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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Getting a grasp on this person. Me.

I tried on a pair of jeans last week that months ago, I told myself would be an amazing goal-size, but highly unlikely for me to ever see. But those jeans? They fit.

They were a size 6. That may not sound small to you, but to my 5'7 self? Wowza. It does.

Right after I had Emeline, I could fit my gigantic-self into a (wait for it), size 16, comfortably.

***

Last night I was doing the shred, and while doing those dreaded horrid, disgusting, painful, ohmigod KILL ME lunges in level 3, I felt something. 

Well, I felt a lack of something, actually. 

I had my hands on my hips, and while I am a hippy gal, I could feel my hip bone. Not my hips covered in layers and layers of fat (or, to be polite, "love chub") like before. 

I can feel my body changing.

***

I see pictures of myself and for once in my life, I'm not disgusted with how I look, how many chins I have, or the angle of the photograph. 

Sometimes, even, in pictures? I can see something that almost resembles some muscle definition in my arms. What? Who? Me? 

***

My wedding dress falls off me. My rehearsal dinner dress (which was always my 'measure' for "getting back in shape post-baby"apparently I had low standards) looks like a bag on me. My yoga pants, that are stretchy for god's sake--they can literally fall off, straight down to the floor. I wear shorts and skirts now, without thinking twice, or being self conscious of my legs. I've walked past a glass store front and literally have thought "WHO IS THAT?" about myself. 

And yet? I still wonder why my scale isn't budging. Wondering when I can lose the next few pounds that'll put me at the big 40lb weight loss mark. Because, for some reason, I feel like that'll mean something. It'll be a big accomplishment, even when I still have more weight to lose after that.

But, will it? 

Declan has asked me when I'll be happy with my weight. I tell him all the time that I feel good now, but that I still just know that I have more to lose. Because, I do and it's the truth. 

But, sometimes I do have to stop and think about these things, and these accomplishments. Because, I have done work. I have changed my entire food-life. I have made sacrifices and it has been worth it. Because, dude, I fit in a size 6 jeans! And my wedding dress falls off me! And I wear shorts without thinking twice! And I'm much more confident, strong, and just feeling good in general. 

Sometimes I just have to talk it out.

**

39 comments:

  1. I'll tell you a thousand times and then a thousand times more, you are amazing. You have done things, with yourself and your lifestyle that I only wish I could find the strength to. You have stepped outside your comfort zone and that is more than admirable.

    Determination is good and very necessary. BUT (a small butt, not a big butt of course) don't let yourself get so caught up in the end result. Look at what you've done so far and the person you were just a few months ago. This is your lifestyle now. Soon there will be no "final numbers" because it will just be YOU.

    I can't wait til the next time I see your skinny ass, I probably won't even recognize you. :)

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  2. I needed to hear this. And I need some inspiration. Big time. Help me get back to the diet/workout girl that I was turning into! I've gained 7 lbs and I am SO STUCK in this rut. Help! SO proud of you, btw. Sorry, I had to talk it out, too :) Happy Wednesday, sweet girl!

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  3. That is amazing!! I had a baby two weeks after you started WW in January, and I've kinda been working with you the whole time. I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but boy my stomach isn't even close to being what it used to be (two kids later, especially). Reading your posts helps me keep at it, though, so thank you!! Great job to the both of us :)

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  4. You go girl!!! I wish I was as motivated as you are. You look great!!!

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  5. You are awesome. I'm going to go back and read your weightloss posts in 4 months after I have baby #2. Time to get this under control!

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  6. Good for you!! I think it's normal to struggle with "where" you want to be weight wise, or not seeing the "right" number on the scale even when you're working so hard. I'm glad you're not taking for granted how far you've come though! :)

    I can't wait to start WW after I pop this child out. :) I've done it before and lost some weight, but have always been pretty lazy with it. You've inspired me to stick with it and that it is soo worth it! :)

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  7. You should be proud girl! You look amazing & skinny!!! You have come so far in such a short amount of time! A size 6 is awesome!!!!

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  8. YAY!!!! That is so awesome! I have been reading for a while and your determination is inspiring! I think that once you get to your goal, and you will get to your goal, that you should toss the scale. keep up the work ethic and just toss the thing that you've been measuring your success by (or lock it away). It'll help you enjoy your accomplishment that much more. I know you will reach your goal, I just hope you'll be able to enjoy it instead of setting another one that could lead to an unhealthy habit/mentality. Much love Chicka!

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  9. So awesome! Actually, I was reading your last weekend post the other day and was insanely jealous of your arms! All toned and beautiful! Good for you!

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  10. I'm SO incredibly proud of you Katie!!! I know you've inspired ALOT of people!!!!!! :)

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  11. Great post! You should be so proud of everything you have accomplished and enjoy it :)

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  12. I've said it before & I'll say it again: You are SUCH an inspiration! That in itself is an accomplishment.

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  13. You should be so proud of yourself!!! I'm getting closer to the 9 month deadline ( I told myself I would lose all baby weight by the time my sweet babe is 9 months) and I still have 7 pounds to go! Losing weight is hard! You really do inspire me though so thank you for being so honest on your blog!

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  14. Woohoo, way to go! Did you jump up and down with joy when you had those size 6 jeans on? I probably would have slept in them. :)

    Keep in mind that muscle ways more than fat so the scale may not be going down right now because you're getting more muscle on your new body.

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  15. Wow, I think this was the kick in the butt that I needed! Hearing your success really made me believe that I reach my goal and I don't have to be stuck "this way" forever. That is so awesome, and ummm a size 6 is tiny! Especially when you're 5'7! Good job, and remember it's not about a number on the scale. Go by how you feel and how your clothes fit!

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  16. Good for you, that is amazing! Size 6 is tiny no matter how tall you are, you must be so proud of your accomplishment. Thank you for the motivation...I want my wedding dress to be big on me...now I just need to get on it.

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  17. I noticed the definition in your arms the other day. Two reasons you might not see the numbers coming down...one, because you are building muscle. Two, are you eating enough?? I remember when I was trying to lose, I kept plateauing when I wasn't getting enough calories. Just a though!

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  18. You've done such a great job thus far! Keep it up! :)

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  19. I don't think a woman is ever truly happy with her body. There's always a little pinch here or a little roll there that you just won't be happy with. But sometimes you just have to learn to love those little imperfections because that's what makes you....you.

    You have some such a long way and you look fabulous! Try and enjoy it!

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  20. Way to go girl! You look amazing! It's such a fun thing to not be able to fit in clothes (and not because the drier "shrunk" everything) because they're too big! I'm so happy for you! Keep on doin what you're doin!

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  21. AMAZING, woman!!!

    I'm also 5'7" and have never even thought a size 6 was a possibility. Honestly, I still don't, lol. I think I'd be happy with an 8 or 10. So..... the fact that you are wearing a size 6 is awe-inspiring to me.

    About the non-losing.....

    1) You're probably gaining quite a bit of muscle doing The Shred. Have you measured yourself? A lot of times, I won't lose and weight but will lose a quite a bit in inches.

    2) Are you eating all your points? Take a week or two and try to eat all your weekly points. See if it makes a difference. I was stressing because in a two week period, I went on a cruise AND enjoyed my siblings' graduation festivities. However, when I weighed and measured, I'd lost 2.5 lbs and 4.75 inches. Apparently, my body wanted the break, lol.

    You really are amazing and continue to be my WW inspiration :)

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  22. You have so much to be proud of! What an amazing accomplishment!

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  23. Wow! Good for you! Take time & be proud....You've worked hard & deserve to celebrate your accomplishments! Thank you for inspiring me. I had my baby 4 months ago & it's high time I started getting back into shape. Sometimes it's so easy to keep putting it off & wallowing in self-pity. I need to start now, today, not tomorrow or someday. Also, thank you for showing me that a size 16 curvy girl can become a size 6.....AMAZING! You are just so stinking cute (now & before). Thank you for your honesty.

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  24. That pic of you in a maxi on Twitter? I *may* have called you a b**** under my breath :) You look SO great! And the "you" whose blog I started reading a few months ago? Well, she would pee her pants if she saw you now...and I think that's all that really matters :)

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  25. Way to go girl. Not only is it impressive that you're a size 6 (I'm 5'2" and a size 4) but you're doing level 3 on the shred! Level 2 elicits lots of interesting outbursts on my behalf!

    P.S. Do you ever feel the need to mute Jillian? Sometimes her comments make me want to punch the tv.

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  26. I am SO incredibly excited for you!! I know how that feels. That feeling of just feeling lighter. I'm desperately trying to get back there. I had no idea you were that tall, either! lol. Size 6 is SUPER impressive for being 5'7"! I'm with you on the plateau thing. I know I have way more to lose, but for some reason, I've hit a wall. So annoying. But seriously, you look incredibly. And I could see the tone in your arms in that park post, where you were holding Eme up. Don't beat yourself up over a few more pounds. You look amazing.

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  27. Way to go! That sounds like you are working hard and it is showing. I think we all have a hard time adjusting to our new bodies after loosing a fair amount of weight! Enjoy a size 6 sounds great!

    -Laura at www.findingencouragement.com

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  28. You and I have talked about this before and talked the numbers. Katie, 10 pants sizes?!? That is amazing. Or AMAZING. I can't even imagine. Obviously I've never seen you in person, but in pictures, you look fantastic. Let the numbers go. I feel like there's a big difference in happy weight and goal weight. Keep at it, but ignore those numbers!

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  29. Katie that is amazing!!! I am feeling super inspired by that post! Considering I still can't get back to pre-pregnancy weight, but I know I need to be happy with where I have gotten..... so thanks for that!... and YOU GO GIRL!! haha I knew I saw some fit arms and legs on you!!

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  30. Girl, throw that scale out! Numbers are terrible terrible things because they mean nothing! I know you've heard of skinny-fat people? They may be skinny but they have zero muscle tone, no definition, hence the 'fat.'

    I'm so happy for you that you're getting HEALTHY! Because that's all that matters and being able to fit into smaller clothes is just a bonus - an awesome bonus but still, just a bonus! You're going to be able to pass on a healthy body image to your daughter, you're going to be able to teach her that feeling good is more important than looking good, that being able to stand tall and smile has nothing to do with the tag on your shirt or a number on a scale and that's something to celebrate!

    Yay you!! :-)

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  31. STEP AWAY FROM THE SCALE.

    Seriously.

    STEP AWAY FROM THE SCALE.

    Concentrate on how your clothes are fitting you and how feel, not what the number on the scale says. (Or even what the number on the tag of the clothes says!)

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  32. The other week I was bummed because I had a half pound weight gain at ww but on the way home I realized I had to go to the bathroom and-here's a bit of TMI-so I weighed myself before and then after. Hey! I was desperate. I was talking to my hubs about the gain and how bummed I was and before I could mention that I wasn't convinced that I wouldn't have had a gain if I'd gone before the meeting, he mentioned an article he read that said scales are inaccurate and the only way to get a proper feel for weight and weight loss is by watching trends over time. I'm trying to not let that negate my weekly successes because they encourage me, but it is a good reminder. I know most folks who do ww find themselves at a plateau near the end. The answer I always hear leaders give is mix it up. Finish out level 3 (btw-I'm majorly impressed. I couldn't walk for days after level 1!) and try something totally different-yoga or some stroller strides moves with the baby and avoid your scale for a few weeks. I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised. Oh yeah, can't remember my last size six and I didn't realize you were so tall. You're still inspiring me. Hope you'll keep inspiring yourself too.

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  33. Girl!!!! Do not worry about that silly number that measures so much more than just fat! You have made so many changes & are gaining muscle, too! I wouldn't worry about the number because the size 6 jeans? AMAZING. :)

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  34. Awesome! What an accomplishment. You seriously inspire me, I need to do the same thing, change the way I look at food. Its going to be hard but I think I can do it.

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  35. Enjoy it! Enjoy every ounce of victory that you've fought for. I'm having the opposite thing happen right now...I've never been this large before. And so now I find myself thinking I can fit places that I can't. And not recognizing myself in the mirror. It sucks.

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  36. Quite simply you look amazing. Forget the numbers, look at yourself and how you really feel in your clothes and in yourself. Then you'll know when you're at your perfect point. Well done Katie, you are one HAWT mumma!

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  37. Oh my goodness! I am so happy!
    Truly Katie, I just love the way you write with all your emotions! You look great and keep up the good work! Although I do not know you in real life, I am so proud of you :)

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  38. You are a rockstar. The end.

    And? My ass will at least compare to your skinny one by the end of summer. DAMMIT.

    The journey is an awesome one, isn't it?

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  39. I understand what you mean about wanting to lose a certain amount, but wow, you've come so far and look so great. And size 6? Fabulous. I'm SO happy for you!!!

    My wedding dress would fall off of me too but it's all boxed up a preserved so I can't even try it on! HA!

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