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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Make way, please. These folks are on a date-night.

Sometimes I have high expectations. Really high ones. Over silly things.

I find that whenever my expectations are set really high, even when I don't 'try' to do it with my brain, it still happens, and often. It can be little things. Big things. But the high expectations wreck me sometimes.

It could be something as little as dreaming up some amazing, elaborate date with my husband, you know, the once every month or two we get to go out alone. Imagining all the little details that will play out and thinking it'll be oh!so!perfect! because all the stars should just magically align on the nights we get to go out alone with our spouses. Right? RIGHT?

The other night we got a very unplanned date night. Emeline had been talking about my parents all day. "I want Mom-Mom!" she'll say. Or she'll go on and on about "Pop Pop". She talks about both sets of grandparents, actually. But this particular day it was mine. So I kind of called them up on a whim and was all haha, Emeline misses you guys, wanna hang out with her? And without even flinching my Dad was all, um yes! bring her the heck over. And before you even knew it, Declan and I were getting the chance at having a nice, peaceful dinner out alone.

But again, me with the expectations. I thought we were out early enough to get into a restaurant I'd been craving. You know how those nasty beast cravings are. We got there. The smell of the food literally was absolutely divine. I was dreaming of their mango iced tea. Salivating, probably. We walked up to the counter to put our name in and then she said it..."It'll be 55 minutes at least".

I wanted to bust out crying right then and there. I wanted to go into hysterical gasping sobs of But!I'm!Pregnant! and I wanted (and was tempted to) start tapping on the shoulders of other people waiting, being all Look, do you know how few and far between date nights are? Would you exchange your buzzer with us, since, you know, you were clearly here MUCH earlier than us?

We sat down and began to wait. But Declan was realistic and was all But babe, you're hungry now. You can't wait this long. And he was right. My stomach was already at the gurgly-almost-nauseous point. I knew I couldn't wait either. So I turned in my buzzer to the hostess and held back tears as I walked back to the car.

It wasn't just about the food. I just had this grand expectation of this beautiful dim-lit setting to have dinner, just the two of us, quiet and sipping our drinks, saying anything or nothing at all--because it was just us. Yes, I wanted to eat their food. Yes, I was dreaming about their appetizers, and their tea. But again. The expectations.

When I got in the car, my husband asked if I was mad at him. I laughed a little and was all of course not, because I wasn't, at all. But I just started spewing to him about how once you become a parent, that time alone, going out, becomes so special, you JUST WANT IT TO BE PERFECT, dang-it. And that it seems like the whole world should just stop to accommodate you. We should get all the best treatment. All the best servers. The best chef. And a quick-seated entry into the doorway, "Excuse me everyone, this couple is on a D.A.T.E., as in, without child. Please make way."

Of course I'm kidding to some degree. But at the time, I was feeling slighted. Majorly.

Again. With the friggin' expectations.

The fact is that we ended up somewhere else. It was totally fine. No, it wasn't exactly what I wanted in that moment (food-wise). But it was good. And I was with my husband, alone, talking, and not wrangling a toddler who now absolutely HATES restaurants with every ounce of her being. It was peaceful. It was nice. It was needed.

Heck, we even went and got frozen yogurt afterwards, and really? Who can complain about that?

I need to keep my expectations in check sometimes. About little things like date-nights, or about big...much bigger things.

I am a work in progress.

22 comments:

  1. Oh girl, I know exactly what you mean. I always build things up in my head and get upset when they don't work out. It is definitely something I need to work on as well :)

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  2. Haha... Exchanging your buzzer with someone else... You crack me up! I know EXACTLY how you feel. Normally, I can't even relax because of expectations and excitement.

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  3. Totally been there! My expectations can certainly get the best of me too!

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  4. I am guilty of the same thing. I know Jimmy is the same way too. It's hard, when the dates are few and far between, to not expect perfection. I mean we are human {read: moms} afterall.

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  5. I totally know what u mean!! I have 3 kids and when we get a date night, I want perfect food, setting, beverages, atmosphere, etc. It doesn't usually work out that way but at least we get a nice dinner without kids. This Friday, my hubs is taking me to see The Vow, can't wait!!!!

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  6. I have had to keep my expectations in check because I know sometimes they just add pressure to the wrong situation. And frozen yoghurt without a toddler?! Sounds perfect to me!

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  7. Expectations are so hard, I struggle with the same thing. And, somewhere in the last two or three months? Kirsten has started enjoying restaurants and behaving really well. She also hated them in fact I remember asking for our food to-go and leaving because of her a few times.

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  8. I feel ya. I have the same issue. Seems like every time we get out without the boy, which is very rare, it's a big hoopla to get out...and then it's a let down. But, I'm trying to be more intentional with my time with Lance and make the most, whether all together or just the two of us...but it would be nice for those dang stars to line up just once in a blue moon. I mean really, that's not too much to ask is it?!?!!?

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  9. I am with you on this. Thank you for this post. You helped remind me to be thankful just to be out on date night. My husband and I are going out Saturday to celebrate V-Day early, bc with kids we take whatever night we can get. Thank you for reminding me to try and lower my expectations. Happy Tuesday (not sure if Tuesday's are happy, but have a good day)!

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  10. Did you know in England, if you are pregnant, there is a special pin that you can wear and it will get you to the head of the wait at restaurants? I was there last year (2010) when I was 3 months pregnant with my mom and sister and we went to the original Hard Rock Cafe in London - of course there was a long wait and of course I HAD.TO.EAT.NOW! So I asked the hostess if there was any mercy for pregnant American girls and she told me about the preggie pin. And OF COURSE it was our second to last day there or I would have been all over that thing from the get go.

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  11. Oh girl, we are all a work in progress. If someone says otherwise, they're lying to themselves :)

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  12. I am the worst with expectations, too. And it sucks because I always let myself feel disappointed when it's not "perfect". I'm trying to think NOTHING about how our night away will go this weekend to avoid just this :)

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  13. I totally get where you're coming from. You want to make the most of the time sans-toddler. But it sounds like the dinner, though not what you wanted in the first place, was exactly what you needed after all.

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  14. Yep, you just summed up my feelings about date night perfectly. I have date nights on some sort of self imposed pedestal. And they almost never turn out how they "should" but like you're saying, I remind myself how nice it is to just be alone with my husband! Glad you had a night out!

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  15. Totally with you on the expectations issue. I frequently have lofty and grand expectations, that on the regular are dashed. This Christmas I actually lowered my expectations to almost nothing and it backfired because then I wasn't as excited. So there is something to be said for expectations, but darn it, they sure can get you sometimes!! And aren't date nights divine, can't wait till my next one...in March....LOL!

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  16. I'm this way too. Especially about restaurants and when I want something specific to eat.

    Hubs and I are going out when my parents are here next weekend (free babysitting is the best!) and I hope it's all I NEED it to be. I get this, for sure!

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  17. I feel like I could have written this post myself!! Every date night, or every holiday/birthday, I build it up in my head. And every single time, I'm disappointed because it's what it is, a normal night out.

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  18. Oh girl, I'm the same way.
    I've had to learn the hard way to just let things go. Actually, several of our date nights have been impromptu (ie. Noah fell asleep in the car on the way to the mall), so we'll sit in the parking lot and people watch while we eat Panera or something. Sounds pathetic, but a lot of those times have been my favorite. It's not ideal (in my head), but the end result is the same... we got to spend some time alone (sort of) together. :)

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  19. One time, we got an unexpected date night, and my hubby {who doesn't really do anything spur of the moment} couldn't decide where to eat for over an hour! It was hilarious, we still had a GREAT time, but it was a night I'll never forget.

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  20. I'm sorry you didn't get to go to the restaurant you want to, but I hope you enjoyed your date night anyway. :)

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  21. You know Clark Grizwald, the National Lampoons character? My husband decided I"m like him b/c I get these HUGE grandious plans that nothing and no one can live up to. In other words, right there with ya sister.
    My favorite self description?
    Perfectly imperfect.

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  22. Pregnant or not, a 55 minute way for ANY place BLOWS big time. I'd have been mad, too! And I KNOW it's worse when you're in that MUST EAT NOW mode.

    I always noticed that pregnancy hunger was a lot more... sudden than regular hunger. Most people get gradually hungry. But pregnant women? It goes from OK to OMG IF I DON'T EAT NOW SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET RUN OVER mode in an instant!

    No fun!

    anywhere-is.net

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