Lately, that's how I've been feeling. In a major way, I can feel myself being tugged and pulled in all different directions.
Declan and I have a lot going on right now in our lives. A lot. I know it's easy to judge others situations without knowing the full picture and think 'yea right, they have a lot going on?'---I've been guilty of doing that to others. But, how wrong of me--really.
The truth is, we very rarely have the full picture on all the goings-on of everyones lives. For lots of reasons. Sometimes because there are personal things going on that just simply cannot be shared. Sometimes because your way of coping and dealing with the busyness of life is being humorous, or maybe even avoiding talking about it all together. Or maybe, like me, you'd rather use your space (my blog in this case) as an outlet--to remind yourself of the things that bring you joy (like taking photos), or to hold true to the things that make me, me. Because sometimes, in the midst of chaos, busy-days and schedules, you still have to have time for you.
If you give and give and give of yourself--what's left of you? You know what I mean?
The other night I was just feeling super overwhelmed with life. I cried (yes, okay, sometimes I cry.) to my husband about how I felt like I wasn't doing anything "great". I absolutely suck at the balancing act sometimes.
I struggle to know how to do it all, and to do it well. I'm struggling with the work-at-home balance. And then being a great mom, too. I'm struggling with being able to keep my house up. Or, hell, even managing to cook dinner. I'm struggling at being a good wife. I'm letting friends down, and I've lost friends because of that it. I have a lot of responsibilities with our Church...helping do some admin, we lead a small group during the week, and Declan is in charge of the finance team. It's a small start-up Church, and the work that comes with that? Endless. I'm struggling trying to keep the new connections we're making. Having a husband (who is awesome) yet in a stressful time of the year with work, too. I feel like time is just running by FAST. I worry that we aren't doing enough as a family. And making memories. And then add in a whole other slew of things that I can't even write about. It just gets...overwhelming.
Everyone is overwhelmed. I get that, and I respect it. We all have different seasons of our lives. Some are way less stressful than others.
Right now? It's a stressful one here. This season will pass...or at least look different. I'm confident of that.
One thing I've been thinking about lately is how everyone's situations are so unique to them. We all have different levels of tolerance, and what we can handle. It doesn't mean we should discount someone else's feelings or things they're going through because "I have it worse"-type thing. There is nothing more hurtful or annoying than someone with the I-have-to-one-up-you attitude. Nothing.
This is something even I'm working on being better at. Your feelings and stressors are valid. My feelings and stressors are also valid.
So, while I'm here in my own little tug-pull-stretch of life, I know lots of you are, too.
It's okay to vent about it. We'll get through it.