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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thoughts. Fears. Excitement. Oh my.

I couldn't sleep well last night. There was a restless kind of uneasiness I had going on, and so whenever a lot is on my mind? I dream about it. It's not always great, though. Because often times the dreams stress me out. Sometimes the dreams are good.

Last night was just a mix of both. Combined with the normal aches and pregnancy pains. So yea.

(yesterday at 37w4d-definitely a lower bump these days)
I have an ultrasound this afternoon to check on baby girl. I'm measuring behind consistently now for weeks on end, and she seems pretty small. They just want to make sure all my fluid levels are good and see her progress. I'm not worried so much about her. I know that she's full term. I know that if something was wrong, they would all do their best to get her here on the outside world safe and sound. I guess it's more about me & some small fears I have. So if you think about me today--around 2:00pm est, prayers for peace in my heart would be appreciated.

Needless to say, the unknown has me a little...uneasy? The bottom line is, despite the outcome of this ultrasound, I still will be meeting this new little person in a few weeks, tops. And although a few weeks sounds like a million years away to my very with-child-self, I know that ultimately, it's just a tiny blip in life.

So, yesterday I spent finishing up loose ends. Making sure the bassinet was set up. That the house was semi-presentable. I vacuumed all 3 levels. I had random urges to spot clean 3 stories of townhouse carpet on my hands and knees, and I did. I finished packing all the bags (let's be honest, I should have had that done anyway). I finally got Emeline's gift from little sister put together for the hospital. I washed a few of the most recent things I picked up here and there.

...and then we showed up to Declan's moms house, where we meet (typically weekly) to have dinner together and just catch up---when I walked in and heard, SURPRISE. I was....shocked? Confused? Who is this for? Oh yea. I'm having a baby. I think this is for me. For us. Oh. Wow. 

It was just the family, and Declan's grandparents. But it was very sweet. Declan's sister, Lyryn made gorgeous cupcakes and decorated the house, and just wanted to make sure that this baby got a little something. Practical gifts were open...the best kind in my opinion. Diapers, wipes and onesies. The simplicity of that made me crazy happy. Classic 2nd time mom there. Give me the basics? Yes. PLEASE.

That little bit of extra umph of baby stuff definitely sent me into, Okay I'm really ready now, mode.

I'm checked out. Mentally. Checked out from other things that normally occupy my mind. I'm on the full blast I can't wait to meet my second baby girl radar. I can't wait to kiss her sweet cheeks. I can't wait to have a cuddly newborn on my shoulder. I can't wait to see Emeline as a big sister. I can't wait to get pictures of my girls together. I can't wait to smell her sweet newborn head and play with her cute baby toes.

I'm not naive. I know what comes with newborn'dom. I know I'll be a zombie-mom (aka: functioning on no sleep) in no time. I know there will be challenges with learning to mom 2 kids. I know that there will be nights of oh, god, make her stop crying.

But right now? I just want to meet my baby.

***

Thanks for the prayers today.

No matter what--in a few weeks, I'll meet this little girl. The end (just the beginning) is in sight.

Hip, hip, hooray.


Happy Thursday.

24 comments:

  1. The newborn phase is so much easier the second time. I Was much less zombie like. I knew II would have plenty of milk and starting pumping right away and my husband took every other night feeding which helped BIG time because there is no sleeping when the baby sleeps with a toddler in tow. I was also much more relaxed and it was more enjoyable.

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  2. Just to maybe ease your mind a little bit, my fluid levels were lower with my second, too, and she turned out to be 100% perfect. I loved getting another ultrasound to see her (and make sure she was a girl; a fear of mine that they were wrong!).

    Will be thinking of you this afternoon and praying that baby girl is 100% perfect as well :)

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  3. Ahhhh, you just expressed EXACTLY how I am feeling. Up until recently I had been stressed and anxious, now I am calm and just excited to meet our sweet boy in 3 weeks. Good luck!!!

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  4. Hang in there, mama. And I know it's stressful, but I can tell you...Ella measured behind for weeks, too. I was "too small" and she was "on the small side" from about 24 weeks on. Then she was born at 7 lb two weeks early. Perfectly normal. They reckoned that's how some women carry babies. I also might have had low fluid, and thanks to that and how I carried her, my water broke at 38 weeks like it did. We'll never know b/c I never made it to my ultrasound like yours today. But regardless, it will be OK. Ella was fine, and I was fine, and it's not totally out of the ordinary for this to happen. Just thought it might take a bit of weight off your shoulders to know others have been there. I'm praying girl, and I'm also betting you're gonna meet that girl sooner rather than later.

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  5. I'm dying to know this sweet girls name! :)

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  6. Good Luck today!

    Sounds like you are definitely nesting...I'm excited for you. You'll be a great 2 kid mom. Promise.

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  7. Will be thinking about you!! Not just for your appointment today, but as you go through the whole waiting process to meet your sweet baby girl! I hope that your appointment today eases your mind. Good luck!

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  8. Good luck today and yay for getting diapers, haha it is true as a second time mom it is the diapers that make happy whereas first time around it was more tutus and bows!

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  9. I had Henry 2 weeks early, the day after my work friends gave me a little baby shower--maybe the same will happen to you! Will be thinking of you today...

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  10. Thoughts are definitely with you. Everything will be ok and it is all in God's hands. Baby girl is full term, and that is something to be so thankful for :)
    Keep us updated :)

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  11. Isn't crazy how our logical selves know it's just a blip on the screen of our lives, but these last weeks/days are such a weird mix of flying by and lasting forever.

    Prayers said for you and baby girl, and thank God for medicine that can help us know if something is wrong and they need to help, or if she's just petite! With Kari's twins that's why they ended up taking them at 35 weeks because one of them wasn't gaining. If they hadn't had those ultrasounds things wouldn't have been good. So yeah, I'm praying for you and saying thanks to God for all of our technology that keeps babies/mamas safe. :)

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  12. You're in my prayers momma! Calm those nerves and BELIEVE that God's in control. His timing and plan is perfect!

    What a sweet little shower they threw! That's precious!

    Can't wait to 'meet' this little lovie too!!!!!

    ONLY 2 weeks to go!

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  13. Hope all goes well today with your appointment. :)

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  14. So so exciting that you will be meeting your baby girl in just a few weeks!! I can't wait to see her!!! And good luck with your u/s!! I hope everything is good!

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  15. Praying, praying, praying!!! Loved this post and I'm so excited to "meet" that sweet girl!! Much love, Mama!!

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  16. Thinking of you! Praying all is well! Can't wait to see this sweet pea! Oh, and I totally didn't even THINK of the photo possibilities with BOTH girls. Those are going to be some amazing pictures!!

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  17. So proud that you're hanging in there lik a champ! And cleaning when you're fill term? You go momma!

    I will be saying a prayer for you today. I know God will send you some comfort.

    Almost there! *hugs*

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  18. You look so cute!

    Sending prayers and good vibes for this afternoon. And you're right, meeting your new bundle of love and joy is right around the corner!! Squee!!

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  19. Prayers for you! I can't wait to see your little one!

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  20. Prayers sent your way!
    You are an incredible mother Katie.
    Things will be just fine.
    Enjoy every bit of this magical moment of conection with yourself and your loved ones. The lil Miss will be all swaddled up and ready to see Mommy for the first time in the blink of an eye. And we will all be here waiting for you to come home and share the beautiful pictures with us. May the Lord bless you in every step of this journey.

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  21. First of all, this post made me tear up. So exciting, what a special time.

    Second, many prayers for your ultrasound today.

    So close, so close!!

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  22. I'm just now getting around to blog reading today and am about an hour late for ultrasound prayers. However, I am praying for PEACE. No matter the outcome of today's ultrasound, I pray that the Lord covers you with peace and comfort.

    I can't wait to "meet" this sweet girl!

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  23. I am not sure why, but this post totally made me tear up. It's been a rough week around here and I think reading your sweet reasons of why you were so, so ready to meet baby girl took me back to those last few weeks of pregnancy where I was in the exact same spot and sort of snapped me back to reality, so thank you :) I needed a reminder to look past the stress/exhaustion/messy house and think of how lucky we are to have and birth these beautiful babies. You're gonna be a GREAT Momma of 2! Can't wait to see it happen :)

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  24. I totally missed the requested prayer time, but I'm thinking about you now, and will continue to pray for peace for you!

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