The other night I sat on the couch remembering that I never wrote about finding out about this baby and how I told my husband. And then I started thinking about the fact that this baby is due really soon, and holy crap--I'm about to lose all my memory as soon as her body slides out of me (mom brain, hellloooo), and ohmygosh I better write down these details, now.
And then I started trying to recall the details to write this post and I realized I'm honestly starting to forget them. Frack. So I'm gonna do my best.
We'd been trying. Not for long or anything, but we were definitely on Let's Try For a Baby Mode. In fact, we threw caution to the wind starting on our Anniversary trip last September to The Keys. That month...nothing. October...nothing.
Since we were in that 'mode', I'll admit-I was going a little crazy. I had bought all sorts of cheapie pregnancy tests from amazon so I didn't spend our life savings on sticks that I just pee on, analyze to death, then throw away (those suckers are expensive, man). Also, since the amazon ones are so cheap--it allows me to be a psycho woman and use them way.too.early and send picture texts to my friends analyzing them with me (what? You don't do that?). So, one morning in late November I got something that resembled a second line, but you had to squint real hard to see it. You know, bend and contort under a light, standing in the window, *blink......blink.........blink* kinda thing.
I'm not an idiot. I've done this make a baby thing. Twice before actually. So, I know that a line means a line. So in my head, I knew right away that morning that indeed, I was pregnant. But for some reason, just knowing that it was a cheap test? Made me question everything. Suddenly, those tests were no good in my mind and I MUST CONFIRM it with an expensive test. You know, because the ones that cost your left arm and firstborn child will be accurate, of course.
Plus, I was all Oh my gosh, if this is it, I need a cute way to tell Declan this afternoon! A big-sis shirt! Or something! So in my head, going to Target made THE MOST SENSE. Because I could actually purchase the test, go in the bathroom, use it--then go back shopping looking for the perfect way to spill the beans to my husband.
Except it was the WORST WEATHER DAY in the history of (added for dramatic effect) the world. It was one of those days that as a mom, if you can, you stay the heck home, because taking your kid(s) out in torrential downpours is way too much trouble. Catch my drift?
That didn't stop me this day. Because I just had to get out. I had to pee on an expensive test. I HAD to figure out if there was, indeed, a baby in the making--and I had to tell my husband the second he got home THAT day.
On the way to Target I somehow rationalized in my brain that I should probably stop someplace else to buy the pregnancy test first. You know, because dragging my kid out in torrential downpour twice made complete sense. I just thought that if I could walk into target, pregnancy test already in hand (okay, in purse), I could go straight to the bathroom, find out my fate, and THEN go shopping in Target--without having to do the checkout process twice and looking all awkward.
Whatever. In my brain it made sense at the time.
I trekked into the drug store with my toddler on my hip, wet from rain, went straight to the pregnancy test section (located right next to contraceptives, mind you), grabbed my "They Never Lie" tests (First Response Early Result, fyi), got rung out by the cashier and back out to the car. Off to Target we went.
In the Target parking lot I decided to get totally prepped before going in. I'd determined that if I had the tests all unwrapped, a pee cup ready (because there were 2 tests, a line & digital, I knew I needed a 'cup')(also I refuse to tell you what I used as a pee cup because you would judge me, I still judge myself a little, ha), then the process of Finding Out If I'm Pregnant While Wrangling A Toddler In a Target Stall would go smoother.
I am such an idiot sometimes. Because it was not easy.
You don't need the details, but basically--within a few seconds I could see that my Never Lie To Me tests were indeed sealing my fate. A very, very, very faint (it was still early) 2nd pink line appeared. In between squints and holding it to the light, I was trying to keep Emeline from unlocking the door, crawling on the dirty floor, and splashing in the toilet. But that was it. I knew it. Totally pregnant.
(Proof in iPhone pics. Also-they look negative, they weren't. Obviously. :) )
I shoved the pee sticks in my purse--because of course I had to keep analyzing the lines while I shopped. I looked around for some cute Big Sister Tee but it didn't exist. At least not that day.
We went to the book section and found a really cute, I'm A Big Sister book--and settled that somehow, this would be the way we'd tell Daddy later that night...
(Not trying to be all dramatic-cliff-hanger-like....but this is way long (I'm wordy, yo), and I need to feed me and my kid breakfast now, but I will write the rest later'ish and post it. Promise.)