Friday, September 23, 2011

They never told me THAT.

Lindsay has become one of my closest friends in the last year and a half. We have never met (face to face), but let me tell you, this lady and I? Are good pals. We are the 'tell each other your deepest, darkest secret' type-friends. I adore her honesty, her heart, her momma-skills, and her friendship! 

She has written an adorable post for you all today. You must read, as you will totally giggle about how right on she is :)


My little lady turned one yesterday. Which, I might add, I’m still trying to figure out in my head, since, you know … she was only born last week! I figured that now that I have a year of parenting under my belt, I am officially an expert, with nothing left to learn (um, insert sarcasm), so I should share some of my wisdom with all of Katie’s most wonderful readers. There are so many things you are told in preparation for parenthood. But? Guess what? There are way more things that no one ever tells you. So here I am, sharing with you the top 10 things that no one ever tells you (or at least, that no one ever told me).
1. The increase in laundry is not all teensy weensy things. Sure, I knew that my laundry was going to increase by about a million loads per week, but no one ever warned me that a good deal of this laundry increase would be my own clothes, not just onesies, blankets, and sleepers. Gone are the days of wearing the same pair of jeans for 5 days straight (I mean, not that I ever did that or anything), or wearing a t-shirt twice before washing. Heck, I’m lucky if I make it through the day with fewer than three outfit changes. If you’re not covered with spit up or leaky breast milk, it’s snot and goldfish cracker-filled slobber.
2. In keeping with #1, no one ever told me that I’d get to the point where I didn’t care if I was dirty, and would leave the house decked out in my finest goldfish smeared top. Why change if you’re just going to get dirty in five minutes anyway?
3. No matter how many kegels you do pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and post-pregnancy, you are still going to fart unexpectedly, at the most embarrassing times possible for a long long while after birthing your child.
4. Once your baby finally decides to sleep for more than seventeen minutes straight during the night, and you get yourself a good, solid chunk of sleep, reminiscent of the full night slumber you were used to pre-baby, you will wake up feeling like you have been run over by a truck even more so than on the nights your sleep had been brutally interrupted. Why this is, I’ll never know. But it is the truth.
5. Your heart will change unexpectedly. Things that never made you cry will now make you cry. You will be sensitive about things you never were sensitive about before and things that used to bother you will roll off your back. You will cry when you watch shows that feature mothers giving birth, mothers losing babies, parents and children having heartfelt interactions, parents watching their children make mistakes, get hurt, and the like. Any Parenthood fans? Season One, Episode One – no matter how many times I watch it, I bawl at two distinct moments in the episode. Never woulda done that before. And? I don’t really think I can pass it off as hormones anymore.
6. You will probably do everything you said you wouldn’t do and not do about half the things you said you would do.
7. You will wonder why everyone else in the world doesn’t consider your child to be the center of the universe. Because, HELLO!? S/he is. You may not say it out loud, but you will think it.
8. You will become desensitized to sight and smell of poop, vomit, and snot. You won’t necessarily be proud of this desensitization but it will likely happen. Thankfully, I have not had to become desensitized to the taste or feel of any of these things – yet?
9. Showering will become a luxury rather than a necessity. Non-greasy hair? Only on special occasions.
10. You will look at your child everyday, even after an entire year, and wonder to yourself how the heck you possibly kept this human alive and (relatively) uninjured for so long.
What things have you learned along your parenting journey that no one ever bothered to clue you in on?


  1. So true! Everyone tells you "oh you won't sleep" and "you'll never have a peaceful dinner again" but no one tells you that you won't care about those things anymore. Well...a little...but it's totally worth giving up!

  2. I love this guest post today! SOO funny and true. I just had a baby a week ago and had forgotten from my son, JUST.HOW.MUCH laundry (of leaky breast milk shirts and bras) that you make including the baby's laundry. And we are still trying to play catch up with the sleep and are hoping by the end of this month to get a good 5 hour stretch in ha! Hope you're having a blast Katie ;)


  3. LOVE this post! It's all so true!!

    My baby girl is three months old now and I vividly remember those first few weeks...well, not vividly; it's more of a fog. There were many nights that my husband and I would sit down to eat dinner at 11:00 at night. Seriously. it was NORMAL!!

    And the farting? HA!!! Made me spit coffee on my keyboard!!!

  4. Haha! Great list, Lindsay! M is going to be one tomorrow and I'm seriously proud that she's a.) alive and well b.) thriving and that as parents we are a.) alive.

  5. All true! You definintely put your foot in your mouth a lot - you totally said you'd never do X and here you are, totally doing. You realize what a jerk you were pre-pregnancy, well, I did at least.

  6. No one tells you that no matter how bad your baby smells, you will still want to inhale her every second of the day.

    Or that watching her sleep is more relaxing than drugs.

  7. I was one of those people who NEVER left the house without makeup on before the little Peanut came.

    Not so much anymore.

    Oh, and I think I cry in about every episode of "Parenthood." Gosh, I think it's hard now....SO don't look forward to 13 years from now.

  8. Ha, totally laughing my arse of! just the other day I noticed the abundance of laundray and wondered how the hello that's like the hamper vmoited al over the laundry room and nobody but Mom can take of it!

  9. All I can say, after 1 year of parenting, I agree with every single item on this list. Great job summing up the unexpected!

  10. Yup. I would say you've learned quite a lot in this first year. Good for you Momma! ;-)

  11. So true about #7! My kids are 4 and almost 1 and I just can't seem to get why not everyone thinks they're as fabulous as I do ;).

    Oh and about #3, my issue is wetting my pants if I cough, sneeze, laugh, etc. too hard. Oh the joys of what pregnancy does to the body!

    Awesome post! Thanks for the laughs

  12. This is great!
    I could comment on every one, but I just choose a couple...

    #5 is SO true. I've never been a weepy person, but after having a baby? Suddenly EVERY darn Hallmark/birth story/insurance commercial had me in tears. lol.

    #7 cracked me up, because before my little guy came along, I mostly ignored other kids. Not to be mean or anything; I just didn't notice them as much. Now that I get the whole "my child is AWESOME" thing that every parent has? I now make a point to compliment almost every kid we come into contact with. Because I know I love it when people are sweet to my little man.

  13. This is AWESOME! I will have to add, pee when you need to and don't try to hold it cause let's be honest, just like the rest of the bod, some muscles just aren't what they used to be!

    Congratulations on year 1 :)

  14. OMG!!! did you KNOW?!?! 0_0 I mean, WTH is up w/ that?!?! I just somewhat admitted that I "pop" unexpectedly ALL.THE.TIME!!!!

    #5...NOBODY know this but fellow MOMMAS!!!! It is so so true!!!! (Oh, and what about HATING all shows/movies w/ violence, drugs, CURSING, sex, etc???) once you become a Mom??? I seriously cannot stand some of the things Husband watches!!! boys ROCK!!!!! **sometimes I do say it out loud** Shhh!

    #8...Oh yeah....but I WILL say this: I can deal w/ all those things that shoot out of every orifice of my babes...but NOT ANIMALS!!!! Dog/cat puke, poop, pee.....makes my stomach FLIP!!! Disgusting, and one of the MAIN reasons we will not have a pet in this house. :P

    So, things that I have learned: How about (for me) never being able to watch or even care about TV again. (besides the news) I do not even bother. But music??? I LOVE! ....and I want my boys to like and learn the songs that I listen to!!! Trey (almost 3) and sing along to MANY of them! :) You will fall in love w/ some of the TV shows your kid loves. Super Why fan here!!! Dressing/shopping for them is much more fun than doing it for yourself. Oh and hey, who hasn't had a craving for a snack and just go to town on your babe's Gerber Puffs Banana flavor treats?!?! Just me? Eek! :P

  15. great post linds! I'll remember this for my time!

  16. great post and so very true

  17. I'm not a parent yet but I loved hearing some of the truths from an expert mama :)

  18. We are at the 10 month mark and the main thing I wasn't expecting is that even when I am exhausted (every night.) about 2 hours after he is in bed I miss him and want to kiss those cheeks. And when he wakes up at 6:30am (EVERY day) no matter how badly I don't want to wake up, I pick him up and kiss those cheeks and I feel complete.

  19. We hit 3yo on Thursday and I realized as I am dragging my screaming child out of Target while prying the toy "fwire twuck" from his hands that "I am THAT Mom". I also give suckers for rewards. I never used cloth diapers like I said I would. I spend more time at work than I do with my child. And I feel like I've failed my son more than I've succeeded. Welcome to parenthood.

  20. Very well spoken. You make such great points about the new chapter of parenthood.

    I think everyone's tolerance of what they can handle varies from person to person. So to some who think its the end of the world not sleeping, others might not mind as much (ie. third shifters).

    Something no one tells you about is how critical other mothers (or fathers) can actually be. Join some play groups and the only topic of conversation consists of how their baby/child is doing X,Y,Z. Not to say every "play group" is bad or negative, just something to be aware of.

  21. Just got to read this, great list. Number four is so dang true. Not that I'm complaining AT ALL about sleeping through the night... but yes, the run over by a truck analogy rings very true.

    1. You'll throw up during labor/delivery/postdelivery. It doesn't stop after the pregnancy sickness.
    2. Pushing = Bliss (compared to contractions).
    3. Those braxton hicks contractions (the ones everyone said, NO, you'll know when the REAL ones are) actually really may feel like the real deal.
    4. Your newborn may want to nurse every hour (or less). Don't believe that every 2-4 hours BS you read about in your book.

  22. This post is so incredibly true! I'm learning it all currently as my little one will be 5 months old next week. Seriously, where does the time go?

    Great post. I may have cried. (see #5)

  23. LOL! I like this post, although I don't have kids yet, so I'm not sure if I'm entertained or freaked out!