I swore I wouldn't be one of those one-uppers. I didn't want to be the person who said, "Oh, ha! Well you have just one kid? Just WAIT 'till you have two. You'll really never have time for a shower, then." Because I've been a victim of that, and it sucks.
I remember one time, pre-kids, pregnant with Emeline, I wrote a facebook status about having a busy week & being exhausted. It was one of those teacher-conferences weeks, lots of evening commitments, and dude, I was teaching all day and very pregnant. I WAS TIRED. And then, someone did it. Someone commented on my status with the Oh just you wait, you think you're tired now? thing, and it was awful. It made me feel awful. And kind of mad, honestly. They were much further along in life than me, a few kids, older kids, actually--and yea, I get it, you're tired. BUT SO WAS I.
Ultimately, those little snickery one-upper comments just invalidate someone's feelings. Feelings that are real, very real to them, you know? So I've tried to remain very conscious of this while making the transition to two kids. I told myself I didn't want to just fling off the cuff with statements like, "One was so easy!", because I knew that somewhere, a mom of one is thinking THIS IS SO HARD. And now, as a mom of two, my perspective is totally different. Just because it has to be different, mainly.
I think that in general, motherhood is trying and difficult at times and full of sleep deprivation, and newness, and a whole!'nother!person! which shouldn't be taken lightly, at all. For a first time mom, everything is NEW. So that almost makes it doubly hard. You're basically thrust into on-the-job-training with a screaming, crying person who demands you almost 24/7, and suddenly you're someones' sole nourishment, and whether they thrive or not is your responsibility. THAT can be hard, and slightly overwhelming, yea?
Is the transition from one to two kids hard? Yea. For me it was, and is. Does it mean that having one kid is suddenly "so easy"? Um, not at all.
And yea, I'm busier now than I was with just one. Yea, I have less time for me. Yea, errands are a little more difficult, and I'm worried about the well being of two instead of one. But it doesn't mean that I didn't feel busy with one, that I had tons of time for me, and that errands were easy with one kid, either. It's different.
And not only that, but I'm different. I have changed and grown as a mother. I've gone through this one time with another little person. In that regard, parts of the 2nd baby are almost easier. So much less of the unknown. More of a 'been there, done that' mentality, and much more roll-with-the-punches.
I've slipped up, I've said it before. I've probably invalidated someones feelings accidentally, and for that I'm sorry. Ultimately, I just want to be conscious and remember that when I had one kid, it was still challenging at times. It was still hard to find time for me. Going out running errands still felt like a rat race on some days. Being a mom was new, and it did come with lots of life lessons and difficult situations. It wasn't all peaches n' cream.
I'm just trying to remember that where we're all at, at these different paths along the journey--there are always feelings and emotions, and in those moments? Those feelings are valid, and so real. And perspective in life changes based on our personal situations.
My goal is to continue being mindful of this...and get better at it, too. Join me?