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Monday, June 18, 2012

Transitions.

You only get used to things for so long, and then life changes. That's how it goes, right? That's how it's supposed to go....right?

I assume so, anyway.

The thing about transitions and changes is that I realize more and more that they all push me to grow. Even though I may not like it.





























For example, we're going on week three of Declan's new job. For what it's worth, he loves it--so much. I am so beyond happy for him, and it's really nice to see him thriving in a new environment. However, his first week of work? Was a huge transition for me.

As silly as it seems, having him get home later from work daily was harder than I thought. I admit I got used to his other time schedule and having him out of the house a few hours earlier in the morning never affected me. Having him home later in the evenings? Definitely did. Things around here had to change. I had to change my schedule, how I handled my afternoons with Emeline, prepping for dinner, and wrap my head around that we lose time with him. It may not be forever, but it's our new normal for now.

I was kind of emo that week. I had my hormonal moments about it. I said things that I regret in the moment and had to apologize for. I realized, though, that although this is new for him--it's also new for me. It's different. I think that naturally we resist change, even when we don't mean to. And honestly? Each week has gotten better, just like I was told it would. It really has.

**

My grandmother and I talked on the phone yesterday. Obviously, her heart is still so very much broken over losing her husband of 61 years and she's struggling and grieving big time. It's to be expected, and I feel so much so for her. My heart aches for the kind of loss she's feeling. The kind of change that dramatically happened in her life.

As we were talking yesterday, she just began to cry. Telling me how all this change is so hard, how much she misses him, how living life with someone for 61 (plus) years and then having them gone is so hard to wrap her head around. And I always just tell her the same thing....that this will be a process. She feels bad that she's not just moving on, but I keep reminding her that it's ok. She has to feel these emotions and work through them. That she will find her new normal--but not for a while, and it's okay to feel sad. 


I feel like our culture/society/whatever just makes us feel like when changes happen, no matter how big or small--you need to just DEAL WITH IT.

And to a point? I get it--it's kind of true. But also? There's something to be said about the above quote. Change is a process, not an event. Doesn't mean you can't accept it....but time to adjust...to work through it...to figure out your new normal no matter the circumstance, that's okay too.

That's just where I'm at today.

***

13 comments:

  1. Great post with a great point. Our society is rush rush rush and there are certain emotions and things that just need time. There's no quick way to get through it other than give it the time it needs.

    I'm right there with you on the husband job schedule thing. Marcus used to be home for dinner- now he's gone til maybe 10 at night. So from 6-8 it's my only daily time with the boys plus I have to squeeze in things like laundry and dinner etc. And since it's my only time with them I want to just sit and play but I can't. It is getting easier and makes it extra special when he does manage to get home earlier.

    I was wondering how the new job was going- glad that he enjoys it!

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  2. I needed to read this today. Change IS a process and I feel like we out too much pressure on ourselves to instantly adapt. Taking time to settle in to change is ok! And normal! Thanks for reminding me of that!

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  3. I've felt for a long time that the hardest thing about being an adult is not necessarily the inevitable losses themselves, but the lack of an opprtunity to meaningfully grieve. People have to go back to work a couple of days after a horrible loss, for example, or risk losing their job. Maybe it's helpful to keep busy, and some people deal better than others, but I too need time to process losses.

    So sad for your Grandmother :(

    I understand how you feel, too. Scott stays home with Clara so I'm the one that has to be gone too much. I have only missed bedtime on account of work one time, thank goodness. It was hard on me, though. (Thankfully it was not hard on her --- I would much rather it be hard on me if I had to choose.)


    Hugs to you.

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  4. Oh I needed this today. We're about to move from our first home and I'm entirely freaking out. My husband doesn't get it. "It's exciting" he says. Sure, but I keep telling him I need to also accept my feelings of moving from our first home etc. So.Much.Change. GAH!

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  5. This is such a wonderful post! I definitely needed to hear it as well, as I am already stressing the transition to Emmy starting pre school inthe fall...I will have to rememeber this!

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  6. Oh I totally feel this post.

    I had a REALLY UNENXPECTED UGLY situation happen to me about 6 weeks ago...and I"m still dealing with it. SO many people just say 'at least...' or 'you just need to move forward...' but it's a process. so true. painful at times. but we do grow through the process so that's all we can focus on is somethign good on the other side.

    hope you have a great week .

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  7. Oh gosh, I can only imagine how it hard it is for your Grandmother right now. I hope she doesn't think she's SUPPOSED to get over it or move on so quickly. No way. He was hers for so long...

    And I hear you on the fact that change is a process. I know that from moving here almost 3 years ago. Sometimes I feel like I am STILL adapting.

    Good luck continuing to get used to Declan's new schedule... xo

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  8. Well said. Change is a process and everyone gets through changes at their own pace. I always say good change is good and bad change, well is change..... But they both require time for processing, to adapt, to deal.

    I really loved this post Katie. Really made a great point that I wished most people understood :)

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  9. That quote is very much needed on so many fronts. Adjusting and accepting take time.

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  10. I love this so much. I'm so guilty of being all "okay, this happened, now how do I move on". But you're right; a change is big. And it deserves the time it takes to process it. This totally makes me want to slow down and actually think about some things that have happened.

    I really, really like this post. But then I already told you that. Just thought you needed to hear it again :)

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  11. Amen sister! A great reminder for all of us. Every spring/summer I deal with this transition as it's the Hubs busiest time of the year. He works 6 days a week outside of the home and spends many nights in the office doing paperwork, throw in the yard work and his fatherly duties it's a bit nuts to say the least. He looks exhausted almost 24/7. I miss him this time of the year, but I know that come fall (and all the fun holidays) he has more time. It's the sacrifice we make so that he can have his own business. It's hard, but worth it.

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  12. Thank you for this. Change is a process! I say that and for some reason other people look at me like I need medication because I need time to transition from one thing to the new thing. It's hard. For me, that big change was putting my child in daycare and going back to work. It was horrible and I cried every morning and every night for 3 weeks straight. People called it post partum but I wasn't depressed; I was adjusting to leaving my infant with people I didn't know. After a month I was so much better, but that first month...one of the hardest things I have ever done.

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