Lindsay has become one of my closest friends in the last year and a half. We have never met (face to face), but let me tell you, this lady and I? Are good pals. We are the 'tell each other your deepest, darkest secret' type-friends. I adore her honesty, her heart, her momma-skills, and her friendship!
She has written an adorable post for you all today. You must read, as you will totally giggle about how right on she is :)
My little lady turned one yesterday. Which, I might add, I’m still trying to figure out in my head, since, you know … she was only born last week! I figured that now that I have a year of parenting under my belt, I am officially an expert, with nothing left to learn (um, insert sarcasm), so I should share some of my wisdom with all of Katie’s most wonderful readers. There are so many things you are told in preparation for parenthood. But? Guess what? There are way more things that no one ever tells you. So here I am, sharing with you the top 10 things that no one ever tells you (or at least, that no one ever told me).
1. The increase in laundry is not all teensy weensy things. Sure, I knew that my laundry was going to increase by about a million loads per week, but no one ever warned me that a good deal of this laundry increase would be my own clothes, not just onesies, blankets, and sleepers. Gone are the days of wearing the same pair of jeans for 5 days straight (I mean, not that I ever did that or anything), or wearing a t-shirt twice before washing. Heck, I’m lucky if I make it through the day with fewer than three outfit changes. If you’re not covered with spit up or leaky breast milk, it’s snot and goldfish cracker-filled slobber.
2. In keeping with #1, no one ever told me that I’d get to the point where I didn’t care if I was dirty, and would leave the house decked out in my finest goldfish smeared top. Why change if you’re just going to get dirty in five minutes anyway?
3. No matter how many kegels you do pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and post-pregnancy, you are still going to fart unexpectedly, at the most embarrassing times possible for a long long while after birthing your child.
4. Once your baby finally decides to sleep for more than seventeen minutes straight during the night, and you get yourself a good, solid chunk of sleep, reminiscent of the full night slumber you were used to pre-baby, you will wake up feeling like you have been run over by a truck even more so than on the nights your sleep had been brutally interrupted. Why this is, I’ll never know. But it is the truth.
5. Your heart will change unexpectedly. Things that never made you cry will now make you cry. You will be sensitive about things you never were sensitive about before and things that used to bother you will roll off your back. You will cry when you watch shows that feature mothers giving birth, mothers losing babies, parents and children having heartfelt interactions, parents watching their children make mistakes, get hurt, and the like. Any Parenthood fans? Season One, Episode One – no matter how many times I watch it, I bawl at two distinct moments in the episode. Never woulda done that before. And? I don’t really think I can pass it off as hormones anymore.
6. You will probably do everything you said you wouldn’t do and not do about half the things you said you would do.
7. You will wonder why everyone else in the world doesn’t consider your child to be the center of the universe. Because, HELLO!? S/he is. You may not say it out loud, but you will think it.
8. You will become desensitized to sight and smell of poop, vomit, and snot. You won’t necessarily be proud of this desensitization but it will likely happen. Thankfully, I have not had to become desensitized to the taste or feel of any of these things – yet?
9. Showering will become a luxury rather than a necessity. Non-greasy hair? Only on special occasions.
10. You will look at your child everyday, even after an entire year, and wonder to yourself how the heck you possibly kept this human alive and (relatively) uninjured for so long.
What things have you learned along your parenting journey that no one ever bothered to clue you in on?