They were a size 6. That may not sound small to you, but to my 5'7 self? Wowza. It does.
Right after I had Emeline, I could fit my gigantic-self into a (wait for it), size 16, comfortably.
Last night I was doing the shred, and while doing those dreaded
horrid, disgusting, painful, ohmigod KILL ME lunges in level 3, I felt something.
Well, I felt a lack of something, actually.
I had my hands on my hips, and while I am a hippy gal, I could feel my hip bone. Not my hips covered in layers and layers of fat (or, to be polite, "love chub") like before.
I can feel my body changing.
I see pictures of myself and for once in my life, I'm not disgusted with how I look, how many chins I have, or the angle of the photograph.
Sometimes, even, in pictures? I can see something that almost resembles some muscle definition in my arms. What? Who? Me?
My wedding dress falls off me. My rehearsal dinner dress (which was always my 'measure' for "getting back in shape post-baby"
apparently I had low standards) looks like a bag on me. My yoga pants, that are stretchy for god's sake--they can literally fall off, straight down to the floor. I wear shorts and skirts now, without thinking twice, or being self conscious of my legs. I've walked past a glass store front and literally have thought "WHO IS THAT?" about myself.
And yet? I still wonder why my scale isn't budging. Wondering when I can lose the next few pounds that'll put me at the big 40lb weight loss mark. Because, for some reason, I feel like that'll mean something. It'll be a big accomplishment, even when I still have more weight to lose after that.
But, will it?
Declan has asked me when I'll be happy with my weight. I tell him all the time that I feel good now, but that I still just know that I have more to lose. Because, I do and it's the truth.
But, sometimes I do have to stop and think about these things, and these accomplishments. Because, I have done work. I have changed my entire food-life. I have made sacrifices and it has been worth it. Because, dude, I fit in a size 6 jeans! And my wedding dress falls off me! And I wear shorts without thinking twice! And I'm much more confident, strong, and just feeling good in general.
Sometimes I just have to talk it out.