Baby fever, that is.
Honestly? I didn't know that was possible. I just always figured that the wife gets it first. Besides, last time I was the one with the baby fever first. I was the one who brought it up first, discussing the possibility of jumping in headfirst into the fabulous and fun (crazy) world of "let's try for a baby!" He had to take some time to think about it, and legitimately so.
We obviously always knew we wanted kids and a family. But that first "we're ready" can be a big leap for people. Women, too. And so, it's surprised me that lately my husband has been all I'm totally ready! Let's do this thing in regards to baby #2.
The only problem is that this time, it's me not ready. I'm not even sure if I can explain my reasons. I think that every parent to some degree has that initial fear about making your right-now only child into a sibling. And then that whole splitting your time thing. And the whole HOW DO YOU EVEN DO TWO KIDS thing? And holy crap, my life will get so much busier. And also, I so much adore this age with Eme. I'm afraid to be too busy over the edge of my toilet bowl hurling my brains out (hello: almost 26 weeks of legit all-day sickness last time) to enjoy my time with her. Having had a miscarriage before also sets some real hesitancy within you. Could I handle that if it happened again? Could I? I'm not sure I could. And what about that whole getting fat thing? And your face swelling? And your feet? What about the fact that I work from home and already find it challenging with only one child. Add another one? Really? What about all the church meetings and responsibilities I have there? Now I have to drag two kids along?
But with all those things come some good thoughts. I mean, A BABY! I squishy, adorable, baby! And the inside baby-moving. I miss that feeling. And all those doctors appointments, and that sweet heartbeat. And the day you find out what you're having! What an awesome day that is. And then the anticipation and preparation of a new baby. And oh the ideas for bedrooms that Pinterest provides gets me giddy inside just thinking about it. And then the day the!baby!arrives! And birth. I think birth is awesome. And staring at your new family member, ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the new cuteness, and how they resemble their big sister. I loved nursing. I'd nurse a new baby again. What sweet moments.
But then I come back to reality again when I realize that the precious sleep I've been getting will be no longer.
You see? Decisions.
Every family has to do what's right for them. We have the space. We know that ultimately we want more kids. We already know we are more than capable of loving more babies and giving them a nurturing, loving home and family.
But it's hard. It's hard to know when. And I think the fact that I'm hesitant right now is enough to show me I'm not really ready (which I already knew). And thankfully, my husband would never push me into anything I wasn't ready for. So he understands.
I do have to say, though--that adding new babies to the family isn't quite good for my husbands case of baby fever. I told him he can go over there and hold our new nephew, Paxton anytime. I'm sure they won't mind :)
Just look at him. He's completely smitten by new babies.
So has anyone else experienced a husband ready for another baby before you were? I have this odd feeling I'm in the vast minority but I could be wrong.
This is exactly why brand new, squishy babies are hard to hold. They silently send little chants of don't you want one? don't you want one? as you hold them. Cute little boogers.