Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A potential new mom-friend, fail.

We ended up the park again last night. Yea, we like parks, so what.

We ate our dinner on a picnic blanket, Emeline scarfed down way too many strawberries, and we enjoyed the breezy 70'ish degree weather.

Afterwards, we headed up towards the swingset and plopped her right in the only open swing which happened to be between two little boys and their momma switching back between the two, pushing them. 

I made some small talk about the major moolah the ice cream man was making by hitting The Park Jackpot (school's just let out, and the park was crrrazzzyyyy)--and then it seemed to have led from there. The conversation that is.

One thing led to another, and this really nice momma was telling us all about how they just moved here from the Denver, Colorado area, and all about their living situation, trying to sell their house back home, all while finding something here, yadda yadda. 

Honestly? The conversation was nice. Natural. She was so sweet. A new person in a place not familiar to her at all, with just her husband and kids. She asked us all about the area and the local schools, and I was able to give her a lot of information since it was about the school district I grew up in. She seemed appreciative to have found information from someone who really knew

You see, her one son, in the baby swing next to Emeline? He's 5. A sweet, special needs boy (she openly told us that), who is starting Kindergarten this upcoming school year. So, as a mother, she wants the best for her kids. I so get that.

In that short half hour span of time we talked about everything it seemed. She told us about her husbands job transfer and promotion, their home-selling woes, the apartment they're in, school's, weather, close outings and day-trips they can take since living here, and the difference between Colorado and Pennsylvania. 

None of the conversation seemed forced. At all. In fact? We kind of clicked in a mom to mom way. As if, I could totally see us taking the kids to the park and having stay-at-home-mom dates. 

Except for one thing.

I don't know her name. Or if I'll ever see her again.

See, I smiled, we walked away, saying good-bye and 'what a nice chat, and hope your house sells'-type-thing. 

Walking toward the car I said to Declan, "She was nice."

And then? I questioned myself immediately. Honestly, I think Declan kind of questioned me, too. Should I have gotten her phone number? Her facebook? Heck, maybe her email? 

I mean, she has no one here other than her little family, after all. I can't imagine how hard, not to mention lonely that would be.

Yet? I did nothing about it.

I kind of felt some regret about the situation. 

But you know what? I guess this is just one of those lessons learned. Sometimes you have to just do something that's uncomfortable, or not like you. And also? Like one of my friends reminded me last night on Twitter, if I'm meant to see her again, God will make it happen.

Or, like my other friend reminded me, there's always the missed-connections section on Craigslist. Baha. I kid. 

But anyway. 


Wondering if I'm alone in this feeling...has it ever happened to you? Kind of left me a little unsettled, almost just feeling bad...and a bit guilty. I know it sounds kind of funny, because a way to keep in touch shouldn't be that big of deal. Yet, it was, apparently. Life lesson #1902819028, Katie. 

Life is full of 'em these days, it seems.


  1. This has happened to me SO many times. After SAM's classes, playground or just out & about. I alway regret it later. But then I think, well they could've asked too-so maybe they didn't "click" like I did? I don't know.

    I hope in this case that it IS meant to be and you see her again, because I was/is/am that mom at the park in a new state with just her kids and husband. I know she could use a friend as lovely as you.

    Now, be honest, will you be back at the same park, same time, same swings tonight? Just, y'know, casually pushing Eme and looking around? :)

  2. As a first-time mom I struggle with this all the time. My husband and I have drifted from many of our friends because they aren't into the whole baby, marriage thing like we are. We need to make new friends, we need those friends to have kiddos close in age to our children! But how do you do it without looking like a crazy person or a weird person picking up a family at the park??

    Life lessons....

  3. I think you and Eme should set up camp at the park. You know, pitch a tent, bring food, bring toys ... basically live there until you see her again. OR you could place some wanted posters on the trees in the park. Just kidding. Maybe. I bet you'll see her again. I just have a good feeling about it. Hey, maybe she reads your blog ;) ?

  4. I'm sure she was as happy to have that conversation as you were (if not more so since she's new and alone in town), and I am guessing you'll both end up at the park again. :)

  5. I love meeting the new neighbours! Hopefully you'll meet her again :)

  6. I've seen people online make those "mommy business cards" aka your name, your kids names w/your contact info on it. specifically for situations like this! haha a tad much (maybe) but for the few times i've had a similar situation i've regretted laughing at those cards! ha!

    hope you guys meet up again!!

  7. What if you wrote a nice little note in a blank type of card & stopped by the office of the apartments she said they lived in. You could semi-explain the situation saying that you didn't get her number & wanted to reach out. There can't be too many families that made that exact move in one apartment complex... right?

    Def not a slam dunk but it's likely that the leasing agent would know who they are and pass the note on. Maybe that sounds too stalker like for you but I certainly would be flattered & it would make my day if someone went through that effort to get in contact with me! :)

    I also totally had the thought of 'what if she reads her blog?' Ha! That would be fate. ;)

  8. This happens to me but my situation is I actually ask the name but by the end of the conversation I forget it. I'm not so good with names. :)

    My guess is you'll see her at the park again soon.

  9. I have had very similar situations happen with people and I always kick myself when we leave. She sounds like a very sweet person, maybe you will see her there again soon! Just found your blog, and love it :)

  10. The missed connection on Craigslist made me giggle.

    Have you thought about making up some mommy networking cards or something? I've seen them around the blogosphere and they sound perfect for this type of situation! I just don't know if you find them weird or something.

  11. Totally happened to me last year at the East Fallowfield park. We talked for a long time (me and this mom from west chester) and she was telling me about her miscarriage and everything. I did tell her about our church, but she didn't seem interested. She was very sweet, but I too felt bad afterwards. After that day, I have made it a point to ask people if I feel like I connected some how with them.

    You'll do it next time. You felt the question this time... so it will be more natural for you when it happens again and it will happen again! Lol, honestly, I think that being a stay at home mom has made me come out of my shell more. I talk to mom's in a second at the park even start up conversation. This wasn't a new mom-friend fail, just a good learning experience. :) Great post!

  12. This has happened to me a million and one times, much like an airplane convo. I am guilty of divulging my life story on an airplane and then you wonder if you said too much. I bet you run in to her again at the park!

    Also, having read your advice about blogging I looked at mine and was shocked to see that I was guilty of not posting my email address. No wonder nobody talks to me. It's fixed now. So thanks!

  13. I'm with you on not liking this feeling. I met a girl here right after we moved here at a big consignment sale. We got to talking and it turned out our little girls were only days apart, had almost the same name, and we were both attending the same church. I got her first name, but that was it. I've ran into her a few times at church but our church is so big that conversation is always rushed. Plus I don't want to be the psycho that begs her to come hang out with me!! But I feel like we should totally be friends!

  14. My guess is that you'll see her again, especially if you go to the same park again. I hope you do!

  15. I have been through this so many times. Moving into a new area with no friends or family is scary. I will never forget this one lady who befriended me when I moved away. She connected me with a church family and we became close friends (probably closer than she expected).

    What a wonderful excuse to go back to the park again and again! And next time, be ready with your name and number on a piece of paper!

  16. I did this in college. First day there, buying books, struck up a great conversation in line, and then parted. I have a feeling had we exchanged #'s or something, my semester there would've gone MUCH better. Who knows. But most likely, you'll see her again at that park if you've been going there a lot.
    Lesson learned, right? I need to be better at getting people's contacts and stuff. I always feel weird, like they'll think I'm hitting on them... "Sooooo, can I have your number??" lol.

  17. Go back to that park! Now I feel like I'm watching a reality show and I'm wondering what will happen.

  18. I do this all the time! Why does new-mom-friend-making feel more awkward than dating ever did??

  19. This exact thing happened to me on Sunday! I was walking with the baby, stopped to nurse her and resumed walking just as another woman and her child passed by so we ended up walking together. She was French and we spoke French for the short while that we were going the same direction.

    And the thing is, I HAVE mommy cards! Drew got some made for me and of course they were at home! I couldn't stop talking about how much I wish I would have had my cards because I was totally envisioning playdates with the French lady where our children would grow up best friends and speak French to each other all the time. I'm REALLY hoping I see her again!

    Le sigh. ;-)

  20. Aww!! But, I bet she was thinking/feeling the same way as you! I bet you will run into her at the park again!! I say go at the same time!!

  21. Ryan has a kindergarten friend that he has known for nearly a year and I still dont know her Mums name lol. Know that you post this next time I see her I am going to ask.

  22. LOL I feel like this happens a lot to me! I tend to have random conversations with people and then we both go our separate ways and I'll tell Ryan later and he always says, "Did you get her number?" UM, no. Clearly, there needs to be a better way! Plus it is so awkward to jump out there and give someone your info or ask for theirs.

  23. I do this literally all. the. time. Its because I am Chatty Cathy and would talk to rocks if I could. I'm sure you'll see her again soon, especially if you keep going to the park!

  24. This has happened to me! Different circumstances, i don't even remember when. I hope you run into her again! :)