I do...whew...Pretty Momma here! And lastly, I LOVE my size 16 body...that has actually gotten BETTER after having 2 babies (thank you nursing),that looks just fine in the clothes I wear, that can keep up w/ my boys, that my Husband LOVES as well...and that will NEVER be a size 2!!! AMEN for that!!!

    W/ age comes more cofidence and love for yourself...you are exactly right Miss Katie! Because, ask me this question back in my teen years...there would not have been a single good thinkg that I could have written...*sigh*

    Thank you so much for letting us write it out!!! THIS has MADE my day!!! :D :D :D

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  13. I know what you mean. I've come a long way. I really like me and my ability to tackle anything head-on.

    But then, those same insecurities come roaring back ten-fold when I least expect. When I think I've finally out grown it, moved past it. Pregnancy has made it worse. I actually have a post scheduled for Wednesday about that.

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  14. I like that I am seriously going out of the range of normal for me and running a half marathon in June. I am terrified. But I am working on believing in myself and building up inner strength to improve my life. I like that I am no longer letting anyone control me.

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  15. You are a good role model for Eme. We need more people in today's society to inform children that it is ok to have an opinion, have no fear against judgement, and believe in yourself.

    I love that I am a great friend. I'm honest. I live my life with arms wide open. I'm not cliquey and genuinely care about people that are in my life. I embrace my independence and I hope to share that with my future children.

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  16. Wait until your mid thirties. That whole "I like myself" thing gets even better.

    I love my real. The fact that I'm honest, no bs, and I don't tolerate it either. I don't have time. But with me, what you see is what you get. I don't play games with anyone.

    I also like my ass. But that's pretty shallow, and I don't think that's where you were headed with this. :)

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  17. Thank you for this post! It's awesome. And a big thanks to Ashlee Rae up there...

    I automatically wasn't thinking of physical attributes to add to this list. As a long time 'big girl' my list of physical "likes" has always been short. However, in the past few years I've gotten over myself a bit. I will never be a size six, it just isn't going to happen. And I'm FINE with it *most of the time*.

    And honestly, sometimes this blogging world feels like high school to me. I suppose it is my insecurities raging, but I often times find myself feeling like unpopular girl in the blogworld. HA!

    So, that was a mouthful... sorry! :) I like... my green eyes and the fact that my babies have a GREAT chance of having green eyes too, my sense of humor and ability to laugh at myself, my motherly instinct with my neice & nephew, my unconditional love for animals and my passion for the proper treatment of animals, my kickin' curves, my profile/nose, my silky soft skin & hair and my creative abilities!!!

    Thanks, Katie!

    follow me on Twitter @chelsiyarger

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  18. i like my positive attitude towards life. i have certainly been dealt with crappy situations over the years, and instead of hating God and hating the world, i try to flip it around and find the positive in every situation ive been dealt. oftentimes it's hard to find, but when i do find it, it certainly makes life's difficulties a bit easier.

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  19. @ Chelsi: You are MOST WELCOME!!!

    Take care...xx :D

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  20. Love this post! I was the same in high school and still hold on to some of those same insecurities, unfortunately. However, like you, I love who I am as Mias mommy, a wife, a daughter and friend. I love where my life is now, minus my little petty insecurities, and am glad that HS drama is over!

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  21. Great post! So often we focus so much on the negative, that we don't give ourselves enough credit for being pretty awesome.

    I like my eyes. They're a great color. I also like my laugh. It's loud, but there is no holding back behind it. It is pure happiness.

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  22. I always had confidence issues, especially in middle school. I was always the "tall girl" and was very shy. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and tell my middle and high school self "don't care about what other people think about you. They probably aren't even looking at you, and if they are so what!?"

    I know love everything (mostly) about myself. I love the mother that I am, the wife, and how I am not as shy anymore. I definitely have more growing to go. I figure I still have time though. :)

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  23. I admit, this is a little hard for me. Even now, I tend to judge myself, and I'm almost 30. But here goes...
    I love that I'm loyal and will stick up for my friends.
    I love that I am a good dog mom and have helped a lot of helpless pups over the years through Rescue.
    I love that my body took to pregnancy so easily and that I'll be adding a sweet baby boy or girl to family of four (me, my husband, and two dogs).

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  24. I really love this blog post...i like to look a the positives instead of the negatives.

    for me I love my loyalty to my friends and the Godly woman I have developed into over the years

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  25. I had a hard time in jr. high/highschool because I didn't think I was very pretty or very smart. I thought having a boyfriend was the equivalent of being pretty and I never had one, so...

    NOW I know better. And I like me a lot. I know I'm smart. I know I'm a fighter. I know I love with my whole heart. I know I stand up for what I believe is true and right. I know I'm kind. I know I'm a good friend. I know I'm honest. I know I've worked extremely hard to build this life and I'm very proud of that.

    Great post, my friend!

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  26. I love this :)

    I never really thought about what I appreciate about myself. But thinking now, I love that I never give into peer pressure...I never let fear of what friends/family will think of me change the reasons why I believe in something, do anything...That doesn't mean that I don't take people's advice, but I always do what I believe is morally and ethically right (for me) :)

    I love it! Great post!

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  27. I love this and I love you.

    I like that I am a good cook. I like that I am organized and efficient. And? I like that my feet are small.

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  28. I love that I have a pretty firm grasp on being a full time working momma! It was so hard and first and I felt really guilty about not staying home with her. She's almost 17 months now and she still loves her momma, so I think I'm doing ok.

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