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Friday, November 4, 2011

I will be proud. I will be proud.

Sorry about my lack of posting this week. It's been kind of a crazy-hectic-week. When my evenings are all filled up, it sucks the blogging mojo right out of me, since that's when I like to write.

Anyway. 

A random friday afternoon food for thought post comin' atcha.

So, you know I've been running. Yea, yea. I have done a blurb here or there about it, but other than that? Not much detail. The reason being--I'm still trying to find my place. Am I even running enough where I'm privy to talk about it? Have I earned some magic right to boast I'm a runner all over my blog? In my mind, no, I haven't.

I like to make up silly rules in my head. You know the ones. The ones that make no sense, but only for myself, in that instant. Once I run 3 miles straight, while loving it, getting that runners high feeling, and smiling from ear to ear the whole time? THEN I can post on my blog about running. Stupid stuff like that.

The problem is? I hate running. Okay, I don't hate it--but I dislike it. I have an inner battle in my head the whole freaking time I run. 

I tell myself to stop. I tell myself to keep going. I tell myself my legs cannot physically do it anymore. Then I tell myself to shut the heck up, and yes they can. I tell myself I'm gonna trip. Then I tell myself to shutup again, because I am stable. I am sturdy. I am not going to trip. I tell myself that if this god-forsaken song in my ear doesn't end in the next 10 seconds, I'm just going to quit right then & there. Then I tell myself that if a song I love comes on, I'm gonna run like there's no tomorrow. Then I tell myself to stop having these inner battles, that this is mind over matter, and just keep on going.  

I do random math in my head while I run. I think, Yes! I'm 1/10th of the way done my run. Only 9/10th's more to go. I sing the songs playing from my phone in my head. Then I sing them out loud. Then I analyze the words. Then I think about my stride. How am I holding my body? Does it feel right? Could I be doing something better? And then I realize I'm getting in a groove. Is this a twinge of runners high? And then I realize that a "running high" must equate something good...or...fun at least. Right? High=Fun. No? I wouldn't know. Anyway. I realize I'm not having fun. At all. I dislike running. But I love the feeling afterward. So I keep going.

Small goals. To beat myself with each run. I try to be happy with a little extra distance each time. I mean, heck, that's how I lost the weight. I celebrated each small milestone. If I looked at the big picture, it would have overwhelmed me. But, look! I met my goal.

So this is where I am with running. The same mindset.

You see, I look up to runners. I always have. I have secretly longed and wished for the kind of stamina that runners have. I have always rolled my eyes when I was told that I, too could have that kind of stamina. You just have to work your way up to it....push yourself a little bit each time....start off slow...

And yet? I did nothing about it.

It took signing up for a 5K (which I realize is nothing to a lot of you) for me to get motivated at all to run. And what they say? Is true. I can go from a non-runner to a sort-of runner in a few weeks. I mean, I did, kind of.

And I was too afraid to write about it because there are marathon runners that read this blog (I bow down to you. For real.) and here I am talking about a measly 30 minute run! But? I'm letting myself be proud for a minute. Because gosh darn it, a few weeks ago running for 5 minutes straight was the pits. And this afternoon? I kicked a 30 minute run square in the ass. 

That is progress. 

Progress that I'm going to let myself feel good about. 

Because in my world, in my perspective, where I'm at? That's good. And maybe one day once I'm running longer and faster I'll look back and think "Oh how cute, Katie..."--but for now, I'm embracing the journey.

I'm running. I'm doing it. I'm gonna let myself feel proud.

And I'm gonna wait for the moment when I finally love running to kick in.

Any day now would be nice.

35 comments:

  1. Just wanted you to know that you are lapping me...someone who does no sort of physcial activity what so ever!

    Keep up the good work! Actaully starting is the hardest part (or so I have heard anyways :))

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  2. Way to go! I keep telling myself I'm going to start MONDAY...but Monday rolls around and I have some sort of excuse. I think it's wonderful that you're doing it...mind battles or not. I applaud you! Big time! Hopefully one day I can comment and say I DID IT TOO! GO GIRL!

    Now, I'll get on craigslist and find me a treadmill! Yeah...that'll help! ;) Another thing to hand laundry on! HA!

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  3. Way to go! I have a love/hate relationship with running. Some days it just plain BLOWS with and other days I just can't stop. Now that I'm preggo again I'm hoping to make to to 20 weeks while still running. I did last time so I'm hoping and can this time around too.

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  4. Katie, you DESERVE to be proud!! A 30 minute run is HUGE. You have to walk before you can run. That's my favorite quote as of late. And of course, literally, you ARE running. But what I mean is, baby steps, baby. And you're doing great. You SHOULD be proud.

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  5. You just described the exact issue I have with running. The inner battle and everything. I'm pretty sure I'll always remain a power walker with a side of sprinting. But hey, the point is that we're taking care of ourselves, and THAT in and of itself is worth being proud of. A 5 minute run would just about send me flying off the treadmill. So 30 minutes?? You definitely earned some bragging rights. :)

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  6. Hey, every runner has started out there, and I think kicking 30 minutes is down right amazing, so way to go!! You're going to do GREAT on that 5k!

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  7. Absolutely be proud!!! I think you're doing amazing. You definitely should be proud of yourself! =)

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  8. You have every right to be proud!! I have always wanted to be a runner and I do run from time to time but my auo immune disease doesn't let me run long distances- I think it's awesome that you are so goal oriented and o hope you reach all of your goals :) great post!!

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  9. I couldn't even run for five minutes straight right now. You are an inspiration.

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  10. You go girl! I admire your determination, for real. Once you set your mind to something you do it and that is honorable! You may have just inspired me to get my lazy butt on the treadmill tonight.

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  11. I love this post! It's like you were talking about me. I've fallen off the "runner's path" again but I think you just inspired me to get back on! keep up the great work!

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  12. Its good to challenge yourself and try something new. No one can fault you for that.

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  13. Its good to challenge yourself and try something new. No one can fault you for that.

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  14. you are too funny. I have those same inner battles in my head when I ran. Yes, past tense... I hated it so much that I stopped (and I'm 37 weeks pregnant at the moment). Maybe one day I'll sign up for a 5k and get back into it. We'll see.

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  15. We all have those conversations in our head - I had them in highschool running in track - now on the treadmill - outside when I squeeze a bit more in - it is totally normal!!!! You should be proud of yourself - you are out there running. You will remember how good you felt after your run and will go kick another 30 min. run in the butt!!!! You go girl.

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  16. good for you! no matter how far or how long your run is, at least you are doing it. it doesnt matter if you run one or ten miles. you are still running. it doesnt matter if you run a 10 minute mile or 30 minutes mile, you are moving and that is most important.
    you should be very proud of yourself. Im proud of you! :)

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  17. Gosh I wish I could run 30 minutes! Ha :) I am heading home to hang with my family for the holidays while the hubs is deployed and I'm hoping to be able to start couch to 5k.... I used to run and I so miss that runners high I used to get from it! Oh yea, and you can't beat the calorie burn that you get from running! :)

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  18. A 5K is awesome! I will let you in on a secret, I just ran a half marathon, and I still have those inner battles every time I run. I am not a born runner, but I love the way I feel after I accomplish something I never thought possible, that is the closest I get to a runners high. Also, 30 minutes of running is awesome, there are days when doing just that is a battle, and there are days where I can pound out ten miles and feel great. Be Proud!

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  19. I so could have written this entire post. HA! I do exactly the same thing when running.

    Which honestly, I don't do much now. I'm glad I did the whole 5k thing, and I may even do another someday, but running will never be my first pick in terms of exercising, because I never got to the point where I loved it and looked forward to it. Maybe you will (I hope so!), and maybe like me, it just won't happen. And if it doesn't? Find something else. There's something out there that you'll be EXCITED to do every single day!

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  20. And also? A 30 minute run kicks ass! Awesome job girl!

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  21. I have been trying to get myself up to a 5K but every time I push forward, it seems like something gets in the way. I guess I just need to focus on the small increments at a time.

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  22. I think having that inner struggle is what is making you a runner. I don't think alot of the 'great runners' would be what and where there at without it.

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  23. 30 minutes could kick me in the butt-you are doing great keep up the hard work:)

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  24. I would call myself a "runner," but I certainly don't love it while I'm doing it - or I rarely do. But it's the way I feel after that gets me back out there again. You'll find the part about it you love. And you should be so proud of yourself!

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  25. you go, girl!
    we all kind of knew you could kick the 3o minutes run in the butt.

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  26. you're awesome. i'm so proud of you. look at all these people you're inspiring. it's incredible!

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  27. The minute you started walking/running, you became a runner! :) And I don't always love running in the moment...but it's the feeling of accomplishment afterwards that keeps me coming back for more.

    And I listen to ridiculous music while running --- like Britney Spears or something I don't usually listen to otherwise. For whatever reason, it gets me through it!

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  28. Love this post :)

    Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this 'running gig' -- I just ran my first 5K (in May) -- and I did end up having to walk part of it... which seriously bummed me out. Now?? I can run 3 miles, with no music, and talking to my running partner....without dying.

    We just bumped up our runs to 4 miles...which are killing me -- but the feeling of I DID IT when we are done makes it totally worth it.

    Keep up the good work :)

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  29. I feel you. I too signed up for a 5k, I've been biking constantly for a month. But today I decided I should probably start running since the 5k is next Saturday. I hate running with a passion. Hopefully the hate will pass on for something better

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  30. You should feel proud! Running is freaking HARD!

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  31. I love this post so much because of your simple/pure attitude of celebrating the small victories! The truth is, you're doing today what you couldn't do yesterday and that is amazing. Honestly, I work out several days a week in aerobic classes that KILL me and make me want to puke, and I can do those for an hour straight...but if I tried to run for 5 minutes I'd think of some really great excuses as to why I couldn't make it...Good for you for pushing yourself past comfortable, in all these areas in your life!

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  32. I smiled through this whole post because I can relate and was in this same spot in the past. You made me go back to my own blog and read about my running journey. It's different for everyone.

    I'm so proud of you for signing up for the 5K and if you do truly get the running bug you'll be amazed at what you can push your body to do.

    I hope it happens for you. It's kind of amazing. ;)

    You're doing awesome Katie!!

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  33. I'm jealous of your running. Kasey and I were up to three miles also. I found out that running reduces the milk supply so I had to stop. Aaannd I peed my pants a little on each step with the last run, but even still that run had me feeling really good for the first time and I felt like I arrived at that "I'm actually enjoying this" phase. ohh well.... So while you may wonder what the hard core runners think of your three miles, remember there are others of us on the opposite end who are not able to run like you and admire your gusto!! Best of luck on your 5K!

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  34. So proud of you for being optimistic about this running journey! And those thoughts you have while running? Yeah those sound oddly familiar to the thoughts I have while working out. HA! The mind can certainly play tricks on you!

    Keep up the good work!

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