Truth be told, I was watching that episode specifically because of the Invisible Children clip, as you know, my little brother lives in San Diego and works for them as one of their graphic designers.
While I loved the IC part of Oprah that day, and I'm always amazed by what that organization is doing and that my little brother gets to be a part of it, the part that struck me to my core was the first half of the show with director, Tom Shadyac.
Why?
Because that man was speaking so much truth that day. Things that have been brewing inside mine & Declan's heart for a long time now, that I've yet to really share with anyone outside my close knit group of friends of family.
One of the excerpts from that clip that day hit me. It's exactly our feelings in life right now.
"I was standing in the house that my culture had taught me was a measure of the good life," Tom recalls in his documentary I Am. "I was struck with one very clear, very strange feeling: I was no happier."
Bam. That's it.
Please know I'm speaking to myself on this subject, right now. It's something both Declan and I are working through, wrestling with, and realizing our stance on this subject has changed so dramatically in the last year that it's almost scary to us.
But--why? Why is so much of our life measured on our "success" (and "success" meaning money)? Why does our society teach us that we always need to have the bigger, the better, the massive house with too many rooms? The car with the fancy overly expensive "name". It's a get-get-get mentality.
What's the motive? What was my motive? Our motive...?
This other statement Mr. Shadyac says hits the nail on the head.
"[We have] a very extrinsic model of success," he explains. "You have to have a certain job status, a certain amount of wealth. ... I think true success is intrinsic. ... It's love. It's kindness. It's community."
I could not have stated that any better myself if I tried.
That last, bolded statement? That's our heart. We're working toward that. We are.
We used to feel so motivated by money & status. We used to daydream about the big house we'd one day get after our townhouse, that with each raise and promotion would get us closer and closer to "achieving" said "success". We used to dream about having the open, luxurious kitchen into dining room, and (gasp) a whole room devoted just to toys for our children. With massive gaps & expanses between us and the next house...our neighbors. And gimmie-gimmie-gimme, space!space!space! galore.
But for what?
That's been our newest challenge. Why? Why did we want that?
We had to do a major heart check & some soul searching recently.
And to be honest?
Our life 'goals' have changed. In a major way. We can't wait to get out of our townhouse now and move into our local city. Yes. I said city.
Where we'll likely live close to our neighbors. Community. Where our "yard" may not be huge. Where our neighbors will be people we get to know & have relationship with because of the closeness of city life. Community. Where we'll likely not have a whole room just devoted to toys. Or where our children may share bedrooms. Where we'll have to work through all the issues that come with living life that way. A place where we raise Emeline to know and love the differences between people, our friends, our church family. And to not be ignorant to it.
Because we're learning the importance of community. Of loving your neighbors. Kindness. Just like Tom states in the quotes above.
It's not a lesson we're anywhere close to fully achieving but, it's where our heart is and what we're moving towards in our life.
Lastly, I'll leave you with this quote from St. Augustine that was also mentioned in the clip.
It's so good. So good.
“Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others.”
Lastly, I'll leave you with this quote from St. Augustine that was also mentioned in the clip.
It's so good. So good.
“Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others.”
***
Happy Tuesday...
34 comments:
I have been looking forward to seeing this doc for awhile now. It looks sooo good:o)
So very true. All of it.
I don't even know what else to add or say or how to agree anymore.
Just, a to the men.
Those quotes and this post sum up my view on life as well. We used to want more, more, more - but our views have changed so much since having our baby last August. We now want to move back to one of our hometowns instead of living the 'city' life, our idea of a dream home has drastically changed, and we find ourselves wanting to serve our community more than ever! Great topic, great post!
Same thing happened to us a few years back. Liberating, right?
And now all I want to do when I growup is sell everything and travel. For experiences. Not stuff.
What an amazing post. I've never really thought about it this way, but you really put somethings into perspective for me. Thanks for sharing!
LOVE this. I feel the same way. It's very difficult to get caught up at times in the hoopla of money and grandeur. Some people will look at the big houses and fancy cars and dream big... I do too at times, but mostyly? I see those people who are so free living simply and happily... And wish I could find that peace. It's a daily struggle. Good luck to you, my friend.
Wonderful post ... Off to check out this organization your brother works for. :)
This is something my husband and I battle every day. Our families measure success with money, houses, cars; etc. so it's been difficult to even simply admit to ourselves that maybe that's not what success means to us!
To us, it's about family and community. Jobs we care about. Building relationships. It really is liberating! :)
Wonderful post!!
Also, wanted to mention, I couldn't have said this better myself. Your open heart and truthful words spoke very deep to me. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you!
Awesome post!!
I met Tom Shadyac last year when he was the keynote speaker at our St Jude Seminar (his family is heavily involved and has been since its inception). He's wacky and different and sooooooo inspirational! He's got the money.... he's got the success.... and, he's also got the wisdom to know those things aren't what make a person happy.
This is one of my favorite posts! I've been a long time reader and I remember when you used to write about wanting a bigger house and stuff like that. But the things that you want for your family now are so meaningful and the kinds of things that Emeline will remember her whole life. It's neat to see how you've grown up...it's like I know you or something haha. You seem like such a good mom and that you really think about what's best for YOUR family and not just what "society" tells you is best.
Oh Katie, thank you for posting this. My family is struggling with this right now. Not personally, but we have a few family members that (after the death of another family member) that have been driven by the greed for things that the family member left behind. Those family members cannot fathom those of us who were unaffected by the material aspect of this situation, and it has been weighing on my heart for them. It has been so hard to watch them let their lives be driven by money, housing, and THINGS to the point that they can't even perceive an emotional aspect to it all. I hope you don't mind (if you do, please let me know), but I may link this post on my FB for people to see, because it speaks so many volumes to so many that I know right now.
sweet katie, this post coincides exactly with what i've been feeling. i've had a really sick son who is finally feeling better today. i am so humbled and so grateful for so many things.
my dh and i struggled with the same things that you and declan are - wanting 'nice' things but realizing that we can be happy with what we have. one Christmas eve, we were at dinner and had a great waiter. he sat down and talked to us about his favorite dishes at the restaurant. he brought us a pitcher of the soda we were drinking. he talked to us about his college classes and working nights so he didn't have to take out student loans. he was just fantabulous. we had been blessed with a slight Christmas bonus so we tipped this young man very well. pretty much the amount of our dinner was tipped. i don't say this to brag. but the feeling i got when i knew i was serving one of God's children. that i was giving of my blessings and sharing. i've remembered this as my children have been born. as they grow and develop. as they learn from my example.
i want them to learn to serve. to be grateful for what they have and not think "when i have nicer clothes, i will be happy" or "a bigger house will make me happier". joy is from within. joy is serving. joy is being truly happy with where you are in life.
find joy in the journey, regardless of the pit stops.
THANKS again, katie, for this post. (sorry for rambling)
Thank you for posting this.... having not received a raise in 4 years (stupid state budget), money is always at the forefront of my mind - where its coming from, when we'll have more, and how much I'm spending. In my heart, I know that money isn't the end all, be all... but my head tells me different from time to time. This post really speaks to me. Thank you.
love love love this post!!! and that last quote is the best!!!!
You're where I was five years ago.
I mean the place of changing priorities. Realizing what's important.
We lost everything. EVERYTHING. And learned very, very quickly what is important to us. We rent. We have NO desire to buy a house, and the idea of The Big House? Horrifying. I'd have to clean it, and spend my weekends taking care of a yard. I'd rather live in the house we're in now, save money, play with my kids, go to museums, take goofy roadtrips.
My car? Couldn't care less except to have enough space for the kids. My older two share a bedroom. The babies, eventually, will share a bedroom.
And it's good. :) Well said.
I just saw an article/clip about him on the show that was circulating on facebook. It's so great to see these values being brought forward. I too was so impressed by him and his message! God Bless your family as you move toward your goals.
I've never posted before but I had to comment on this. I can relate to this so much on a personal level. I find myself feeling inadaquate when I compare myself to those around me, and then I start wanting more of the material posessions, but the fulfillment never comes with those material items. You still feel just as inadaquate.
What a great post. Thanks.
I am going to sound somewhat hypocritical because we are buying our 1st house (at 31 and 29) and it truly is more than we need (or ever dreamed we could afford) but I am with you and your thinking!
Money still is a major motivator in our society but I have found that when you give up control of your money and stop chasing it, God provides you with more than you need.
Hubby and I have struggled for most of our adult lives to just get by and had TONS of debt when we got married. We have made great progress towards our debt in the past two years but still have student loans to go (a lot).
Hubby recently started a new job that while pays slightly more but he is so happy at his new job which has allowed him to turn his hobby into a career.
I am so looking forward to what the Lord has in store for our family in the upcoming years. We both feel so blessed and make it a priority to bless others financially.
I may not have the smallest house but I have a house we can afford easily on either of our salaries (and I don't make much). I don't care if my car is new or fancy, only that it runs! I don't need fancy clothes or the latest gadgets, I just want time with my family and friends. Life is about people and relationships, not things!
This is sooo true! Ryan and I were just looking at a (smaller) house yesterday and laughing. It is crazy when God calls you into the heart of a city (borough in our case) where your rooms are mini, your children share a bedroom and you can sit but chat with the neighbor (5 feet away!).
That is so exciting though!! And that last quote was PERFECT!!! I may just have to blog steal that one for an upcoming post!!
I'm totally of the same mind--I don't really have attachment to "stuff", and usually don't have too much of a problem letting it go. On the other hand, I seriously have a bit of a concern that hoarding runs in Justin's family (I'm not kidding--this is 100% serious). He already hangs on to everything and has a hard time letting ANYTHING go...and so sometimes I find myself wanting a bigger house just so that we could have room for all this STUFF...when really, we just need to pare down. Our house is plenty big enough for the three of us!
we are walking a similar path right now...it's such a process to let go of stuff and the pressure to "keep up with the jones'" but it's very freeing. i haven't watched oprah in over a year, but we found ourselves in the ER (minor concussion :) and caught that episode. clint and i were also struck by everything that guy had to say...it was confirming to feel God prodding us in the same direction and to hear God telling us we are "ok" - yet again. funny how i have to hear it so many times that it's ok to be different!! shouldn't i know it by now?? ha!
and it was fun to see IC!!! wahoo!!
My husband and I have really struggled because right now we are living in a house that is just too much money for us. But in the end we LOVE LOVE LOVE our neighbors and we could not even think about leaving them finding a better place to live and watch our girls grow up. We could not have picked a better place to live for our family. and though our yard may not be that big we love our house and we love our neighbors. I could not imagine living in a neighbor hood where you don't get along with one another or living somewhere where you don't sit outside for hours on a summer evening watching all the children play.
We do tend to think bigger is better and I am trying so hard to realize that i don't NEED everything and that my girls are happy with a few things here and there. Love and support, friends and family, good neighbors is what we really need. Trust, faith, friendships those are the things that truly make us happy.
Oh Katie! This hit home. I had to share this through a link via email to my family and friends!
It is so true, real happiness is love, kindness, and community!
This post is beautiful, Katie. A wonderful perspective and some much needed food for thought.
Oh such a good quote. I couldn't agree more with everything you've said!
Are you still doing blog design for people? I was hoping you would do mine for me - but wasn't sure of the best way to get in contact with you about it. My blog needs a makeover. Badly. see for yourself:
http://amillionmargaritas.blogspot.com
If you're up for it I'd love your assistance. :)
I love your heart. Thanks for sharing this with us, friend. I'm excited to see where God leads you.
I watched that Oprah show God has been working on me as well! I watched that show and thought the same thing and wondered why the heck did I have to have all this stuff! It has made me want to sell our house and lots of stuff and move!!! God is speaking to us all, I just hope we listen!! If you ever wanna chat about this I would be sooo happy b/c I need someone to talk to about all of this! My mind and heart are getting confused!!
I love the quote and the post. I'm saddened by how focused our culture in on possessions and money. I heard a story on the radio about the earthquake in Japan and the way the people were helping one another. Students were ferrying water from the school pool to neighbors so they could have the dignity of a toilet flush. A store owner was selling everything for a dollar to make it easier for people to get what they need. I'm sad to say, I could never see that happening here. I'm happy to hear more people are raising their children with these values. Makes me hopeful for my son's future.
I struggle with this big time. And I'll be honest, blogging has made it much, much worse. I look around and get caught up in what others have and start comparing it to where I am and it sucks. BUT.. we currently live in a tiny two bedroom apartment (granted we won't be here long and it was totally temporary) and both drive older cars and I'm thrilled about that right now. Because of that fact, I can currently stay home with BG and that's huge. Because all the stuff doesn't matter. Raising a good kid, making good friends, leaving an impact.. that's important. You literally can't take it with you. I just need that reminder daily..
Well said. Lately I've been trying to work on the idea that what we have is enough and we're blessed to have what 95% of the world doesn't have.
I guess your sometimes frustrating current neighbours are you first lesson in kindness and community!
This is really incredible, a great post. You have a beautiful heart; thank you for sharing!!
I already told you in person that I loved this post! But I wanted to comment too. Very well written sister. Love seeing what God is doing in both your hearts!
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