|note to self: expo board with a 2 1/2 year old=stupidity.|
***She was excited. We've been talking about it for days. "Enna-mine needs backpack. Ennamine go to school. Ennamine see my teacher Miss Karen! Yay! I go to school and see fwends!" On repeat. Every day. All day.
Me on the other hand? Partially excited, yes. But there is a bittersweetness to this whole school thing. My first girl, technically, is off--out of my care, out of the protection of 'home', and out in the (little preschool) world, so to speak. That's a little hard for me, not gonna lie, especially for someone who has trouble letting go.
The good part? Well she gets to branch out. And she gets to learn from someone other than me. And make friends. And play. And do big girl things away from her little sister and me, and, well--grow.
I can't lie, last night I flipped-flopped a lot. I had dreams about preschool. Nothing bad, just, dreams. I felt a little first-day-of-school nervous for her. It was weird. But I guess that's what mom's do. She woke up this morning and the first thing she talked about was school. I talked her through her entire day, what it would look like, because for my kid? Knowing what's coming is really good for her. She seemed super excited.
After our morning normal'ness--breakfast, getting dressed, taking photos that she totally didn't cooperate for, etc, we loaded in the car.
As I was driving that little road to the school I had this sudden urge to turn around and go right home, right now. I don't know why, but it was almost like that protective momma bear thing. I should keep her home longer. What am I doing? Is this even the right thing for her? And then I made myself keep driving and forget about it because A) my kid was so amped up about the first day, she'd probably kill me if I even did such a thing, and B) I've already processed through this a million times with multiple people, including my husband, my partner in this whole gig, and it was determined THIS WAS GOOD. For her, for us, we were gonna do it.
So I shut the thoughts down in my head and went right back to pumping my kid up about school!fun!yay!
The drop off went amazing. In fact, she really didn't even care to say goodbye to me. I guess I could be all boo-hoo-sad about that, but really? It helped make it easier. She went right to imaginary play with her friends and didn't look back.
I know it's silly. It's not like I'm sending her off to college. (PS: Did anyone see last weeks' Parenthood? I sobbed like a friggin' baby when they sent Haddie off to school. OH MY GOSH. My husband laughed at me, but I was literally, in complete hysterics.) But as I drove away and the car felt eerily quiet, I felt a little void. I did.
Right now, it's just me and my littlest girl at home. In a short hour and a half we'll pick up big sister and hopefully hear about how awesome her day was. Heck, by lunchtime I may even be dying for naptime. But all I know is for now, right this second, I miss her.
But I know it's good. And I'm so proud of her.