Last night I had this genius* idea to come back here, pour my heart and soul into this blog, a post full of my favorite photos, one per month....where I'd write about all the beauty in life and blah blah blah.
And, well. If you look, you can see how THAT went. I got as far as April. I skipped February by accident. I really can't pick my favorite photo of the week, let alone in one month, that is impossible, absolutely impossible for me. So my epic post quickly became a dud, and you know what? I don't really care.
Look. This is me. I can't even pick 12 photos, let alone label them beautifully, and for the love, I skipped February. Idiot.
Going through some old photos was really fun for me though. But it also felt, so...weird. More than half of 2012 I was a mother to just one kid. I mean, the other one was inside me, yea, but, you know, didn't require boogers being wiped. And yet, as I looked at all these photos, just a family of 3, or just of Emeline, I felt like someone was missing. Lucy was missing.
I look back with fondness on my time of being a mom to just one. I do. I mean, oh the spur-of-the-moment trips we went on. It's true, I would bring my camera out on more outings, capture more beautiful pictures, walk around the pond more, be the cool mom, getting ICEE's at random times of day, or stopping for ice cream (hello pregnancy cravings). Emeline and I had countless adventures together.
But we're a family of four now. I'm a momma to two. Lucy is a gift. Such a fun, chubby little adorable, giggly gift. Both arms are occupied at all times. Errands aren't the same. But we're finding our groove. We are finally finding our groove and I think I've totally settled into this. I'm feeling better, all around. I love my two precious babies more than words can say.
So as I looked back at those pictures I couldn't help but feel like, wow, this isn't my whole family. Lucy wasn't in them. And it felt, in a way, incomplete. Even though in those moments of frozen time, in those images, I felt so complete. I felt like just Emeline & Declan were my whole wide world, my whole heart, walking around in flesh. And yet now, I know different. Another little soul was about to capture my heart.
If anything, 2012 taught me just how much my heart can grow. How beautiful and miraculous the gift of siblings truly is. How beautiful the sister bond can be. Witnessing it everyday is seriously one of my greatest joys. I've learned how amazingly well I can function on little sleep. How much I love coffee. How important family is. That I have the greatest husband on the planet for me. How much growing I've done, and how much more I have left to do.
Oh little souls, thanks for making me feel more complete.