Yesterday, Emeline started coming down with a few symptoms of a cold. She woke up sounding funny. A little congested.
Then, she had a little cough. Insert a few random puking episodes. Watery eyes. Runny nose. A little bit of whining. She was just off. [Yes. I realize her party is this weekend. I'm freaking out a little bit. Can you prayer warriors pray please? please? I need my girl in tip-top shape. Pretty please, God. Help her feel better...]
So bedtime? Was just not as simple as it's been the last month. In fact, it was miserable. She had woken up at least twice before 10:30pm alone. When she woke up? She was sad. So sad, feeling all miserable & yucky. She just looked at me pathetically like "make it stop, momma". I wish I could have.
When she woke around 10:30pm we gave her a little medicine, put some warmer pj's on her, even gave her a bit of water, and then I cuddled up in the chair with her.
I cradled her as if she was my little itty bitty baby, even though her her head was nuzzled up in my armpit, and her legs fell down by my side, touching the rocker. It was dark, but I could still see her eyes. I was stroking her face and playing with her hair, when I lost it.
Bucket loads of tears start streaming down my face. Out of nowhere it seemed.
I try to keep it quiet so I can keep her in a sleepy state.
I'm pretty sure a tear must have fell on her face, because when she realized what was going on she started touching my wet, salty-tear-filled face.
So I began to just softly talk to her. Telling her what a joy, what an honor, what a privilege it is to be her momma. Telling her how beautiful she is, and how much I love her sweet heart, her happy spirit, and how much her life means to me. She stared into my eyes as I continued to whisper to her through my tears.
In those quiet moments with her in the rocker last night, I felt the most overwhelming sense of love & gratitude. It was such a strong feeling it almost wrapped me up and swallowed me, it was that big. That fulfilling. That memorable.
I savored that sweet time with Emeline last night. It's not often anymore she wakes and I get to cuddle a non-squirmy baby. I'm bummed at the circumstances, and that it has to be because she feels like crap. But, even despite that? It was special.
I cannot believe that I've been this little girl's mommy for almost one full year. I never knew my heart was capable to be filled with so much love. Such explosive, ooze-with-joy love because of my sweet daughter. I never knew what being a momma would feel like, and how it would change me so much. How it would literally shape me in every area. How it has made me better. More whole. How it would change my entire life outlook. Or my goals. My priorities. My everyday successes and failures. My everything.
As I laid her down, I did the all-too-familiar & perfected quiet tip-toe dance out of her bedroom. I held my breath as I always do as I quietly turn the doorknob & close the door shut without making a peep. I was left with one overwhelming thought.
It's been one amazing year.
In fact? The best yet.
I'm honored to be her momma.
**Update: I took her to walk-in hours this morning. She has an ear infection & chest congestion. Seriously, friends. Say a quick prayer for a speedy recovery so she can enjoy her party Saturday. Thanks.