You only get used to things for so long, and then life changes. That's how it goes, right? That's how it's supposed to go....right?
I assume so, anyway.
The thing about transitions and changes is that I realize more and more that they all push me to grow. Even though I may not like it.
For example, we're going on week three of Declan's new job. For what it's worth, he loves it--so much. I am so beyond happy for him, and it's really nice to see him thriving in a new environment. However, his first week of work? Was a huge transition for me.
As silly as it seems, having him get home later from work daily was harder than I thought. I admit I got used to his other time schedule and having him out of the house a few hours earlier in the morning never affected me. Having him home later in the evenings? Definitely did. Things around here had to change. I had to change my schedule, how I handled my afternoons with Emeline, prepping for dinner, and wrap my head around that we lose time with him. It may not be forever, but it's our new normal for now.
I was kind of emo that week. I had my hormonal moments about it. I said things that I regret in the moment and had to apologize for. I realized, though, that although this is new for him--it's also new for me. It's different. I think that naturally we resist change, even when we don't mean to. And honestly? Each week has gotten better, just like I was told it would. It really has.
My grandmother and I talked on the phone yesterday. Obviously, her heart is still so very much broken over losing her husband of 61 years and she's struggling and grieving big time. It's to be expected, and I feel so much so for her. My heart aches for the kind of loss she's feeling. The kind of change that dramatically happened in her life.
As we were talking yesterday, she just began to cry. Telling me how all this change is so hard, how much she misses him, how living life with someone for 61 (plus) years and then having them gone is so hard to wrap her head around. And I always just tell her the same thing....that this will be a process. She feels bad that she's not just moving on, but I keep reminding her that it's ok. She has to feel these emotions and work through them. That she will find her new normal--but not for a while, and it's okay to feel sad.
I feel like our culture/society/whatever just makes us feel like when changes happen, no matter how big or small--you need to just DEAL WITH IT.
And to a point? I get it--it's kind of true. But also? There's something to be said about the above quote. Change is a process, not an event. Doesn't mean you can't accept it....but time to adjust...to work through it...to figure out your new normal no matter the circumstance, that's okay too.
That's just where I'm at today.