If you really knew me-
You'd know that I may come off shy at first in large groups, but I'm anything but shy. Especially with family.
You'd know that when I walk down the steps in the morning and see my living room straightened, pillows neat on the couch, blankets folded, even though it will look a wreck in 5 minutes? It makes me feel sane in that moment.
You'd know that I have only a handful of friends, who are each from different circles of life. So large group friend gatherings isn't really a thing for me, and I tend to hang out with them one on one. I'm okay with this.
You'd know I'd choose to hang out with my family any day of the week. Yes, I like them. No, love them. You already know the relationship I have with my sister, and my momma is the best, most supportive help to me. It truly means the world to me to have them.
You'd know I'm generally a home-body, but I also can itch to get out and about like no other.
You'd know I don't really like long day trips, they stress me out more than they should. I hate having to pack lunches and bags and make sure we have everything. I'd much prefer just a few hours and back home type of thing.
You'd know I feel proud of the nursing relationship I have had with both my kids (so far), but I'm still a very shy nurse-in-public'er.
You'd know that while I love me a snuggly baby, I also can't wait some days to just put her down, asleep somewhere, so I can have both hands free to do stuff.
You'd know that coffee only became my bff when I had kids. Before that? It was a pretty non-existent presence in my life.
You'd know that I tell my husband daily that we are done having kids, but in my heart I know that's not true at all.
You'd know that adult stuff...like banking, insurance, bills, etc....confuse the heck out of me. I don't like any of it, and I do what I can to understand best, and then I leave the rest up to my husband.
You'd know that the only reason I miss teaching is because of how cool some of my coworkers were and the camaraderie, but other than that? Meh. Okay, I miss the hugs of some of my favorite students, but that's about it.
You'd know that I really, truly do not like to cook, bake, clean (other than 'straighten'), and organizing/purging/etc sends chills up my spine. However? When I do any of the above, I feel like a million bucks afterwards.
You'd know that I find being in a car with two screaming babies (aka: my own children) to be complete and utter torture. It literally is one of the worst feelings, ever, like the walls of my car are caving in on me (dramatic much?). When everyone is peaceful? It is complete bliss.
You'd know how much I adore taking photos, but I like the post-processing best. Sorting through photos, picking my favorites, editing them, and posting them. That part I love.
You'd know that writing here is therapeutic to my soul, but yet I question every single day what I write, who reads this, will I be judged, and should I just shut this ship down because it's the internet. And my kids faces are on here. And am I doing them wrong. And, and, and. It's so hard to know what's right.
You'd know that my diaper bag is a complete and utter wreck.
That I loathe taking a shower simply because the getting ready 'after' part is so long and annoying.
That I don't ever get my hair done or spend money on luxuries like that (only box-dye, man), but I'll treat myself to a pedicure here and there.
That I'm perfectly okay with owning clothes mainly from Target and discount stores like Ross, TJ Maxx and Marshalls, and don't need anything name brand.
That buying shoes for myself is the last thing in the world I want to spend money on. I hate shoe shopping. I hate breaking in shoes. I hate shoes in general. I promise I'm still a girl.
That I crave a good, stay-at-home-morning like the best of 'em, but by afternoon I am wishing for sunshine.