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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The best yet.

Last night was a bit of a struggle for us over here.

Yesterday, Emeline started coming down with a few symptoms of a cold. She woke up sounding funny. A little congested.

Then, she had a little cough. Insert a few random puking episodes. Watery eyes. Runny nose. A little bit of whining. She was just off. [Yes. I realize her party is this weekend. I'm freaking out a little bit. Can you prayer warriors pray please? please? I need my girl in tip-top shape. Pretty please, God. Help her feel better...]

So bedtime? Was just not as simple as it's been the last month. In fact, it was miserable. She had woken up at least twice before 10:30pm alone. When she woke up? She was sad. So sad, feeling all miserable & yucky. She just looked at me pathetically like "make it stop, momma". I wish I could have. 

When she woke around 10:30pm we gave her a little medicine, put some warmer pj's on her, even gave her a bit of water, and then I cuddled up in the chair with her.

I cradled her as if she was my little itty bitty baby, even though her her head was nuzzled up in my armpit, and her legs fell down by my side, touching the rocker. It was dark, but I could still see her eyes. I was stroking her face and playing with her hair, when I lost it. 

Bucket loads of tears start streaming down my face. Out of nowhere it seemed.

I try to keep it quiet so I can keep her in a sleepy state. 

I'm pretty sure a tear must have fell on her face, because when she realized what was going on she started touching my wet, salty-tear-filled face.

So I began to just softly talk to her. Telling her what a joy, what an honor, what a privilege it is to be her momma. Telling her how beautiful she is, and how much I love her sweet heart, her happy spirit, and how much her life means to me. She stared into my eyes as I continued to whisper to her through my tears. 

In those quiet moments with her in the rocker last night, I felt the most overwhelming sense of love & gratitude. It was such a strong feeling it almost wrapped me up and swallowed me, it was that big. That fulfilling. That memorable. 

I savored that sweet time with Emeline last night. It's not often anymore she wakes and I get to cuddle a non-squirmy baby. I'm bummed at the circumstances, and that it has to be because she feels like crap. But, even despite that? It was special. 

I cannot believe that I've been this little girl's mommy for almost one full year. I never knew my heart was capable to be filled with so much love. Such explosive, ooze-with-joy love because of my sweet daughter. I never knew what being a momma would feel like, and how it would change me so much. How it would literally shape me in every area. How it has made me better. More whole. How it would change my entire life outlook. Or my goals. My priorities. My everyday successes and failures. My everything.

As I laid her down, I did the all-too-familiar & perfected quiet tip-toe dance out of her bedroom. I held my breath as I always do as I quietly turn the doorknob & close the door shut without making a peep. I was left with one overwhelming thought.

It's been one amazing year.

In fact? The best yet.

I'm honored to be her momma.

**Update: I took her to walk-in hours this morning. She has an ear infection & chest congestion. Seriously, friends. Say a quick prayer for a speedy recovery so she can enjoy her party Saturday. Thanks.

26 comments:

  1. Katie, reading your blog is my AM routine (@ work, lol) and you are such a great writer, but I think this one may be your best yet. You almost made ME cry! You honestly paint a beatiful and real picture of motherhood, and it makes me excited for when my husband and I decide to begin this journey! Hoping Emeline feels better soon<3

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  2. I know that feeling.

    I've had it, at different times, with each kid. And it hurts and heals and feels so amazing all at the same time.

    Hugs to you and little miss. :)

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  3. Ok make me cry why don't cha! So sweet! She's a lucky girl to have such a wonderful mommy! Hope she feels better soon!

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  4. Such a sweet post! I will definitely pray she feels better, SOON!

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  5. Being a mother is such a dichotomy of emotions. It's so sweet but full of heartache at the same time. We love these babies SO much, but it's our job to raise them to be independent and to leave our homes. Gah! What a sweet post. You're amazing, Mama! So many prayers that Eme feels better in time for her party!

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  6. I am pretty new to your blog but I love it! I know the feeling. There are no words for the love you have for your child! It is simply amazing. I'm praying she feels all better for her big party!

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  7. There you go ... you've gone and done it again. The tears are flowing. Praying for quick quick healing for the Little Miss.

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  8. I hope she feels better soon! And you are such a good writer...I wish I was! Your post made me tear up...I feel the same way about my daughter. It is the best thing in the world. :)

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  9. Whao what I moment between you two! She is an awesome little girly. Prayers said :)

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  10. Okay so I'm sobbing. But this post, right here? These feelings? They are what get me through the tantrums and the frustrations. They are what it is to be a Mother.

    Praying she feels better quickly.

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  11. Dear Lord,
    Please, please touch sweet Emeline with your healing touch. Bring healing to her ear and take all the pain away from the infection. Dry up the congestion quickly and restore joy to this precious little girl and her Momma & Da-da.
    You love them Lord, thank you for hearing these prayers! Thank you for touching & healing sweet Emeline so she can enjoy her first Birthday party! In Jesus Name, Amen!
    Her Mom Mom

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  12. Oh how I'm so glad I found your blog! I love this blog! love this post. I feel like I could change all the "she, her" to "he, him" and this would mimich my love for Easton! You wrote it beautifully!

    I will pray that her ears and chest clear up ASAP! Bless her sweet self! In my experience, a day or two of antibiotics clears it right up. Good news is, it's only Wednesday! You've got time to recover!

    For now, enjoy your sweet lil almost 1 year old!!!!!!

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  13. umm i almost got a tear reading this... so so so sweet! ive had that feeling way too many times and its amazing!

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  14. So beautifully said. I really hope she feels better soon, poor thing.

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  15. I hope she feels better for her party!

    This reminds me so much of S waking up crying when she was 20 months old (and we had just brought E home). She wanted nothing more than for me to hold her, rock her and talk to her. I did the same thing you did...cried my eyes out and told her how much I loved her. I think I sat there for hours holding her, thanking God for her waking up because I think we both needed that moment.

    Hugs.

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  16. This is just the sweetest post ever. You moved me to tears! Happy one year to all three of you!

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  17. Such a sweet post! I'm literally tearing up over here! My little boy is only six weeks old and it is crazy how much I've already changed. Congrats on reaching one year!

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  18. This made me cry.

    It made me cry because it's so, so, so sweet (a post that needs to be included in a book of posts from Eme's first year, imo).

    It made me cry, also, because it made me ache to have that someday. One day, my day will come. Until then, I can read posts like this.

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  19. Beautiful post! I feel the exact same way about my daughter. I'm so glad you were blessed with those sweet moments with her. I pray she feels better soon!

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  20. I hope she feels better soon! What a sweet, sweet post.

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  21. OMG, you made me cry! I know that feeling. Every so often, Noah will want me to just baby him, even though he's half the size of me. Those times are so precious. Definitely praying she feels better by this weekend! Figures. Noah refused to sleep on his party day, and it made for a cranky boy by the time everyone came over. We made it work though. Hope those antibiotics kick in asap!!

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  22. Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry your little gal is sick, and leading up to her birthday too! Those moments you wrote about though made me want a little one so bad. What a great moment you got to share!

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  23. Oh my! I do the same thing when Wyatt is sick. I'm usually a snotty mess by the time I'm done comforting him! These babies are such gifts!

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  24. I'm so sorry she's not feeling well, but this was one beautiful post. It just makes me so excited for November when I get to have a little one of my own to hold!

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