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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

...and she's off.

note to self: expo board with a 2 1/2 year old=stupidity.
***
She was excited. We've been talking about it for days. "Enna-mine needs backpack. Ennamine go to school. Ennamine see my teacher Miss Karen! Yay! I go to school and see fwends!" On repeat. Every day. All day.

Me on the other hand? Partially excited, yes. But there is a bittersweetness to this whole school thing. My first girl, technically, is off--out of my care, out of the protection of 'home', and out in the (little preschool) world, so to speak. That's a little hard for me, not gonna lie, especially for someone who has trouble letting go.

The good part? Well she gets to branch out. And she gets to learn from someone other than me. And make friends. And play. And do big girl things away from her little sister and me, and, well--grow.

I can't lie, last night I flipped-flopped a lot. I had dreams about preschool. Nothing bad, just, dreams. I felt a little first-day-of-school nervous for her. It was weird. But I guess that's what mom's do. She woke up this morning and the first thing she talked about was school. I talked her through her entire day, what it would look like, because for my kid? Knowing what's coming is really good for her. She seemed super excited.

After our morning normal'ness--breakfast, getting dressed, taking photos that she totally didn't cooperate for, etc, we loaded in the car.

As I was driving that little road to the school I had this sudden urge to turn around and go right home, right now. I don't know why, but it was almost like that protective momma bear thing. I should keep her home longer. What am I doing? Is this even the right thing for her? And then I made myself keep driving and forget about it because A) my kid was so amped up about the first day, she'd probably kill me if I even did such a thing, and B) I've already processed through this a million times with multiple people, including my husband, my partner in this whole gig, and it was determined THIS WAS GOOD. For her, for us, we were gonna do it.

So I shut the thoughts down in my head and went right back to pumping my kid up about school!fun!yay!

The drop off went amazing. In fact, she really didn't even care to say goodbye to me. I guess I could be all boo-hoo-sad about that, but really? It helped make it easier. She went right to imaginary play with her friends and didn't look back.

I know it's silly. It's not like I'm sending her off to college. (PS: Did anyone see last weeks' Parenthood? I sobbed like a friggin' baby when they sent Haddie off to school. OH MY GOSH. My husband laughed at me, but I was literally, in complete hysterics.) But as I drove away and the car felt eerily quiet, I felt a little void. I did.

Right now, it's just me and my littlest girl at home. In a short hour and a half we'll pick up big sister and hopefully hear about how awesome her day was. Heck, by lunchtime I may even be dying for naptime. But all I know is for now, right this second, I miss her.

But I know it's good. And I'm so proud of her.



***

30 comments:

  1. She's so stinkin precious!!! Hope she has a great day!!! And oh my gosh, that episode of Parenthood about did me in!!!! I just love that show!! I want to be a Braverman :)

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  2. When I put my 3 year old in preschool this summer, I experienced the biggest case of mom guilt ever. I doubted my decision to start her in school when she could have been home, safely , with me and her brother. It was the right decision, but as mom's we always doubt ourselves.

    I hope she had a great day :)

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  3. Oh my goodness so adorable! Praying for a GREAT first day (for both of you!) Emeline seems to have such a bubbling personality I just know she's going to thrive! Plus I bet Miss Lucy will love the one on one snuggles a few mornings a week! :)

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  4. Emeline is going to have so much fun! Hoping for a successful first day...and don't worry, you weren't alone in bawling to Parenthood last week, or probably any week for that matter. Man that show plays with my emotions.

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  5. As totally jealous as I am, and as much as I really, REALLY want Lizzy to be able to enroll too...I know that after dropping her off, I'd probably still go home and cry.

    I hope Eme loves it--and don't forget that you'll BOTH need an extra bit of grace in these first few days/weeks of transition!

    PS- Love this layout so much.

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  6. Oh I just know she'd going to love it. Bravo to you for making it to drop off. It'll be fun for you to here about her first day from her cute little toddler self.

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  7. Proud of you momma! I know it's hard! I KNOW! But just like you said, you know it's good for her! She's going to have so much fun! And you and Lucy can have some one on one time like you and Emeiline had! It's all good girl! Enjoy! She's a cutie!

    Love the new blog design!

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  8. Hope Emeline had a great day of school! She is so adorable! :)

    Know that all of your emotions are normal, it's a big transition.

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  9. Way to be strong, mama. I can't imagine how this feels but I can relate on the feelings that I feel when I have to leave Finn with my mom on the days that I work. Hugh void indeed. Can't wait to hear how her first day went, such a big girl.

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  10. we started preschool this week as well and my son too couldn't be bothered to say goodbye. While I'm a little sad about the fact that he's so grown up, I'm more excited about the adventures that lay ahead for him. He's such a social kid, and so far (we're almost 2 weeks in) the only problems we've had are getting him to come home! Hope Emme loves it!

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  12. so adorable! it always seems to be harder on the mama than the child. Kaylee has been in preschool for almost a whole month and it was harder on me than her. I hope she has a great first day.

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  13. She looks too cute! :) And on Parenthood...I definitely cried last week at the college send-off, but this weeks ending made me cry even more! Won't ruin it for you if you didn't get to watch yet, but OMG!

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  14. She's so cute. I will be sending B to pre-school next year and I am for sure nervous!!

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  15. Ah, you DID get some of her sweet face. ;) Whew.

    Can't believe how big these kids are getting...and how old I'm starting to feel...

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  16. My son (turned 3 this past April) started preschool on Sept. 4. It's 3 days a week from 9-11:15. He so well...didn't cry or anything! If he would have, let's face it..I would have never left him! I didn't want him to go, but I know he needs it. He needs time to grow, and learn from others. Still 3 weeks later, on school mornings I still have that feeling in my stomach, "does he really have to go" But, the answer is YES he does have to go :( Moms have it so hard...we work so hard to take care of our little ones, just to let them go off without us! haha. Hope you, and your little girl had a good day! Who knows maybe soon...you'll love it while she's at school! :)

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  17. So exciting! Hope the first day went well...can't wait to hear about it!

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  18. awe I love it! I hope she did great and had a fantastic first day!

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  19. Yay! She must have been so excited. I love to see my kids excited and eager for events. I love the sparkle I their eyes and Em's eyes are so bright and full of anticipation. Hope you all have a peaceful afternoon and hear some great stories.

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  20. I'm so proud of how well both of you did :) I hope this continues to be a blessing for both of y'all!

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  21. You remind me so much of me! (Is that weird? Ha!) But I played that exact same mind game as I drove Kylie to her first day of "school" last spring. But oh my, I am SOOO glad we started school for her. It has honestly been the best thing for both of us. She will love it and so will you! Plus, hello! She is without a doubt the cutest kid in her class!!

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  22. She is way too cute! Hope she had an awesome first day!!

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  23. My van feels EMPTY after I drop all the kids off. It's SO weird.

    Hope she had an amazing first day. She's just adorable.

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  24. She is so adorable! I hope the day was wonderful for her and big hugs to momma cause it can't be easy making this transition.

    Also, the Haddie scene? I was bawling.my.eyes.out. Ugly cry style. Probably didn't help that i have so been there and have done the whole, run back and hug and cry some more thing. but such a good scene.

    xo

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  25. can't believe she started pre-school! time flies!

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  26. I'm so happy for her to experience preschool. I soooo wanted to put Nathan in preschool but we couldn't figure out how to handle the cost (daycare cost we're already paying, preschool cost and transportation cost- bleh) so my kid won't get preschool but at least he gets a lot of social interaction at daycare.

    I can't wait to hear how her first day went! I'm sure she'll talk your ear off.

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  28. I can't wait to hear about her first day! I'm sure it was hard to see her go, but you definitely did the right thing. She looks so happy! :)

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  29. She is going to thrive there. It will be so awesome for her (and you!)

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  30. Girlfriend, we are one in the same. Except I was teaching at a private school that was k - 12 at the time my first born started preK. And did I mention his school was downstairs from my classroom? Oh and I probably forgot to mention I cried like a baby walking UP THE STAIRS back to my class. Oh Oh! And all I had to do was pick up the phone and dial an extension to check on him? Yeah, I was a mess. Did the same routine with my second...I was a mess. But what was worse?!? When my first born started kindergarten! katie- I was A MESS! Why is this bad you ask? Because the kindergarten classroom was RIGHT NEXT DOOR to my classroom! In fact, if you walked to the back of my class there was a door, and if you walked through that door you would be standing in the kindergarten room! But if you saw me you would have thought I was sending him off 20 miles away...
    Oh and Parenthood? Yeah, I also cried my eyes out when Haddie left. But I cried harder at te very end of the show. next week is going to be awful. Maybe we should text each othe through it, it's going to be a rough one. Sigh.

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