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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Mom support and stuff like that.

Hi.

So after our whirlwind trip to San Diego (which I still dream about, oh warm weather, come hither), I've dropped off the face of the earth. Not quite. But.

Basically, I've been up to my eyeballs in all things bridal-shower, not to mention regular life stuff like work, meetings, keeping small children alive and relatively healthy, and trying to be a somewhat decent wife. Obviously, I'm failing at a few of those things, I'll let you be the judge with the following story.

I don't know how other mothers get ready in the morning (ahem, mid-morning...err closer to noon if I'm being honest about yesterday), with a few small children running around, one who is in this almost-3-I'm-naughty-now-and-hate-to-listen-phase, the other who is just beginning to crawl and explore the world. But, I usually have to put on PBS, while they sit quietly roam, destroy, pull out every q-tip in the box and watch a show in my bedroom. We're all right there. Within a few feet of one another. Remember, small townhouse. It's always a matter of milliseconds minutes before someone, or both of them, end up in my bathroom right around my feet, anyway. (Why do I bother?)

Yesterday, at one point--they both ended up literally under my feet, Emeline reading a book to Lucy. I admit, it was a sweet moment. In fact, I grabbed my phone to take a picture of the sweetness as you can see. Other momma's know this feeling, I'm sure. Always tripping over little people. Even if you put them a little distance away, within seconds, it's like there's some hidden magnetic field between you. Amiright?

I digress.

The busy toddler-girl ended up back to God-knows-where and Lucy was playing with an elmo book in the same place her sister left her. She was sitting there, happy as a clam for a good 5 minutes, while I got my makeup all done. In the meantime I had thrown my phone on my bed (details are a little foggy...as I've relived this multiple times in my mind), and a few minutes later my phone dinged. I got distracted. Between Emeline and my phone, I turned my body away from Lucy for just enough time that she reached over, pulled the cord on my hot straightener right down on her little hand and wrist.

I heard both the fall of the straightener and a coinciding scream/cry and I was so close by (a few feet, literally) that I had her swooped up in my arms within a second and huddled around the sink running her wrist under cold water. I was doing the semi-shaking-omg-I'm-a-failure-babyareyouok?-thing. Emeline snapped out of a PBS coma and noticed my panic and that the atmosphere changed, running up to me shouting, Lucy, YOU OK? LUCY YOU OK?? Reassuring her it will be okay, all the while she begins running down the steps shouting, Don't worry, I'll give you a checkup! I go get my doctor kit! K, Lucy girl? You be okay!

Dear Lord, who am I to stop The Doc, anyway.

It sounds like a lot of time went by, but honestly, it had been maybe 1-minute at this point. Thankfully, Lucy stopped crying after, a minute? 30 seconds? It was short. But I could see her little wrist got burned and so did a spot on her hand.

I was pissed at myself. So mad, feeling like a failure because I DID get distracted. I am normally 3948304 steps ahead of my children. Other mothers know this feeling. You can survey a scene, see every potential bad thing that can or will or is bound to happen. You try your best to protect them and keep them out of these situations. The truth is, without even thinking yesterday, I clicked my straightener on (and I didn't even use it!) (double infuriating!).

As I was nursing Lucy's little wounds I just kept thinking why-katie, whyyyy. You could have waited. Nothing was more important than staying present and being able to watch as Lucy's little face got intrigued by the cord dangling down. Whether it was hot or not. I do blame myself.

I posted about this on instagram a few hours after it happened. I don't care if it seems silly, but it weighed on me, heavily all day. I felt like I had to let it out, tell on myself.

As the comments & stories came in on instagram, I read every single one and I laughed, smiled, and felt-for every momma. It was probably the most supported I'd ever, ever felt as a mom in the social media world. Over 70 comments and stories from you guys...telling me your bad-day-mom-fail-moment/story to make my bad day feel a little bit better...a bit lighter. There was no one who (told me) that I sucked or how could you have let such a thing happen? There was a lot of 'don't be so hard on yourself'. There was many a 'been there, done that', and some 'I know how much this hurts a mom heart'. There was support. And encouragement. And everybody keeping it real about life and the fact that things happen, and our babies get hurt, sometimes under our watch, and sometimes as a result of something we do, or sometimes out of pure coincidence.

It helped me. And it reminded me why I love being connected with other moms, many of whom I don't necessarily 'know'. Who will keep it real, share their stories, offer a I know the feeling, momma-comment. So, thank you.

And most of all? I'm glad she forgave me.

















***

Thanks :)

26 comments:

  1. Glad Lucy is doing better. I know just how fast this stuff happens! :( After reading this, I may just post about our 'hot wax' situation a couple weeks ago... :(



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  2. On Saturday, my 5 month old took a 6ft fall straight out of my husbands arms... it was our 2nd trip to the ER in exactly one month and the ER doctor actually remembered us! I watched the fall in slow motion as I was several feet away {and up in a tree} and could do nothing... it was the slowest second of my life.

    I promise you that every single mom has stories like this. And, stories of God's miraculous protection =) Glad Lucy girl is ok!

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  3. Yes every single mom has been there and every single mom beats herself up about it.

    My mom fail was leaving Nathan around a metal step stool at 18 months (I was a few feet away but not watching him). He went to push it and it collapsed and he fell on it. Wouldn't have been a big deal except his finger was smashed between the metal SO badly that a trip to the ER was needed (I'll never forget the look of his finger, imagine a piece of rolled up playdoh that you
    slam your hand down on and completely smash flat)
    They had to tied him to a papoose board and numb his
    hand so they can fix his fingernail. To this day that finger
    is longer and wider than it should be.

    Our kids have human mommies just like we do and we
    will make mistakes but you are definitely not alone! I'm
    so glad it wasn't worse and Lucy will be ok. I'm grateful
    you share things like this because it's these real moments that bond us mommies and make us realize we're all in the same boat. We may fail at times but when it comes to this mommy we're definitely not failures.

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  4. It sucks when something like this happens because like I said on IG, you'll definitely be harder on yourself and it probably hurt you more than it jurt Lucy. One time we were shopping and Olivia was sitting in the carriage, in the right spot but she didnt want the buckle on. She wanted to PLAY with the buckle. So, I undid it and we're walking along, I'm grocery shopping and literally 2 seconds later I hear a scream. She stood up and fell out of the cart. It was horrible. She was fine, thank God but in that moment I was so mortified with myself for letting that happen. I wasnt even doing anything bad, and it happened in a millisecond. These kids are FAST and we can't always be there to prevent everything that's going to happen. Naturally as moms like you said, we're always a million steps ahead of our kids knowing what can/will happen and when we dont do that and something does happen it's awful. Glad Lucy is ok and I hope you're feeling better today. hugs!

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  5. I would feel the same way. That's why it's so nice to have other mamas to keep things in perspective. As moms we need 12 arms and to be "present" everywhere at once, we can't beat ourselves up for dropping the ball somewhere, sometime. :( you're such a good mama, and those girls know and FEEL how very loved they are.

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  6. I will add a short story (the first that comes to mind). I was walking my dog (Golden), Cooper, and pushing my then-2-year-old in his stroller (he is now 3.5). We were all walking and everything was going fine. I noticed a car drive buy with a dog looking out the window. Well, all of a sudden the dog jumped out of the car (it was going VERY slow as we were in a neighborhood and close to an elementary school) and started walking /running toward us barking. Cooper started getting excited to see another dog and I was worried that they would end up in a little fight. Cooper is VERY nice/docile, but he was on a leash and the other not (I heard that the leashed dog can feel threatened when this happens), and Cooper gets VERY protective when my son is around other dogs.
    So, by this time the owner had stopped the car and was calling for the dog and I was (here it is – mom of the year) placing my stroller – my son!- between the other dog and Cooper!!! Luckily the other dog never got really close to us at all and went back to his owner (and it probably would have been a fine meet-up between the two pups. I don’t know why I get nervous about a dog-fight. Cooper has never been in one. But, my thought was that I didn’t want the first time to be in front of my kid.) So – to me, putting the stroller in-between the two dogs would be a good distraction and the other dog would leave my dog alone. Who knows? This whole interaction was probably a minute at the most, but I can remember every little detail. The whole rest of the day (and all the days since) I felt terrible – putting my kid in the middle of two dogs to protect my pup. Terrible! Anyway, all was well, but I don’t think the guilt will ever go away.

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  7. I will add a short story (the first that comes to mind). I was walking my dog (Golden), Cooper, and pushing my then-2-year-old in his stroller (he is now 3.5). We were all walking and everything was going fine. I noticed a car drive buy with a dog looking out the window. Well, all of a sudden the dog jumped out of the car (it was going VERY slow as we were in a neighborhood and close to an elementary school) and started walking /running toward us barking. Cooper started getting excited to see another dog and I was worried that they would end up in a little fight. Cooper is VERY nice/docile, but he was on a leash and the other not (I heard that the leashed dog can feel threatened when this happens), and Cooper gets VERY protective when my son is around other dogs.
    So, by this time the owner had stopped the car and was calling for the dog and I was (here it is – mom of the year) placing my stroller – my son!- between the other dog and Cooper!!! Luckily the other dog never got really close to us at all and went back to his owner (and it probably would have been a fine meet-up between the two pups. I don’t know why I get nervous about a dog-fight. Cooper has never been in one. But, my thought was that I didn’t want the first time to be in front of my kid.) So – to me, putting the stroller in-between the two dogs would be a good distraction and the other dog would leave my dog alone. Who knows? This whole interaction was probably a minute at the most, but I can remember every little detail. The whole rest of the day (and all the days since) I felt terrible – putting my kid in the middle of two dogs to protect my pup. Terrible! Anyway, all was well, but I don’t think the guilt will ever go away.

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  8. I commented on the IG photo yesterday, but I'm so glad you got tons of support comments. Even when babysitting other people's kids, everyone makes mistakes. You feel awful and like the worst person ever, but really you're just human. She won't even remember it happened and then the first time she turns her back on her baby for 2 seconds and something happens, you can remind her of this story to make her feel better.

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  9. I dont know what it is like to go through that as a momma, but i do know as a much older sister and even having babysat little one before. you are truly not alone. Life happens, things happen. And baby lucy is going to be all ok :) especially after Emeline checked up on her with her doctor kit....oh the cutest little response ever!! :)

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  10. It is impossible to always be watching every.single.movement esp when you have two. As Moms, we always do the best we can but when things happen we always beel like we shouldn't have let this happen.

    When my daughter was about 15 months she rolled off her somehow fell off her changing table onto the floor. I still don;t know how it happened. It was just so fast. I was STANDING RIGHT THERE!!! I had changed her diaper, put her pants on and he was suddenly falling to the floor. She was OK but I called the Pedi just to be sure. Boy did it suck to have to call the Pedi and tell them my child fell off the table. Moral of the story-it happens to us all. It's kinds like a right of passage or something.

    Chin up Momma! You rock!

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  11. oh Katie... It's true, at some point or another, each momma has been there. At that place where we feel like the worst momma alive, reliving moments, crying, etc. I feel for ya, lady! You're girlies are blessed to have you, even with the little mistakes that have/will come. I think you're an amazing momma. You're love for them is so very evident. I feel that people can really try and fake that on social media but when it's really real, you can just see it and I see that in you. Also, I meant to share this story with you yesterday but was still reeling from my own mistake HA (but really, not so funny) I have made myself a newly poured HOT cup of tea. I knew I had set it down but couldn't remember where (in the chaos of moving this kiddo there and helping this one with this or that) and pretty soon I hear our guest say "Shailo, no no no that's hot!" But before they or I could reach him he'd picked up my mug and poured it all over his legs, then shocked he dropped it and slipped and fell. BAH! We blink sometimes and they are into trouble that causes pain. They are so resilient, we hear it all the time, but oh how I wish our momma hearts were as resilient and we wouldn't beat ourselves up so bad. Much love momma.

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  12. oh Katie... It's true, at some point or another, each momma has been there. At that place where we feel like the worst momma alive, reliving moments, crying, etc. I feel for ya, lady! You're girlies are blessed to have you, even with the little mistakes that have/will come. I think you're an amazing momma. You're love for them is so very evident. I feel that people can really try and fake that on social media but when it's really real, you can just see it and I see that in you. Also, I meant to share this story with you yesterday but was still reeling from my own mistake HA (but really, not so funny) I have made myself a newly poured HOT cup of tea. I knew I had set it down but couldn't remember where (in the chaos of moving this kiddo there and helping this one with this or that) and pretty soon I hear our guest say "Shailo, no no no that's hot!" But before they or I could reach him he'd picked up my mug and poured it all over his legs, then shocked he dropped it and slipped and fell. BAH! We blink sometimes and they are into trouble that causes pain. They are so resilient, we hear it all the time, but oh how I wish our momma hearts were as resilient and we wouldn't beat ourselves up so bad. Much love momma.

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  13. I missed this on Instagram. You are so brave! I could have used this a week ago. I still don't want to admit what happened when my husband and I were both home. The hard part for me too was the do we take him to the er debate. Do we call my mom the nurse. I was paralyzed with fear over what people would think of me as a mom. I thank God he is totally fine. But the house got more baby proofed and when my husband suggested we drive a few miles without the child in his carseat because it was in his car I stood my ground that no we would protect our child from things we could prevent and people judging me. Could you imagine if we got in an accident and God forbid anything happened and he wasn't in a carseat?! But after the incident I got lazy about baby proofing and didn't prevent I had to remind myself you can't watch them every second.

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  14. Love ya Katie! Glad we could all make you feel a bit better yesterday. You're an amazing momma and I'm sure all is well today! Hugs!

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  15. big hugs...
    i'll share one of mine

    mini me (who's 12 now) was 2 yrs old...we were running errands while the 2 big kids were in preschool. she was going through the 'i will not get back in my carseat' phase
    i was pushing her in and putting straps on at same time and her elbow popped out of socket...I FREAKED OUT....i was in the pedi office faster than you could imagine...sobbing the entire time freaking out..he came in and POP it went back in....i will never forget that day

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  16. Katie I was just saying the same thing this morning while I had both boys at home with me...
    I don't know how momma's out there who have to be out of the house by 7AM or earlier do it... I was up at 5AM this morning and we still didn't leave the house until 9:30AM for the day. I worry ALL the time about the boys getting hurt while I get ready. I feel for you. So when you are having a crazy morning with your girls just know I am having one as well and sometimes I want to hid in the closet and cry because of the amount of time it takes to get anything done with two little ones under my feet. I LOVE when I am able to get ready in silence and without little ones sitting on my lap digging in my makeup bag...ha!
    Praying for you...
    I hate I can't see your sweet girls on instagram... I have NO idea why I friend request you and it doesn't work, boo :( glad to see your girls on this post. Lucy is growing up TOO quickly!
    Hope you have a great rest of the day!
    Melissa

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  17. Ugh it always kills me a little when my girl gets hurt over something I could've prevented. A lot of the times I even obsessed over things that didn't even happen. Like one time she was whining when I went into another room for a minute, so when I went in to check on her she had climbed onto her toddler table that was pushed against the wall. Her feet were on the table, her hands were on the wall, balancing her little body because the force had pushed the table away from the wall. A few seconds longer and the table couldve moved more and she would've fell and landed face-first into the floor. I stress just thinking about it. Babies just need to stop being so curious :p

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  18. My heart went out to you after seeing this on Instagram. I have nothing else to say because I'm not a mama myself but I can only imagine how you must have felt1

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  19. Alot of my non blogging friends don't get why I care so much about people I don't actually know. This. This is exactly why. Because I know at pretty much any given point during the day I have someone to turn to. Sure I don't "know" them. Sure they may live hundreds of miles away. But they're always there when I need them.

    Non social media people just don't get it. And that's ok. We can keep it out little secret.

    Hope Lucy (and your momma heart) are feeling better today!

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  20. Poor baby girl! I'm definitely glad she's okay.

    But I guess I'm missing the fail here. I mean accidents certainly happen. Again and again it seems (I wouldn't even know how to pick a story to put on here. I could probably write a book), but Katie, you swooped in there like a Mama on a mission and gave her first aid in 0.2 seconds flat and she was okay again in no time with that sweet little face. You took control of the situation and fixed it like a super hero.

    Sounds like a Mama TRIUMPH to me! =D

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  21. Oh my! Please don't be too hard on yourself, yea you may have gotten distracted but we all do from time to time, and babies.. well they are fast, and will get into things, and will get injuries.. we also had a flat iron injury here too. We had come back and bags had not been unpacked, Emma grabbed the flat iron out of my bag, I was distracted putting things away, and she plugged it right into the wall, of course within seconds it heated up, she tried " doing her own hair" and instead got her finger in it.. I felt awful, like a mom failure.. but she is fine, and the scar is almost gone.

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  22. I'm glad you got so much support and of course you did because A)everyone KNOWS you are a good mom who would never intentionally cause your baby harm and B)we have ALL been there in some way.

    I remember when my oldest fell off of the bed once, he just rolled right off. I was sure someone was going to call the authorities even though no one else was there. I felt HORRIBLE. But he was fine and and kept him on the floor or in his crib or the bouncy seat after that! ;)

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  23. Oh mama! I totally know that pain. This same thing happened to Monroe when we he was tiny and we were in New York with my mom. I didn't realize she had one plugged in in the hotel bathroom and she wasn't in the habit of keeping an eye out for a crawler and he grabbed her hair straightener. It was the most heart wrenching thing I've experienced. I spent an entire day running around NYC in the rain trying to figure out what to do. His hand was burned pretty badly and he would only stop crying when we were out in the cold rain. I tried several minute clinics and urgent care centers only to find out they don't see kids that young (and I knew we didn't quite need an ED). I finally called my pediatrician who reassured me that the body has amazing healing ability and that the blister was already doing it's work. He reminded me that most of that was about me and not Monroe, which was totally true. It was so pitiful though.

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  24. I think you know about most of my mom fails, so I'm extra sorry that I've taken a bit of a step back from social media these days...I wasn't there to support you! Glad your heart feels better about it. XOXO

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  25. I have totally done a few things like that-- and it is a great reminder to slow down. Glad Lucy is just fine :)

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  26. I told you my Mom fail story the other day. Bad thing is? I average about 1 a day. :( Oh well. I'm new at this. Can I still say that when she's 18?!?

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