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Monday, January 21, 2013

Little souls.

Last night I had this genius* idea to come back here, pour my heart and soul into this blog, a post full of my favorite photos, one per month....where I'd write about all the beauty in life and blah blah blah.

And, well. If you look, you can see how THAT went. I got as far as April. I skipped February by accident. I really can't pick my favorite photo of the week, let alone in one month, that is impossible, absolutely impossible for me. So my epic post quickly became a dud, and you know what? I don't really care.

Look. This is me. I can't even pick 12 photos, let alone label them beautifully, and for the love, I skipped February. Idiot.

Going through some old photos was really fun for me though. But it also felt, so...weird. More than half of 2012 I was a mother to just one kid. I mean, the other one was inside me, yea, but, you know, didn't require boogers being wiped. And yet, as I looked at all these photos, just a family of 3, or just of Emeline, I felt like someone was missing. Lucy was missing. 

I look back with fondness on my time of being a mom to just one. I do. I mean, oh the spur-of-the-moment trips we went on. It's true, I would bring my camera out on more outings, capture more beautiful pictures, walk around the pond more, be the cool mom, getting ICEE's at random times of day, or stopping for ice cream (hello pregnancy cravings). Emeline and I had countless adventures together.

But we're a family of four now. I'm a momma to two. Lucy is a gift. Such a fun, chubby little adorable, giggly gift. Both arms are occupied at all times. Errands aren't the same. But we're finding our groove. We are finally finding our groove and I think I've totally settled into this. I'm feeling better, all around. I love my two precious babies more than words can say.

So as I looked back at those pictures I couldn't help but feel like, wow, this isn't my whole family. Lucy wasn't in them. And it felt, in a way, incomplete. Even though in those moments of frozen time, in those images, I felt so complete. I felt like just Emeline & Declan were my whole wide world, my whole heart, walking around in flesh. And yet now, I know different. Another little soul was about to capture my heart.

If anything, 2012 taught me just how much my heart can grow. How beautiful and miraculous the gift of siblings truly is. How beautiful the sister bond can be. Witnessing it everyday is seriously one of my greatest joys. I've learned how amazingly well I can function on little sleep. How much I love coffee. How important family is. That I have the greatest husband on the planet for me. How much growing I've done, and how much more I have left to do.



Oh little souls, thanks for making me feel more complete.

*not genius

25 comments:

  1. What a sweet way to reflect on how your life has changed. I bet that is very weird to look at pictures and feel like someone is missing now that you know how precious your life is with Lucy in it.

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  2. Adorable pictures!! Love the December one!!

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  3. Love this post! Being a mom of one is fun, but I too don't feel compete even now. I know there's another soul waiting on her mommy to bring her here. Sometime this year I plan on taking that plunge, but I do enjoy my little family of three right now so much. Thanks for the great post Katie!

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  4. I love August's!

    And also this: "I mean, the other one was inside me, yea, but, you know, didn't require boogers being wiped."

    Haha.

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  5. Your girls (and you) are beautiful. And... For what it's worth, I didn't even notice you skipped February! It's funny how you don't even know your heart has a piece missing until its filled!

    I hope maybe this means you're back? At least a little bit back to blogging?

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  6. Wow they are getting big! Obviously Lucy is growing at lightening speed, but even Em looks so old and wise in that December picture!!

    Isn't it so weird how much we juggle as moms of two? I feel like I'm doing 1000 things at a time ALL the time.

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  7. Such a lovely post! Having added baby girl #2 in February, I think I get just what you're saying, though I don't think I'd have said it as well. Again, such a lovely post! :)

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  8. oh, beautiful! thanks for sharing. and how grown up does Emeline look in the December pic compared to March?! Like she's going to be going off to college tomorrow! You have a beautiful family.

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  9. I was excited to see you post something! Such a heart-felt post too, I really enjoyed it. Your little family of 4 is beautiful! :)

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  10. What a beautiful post! We miss you around here :)

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  11. Ooh, goodness those pictures are precious!! I can never pick just one, either. It's amazing how much your heart changes and grows with the birth of baby 2 (and I know every one thereafter) I literally try to remember what it was like before he was here and I just can't. He has filled us up that much!! It's something you just can't understand until you experience it!

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  12. Oh, that December picture just made my heart explode. For real. Cutest little things ever in the world. You are SUCH a great mama.

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  13. Is it just me or does Eme look so much older in the December picture compared to the August one? Like a little girl. So crazy.

    I could never pick just 12. No way. But that's what happens when you're like us and take a few thousand a week. ;)

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  14. Can I just say I loved seeing a blog post from Loves of Life in my reader.

    Isn't it interesting that Lucy was with you on all of those adventures before you'd even seen her sweet face, pregnancy still amazes me.

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  15. I think the same thing. Looking back on baby pics of Trey is when I remember those moments or that specific event. It seems like I cannot remember what it was like to have just one baby to care for. I guess it's because I didn't do it for that long, ya know?

    And NOW I keep thinking how this year is going to be a big change for us. Trey starts Pre-K this August, being away from Momma and Jackson from 8-2:30, five days a week! Even though I love the thought of my first "baby" starting his education journey, I'm sure I'll be an emotional wreck when the time actually gets here. Anyway, with T going to school, it will only be Jackson and I home now. Just us. One on one. I know that I'll enjoy this time (J starts Pre-K the following Aug), but I kinda feel bittersweet about it b/c I never got that time w/ Trey. When Trey was 3, I was already a Mom of 2. Trey had to "share" me w/ Brother, ya know? Gah. I think this is my brain on overdrive or something, but I think I have the Mom-guilt thing going on here, and it's only January. :P Sheesh.

    Okay...sorry for the ramble. Beautiful post. Your family is gorgeous. Stay blessed always, Momma. xx

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  16. I love the pictures, and I've missed you! It's crazy to look back on picture from before a baby and try to remember what it was like back then. I see pix from before Fynn was born, and I always think there's something missing.

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  17. I love these pictures, and I miss your blogging like crazy!!!!

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  18. Katie,

    Glad you're back! I'm not a constant commenter, but I love your blog. Although I live a few states away in NC, I love seeing how you handle life w 2 babies too. I have a 4 year old boy and a 16 month old girl and life. Well it just gets cray cray sometimes! You're so raw and open and I love that about you. Thank you for sharing about your dad, and I will be praying for y'all and the road ahead.

    You have 2 precious little souls, and reading this made me love mine even more, not to get discouraged with non stop crying and days that all I do is timeouts and tantrums, and change diapers. Thank you for encouraging all of us other moms!

    Laura

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  19. Love getting to read your blog more often again.
    I'm finally getting to where I feel like I can catch my breath every now & then with my two boys, so I completely understand what you're saying in this post.
    Love the December pic! :)

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  20. Your love for your family is so amazing. Beautiful post.

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  21. Ohhh, I feel the same way every time I look back at old pictures with just my oldest, but I never would have been able to put that feeling quite into words. You are so right!

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  22. Such great pictures. My Gray is only 3 mos old and I'm just now starting to get that feeling. Hard to believe that one day there may be another little person I can't imagine life without and it's just a little spark in my mind for way down the road.

    Holy cow! Emeline has grown up so much. Monroe is just a month older and we were looking at our pictures over this second year of life and cannot believe how much he has matured and when you watch a video-it's crazy. So amazing!

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  23. Beautiful post. Your little souls are such gorgeous girls!

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