Yesterday marked my first full week back to tracking using the Weight Watchers points plus method.
I wish I was more excited to be back to it, but honestly? This week was hard. Not in the sense that I cheated or anything, because I didn't. But that it took a lot of adjusting after eating whatever I wanted for 10 months. And in my opinion, the first few weeks are the hardest with WW.
See, I don't do anything half-ass (sorry for the ass-bomb, but I can think of no other word/phrase to use). I do something, and I do it the very best I can. That's why "cheating" or "just not tracking" isn't an issue for me.
The good thing about being back was that it caused me to stop and look at every single thing twice, three-times, calculating whether it was worth it or not. When, over the last 10 months I pretty much did none of that. I expect that it'll take me another few weeks to really get in the groove again, meaning it just becomes and integrated part of me. While I'm used to it already, I'm still at the kind of bitter I even have to do this again phase.
Which is kind of stupid. My body. I've gotta do the work. But, you know. I'm just so impatient and I'd like to just, you know, magically wake up and look like my old self again.
Yesterday as I was pounding the pavement in the drizzling rain, I just kept thinking and repeating to myself, "It's as much about the journey...it's as much about the journey....." Because to be honest? I needed a pep talk. I was feeling annoyed that not even a year ago I was running 5K's for fun. And now here I am, doing a 6 minute run and feeling tired. And feeling everything jiggle. And shake. And I was breathing heavy. And wishing the 6 minutes to be over already.
See, I'm trying to be more aware of what I'm feeling when I'm running.
So far, my internal dialogue has been a whole lot like this:
Pretty intense. Intense and annoying. I remember dealing with all those same feelings last time (minus the huge nursing tata's bouncing in my face). I also, when thinking clearly, have to remind myself that I am heavier this time. Last time when I began running it was near the end of my weight watchers journey. I was thinner. I had less to carry around. My boobs were much smaller. Not as much jiggled. It was still hard, though. I had to push myself...and often? I felt weak. Incapable. But I told myself I was strong enough and I could overcome the "I'm just not a runner" that became part of me for no reason at all other than my insecurity. And I did. And that? That felt good.
I'm still working on liking running again.
I don't plan on writing about my weight loss weekly. I like when other people do it, but I also kind of like to keep this part to myself until I have met bigger goals or milestones. However, this first week I did want to write about it, mainly to remember the feelings, and also because so many of you have told me you're starting or are newly in this journey, too.
Yesterday when I woke up, groggy, with a sleeping, swaddled baby next to me....I rubbed my eyes and thought, What day is it again? Then I remembered...Monday. It's Monday. My weigh-in day!
I used to both love and dread Monday.
This week, I jumped on the scale and saw a 2 pound loss. 2 lbs is good. It's healthy. It's normal. Since I've done this before I know that anywhere from .5-2lbs loss a week is pretty normal for me. I'm fine with that.
But I am SO GLAD I took my measurements. This is always, always my advice to people just starting to lose weight---please, please take your measurements. Because often they will encourage you when small weight loss or no weight loss at all may discourage you.
This week I lost 2" on my waist and 1.5" on my hips. I know that may seem like a lot for only 1 week, but I think it's important to remember I'm still very postpartum funky and wide and my ute is still shrinking, etc. BUT. I do think that the running and walking and exercising is definitely helping, too.
The combination of my losses this week? I feel good about.
For details sake, I added C25K into my schedule, and right now I'm only doing that on Mon/Wed/Fri--but I know there will likely become a time I need to increase that. Right now, I'm still easing in since I've not had my 6 week clearance.
I ran twice on the treadmill (hate. hate. hate), and then one time, in 90 degree weather, pushing a double stroller. I wanted to die. It may have been the hardest workout of my life. Then yesterday, since it was a holiday and my husband was home, I also was able to run outside (in the rain--which was kind of fun!). I have to be flexible with where/when I run simply because of naptimes, our evenings (which are booked up a few times a week with commitments), and other factors. So, one way or another, whether treadmill or outdoors...C25K will happen.
Overall? A good first week, I'd say. 2lb loss & 3.5" loss. Committed to my runs even though I didn't feel like it.
I'd call that a win.