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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

He gots the fever.

My husband. He has the fever.

Baby fever, that is.

Honestly? I didn't know that was possible. I just always figured that the wife gets it first. Besides, last time I was the one with the baby fever first. I was the one who brought it up first, discussing the possibility of jumping in headfirst into the fabulous and fun (crazy) world of "let's try for a baby!" He had to take some time to think about it, and legitimately so. 

We obviously always knew we wanted kids and a family. But that first "we're ready" can be a big leap for people. Women, too. And so, it's surprised me that lately my husband has been all I'm totally ready! Let's do this thing in regards to baby #2.

The only problem is that this time, it's me not ready. I'm not even sure if I can explain my reasons. I think that every parent to some degree has that initial fear about making your right-now only child into a sibling. And then that whole splitting your time thing. And the whole HOW DO YOU EVEN DO TWO KIDS thing? And holy crap, my life will get so much busier. And also, I so much adore this age with Eme. I'm afraid to be too busy over the edge of my toilet bowl hurling my brains out (hello: almost 26 weeks of legit all-day sickness last time) to enjoy my time with her. Having had a miscarriage before also sets some real hesitancy within you. Could I handle that if it happened again? Could I? I'm not sure I could. And what about that whole getting fat thing? And your face swelling? And your feet? What about the fact that I work from home and already find it challenging with only one child. Add another one? Really? What about all the church meetings and responsibilities I have there? Now I have to drag two kids along? 

But with all those things come some good thoughts. I mean, A BABY! I squishy, adorable, baby! And the inside baby-moving. I miss that feeling. And all those doctors appointments, and that sweet heartbeat. And the day you find out what you're having! What an awesome day that is. And then the anticipation and preparation of a new baby. And oh the ideas for bedrooms that Pinterest provides gets me giddy inside just thinking about it. And then the day the!baby!arrives! And birth. I think birth is awesome. And staring at your new family member, ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the new cuteness, and how they resemble their big sister. I loved nursing. I'd nurse a new baby again. What sweet moments.

But then I come back to reality again when I realize that the precious sleep I've been getting will be no longer.

You see? Decisions.

Every family has to do what's right for them. We have the space. We know that ultimately we want more kids. We already know we are more than capable of loving more babies and giving them a nurturing, loving home and family. 

But it's hard. It's hard to know when. And I think the fact that I'm hesitant right now is enough to show me I'm not really ready (which I already knew). And thankfully, my husband would never push me into anything I wasn't ready for. So he understands.

I do have to say, though--that adding new babies to the family isn't quite good for my husbands case of baby fever. I told him he can go over there and hold our new nephew, Paxton anytime. I'm sure they won't mind :)

Just look at him. He's completely smitten by new babies.


So has anyone else experienced a husband ready for another baby before you were? I have this odd feeling I'm in the vast minority but I could be wrong.

This is exactly why brand new, squishy babies are hard to hold. They silently send little chants of don't you want one? don't you want one? as you hold them. Cute little boogers.

***

Happy Tuesday!

47 comments:

  1. I'm in the minority with you. My husband would have had number 2 the day the gyno said ok at my post partum check!

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  2. Ahh... I'm doing the not quite ready dance with you for all the same reasons.. :)

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  3. Well since my husband and I got TWO babies at once... lol.. he is a little hesitant (as am I) to have another one right now. We just love this age and 2 babies is a lot to take care of NOW. I would for sure lose my mind if I had another baby.

    :-)

    Good post, Katie!

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  4. Girl, I thought the exact same thing six months ago. And then one day, it just "clicked" and I was ready. Ellie got easier, and I got into my stride as a mom. I think it happened when Josh and I realized that if we got pregnant around now, she would be almost 3 when we had our next baby. That meant she would be independent and a good helper!

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  5. Jason was ready for baby number 1 before I was. I was so afraid for that first jump into motherhood and he couldn't wait. Ethan's only 10 weeks old and I'm dreaming of what his sibling will be like, and Jason says no way! :) of course I'm not really ready for baby 2, but it's fun to dream about.

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  6. Me too! My husband was ready about a year and a half ago, but ready or not, I had some health problems that would have made pregnancy dangerous (and to be honest, I just wasn't ready). I'm almost 18 weeks now and still a little nervous about all the time sharing and guilt about not giving my all to Izzy, but at the same time I'm so excited to have that little one again and watch Izzy become the amazing big sister that I know she'll be. I think you'll just know when you know and it's totally okay to not be ready. You're a great mom and you will be again... when you're ready. =)

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  7. I think that my husband was ready to start "not stopping anything from happening" than I was. But, my fear came from being pregnant again...not adding another kid to the family. I puked the whole way through too...and I just can't imagine doing that with a toddler in tow. For months I would cry at the THOUGHT of being pregnant again, and took pregnancy tests almost every week...just to assure myself that I was not, in fact, pregnant. My husband laughed at me, but supported me. I think my first clue that he was ready is he started talking about baby names. We talked timing, and he was wonderful...said that it was completely up to me. And then, one day, I just woke up and knew that I could handle it, and that I would welcome being pregnant again. But I swear to you...if I puke ONE time...he's making an appointment with a certain doctor...if you know what I mean =)

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  8. I have to say that is pretty adorable though. He is obviously so in love with his two girls that he wants more :) Very sweet. You would be a great mama to two babies its just a mind set. I have to say...I am not there yet either.

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  9. My husband was ready to have number 2 about 2 weeks after the birth of my daughter. While I thought it was sweet that he was so smitten with our daughter that he wanted another one, I informed him that he was crazy. Fortunately for him, I ended up pregnant 9 months later. He was definitely the most excited after I took the pregnancy test. But now I'm excited too, to have a new squishy baby to love and to see my girl a big sister. Only 6 more weeks to go!

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  10. My husband was ready before me all three times. It's great to have a husband who craves babyhood, yet supports your decision on timing.

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  11. Good post and good comments everyone. My husband and I have not yet ventured into the baby stage yet, but it's good to read about stuff beforehand. Thanks for your honesty Katie.

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  12. I am TERRIFIED at the thought of a second child. I honestly think that both the hubs and I would be absolutely fine with just E, but we do (maybe?) want one more. We think. So lately he's started saying how old he's getting and that if we're going to think about it, we should do it soon. My throat closes up as soon as I hear that and I start panicking. Luckily, he's like your hubs and would never push me. I like the idea of more but... I just don't know.

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  13. It is hard right now because all my friends with whom I was pregnant with the first time are now starting to announce their second pregnancies! There was a twinge of, oh I want that to be me! But then I remember that I am coming off grad school and missed many moments with Connor that I wish I hadn't. I want a good year with him where I can focus on him, roll on the floor with him, and read books to him, rather than him sit at our office desk and say "mama" because that is where he saw me most of the time doing my homework!

    Also, with a good friend/co-worker just miscarrying, it once again brought up those emotions again and I am with you wondering if I would be able to handle having another one. I think it may send me over the deep end! I go for a yearly in December and of course I want to discuss with my doc "a plan" since this next pregnancy will be the first knowing about my clotting disorder from the beginning. Holy hell does this clotting disorder scare me to death, considering it causes recurrent miscarriages and infertility. I definitely need to be 100% emotionally ready before we jump on the baby train again, just in case the journey gets a bit bumpy.

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  14. I have 3 and my husband would have 10 if I let him. I'm DUNZO!!! Financially, mentally, PHYSICALLY done. It came to a point where I knew if we had a 4th we'd be taking away from the 3 we already have and I can't be that selfish, plus if I have to gain and lose 50+ pounds again I'll scream! You know when you know and I'm sure it'll come quicker than you think ;) My first two are 5 1/2 years apart and my second and third are 19 months apart. There are pros and cons to both gaps and really it's what fits best for your family. Although, going from 1 to 2 isn't that bad, it's from 2 to 3 that punches you in your gut. Good luck!!!!

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  15. It's like you're reading my mind.... :) I go back and forth all the time on when I want to have another baby. I think my hubby is ready, but my biggest fear is not doing what is right for Bennett. I think when we have these doubts, thats a sure sign that we aren't ready. You'll know when it's right :)

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  16. I'm so glad you wrote about this. There are days when I think I'm ready and days that I know I am not. I feel like I've just started "perfecting" motherhood and to throw another child into the mix would do what?
    Plus, hubby's not 100% on board with a #2, but as Mia gets older he is getting closer and closer to #2. I want her to have a sibling, however I really like our little family right now.

    Still on the fence...but so cute how ready your hubby is! I love it!

    Maybe once we get through birthday number 2 here in the next few months, then maybe we'll chat about it further. Cause...ahem...not getting any younger :)

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  17. awww, look at him!! Do it!! Have another baby for him!!!

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  18. I think no matter the time or place you are never comp. ready for another baby. There are so many what ifs and pros and cons like you have listed. I think when we started thinking about having Avin we thought about how long it might take and how old Alex would be and that kind of gave us a time frame to go by.

    I can't wait tell you have another! :) She is just so darn cute and you both make amazing parents!

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  19. For us, it was me first. We're definitely not ready yet. When I start looking around and thinking how fun it'd be to have a squishy baby on the floor while N and I played? Heaven. But then I remember the 24/7 screaming, the lack of sleep, the constant laundry and diapers and all of that. Of course, I'd be thrilled if we had a "surprise", but as far as planning goes? Not ready yet. Plus, B's work schedule is supposed to get better next year anyway, and I know he'd enjoy being around more for the next one.

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  20. As you know, YES, it's the same situation around here.

    I sort of feel the same way that you do--the fact that I'm hung up about wanting to have wine at Thanksgiving dinner, worrying about having to lose all the baby weight again, and missing a softball game? In my book, those are all indicators that it's not time yet. I know they probably seem like selfish reasons not to have a baby, but they are TRUTH (for me). They won't always be though, and when they're not, then I think we'll both know it's time.

    Oh, and then there's the insurance crap to deal with...

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  21. I have all of those same worries about having a 3rd, I don't want to take any more time away from the twins and I don't want them feeling like they weren't good enough so we are just going to have more babies. I know that's a weird thought, but as the oldest of 4 kids, I felt like that ALL the time. The other problem is that I am very infertile and it cost us $22,000 and two and a half years and 12 fertility treatments to have what we have so even though I always wanted 4 kids I try not to get baby fever because of the issues we have that are out of our control. Ouch, now that I got that out I believe I will have a pity party the rest of the day! :)

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  22. In a lot of ways I wish Craig was there as I'm feeling ready to approach the subject more seriously.
    I look at Em and wonder what she'll be like in 10 months and think, I could probably do it.

    But then I look at my house, and my work (at home) schedule that I'd like to keep up with and grow through future babies as if I'm not going back to work outside the home, I can't get Mat leave.

    And Craig is thinking about leaving the military and becoming a police officer. Or going on another tour, which will probably be to Libya from the looks of the news lately.
    I'm not ready for two babies on his smaller transitionary income or on single parenting for another 15 months.

    So we'll have to see. Now that my period is back (as you've had the unfortunate found out. :() I'm excited that we at least have the option to start when we're ready.

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  23. I am with you totally! My hubs is the same way, wants one now except he practically begs for another every day and I.cant.even.imagine.another.baby! I too am afraid that I would be sick the whole time and not be able to tend to my little one! that scares the bageezies outta me!!
    but the newborns do make ya want one :)

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  24. You have taken the words out of my head! I am the exact same way.. Oh, what to do? What to do? The whole thing makes me wanna vom!

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  25. We're the opposite. I was the one totally ready for another one and he was hesitant. I think it was probably more a fear of dealing with a puking, non-cleaning, cranky wife rather than another baby. You'll be an amazing mom of two when that day comes. It's not half as bad as your mind makes it out to be...but you're totally right. If you have doubts, it's not time yet! :)

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  26. My husband wanted them first... he had to wait a few years until I was ready.. maybe not fair? *And he's ready for baby #2 already! (He wanted to start in #2 AsAP--but we're definitely waiting a few more months!!)

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  27. I so wish my husband had baby fever! I want another baby so badly but he is not ready at all yet. I have to wait until next year for him to even consider it!

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  28. My husband had baby fever before I did - and we don't have any kids yet!! He's a few years older than me, but luckily he didn't push me until I was really ready to start.

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  29. My DH didn't get the fever, per se, we both came to the "I wish we had an itty bitty" stage together.... but I'm still half flipping out. I agree with you.. yes, "squishy, adorable baby" but, how the heck am I supposed to NOT lose my mind with 2 when I'm hardly holding on to sanity with a potty traing 2 yr old?!? And he has reached the for sure, we need to have another baby mentality somehow. How is he not wigging out? Does that count as baby fever? I agreed to let nature take its course, but between us girls, I hope nature takes her precious time....

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  30. I used to say we would start thinking about #2 in March, putting them about 2 1/2 years apart. However now that March is only 6 months away and I'm dealing with some serious toddler tantrums and seperation anxiety....I'm thinking Hell to the No on that one. Maybe when Jamie is in high school. I kid.

    My husband SAYS he's ready. But I think if I actually said, ok let's do this....he'd freak out.

    One thing is for sure, we can't even think about it until we can guarantee Jamie would be in the Pre-School room at daycare by the time baby #2 would start. I hate that finances are the number one reason dictating our family planning, but it's reality, and we can't afford 2 in the infant/toddler room at once.

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  31. Ha! I love this post. I always thought I was in the minority but it is great to see that I am not. My husband definately was ready for baby #2 long before I was. I had just started back to college when surprise we found out I was pregnant with our first one. So between a full-time job, full-time college, a new baby (that never slept) and life's other responsibilities I was just too tired to think about another baby. My husband and I are older though so when the haze started to lift, I agreed that we could start trying after I graduated and we took a short vacation which put are son at 23 months old. Wouldn't you know it I got pregnant a lot faster than I expected and we welcomed our baby girl this past March. Now I will not lie, there are days it was tough but watching them interact is so sweet and I would not trade it for anything (not even sleep)!

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  32. YES. my fiance wants to try for a second child basically the day we get married (which is Oct. 1). I am not ready either...our daughter is turning 1 on sept. 20 and I feel like this whole year has gone by way too fast! I'm ready for things to calm down a bit before I can think about doing it all over again :)

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  33. P had it literally minutes after Ella came out. We were sitting on the bed after I delivered the placenta, and he was all, "I can't wait to do that again!"

    Uh, yeah, since I'm the one pushing his babies out, I can.

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  34. Oooo. I'm not quite there yet either. I want to enjoy this season with Easton and not miss any moments. But...I'll be excited for you either step you take!

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  35. You can do this. You can be a wonderful mom with two kids! I can't wait for you to have another one!

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  36. Being single, I so don't have that problem, ha! But the "am I ready to settle down?" question is equally difficult, if not different. Sounds like you're asking the right questions though! I think as long as you keep reflecting like this, you'll know when you're ready.

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  37. Since Baby J is only 5 months old I'm no where near ready to think about another one. But before he came along, Hubby B was the one who really brought up the baby subject. For our next one? I'd rather wait a few years and enjoy my time with J. Because if my next pregnancy is like my last I will have morning sickness up until the day we deliver...bleh! No one wants that for nine months! haha

    Glad to see Declan has the fever though, at least you won't have to talk him into it once you're ready!

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  38. I think it's adorable that D wants to have another so badly. Maybe, just maybe, you won't be as sick the second time around? If it's a little boy? :)

    With Kirsten I was super sick too, all day sickness, in the hospital multiple times for IV's/meds. With Simon it wasn't nearly as bad. Up until Kirsten was 7 months old I seriously wondered if we'd ever have another, after being so sick and having a terrrrible labor I honestly didn't think I wanted to it again. But? Then, I had one cycle (TMI) and we decided basically just to go for it and get it over with, I mean get the pregnancy (sickness) and labor/delivery over with. I got pregnant that month, and well, the rest is history!

    Regardless of when #2 comes along, I think you can tell everyone on here is excited for you to have another one SOMEday. :)

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  39. My husband has been ready for baby #2, since my daughter was nine months old! Luckily, I've held him off and she is now 2 1/2, but it hasn't been without a fight. I have alot of the same reservations you do about baby #2, but I think the number one thing that has been winning me over to the baby side is that I'm secretly hoping for another girl. I look at how close I am to my sisters and I want that same sisterly bond for my daughter. I mean there are no guarantees, but I think to myself how stinkin' cool it would be to give her that. Good luck with your big decision!

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  40. I'm a new follower. I found your blog via Brittany at Sweet, Sassy, and oh so Classy. I can say I have a little bit of baby fever. My hubby doesn't though. He is three years younger than me. He said that if something was to happen and we ended pregnant, than he would be happy. We aren't actively trying though. I'm kind of jealous. I wish my hubby had a little bit of the fever.

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  41. Your husband and that baby boy! So sweet, he wants a boy doesn't he? I have a not even 2 week old niece and holding her makes me want another like whoa. My 11 month old teething and awake last night from 4-6AM, cured me in no time.

    I think a 3 year age difference sounds good. hahaha #notreadyatall

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  42. Adorable photos! Especially the one of the dog looking at the baby too! :)

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  43. Thats how it is for my brother and his wife. They have 1 little girl (about Emeline's age) and he is ready for baby number 2. She on the other hand...not so much. I think she will be in the next few months but just right now she feels conflicted. Great post! :)

    Dana Michelle

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  44. I feel ya. I'm dragging my feet over here too. I LOVE where we are now and am scared a second baby will change things.

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  45. Could he send a little bit of that Ken's way? Please? I mean, not YET, but you know..soon?

    Thanks Dec, appreciate it.

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  46. We were totally in the other boat. I was dying for another baby, hubby was fine without but slowly the idea grew on him and making me happy was more important to him.

    Good for you to realize that you're not ready. It is a huge life change going from 1-2 I hear. I went from 1-3 and that was definitely a life changer, even with the youngest two being 6 and 4.

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  47. My husband brought up baby #2 on Sunday and I am honestly on the fence about it also.... You listed all the things I think about. Oh and I am turning 30 and would be pregnant on my birthday :(.... Good luck with whatever you decide!

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