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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

An Update....inner dialogue when running & week 1 results.

First of all, I really, so much so, appreciated all the amazing comments and emails I got from my post on Sunday. I think it's important to know that it was a bad day, and it's true--the next day was better. The basic gist I got from all the encouragement is not to expect it to get easier, but just that I'll end up adjusting and growing. And that I need to remember my baby is only a month old. And honestly? Since I'm thinking clear and having a good day today? That all makes perfect sense and I whole heartedly agree. Also, I don't think I suck. I'm really not that hard on myself. In fact, I think I can be pretty awesome. But anyway, I appreciate all the acceptance, thoughts, and "we're there with you's" in my weak moments. Really. Thanks.

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Yesterday marked my first full week back to tracking using the Weight Watchers points plus method.

I wish I was more excited to be back to it, but honestly? This week was hard. Not in the sense that I cheated or anything, because I didn't. But that it took a lot of adjusting after eating whatever I wanted for 10 months. And in my opinion, the first few weeks are the hardest with WW.

See, I don't do anything half-ass (sorry for the ass-bomb, but I can think of no other word/phrase to use). I do something, and I do it the very best I can. That's why "cheating" or "just not tracking" isn't an issue for me.

The good thing about being back was that it caused me to stop and look at every single thing twice, three-times, calculating whether it was worth it or not. When, over the last 10 months I pretty much did none of that. I expect that it'll take me another few weeks to really get in the groove again, meaning it just becomes and integrated part of me. While I'm used to it already, I'm still at the kind of bitter I even have to do this again phase.

Which is kind of stupid. My body. I've gotta do the work. But, you know. I'm just so impatient and I'd like to just, you know, magically wake up and look like my old self again.

Yesterday as I was pounding the pavement in the drizzling rain, I just kept thinking and repeating to myself, "It's as much about the journey...it's as much about the journey....." Because to be honest? I needed a pep talk. I was feeling annoyed that not even a year ago I was running 5K's for fun. And now here I am, doing a 6 minute run and feeling tired. And feeling everything jiggle. And shake. And I was breathing heavy. And wishing the 6 minutes to be over already.

See, I'm trying to be more aware of what I'm feeling when I'm running.

So far, my internal dialogue has been a whole lot like this:

Source: mamagoesbam.com via Kelly on Pinterest

I freaking hate running in this weather. It's too hot. My body feels so heavy. I hate feeling my butt bump up and down. I can't wait till that goes away. OHMYGOSH my boobs hurt so bad. Oh, I love this song. Ugh, my shoulders kind of hurt. Just keep going. Why do I like running again? Or do I even like it all? I should just stop, this is stupid, I'm not a runner. It feels impossible that I'll be able to run 3+ miles again. I wonder if that person is staring at my baby gut. Oh, heck, what do I care, I'm the one out here running while they sit on their porch. You are strong, Katie. Run. Run. You can do this. But, I feel so weak. I want to stop. This is stupid. I feel like I'll never lose the weight. BUCK UP GIRL, you've done this already. You know you can. Shut up those negative feelings and just run already, woman!! 

Pretty intense. Intense and annoying. I remember dealing with all those same feelings last time (minus the huge nursing tata's bouncing in my face). I also, when thinking clearly, have to remind myself that I am heavier this time. Last time when I began running it was near the end of my weight watchers journey. I was thinner. I had less to carry around. My boobs were much smaller. Not as much jiggled. It was still hard, though. I had to push myself...and often? I felt weak. Incapable. But I told myself I was strong enough and I could overcome the "I'm just not a runner" that became part of me for no reason at all other than my insecurity. And I did. And that? That felt good.

I'm still working on liking running again.


I don't plan on writing about my weight loss weekly. I like when other people do it, but I also kind of like to keep this part to myself until I have met bigger goals or milestones. However, this first week I did want to write about it, mainly to remember the feelings, and also because so many of you have told me you're starting or are newly in this journey, too.

Yesterday when I woke up, groggy, with a sleeping, swaddled baby next to me....I rubbed my eyes and thought, What day is it again? Then I remembered...Monday. It's Monday. My weigh-in day!

I used to both love and dread Monday.

This week, I jumped on the scale and saw a 2 pound loss. 2 lbs is good. It's healthy. It's normal. Since I've done this before I know that anywhere from .5-2lbs loss a week is pretty normal for me. I'm fine with that.

But I am SO GLAD I took my measurements. This is always, always my advice to people just starting to lose weight---please, please take your measurements. Because often they will encourage you when small weight loss or no weight loss at all may discourage you.

This week I lost 2" on my waist and 1.5" on my hips. I know that may seem like a lot for only 1 week, but I think it's important to remember I'm still very postpartum funky and wide and my ute is still shrinking, etc. BUT. I do think that the running and walking and exercising is definitely helping, too.

The combination of my losses this week? I feel good about.

***

For details sake, I added C25K into my schedule, and right now I'm only doing that on Mon/Wed/Fri--but I know there will likely become a time I need to increase that. Right now, I'm still easing in since I've not had my 6 week clearance.

I ran twice on the treadmill (hate. hate. hate), and then one time, in 90 degree weather, pushing a double stroller. I wanted to die. It may have been the hardest workout of my life. Then yesterday, since it was a holiday and my husband was home, I also was able to run outside (in the rain--which was kind of fun!). I have to be flexible with where/when I run simply because of naptimes, our evenings (which are booked up a few times a week with commitments), and other factors. So, one way or another, whether treadmill or outdoors...C25K will happen.

***

Overall? A good first week, I'd say. 2lb loss & 3.5" loss. Committed to my runs even though I didn't feel like it.

I'd call that a win.

21 comments:

  1. Yay!! Great job!!

    I'm getting back on the WW train after taking about a month off... between vacation and my birthday and general business, I really was just over tracking. In my head, I know it's not that difficult... I know that for a year and a half, I have gone weeks where I had to work to eat all my points. However, having family togetherness time over the past several weeks, I just plain don't want to miss out. We have some amazing cooks in my family... I hate the idea of not eating their food because it is too points heavy. Trying to get over that, though.

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  2. What a great start!! Weighing in on a Monday is probably a great way to kep you in check on the weekends! I either weigh in Thursday nights or Saturday mornings and I know sometimes I let it be my excuse to splurge a little bit more than I would during the week.

    I'm kicking myself for never taking any measurments. I suppose I still could, but it would have been cool to see them from the beginning!

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  3. excellent job Katie! Every time I read one of your posts about what you're able to do after pregnancy I keep thinking, "Wow, I could still barely walk at this point!" I'm so incredibly impressed with what you're accomplishing!!! =)

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  4. Congratulations on a great start!! I would love to see a post where you talk about what you are eating in WW for your daily points.

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  5. I did WW before I got pregnant and now am trying to get back on, but just can't get into the groove. I think part of is has to do with the fact that the scale tells me I am where I was before I got pregnant, but I just don't FEEL the same. So it's a mind game.

    Anyway, just wondering how you manage counting points while nursing. I know you get 12 more correct? I just struggle with the fact of allowing myself those 12 more points. I feel like that is too much and defeats the purpose, but yet I know I need to eat more beings I am still bf. Again, a mind game. Anyway just wondering how you are dealing with that. Thanks!

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  6. 2 lbs is great! Good for you! {I know this comment sucks- I just wanted you to know I'm happy for you even if it was a hard week}.

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  7. That dialogue in your head? That's me. Every time I start running.
    It IS annoying. I just want to shut off my brain, so I won't talk myself out of it. :)
    Yay for the weight loss!

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  8. Yah for the 2 lb weight loss! I'm starting c25k TODAY and I'm sorta freaked out. I hope I don't die. Even when I was skinny in HS I could never run. Every ounce of energy always drains from me in a nanosecond if I attempt it. But you are my inspiration, and Jess, and Susan- so I know I can.

    I'm only of those "weight melts off me the first year postpartum" and it's great but as soon as a year hits it's starts packing back on and I can tell I've started gaining some back so I figure I better start exercising now because I don't want to get in size 16 again. I'm a 12 right now. An 8 would be nice :)

    Any advice for a beginner runner? I have pretty decent walking/running shoes that I wear at work but I'm going to use those for running. I got them at a running store. What about socks? Just plain ol cotton? I'm going to have to use a fanny pack (haha) for my phone for now but do you recommend an arm band? Eeeee I have no idea what I'm doing!

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  9. 2 pounds IS AWESOME!! And remember that with time, your lungs and legs will re-acclimate to the running. You'll be running a 5K before you know it. I honestly have my money on you signing up for a holiday run!

    I'm also glad you're back in it because it will be one more person to help me keep going.

    In short: WAY TO GO KATIE!!

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  10. I'm not doing WW (can't afford it right now), but I am doing calorie counting and exercising. You rock lady is all I can say. When I was 4 weeks pp? I didn't do jack. In fact it took me a year and a half after Phoebe to start doing something. I think you're awesome and you'll be back to where you want to be soon enough. I totally agree about taking measurements. That always keeps me motivated when the scale doesn't move so much.

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  11. Way to go! That is awesome! Totally feel you on the inner dialogue! I am only a couple weeks postpartum right now, and even with all the horrible c-sectionness, I am itching to get back to running. I let everything go out the window while pregnant- but as soon as the baby is out, I get all my motivation back. Not looking forward to taking my measurements, but you are right, it is definitely better than just weighing.

    Thanks for the extra motivation! You will be back to those 5Ks before you know it :)

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  12. Your posts motivate me! I really should stop coming up with excuses since you have 2 and are finding time to get your cardio on!

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  13. Hi Katie! I've been a blog creeper of yours for quite some time.. I love your blog! I just had a baby 3 months ago (my first- a little girl) and I'm back on the ww train. I signed up for a 5k on sept. 15th- am I nuts!?!?! I was literally talking myself of going out for a run to start things off but after reading your post I have my running shoes on and I'm going. Thanks for keep it real on your blog- you are an inspiration!

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  14. So inspirational! I was overweight when I got pregnant (5'2 and 189lbs) and with every added pound this pregnancy, I'm so anxious to be un-pregnant in November and start getting healthy! I'm sure I'll be stalking your weight loss section every day for motivation. Thanks Katie!

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  15. Give it another week or so and your body will "remember" how to run...muscle memory.

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  16. You rock. Seriously.

    Thank you for being so honest. I have the "run anyway" battle too. I haaate running outside where people can (gasp) see me. Pretty sure a giraffe with three legs is more graceful than me jogging down the street. You pressing on makes me keep pressing on.

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  17. You're awesome. I totally get the 'running with boobs hitting you in the face thing'...that ish hurts.

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  18. woo!!! awesome job lady!!! 2 pounds is better than none, right?!? :) :) Keep it up, its always worth it!

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  19. Woot Woot!! You get it girl!! You are seriously a rockstar:)

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  20. I keep forgetting about the measurement thing. It's so much harder to remember to grab the tape measure and find those things out, rather than hop on the scale. But I think I would have seen better loss when I didn't lose any actual weight.

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