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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Here's the thing.

I like pictures.

I like pretty moments.

I like artsy stuff. And making things. And creating something out of nothing. Crafting to redo little areas of my house. I like party planning (although, admittedly it stresses me out at times). I like moments when my kids smile. I like the fact that my husband and I have a silly joke going about the stupid pancakes we make on (some) Saturday mornings for our kid. It's lighthearted, it's fun. I like snapping a picture when Emeline is wearing a cute outfit because we haven't gotten out of pajamas in days. I like it when I finally do my hair after gym'ing it 5 days a week, because I sort of feel human.

You know what I'm getting at. And I'm sure you're as sick as me about reading about this topic so I apologize in advance for writing about it. But.I.can't.NOT. You follow?

You guys.

I KNOWWWW it's in lighthearted nature when someone comments on a picture like, "You win!" or "Mom of the Year" or whatever about a photo. But, I just have to say--I would friggin' HATE if somehow one of my pictures ever made someone feel bad about themselves as a wife, mother, or woman in general.

BUT the problem is....

I can't control how other people feel.

You hear that?

I can't control it. 

I promise you, I would never try to make anyone feel inadequate. I AM INADEQUATE ALL THE TIME.

I am exhausted. Not present enough with my kids. Have gotten interrupted sleep for way too long. I hate cleaning. My house hasn't been cleaned in a month. I actually pay someone to clean for me because I'm incapable and working from home is hard. Judge me if you must. I am ridiculously bad at organizing. I don't do planned, fun activities with my kids. I was an art teacher and I secretly hate when my kid asks me to do play-doh. It is not all rainbows and butterflies. My kid does not get a fancy pancake every morning. In fact, she mostly gets a frozen waffle, and sometimes she doesn't even want it toasted. (Gasp. Shock. Horror.) Some days, I have to remind myself to have more conversations with Lucy so she gets some socialization because second kid syndrome is a real thing, and she'd rather be off crawling and getting into nonsense herself anyway. My house is never ready for random visitors. Never. There are about 30 people on a list I need To Call about important stuff, and yet I'm typing this instead. I fail miserably at loving well on a daily basis. I apologize to my kids when I'm out of line (which happens). I get the double-pat and "mommy look at meeee", too. Yea, the one that makes mothers feel guilty, but sometimes we are doing other things, and HOLD ON FOR A SECOND, HONEY.

That being said.

Let's stop, puleeease. I think it's stupid to blame social media for how we feel about ourselves.

If I see someone who planned a pretty party, I think Dang, that's awesome. She must have gifts and talents in that area

When I see someone with a well organized HOME MANAGEMENT notebook, I think--holy crap, that would make my life SO AWESOME and managed!so!well! But the reality is, it will never happen for me. It is their gifting, not mine. It would never work for me. BUT I am glad it does for them.

When someone is out there kicking butt running half marathons bi-weekly I am amazed and in awe, but I certainly don't feel bad about myself because of it. No, I don't. But I do think they're high-five-super-awesome-status for it. 

When I see photos of kids licking drippy ice cream cones in little rompers and everyone looks perfectly happy and sweet, I think AWWWWW that is the best! And I also think "oh my gosh, drippy ice cream cones stress me out". Because they honestly do and I'm a fun-suck sometimes about that stuff. BUT BETTER THEM THAN ME. 

I do not think anyone has a perfect life. Despite perfect pictures. I do not see a perfectly planned and crafted party and think that the party actually went perfectly from start to finish. I do not see a girl 30lbs less than me and feel awful about myself. I don't see a clean home and feel jealousy about it. I don't feel bad that I hate messy stuff more than I like to admit for being a former art teacher. 

I feel confident that you guys who are reading this now know this about me. That when you see a pretty picture you know it's followed up by a chaotic moment. That when you see a smile, it's often followed by a whine (unless it's Lucy, because kid is ridiculously happy--can't lie about that). I know that you see a cool pancake picture on Saturday or Sunday morning but know that I feed her scraps (joke) the rest of the week. 

Thank you for knowing my heart is to never make anyone feel bad. Thank you for remembering that we all thrive in some areas, we all fail in others. 

love love

***
a sweet "moment"....just a moment ;)

xo

59 comments:

  1. Love this. So true! Thanks for sharing.

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  2. I didn't read through the comments yesterday on the birthday post, but I'm imagining there were some negative ones? That's such a bummer. =/


    as much as you probably hated writing this post, you did a darn good job at it.

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  3. You are so sweet to write this. I unplugged from blogs a little because I just felt like I was comparing too much. After some time off, it was nice. It's so funny that you mentioned your panimals for E...I show your IG posts on Saturdays to my husband just b/c the pancakes are so! cool! and he's usually like "I'm going to learn to make animals too dang it" haha ;)

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  4. @Rebecca, not at all :) Everyone was sweet as can be about the party! This I had actually written in my drafts from last week and just didn't publish. ;)

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  5. I love how you put this. It is SO true. Pictures are just moments frozen in time. They are NOT real life. I adore pictures of pretty things but I am a realist and I know they are just a moment. I however LOVE to look at the moments, and the pancake pictures (though to be honest I have never felt the need to try to do one of those pancakes, yet:) Nor do I try to squeeze in a million miles of running, cleaning, baking all while working full-time plus some outside of the home blah blah blah. And I agree if you came over to the house you would be greeted by three big dogs, a couple goats, a few pigs and goodness knows what else (currently a few baby possums)... But you would feel loved and would be fed something and would survive the encounter even if my house isnt sparkling ... Your kiddos are pretty adorable. I love to see your moments.

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  6. I am so glad you wrote this! I think as bloggers we get such a bad rap {wrap?} b/c we "have it altogether" but what they don't know is that for every altogether moment there were 5 fails. For every cute picture there are 100 blurry ones. But what would be the point in "sharing" those? I love to read about real life things, mom fails help us all feel normal, no? But at the same time let's focus on the good, the happy. Life is too short for the nonsense.

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  7. It's taken me 30 years but I'm FINALLY at the point where I've quit comparing. I will never be organized, I will never be perfectly polished (on any day let's be real), messes will always stress me out and I will ALWAYS avoid them, and that is all okay. I do what I'm good at and I do it well. Same with everyone else. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I personally think it would be pretty boring if we were all great at the same thing..

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  8. This is great. The main reason why I love your blog so much is because of how real you are, and because you actually show that from time to time. I feel guilty from time to time because I don't do many activities with the girls. I don't sit down with them often and help them learn things. Sometimes I think they would know so much more if I wasn't so lazy. But then I let it go. I'm sometimes jealous of other peoples pretty pictures, great parties, or nice homes, but more often than not it just inspires me, rather than brings me down.

    But since I'm lazy, I rarely do much with the inspiration anyway :p

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  9. You are so smart, lady :) It's so easy to get caught up in everyone's pretty pictures but you're totally right - no one has it all together! Oh, and I adore that picture of you and the girls!

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  10. Eeeek I also get freaked out with dripy ice cream cones! I really don't want to try to get those stains out, lol

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  11. You are wonderful and awesome. I love reading your posts b/c you always seem real and human. You don't exist in a separate world where everything is magically perfect. Thank you. I love this post.

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  12. Love this post.. seems like someone has something that a nother person wants, looks, money, kids smile, crafty side, husbands love... not gonna lie when I look at the love you and your husband have for eachother, i want it! I can't wait to find a love like that again! You two are lucky and I know its not always happy go lucky but you guys are a team and thats what is most important!

    Youre a lucky girl and though life is def not always perfect you have a lot, do a lot, give a lot that a lot of people would want / be jealous of!

    BUT!!!!!!

    It is you.. and you should express, show it off, post about it and be happy!

    Love you and your family!

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  13. Yes x 1,000,000. Living in a state of comparison is no place to live. I know we all fall victim to it from time to time...

    To me, and the blogs I read and people I follow, it's all about keeping it real. Sharing the perfect moments AND the not-so-perfect ones (like a stanky vet exam room, at dinner time, with a whiny, snot nosed toddler and some wretched allergies) I think it is about being humble, balancing "I am the best!" with "Poor Me". Humility is a pretty genuine thing - it is hard to fake it. Although, I have seen people try, it is pretty obvious when it is not for real.
    I think you do a pretty fantastic job at being true to yourself, and real. One (of the many) reasons I have been reading your blog for years.
    xoxo

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  14. Much wisdom, young padawan. :)


    *coming from the old chick, not wiser, just older. hahaha

    Love this post!

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  15. ::nodding my head like yeah::

    By the by, whenever I see your pictures on IG, the only thing I feel is warm fuzzies. Because, obviously.

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  16. Amen! I love this post just oh.so.much. I honestly and truly feel the same way and I think you just word it so beautifully. Thank you for sharing this. :)

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  17. As always, well said. :)

    We need to build each other up instead of harboring jealous thoughts (which isn't that really what they are). Life is hard enough being a mommy, wife, and a woman. Thank you for spreading the sunshine!

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  18. well said!! :)
    And umm seriously that photo of you three is adorable! You usually are behind the camera, so it is always nice to see you with your babies. I love it Katie :)

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  19. Exactly. Social media is fun, but it's just a piece of the picture. A teeny-tiny snippet from someone's life. I like to browse Pinterest as much as the next person, but I have never gotten why it would make me feel inadequate. I am not a decorator. I am not fashionable. I am (usually) not crafty. And that is just dandy with me. I am a lot of other things. It is fun to see what other people are up to, but I'm not going to get down on myself that I can't do it all, because quite frankly, I don't even want to. Perfectly themed parties? Awesome. But they are never going to happen in this home. Lots of other awesome things happen, but picture worthy parties/rooms/decorations is not one of them. And that is okay. Thanks for saying what I'm thinking whenever I read about how Pinterest/social media is ruining people's self-esteem. It only does if you let it and forget to put the pin/post in perspective.

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  20. Number one reason I love your blog is because you're real and don't hide flaws. You don't stage your life to be perfect (there were/are blogs like that and it's the biggest reason I quit reading them) and are open about life. The pancake pictures crack me up because they're so ridiculously creative but to me, it's not you showing off, it's showing how your family spends Saturday mornings together which, to be honest, families these days don't do enough. The pictures of Emeline and her outfits? To die for. Don't even get me started on precious Lucy!

    That's all that matters and if you have haters over stupid ish like that, well... they can build a bridge and get.over.it. I wish we women/wives/moms were less petty in this aspect and supported each other instead.

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  21. Can I say I actually like your blog because you balance the bad and the good. I don't think you come across all rainbows and bunnies in each post. I like that your family can have a really awesome moment. But, I also enjoy that you put your bad out there too. Keep doing what you do. It makes your space one of the most heartfelt, genuine, real blogs!!

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  22. You be you and be it well. A couple of quotes that I love are: "Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." and "Be happy. Be yourself. If others don't like it, then let them be. Happiness is a choice. Life isn't about pleasing everybody." People don't tend to flaunt their flaws. Props to you for keeping it real.

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  23. I know OUR picture moments are happy, but fleeting moments. I have never felt bad about myself over what anyone else can do (although I wish I could rock out awesome pancakes, not gonna lie) because while those moms may be great at things I lack in, in willing to bet I'm great at things that they're not. No one can do it all so we all prioritize our lives to what is best for us. This is a good post Katie, but I can't imagine you making anyone feel bad about themselves. You're real about your life both good and bad. That's the reason I keep reading, because your not a fake chick with a sunshine and rainbows life!

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  24. I know OUR picture moments are happy, but fleeting moments. I have never felt bad about myself over what anyone else can do (although I wish I could rock out awesome pancakes, not gonna lie) because while those moms may be great at things I lack in, in willing to bet I'm great at things that they're not. No one can do it all so we all prioritize our lives to what is best for us. This is a good post Katie, but I can't imagine you making anyone feel bad about themselves. You're real about your life both good and bad. That's the reason I keep reading, because your not a fake chick with a sunshine and rainbows life!

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  25. Amen! I need to remind myself of this ALL.THE.TIME. I see someone post something really artsy or crafty or post a picture of their gorgeous house and it leaves me thinking aw man, I'm so inadequate. Then I remember that we normally only show people the best of ourselves on social media and I can't assume this person's life is any more or less better than mine. Glad you posted this, it'll be a great reminder to again, keep myself in check.

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  26. I love your blog because it inspires me to greater heights of cuteness! I've never come here and felt competitive or insecure. But I soooo feel this post...I've gotten the whole "you're making me look bad" thing in real life several times, and I'm always bewildered.

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  27. Rock on, Katie B! I know this about you because over the years you've kept it real. Something that some fail to do. And those people? Are what make it hard for us to live both IRL and the interwebs.

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  28. I love this post and thank you! I love blogs and follow certain people for a reason. I love social media and I love seeing how others live. Not to compare. Not to be nosy. But to see how we are all living a relatively same life. It's comforting to see how there Are other parents out there going through the same things as me! I find photos and blogs inspiring. To help us make better choices and to get more motivated!

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  29. Katie! Love this! You are lucky that you have come to this realization! I think I'm going to have to share this post with my Facebook friends because I know some of them need to realize this! A lot of us try so hard to be super mom but maybe we would have more joy in our lives if we stopped.

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  30. Well said and I could not agree more. I didn't read the comments on your party post (nice job btw) but really???? I am sorry if you got some negative feedback. Why can't people just be happy with themselves???

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  31. great post kate. i think you actually have a gift for capturing the beautiful moments amongst the messy ones! love your honesty, as always. it's easy to get caught up in what we wish we were/had, etc but it's a dangerous spiral. thanks for the reminder to appreciate the here and now! xoxo

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  32. I love your posts. They are honest with what your life is like. Jealous and envy are not the right words to use because I am genuinely happy for others but that doesn't mean that I don't want the same or similar for my family. Comparing your life to someone else is never good but definitely natural.

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  33. I love your posts. They are honest with what your life is like. Jealous and envy are not the right words to use because I am genuinely happy for others but that doesn't mean that I don't want the same or similar for my family. Comparing your life to someone else is never good but definitely natural.

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  34. Amen! I totally agree. I shared my very similar thoughts in a post on Friday. People need to lighten up and just recognize that social media isn't out to make us feel inadequate and we all have different talents and interests. Great post, Katie!

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  35. I think you are amazing and shouldn't apologize for it ;)

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  36. I think you are an amazing mom and shouldn't apologize for it. I love looking and reading about awesome moments because it motivates me to try a little harder , not make me feel bad. It makes my heart happy :)

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  37. Don't worry. I would never ever ever think these things about you. I know you well enough to know a complete mess you really are under the disguise. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Love you :)

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  38. whoops. wrong account. that was me. ;)

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  39. Well said, sista! You hit the nail on the head. We need to be building each other up, not tearing each other down. We're all just doing the best we can. Our kids are going to love us no matter how awesome the party decorations are or how many projects we got accomplished. Moms unite!!

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  40. I love this, and it's so true! I have heard people say that Pinterest & Instagram just makes them feel inadequate b/c of all the perfection on there, and i'm like...WHAT? It doesn't do that to me. At all. I mean, look - i sometimes see pics of houses with nice wood floors & i'm like, "i want wood floors! PLEASE!!!!!" (ugly green carpet going on here!), but I'm not jealous! And i don't for one minute think anybody's life is PERFECT! I mean, nobody shows pics of the bad stuff! Why would they? Pinterest is for pretty things, Instagram is for pretty pics. So then people look and get jealous? Really?

    I struggle with infertility. I'm 35. It's not fair. So yes, I admit that sometimes, on certain days, i see a pic of an adorable kid (like yours) & say, "I want one!!!" And sometimes, on certain days, I am not in the right frame of mind & i fight jealousy bigtime over pregnancy announcements on FB. But i am still able to be happy for a friend and sad for me at the same time. That's normal, I think. And I know my time will come EVENTUALLY. ;)

    But all this jealousy people have is kind of silly. I'm like you - i see stuff on FB that is NOT me & think, "wow! woah! how cools i that! high five to them!" but i don't really get jealous about it.

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  41. I didn't get to proofread. I forgot. Hopefully that made sense! Sometimes i get ahead of myself while typing! :)

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  42. amen, sista! A-frickin'-MEN!!!!!

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  43. It's actually funny that you write this because my BF's son turned 1 last week and between being sick for a week before hand and a funeral, the party was super low key. She felt really guilty because she see's other peoples awesome parties. Huge case of the mommy guilts. I assured her that he had tons of fun!

    And your party looked cute and a fun!

    I've already started planning my twins first bday. 5 months early. Only because if I don't start planning now, nothing will get done!

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  44. This has been stuck in my head for over a week now. I just haven't had two seconds to write anything worth reading. But yes, I totally agree. I see people who let Pinterest make them feel inadequate, and that baffles me. Because while I pin ideas, I know that those are only for the off-chance that I MAY someday, when the stars align just right, try out. lol. I know what I'm good at and am able to be all, "Cool!" when I see others use THEIR gifts without feeling like I suck at life. My house is hardly ever clean. Brad and I are positive that before falling asleep at night, Noah thinks of new ways to destroy the place. I have to literally put the camera in my husband's hand to make him document my existence. I wish I were more organized and that I had my mother's love of cleaning. It's just how it is, and that's okay. :) I know what I'm good at, and I try to focus on that instead of the fact that my car looks like Noah dumped an entire bag of Goldfish on the floor... ;)

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  45. I love this post! I feel like I have so much to say on this matter but I cannot find the right words to express myself! I love that you are definitely as willing to admit your faults as you are your positives. It makes people seem much more relatable. And that's awesome that you are super confident in yourself that you don't look to others with jealousy, to when they might share something that you do not have. I know for sure that I could use improvement in that area!

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  46. Huh. Evidently I am the only anxiety-prone mama out there who needs reminders like this post. I don't think it's often jealousy or judging. I think it's deeper than that. Ah, well. Thanks for this.

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  47. I saw that picture of you and the girls on Instagram, love it :)

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  48. you are so fabulous. seriously. thank you for being you. i really wish we could all just quit the comparing and actually just put that energy into loving ourselves EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE. this is it. our lives are right now.

    xoxo.

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  49. I love that you posted this. Because seriously, I saw the pictures from Emeline's birthday party and was mentally comparing to Sadie's 1st birthday party and barely wanted to write about it anymore (two weeks late but whatever). But its hard to remember that just because the pictures look perfect, not everyone's life is like that 24/7. I'm sure people look at my blog or photos or whatever and feel the same. We all have the remember that the grass is not always greener, and that comparing ourselves to others just leads to a headache - nothing good can really come from it.

    I love your honesty.

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  50. its so ridiculous that you feel like you have to explain all of that. That you have to put a caption under an absolutely BEAUTIFUL photo of you and your girls explaining that it is just a moment. Women need to grow up. Really. We all have chaos and crazy and mess. That is why i look on the internet- to see the beauty, and the happy and the neatness! You write about whatever you want, and don't justify your life or your pictures that you share. Its all beautiful and i like the posts that just flow unthinking, honest, and without regard to what some oversensitive and insecure person thinks about it. Keep calm and blog on!!

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  51. JUST YES. Love this post. Sharing it too :)

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  56. Ahhh, I so needed this today! I've been feeling like a big FAIL lately trying to be the most Pinteresting mom on the blogosphere. *rollmyeyes*

    www.hautemommyblog.com

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