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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Tug. Pull. Stretch.

Lately, that's how I've been feeling. In a major way, I can feel myself being tugged and pulled in all different directions.

Declan and I have a lot going on right now in our lives. A lot. I know it's easy to judge others situations without knowing the full picture and think 'yea right, they have a lot going on?'---I've been guilty of doing that to others. But, how wrong of me--really.

The truth is, we very rarely have the full picture on all the goings-on of everyones lives. For lots of reasons. Sometimes because there are personal things going on that just simply cannot be shared. Sometimes because your way of coping and dealing with the busyness of life is being humorous, or maybe even avoiding talking about it all together. Or maybe, like me, you'd rather use your space (my blog in this case) as an outlet--to remind yourself of the things that bring you joy (like taking photos), or to hold true to the things that make me, me. Because sometimes, in the midst of chaos, busy-days and schedules, you still have to have time for you.

If you give and give and give of yourself--what's left of you? You know what I mean?

The other night I was just feeling super overwhelmed with life. I cried (yes, okay, sometimes I cry.) to my husband about how I felt like I wasn't doing anything "great". I absolutely suck at the balancing act sometimes.

I struggle to know how to do it all, and to do it well. I'm struggling with the work-at-home balance. And then being a great mom, too. I'm struggling with being able to keep my house up. Or, hell, even managing to cook dinner. I'm struggling at being a good wife. I'm letting friends down, and I've lost friends because of that it. I have a lot of responsibilities with our Church...helping do some admin, we lead a small group during the week, and Declan is in charge of the finance team. It's a small start-up Church, and the work that comes with that? Endless. I'm struggling trying to keep the new connections we're making. Having a husband (who is awesome) yet in a stressful time of the year with work, too. I feel like time is just running by FAST. I worry that we aren't doing enough as a family. And making memories. And then add in a whole other slew of things that I can't even write about. It just gets...overwhelming.

Everyone is overwhelmed. I get that, and I respect it. We all have different seasons of our lives. Some are way less stressful than others.

Right now? It's a stressful one here. This season will pass...or at least look different. I'm confident of that.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is how everyone's situations are so unique to them. We all have different levels of tolerance, and what we can handle. It doesn't mean we should discount someone else's feelings or things they're going through because "I have it worse"-type thing. There is nothing more hurtful or annoying than someone with the I-have-to-one-up-you attitude. Nothing.

This is something even I'm working on being better at. Your feelings and stressors are valid. My feelings and stressors are also valid.

So, while I'm here in my own little tug-pull-stretch of life, I know lots of you are, too.

It's okay to vent about it. We'll get through it.

33 comments:

  1. chin up buttercup! Bright days are around the corner :)

    Praying for you!

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  2. I'm feeling a little bit like this and I haven't even really started into the major tug, pull, stretch stage yet. It's overwhelming. Life is so constant. That's the only way to describe it. There are very few breaks. It just keeps coming. God will give you exactly what you need to survive (and thrive) in this season of your life. And, of course, we're all here with you every step of the way. xox.

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  3. oh, friend! That season tends to come and go in this house. As the mom....we are in charge of a lot....and that causes a lot f stree. A lot. (That's a lot of a lots) This too shall pass is one way to think of it and so is...total admittance. Sometimes when you say how stressed you are, release it and let everyone know you are not even trying to attempt to be the super woman of the year..they get it. This time of year for me is always the hardest. Everything is chaotic, I haven't even really been able to focus on my daily devotional time...and I took a break from the Bible itself and started reading Sister Freaks to slow it down. Didn't work. My focus is gone. I'll pray for you while I'm praying for me. :)

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  4. I know the feeling. Some days its like "wth did my day go?". Just remember though, that NOBODY balances it all. No one. I don't cook every night, my laundry is always behind, and entire months go by where we do nothing fun as a family. Between hubs job, side business, my freelance work, and my side business, we always have things needing to be done. I think life is like that for young parents these days.

    At the end of the day, though? You have an obviously happy little girl, and a husband who loves you. In my book you're doing an awesome job. Mwah.

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  5. I am praying for you! I know sometimes life seems to be more overwhelming than other times! It will get better. After the rain, there is always sunshine. And like you noticed the other day, a beautiful rainbow :)

    You are great!

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  6. I was on the verge the tears last night (I always am these days) because I feel like I do NOTHING. I feel so sick all the time that my house is a mess. I can't deal with food smells so I never cook anything other than toddler food. I'm too tired to run around with Alexa like I normally do. Basically I feel like I'm a failure right now. I know I'm growing a human and all, but it still sucks to feel badly about your place in your family and in the world. ((HUGS))

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  7. so sorry to hear things are getting crazy. I hope things settle down soon, and katie: you are an awesome mom and wife! prayers coming your way.

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  8. Um, are you my East Coast twin? Because I feel the same way...and the looks I get from others seem to say, "You only have ONE child and you're at home all day - I'm sure you're sooooo busy."

    But in reality? I write freelance, because it's fun. I am the administrator for our church and I head up the women's committee, leading our Bible study. My husband is the treasurer, webmaster, and leads the singing during worship...and as you know, a lot of stuff falls on the wife's shoulders in order for her husband to be free to serve in those areas.


    I don't talk about it, though. And I don't talk about my dad's cancer or my grandparents who are dying. I don't talk about my yard full of weeds or my basement that looks like an underground Goodwill.

    It's easy to think we "see" someone's whole life...but we really only get to see what they allow us to see. They usually only post pictures of their house when it's clean or the dinner they made when it was awesome...not all the other REAL stuff...the daily living...

    Besides, I've just decided that any day my husband comes home and we're all still alive and the house is standing was a successful day :)

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  9. The balancing act is hard. I feel like I can either give 100% to one thing and ignore the rest, or do a half assed job at everything. Neither of which is acceptable in my book.

    So I'm learning that it's ok to feed my son waffles for dinner some nights (yes I just quoted my own blog post in a comment, haha)and it's ok that the basket of laundry from Sunday night is still sitting unfolded in the the middle of the living room. Because when I get home from work I want to spend it with my family. All the other stuff will get done eventually.

    Just know you're doing the best you can! It may not be perfect all the time, but that's life.

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  10. Girl, I'm right there with you. In fact, I've got a drafted post very similar to this one. I don't feel like myself b/c I simply so overwhelmed by my own balancing act right now. I hate it. I feel horrible about it. I'm carrying around guilt because of it. But that's life, I guess. Like you said, it's that season for us. We'll get through it;) Prayers for you!

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  11. How true! I've been getting hurt by others lately and I'm trying to remind my crazy pregnant self that everyone has lots going on and I don't know people's situations...annnd they don't know mine.
    Love what you said about one uppers, can't stand it!
    You're an amazing writer.

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  12. Totally understand, and I hate other peoples advice or one-upped-ness ... unless I ASK for their opinion =) I also work from home and the balance thing has always been an issue ... we WILL get through it, and I know I'm just thankful for the CHANCE to work at home and be with my kiddos ... even a terroristic toddler and a colicky 10 week old =)

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  13. yes we will get through it!!! And trust me I soo often wonder how you do it all. I don't work and I am losing my mind most days and cooking.....yeah only if I can put it in my crockpot!!! It is amazing how we assume other ppl have it all together when the truth is that no one really has it all together! Brighter days are coming!! Praying for y'all hun!!! :) And I am making myself mean it when I say that!!! Ya know how most ppl say it and then don't do it, well that is another topic.

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  14. Katie I hope everything is okay! I'll pray that you get a hold of things, and find some calmness in the meantime. I feel this way so often too, it's comforting (in a way) to read about others in a similar "season" to me. Recently Peter and I have decided that every night we're going to tell each other ONE thing we did that day that we really enjoyed, and that made us happy. It somewhat motivates us to try and do something, even if it's watching an episode of MadMen after K goes to bed, having a popcorn party with Kirsten, or playing outside with Kirsten (even for 5-10 minutes) after dinner. These simple little things cheer us up in the midst of our very busy and fast paced life!

    Good luck sweetie, keep your chin up. :)

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  15. I felt this way for a long time in high school. I know, people are probably like, IN HIGH SCHOOL? GET OVER YOURSELF. But for real, I Was involved in everything, tried to always look perfect, fit in a workout, spend time with my family & get good grades. I was struggling. Finally, my therapist told me there's no need to be perfect because no one is & I let go of some things. Now, I can tell when I'm getting overwhelmed and I pull away from things. All of the things you said are great, but maybe try to pick the top 3 things on the priority list & do those the best you can. Whatever you can fit in after that will be bonus. You can't be perfect, no one can :)

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  16. I feel like everyone I know has been having a tough time lately. And it's so easy to compare pain. Back in college, I took a ton of Women's Studies classes and one thing I learned (mostly as a parent) was to never discount someone else's pain, no matter how trivial is seems to you. And like you said, in this whole internet world, we only see a glimpse into someone's real life.
    You're right, though. We'll all get through it. Hang in there. {{hugs}}

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  17. This post couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. Your words are always so inspiring and encourage me to try to be my most balanced best. We're going through a similar "phase" now as well - like you, I don't feel like putting it out there on my blog but instead have chosen to focus on the good things, like my husband! Hang in there!

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  18. I'm struggling with the work-life balance too. It's tough because we still have a year and a half of law school but boy I just want to wish this busy time away, but in a few years, I'll look back and wish I could have enjoyed this time more. So I'm trying to do that now!

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  19. Hi Katie,

    Thank you for this post today. I have been feeling lately like I don't have something that I do well. I see my failures (and even take on failures that aren't mine) more abundantly than any successes. Your post made me feel not so alone today. Thank you.

    Kate

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  20. It's a daily struggle sometimes but I just always try to find something to look forward to, that usually helps me! Thanks for writing it out for all of us!!

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  21. I know - right?!?! I feel like my babe is only going to be this little for such a short time, I should be planning educational, mind expanding, memory making, family adventures EVERYDAY (I hate that I say I SHOULD be, but Im just soo busy!) boo

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  22. Hi! I've been "lurking" for awhile. Just wanted to pop up and say that I very much agree with you today! No matter what, someone has it worse - but that doesn't make our problems any smaller.

    I saw a quote once that went something like "Be kind to those you meet, they may be fighting a battle you know nothing about."

    Anyway, thanks for the reminder. And good luck with everything :)

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  23. I remember when I went back to work I felt exactly that way. It took a couple of months before things smoothed out. Now I'm on Summer break so I'm sure I'm going to feel like that all over again starting next week...ugh.

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  24. I've sooooo been feeling the same way recently! I feel like I race around all day trying to do EVERYTHING, when what I really need to do is take a deep breath and sit down. Thanks for this post :)

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  25. Hi Katie! I am a total stranger but LOVE your blog! I hope that doesnt sound weird. Just gotta say this post really helped me to hear today! Right now I only have one daughter and I'm surrounded by a family that I feel has so much more on their plates. I hate saying I feel overwhelmed or stressed but lately I just wanna have one of those good cries and I feel silly about it. I dont want to tell anyone in fear of what they may think. You are so right girl and I TOTALLY hear ya! I wish people wouldnt be so judgmental! Thanks for keeping it real! ~Katie

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  26. Keep your head up! This too shall pass. I know exactly what you mean about crying because you're so overwhelmed...this has been me this summer! Thanks for this post!

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  27. I absolutely feel this way and am very verbal about how I feel steam rolled by life most days. Work, twins, relationship, bills, etc. It's so hard! So I write it in my blog and then feel so guilty that I'm not using more of my time to write happy things. It's a weird feeling.

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  28. I feel ya sister! I feel the same way. Most days overwhelmed. But, this too shall pass...and we have SO much to be thankful for! Just keep looking for those happy things, and hopefully those outweigh those that fill your plate in other ways. Happy Friday!

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  29. I was just thinking this the other day too! I work from home also and it's tough with a toddler. When most SAHM get to catch up on things during naps we have to focus on work. It's hard. It will get easier though.

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  30. I'm the same way, I don't put a lot of my personal stuff on my blog because that's just not the space I'm going for, and that's perfectly fine.

    But you're right. We ALL have our stuff no matter how "big" or "small".

    I hope things calm down for you all a bit soon... xo

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  31. Hope you have better days soon:) It seems like as a parent we all have those rough patches but the good thing is it does get better and good days are always so nice!

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