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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I will bottle this up.

Sitting there in the living room-turned-hospice-bedroom for my Pop Pop, I hugged his hand with my hand.

My grandmother sat across from me, red-faced, tears welling up in her eyes. She looked at me with that loving grandmom look. "It all happens in an instant, Katie. He was fine one day. The next day, some back pain, then one thing led to another, and now we're....(she looks at my Pop Pop, lovingly...pausing)....here."


I know, Grandmom. I know. Life is so full of unknowns. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I say.

I feel my Pop Pop squeeze my hand. He's still asleep. Breathing deeply with the help of an oxygen machine. I run my finger over his wedding band. The one that's been there for 61 years, representing his faithful and strong commitment to my grandmother...to his family.

She looks outside at Emeline playing on the deck with my dad as she says, "Please. Just enjoy every second. Every minute. I know. I know it's hard. I know that you do. Life is just so fragile."

I smile, I tell her I will. That I do. That I'm so very sorry.

***

I'm reminded that life is full of unknowns. Our time with our family is not promised to us. Despite the long life my Pop Pop was able to lead, no matter what, when someone's time comes to an end, it's painful. Humans feel. We're supposed to. And it feels awful.

I am just thankful for the life & legacy that he's had.

And for the hours or days we have left with him, we will hold his hand, pray with him, be there as often as we can, and outpour love on him. He deserves no less.



Thank you for all your prayers during this time.

36 comments:

  1. Yes, savor every minute. I'm so sorry for your family. I'm praying for you and yours.

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  2. Prayers with you and your family, sweet friend.

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  3. I'm so, so sorry you're going through this.. I know all too well how quickly this can happen. Sending hugs and prayers your way Katie..

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  4. I am absolutely hating this for you. Prayers to you and your family.

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  5. So so sorry to hear that your family is going through this tough time. My prayers are with you and your family!

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  6. This post brought tears to my eyes. My family and I are going through something very similar with my Papaw. My prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

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  7. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. It's all too familiar to when my Grandmother passed away. It's so incredibly difficult. Praying for you and yours.

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  8. So sorry to hear about such a difficult time in your family. We will be praying for you.

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  9. I started to cry reading this thinking of my Oma & Opa. I miss them like crazy, but they taught me so much. I have no doubt that you will savour every moment you have left with your Pop Pop and share all the amazing memories with your kids to help him live on forever. Our family continues to pray for you and yours.

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  10. The love and strength of families are amazing. You will carry on what your Pop Pop started. Positive thoughts and prayers are coming your way!!!!!

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  11. What a powerful conversation! Thank you for letting us 'listen.' Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

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  12. In 5 days, it will be the 17th anniversary of the day my dad died.

    Your Grandmom is so, so right...savor every moment.

    I am sobbing reading this, Katie. It was so beautifully written and so authentically captured the emotion.

    Much love and many prayers for all of you.

    xoxox

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  13. This is so sad. Speaking from experience, my heart breaks for you and what your family is going through right now. Keeping you in our thoughts.

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  14. such a sweet post! Love the image it sends a lot of emotion through the screen :). Will be thinking about him and your family.

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  15. I'm so sorry that your family is going through all of this, right now. You guys are in my prayers.

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  16. So beautifully written Katie.

    My prayers will continue for you and your family.

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  17. I am so sorry to hear this. I'll be praying. That picture is so sweet and one I'm sure you'll always treasure!

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  18. My heart is breaking reading this. I still have 4 of my grandparents and can't imagine going through this. Keeping him in my prayers.

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  19. This has been on my mind lately too--my grandma isn't in the hospital or a nursing home yet, but I keep feeling like it's just around the corner. She doesn't really remember any of us anymore, and I just don't think she'll be able to live on her own much longer. And it seems like it was almost overnight that she went from a spunky, independent woman to someone else entirely.

    Anyway, I'm thinking of your family.

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  20. this is one of the saddest, sweetest, heartfelt & honest post i've read in quite some time. lifting you up in thoughts today. xo

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  21. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I am praying for you and your family. I'm sad to say I've lost 3 of 4 grandparents and miss them all terribly. But their love and life lessons live on. Enjoy every minute you have

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  22. my heart aches for your family. As we bear the brunt of a loved ones loss this week, I know all too well what you're feeling. Prayers for you and your family.

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  23. I miss my pawpaw every. single. day. He passed away in January 2007. My heart aches for you. There's no easy away around how painful it is.

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  24. God bless you and your family, Katie.

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  25. You are so right. It's these moments that teach us to go forward savoring every single second. Thinking of you!!

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  26. So beautifully written. I love you girl and I'm lifting you all up in my prayers.

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  27. Katie, my heart aches for you and your family. You are in my prayers.
    -Lenette

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  28. I'm so so sorry Katie. Praying for all of you. xoxo

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  29. Saying goodbye is never easy no matter how young or old. Thinking of you and your family!

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  30. I'm so sorry! Praying for your and your family.

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  31. this made me cry. we have so little time on earth, even at 89, 90 or 100 years old.
    i have experienced too much family death in my life, and my heart hurts for you and your family.
    i know you know your poppop will be watching over you from heaven, and one day he'll be waiting for you - to embrace you in the warmest and most comforting manner.

    i am so sorry and pray for him, you and your family.

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  32. Prayers for all of you during this very difficult time:(

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  33. Katie, this made the buckets of tears fly this morning. You have such a way of putting things into words. I love you! Mom

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  34. I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your entire family. Much love, Katie. Wish I could hug you in person, sweet girl.

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  35. This is beautifully written, Katie. What a wonderful tribute. I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandpa.

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