Pages

Monday, April 11, 2011

All good things must come to an end.

This is kind of emotional for me, if I'm being honest.

But, I've written about my breastfeeding journey a few times on here. It's been a very important part of this whole motherhood thing for me.

It was something that was ours. Our time together. My way to provide for her. It became something I felt passionate about. The importance of it. The way we worked through the hardships & overcame them. It was a personal victory of mine. 

I set a goal, and as I reached & then surpassed each goal I felt so accomplished. A personal choice for me and my family that seemed to work with our lifestyle. 3 months. Check. 6 months. Check. After we passed 6 months with flying colors, nursing was a breeze. An absolute breeze. At that point is when I made the choice to just keep going. Because? Why not?

My new goal would be 12 months if it worked for us.

Well, it was still working for me. [As my boobs can attest. Can we say OW?] But, apparently, my little miss. independent decided this past weekend she was done with it. In this circumstance, both parties have to agree, you see. She wasn't having it, anymore.

I knew something was up. A few days prior to The Quit she stopped nursing before bed. Pushing me away and wanting nothing to do with 'them'. In fact, every bit of her body language was saying, "Just put me in my crib, damn it!" (Except, I'd like to think she wouldn't curse with that cute little voice of hers. But yea.) A few minutes later? She would be fast asleep.

I didn't think too much of it.

Until the next day, when after 12-13 hours at night went by, and surely the kid should be starving, and she refused me again. And then again. Again. Again. Again. [As you know, *I* do not like giving up. Hence, why I was persistent.]

She didn't want to nurse. At all. 

After a few other attempts over the next two days during our normal nursing times that all ended the same way, I knew it was done.

My mom-gut just confirmed it. We made it to 11 months. Not 12. 

While I kind of want to be all "whoa is me, I didn't reach my goal" (and trust me, I did say that a few times and had a few good cries), I also know, we had a really good run. And I did reach my goal. My original goal of 3 months? I blew that out of the water. Then six months. Etc.

For my first baby, we had eleven (ELEVEN! Longer than the time she was in my belly!) challenging, wonderful and great months of breastfeeding. I'm really proud of that. I am.

I have always followed her signs with all phases and changes that come with baby'dom. You know, when to be unswaddled, feeding her solids, table foods, nap routines, etc. It's never failed me yet to let her lead.

And clear as day, she told me she was done with this stage of life, too. 

My eyes well up with tears when I think about it being over. But, I'm okay. She is healthy & perfect, and I'm just grateful that it worked out for so long.

My baby's growin' up.

But, I'll miss it.


41 comments:

  1. Good job, momma! YOU DID IT!!! :)

    It's so hard to give it up! I was glad that I didn't know my last time was my "last" time when I was feeding her - I may not have ever stopped! She was terribly allergic to my milk and we tried everything...but switching to formula at 6 months was what she needed. I was kind of sad (or DEPRESSED) at first, because I felt like neither of us got to choose, you know? But her newfound health and my newfound freedom have been amazing :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. aww, that made me misty eyed too! My time is over too, and like you am sad, but also happy that we made it this far and that i will get to forever remember those moments. Well done Katie- you did AWESOME!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Katie, you did awesome! She is beautiful and healthy and so, so happy! She definately knows her Momma loves her. Great job! Dad says, "I guess it's time for another one :)"

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so impressed and actually jealous. I wasn't able to. Congratulations on this. It truly is amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The exact same thing happened with Lizzy (at almost 8 months though) and it KILLED me. I think weaning is just hard as a mom, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My children never learned the latching on process, so I didn't have even one month of the special bonding time. Congrats for having those 11 months being her sole provider.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great job Katie. What a wonderful blessing you were able to give Emeline and what a fantastic goal you were able to accomplish for yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I feel like saying "congrats" and "I'm sorry" all in the same comment! What a wonderful thing, you guys made it so far with this journey. And, I know how it feels to have to quit, Kirsten was only 6 months when so I can't imagine how much more attached you are at 11 months. I love your words on "letting her lead" too, such a great motto.

    On a less serious note, well maybe just as serious, I hope YOU feel better physically soon too. Everyday should be a little better, I hope!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey there! Just found your blog from ILOVEYOUMORETHANCARROTTS and just wanted to comment! 11 months is FABULOUS! I understand your desire to nurse 12 months, but you made it to 12 and that's awesome! For me now, it's not so much- look how long I did it\am doing it, but it's the bond. That sweet little bond that only I could sustain his life. That he needs ME. I'll be sad for it to be over too. But congrats on 11 months!

    ReplyDelete
  10. For me, it was the not needing me. The I CAN DO IT MOM attitude they suddenly develop.

    Big mwah. And hugs. You are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great job, Momma!! 11 months is sssooo impressive and you should be SO proud of your accomplishment!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. 11 months is awesome, I'm jelous cause with both my girls I set of goal of 3 months too and I only made it a month with them before the girls dried up. I felt like a failed them a little bit. But I did everything I could to make more milk, but it wasn't happening for me. I'm just greatful I got to breastfeed them at all. So I think you being able to breatfeed for 11 months is fantastic, great job mama!

    ReplyDelete
  13. 11 months is so awesome!! You never know she could have just went on a strike...I hear about that all the time. Either way great job & you should be so proud!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Aww, this made me all misty too (and I didn't even get to BF). Congrats on lasting for so long! I know it's gotta be hard to let it go. But you did an amazing job.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You did just what you were supposed to do. Everything I've read says child-led weaning is THE BEST way to nurse and then wean your child. It's the best for their bodies and their emotional states. There's no set time for any baby, either. It can be 8 months for some, 18 months for others.

    You did so good! You gave her what was best and then let her decide when she was done! Best thing you could do! I know it's sad, but make sure you give yourself credit for that!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Awww, you did a great job!
    My daughter gave up breastfeeding at 11 months, too. I had planned to go longer, but she was forced to go without nursing for 24 hours after I had a scan done, and she decided she was done.
    It is bittersweet, but you should be proud!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Such a sweet picture of yall! And great job by the way!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. K - I am bawling here. Literally bawling. What a beautifully written, eloquent post. You have done such a wonderful job ... 11 months IS something to be proud of. The connection you share with Eme that has been developed through nursing will last forever .. and I know you'll always cherish it.

    (Sidenote: Stopping my bawling for 3 seconds to giggle picture little miss Eme saying damn it)

    ReplyDelete
  19. K - I am bawling here. Literally bawling. What a beautifully written, eloquent post. You have done such a wonderful job ... 11 months IS something to be proud of. The connection you share with Eme that has been developed through nursing will last forever .. and I know you'll always cherish it.

    (Sidenote: Stopping my bawling for 3 seconds to giggle picture little miss Eme saying damn it)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Congrats, really! I commend you. 11 months is certainly an accomplishment!

    ReplyDelete
  21. That's awesome, but I can imagine how bitterswet it is. I'm nursing my 4 month old baby girl and it's been a struggle the past month. She has a milk protein intolerance so that means no dairy for me and a very finicky baby! I almost gave up this weekend but feel encouraged after reading this post!

    ReplyDelete
  22. That is so sweet and so sad! I'm so happy for you guys having such a good run of it! Great job!

    I take heart because I'm afraid of the opposite: I'd be happy breastfeeding up to two years, but I'm worried Flintstone's never going to want to stop!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Beautiful, awesome, amazing, incredible, tears of joy!!! :')

    11 months of nursing and SHE decided it was time to move on....YOU did not stop!!! How wonderful is that?!?!?! Proud Momma here!!! IDK why but I feel like crying?!?!?! LoL!


    God bless always!!!! <3 xx

    PS: Jackson is 9 months and STILL going strong. I really do not think he will stop on his own....oy! Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I know the feeling...Kala stopped on her own at 11mo. Each child is so different...I have a feeling Ian is getting close to stopping soon to :( What great memories they will always be...Awesome job for reaching your goal and more ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. aww... Breastfeeding is such a special time (once you get the pain and the "I hate doing this" feeling.) I love this time with Giada, too.
    You had a great run girl! But I know it hurts a bit to think that your tiny little baby is ready to let go and grow up.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am soo proud of you!!! 11 months rocks!!! I know it must be hard b/c I kick myself everyday for not sticking with breastfeeding...so you are my hero!!!!

    You are such an awesome momma!!! I have been wanting to email ya some mommy questions b/c you always seem to have it all down so well. BTW love the pic..sooo precious!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Beautiful post, and what a heartwarming photo at the bottom...

    ReplyDelete
  28. I didn't realize how attached I was to breastfeeding until I read this. The thought that one day it, too, can end (like the newborn phase, etc) is sad. And I didn't even feel that strongly about breastfeeding until I started. Thank goodness for being open-minded because I wouldn't trade that tie for anything.

    You are amazing for making it to 11 months. My internal goal is 6 months but I have also said I'd be happy with 3. So 11? Amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  29. It was VERY hard for me to quit as well, but we got to a point where I just wasn't producing enough milk for her. I spent a long time mourning the end of that time, but eventually I got very proud of the 9 months we DID nurse successfully.

    Good for you on nursing that long, and good for you in realizing it was time to stop even if you weren't ready. What a good mommy!

    ReplyDelete
  30. You Rock!

    That is one beautiful picture for you both to cherish foreva!!

    (my friend told me she was 'sad' at first, but then was super excited to have her body back, ya know?!)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Sorry it has ended, I know it's hard. Congrats on making it so long! It's not an easy thing :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. i read that.. picturing the day my own daughter will do the same... and it broke my heart. i don't know how i will feel when that day comes... but i guarantee it will be hard.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I looooove your mom's comment. And totally agree :)

    I don't chime in much when it comes to breastfeeding, just because of my own issues with it and being wayyy too sensitive. But? You did fantastic. Admirable. Amazing.

    And you know that, I hope. :)

    Fingers crossed for a smooth and as painless as possible transition for you.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I love this post even though it makes me a bit panicky over how I'll handle G's weaning. I need a photo like yours. B's gonna have to break out the camera tonight whether he likes it or not.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I'm so proud of you for making it this far! Good for you.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I definitely teared up reading this! I know it's going to be so hard when Brayden is done nursing or I can no longer keep my supply up. 11 months is wonderful and I know you are, but you should seriously be so proud of that! Way to go. :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. My little guy just hit the 12 month mark and I'm beginning to think of weaning. I'm not actually doing anything about it yet and am not sure if I will for a bit. In some respects, it sounds nice and in others it makes me sad, so I'll wait a bit until I'm more clear.

    Just wondered if she really did wean. Sometimes they'll go on nursing strikes for a couple of days-especially if they're teething or sick-and then want to start back up. Don't mean that you're wrong, just wondered now that it's been a couple of days if she ever wanted it again.

    Will you do formula for a month or continue pumping or just go to milk? Just curious as we're headed in that same direction.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Katie,

    So sorry if I came across bitchy! I sent you an e-mail too, but really wanted to make sure you saw my appology. I read back through this post and saw the sadness that came with letting go of this special time-even though it's cleary the right step-and I'm sorry I didn't address that before trying to satisfy my curiosity about the process. I really was just curious because my own little guy is approaching that milestone too, but clearly that's not what this post was about and so again I say, I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive to that. Emeline is lucky to have such a sweet mama.

    ReplyDelete
  39. awww... i hear ya. it's bittersweet watching them grow. i loved nursing my son and daughter too.

    ReplyDelete