Thursday, August 22, 2013

*Not Real Problems

I'm sitting here on my couch as a perfectly timed naptime thunderstorm rolls in. It's so dark that I have my living room light on, and all I hear is the hum of the monitor and the sound of my dog having a nightmare next to me. It sounds kind of like he's hyperventilating. Don't worry, he's fine.

It's peaceful. And yet, it's so not.

I can see approximately 3 plastic kid bowls strewn about the floor and 2 sippy cups filled with various liquid that I hope hasn't morphed into something chunky. I have no idea why they ALWAYS END UP ON THE FLOOR, but I'm certain it's just a cruel joke to irritate their mother. I see one of my earrings on the ground, my headband, one of the girls headbands, a leprechaun beanie baby (WHY????) , baby yogurt melts on the couch next to me, a half eaten peanut butter sandwich sitting on a paper towel in the kitchen, and a bag of presents for birthday parties this weekend slung over the banister. This is all within an eye-glance of where I am. Let's not even TALK about the other random areas. Like that wadded up toilet paper upstairs, because it's still usable, but Lucy insists on unrolling it every chance she gets. I mean--will I ever use that crumpled up wad? Probably not. But it feels wasteful to trash it.

And you guys. I'm not even a slob. I was thinking today that I really do feel like I can blame so much of it on my kids. I mean, not to be rude, but-----what the heck is with the mess??? I can even blame them for my laundry being strewn about. Because, while my husband may beg to differ, on the off chance my laundry does reach the basket, Lucy just thinks it's a fun game to throw it everywhere anyway. So why bother, right?


I won't mention (okay I will) that I hit somebody's bumper yesterday on the way out of the farm. I haven't hit a car, in, um, EVER. I was kind of in a spazzy state of mind (stop laughing). This goat had just mauled my kid's hand against the fence, pinning his horn (WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING CALLED???) against her. So I had to get her back to the car, first-aid her all up, and talk her down from the goat-tried-to-hurt-me-ledge. So my brain was all mush I guess, because as I'm reversing---BOOM. Actually. It wasn't even a boom. It was so small of a hit it felt like I hit a rock or something. Okay maybe a BOULDER. It was dumb.

The funny thing is, I got out, checked out their car and there wasn't even a scratch. Nada. STUPIDLY I didn't even check my own car (idiot) and went along my merry way thinking that since my car was the bigger one, surely it had to be fiiiiine. 

So today I'm at the store picking up birthday presents, and I come out to my car, one kid strapped to my chest, the other in the death-grip-hand-hold, and I think, What the frack? Who's car is that with the huge dent in the bumper? Surely it's not mine.




Then I began cry-texting my husband and sending him pictures--while he's all face-palming and rolling his eyes at me, probably semi-mad but totally hiding it.

super fun.

Is it Friday yet? Who am I kidding...every day feels the same to me. 

And to think, I still have a few minutes left of naptime to enjoy* alone. Marvelous.


*clean, cook, prep dinner, login to work email, do work, watch the kardashians (what? leave me alone.)


  1. Oh the kids destroy my house. I was sitting on the couch yesterday and I smelled poop but both of my kids were in bed so I just though it was in my head but nope. There was definitely poop on the couch, like it must have leaked out of the baby's diaper. Great.

    It really is pointless to clean or even pick up the house, why bother at this age?

  2. I'm sorry! Try to find something to do today that makes you feel better! Mani/pedi?

  3. You are not alone! This summer has just been flat out CRAZY, and now I'm sick. I'm convinced I'm just so run down from watching two kids all day and trying to keep us all alive (while keeping the house intact). It's hard, so hard. *hugs* I'm pretty sure I will never have a third kid. Lol

  4. Oh, girl! I totally backed into my brother-in-laws truck in my driveway KNOWING it was there a few months ago. Makes you feel like a teenage driver or something! No fun. But, hey, at least no one got hurt or anything serious? Hope you get to watch your Kardashians during naptime :)

  5. You are so not alone! Today must be a rough day all around. I've done three load of laundry and every piece of my clothing that comes out of the dryer has a stain on it...guess washing didn't help. Not to mention the dog woke the baby up by barking at the fridge repairman who just happened to stop by. I need a reset button for today. ;)

  6. My house is always crazy. Always. Chaos is the name of the game in these parts.

    Quiet and peace and relative terms when you have kids.

  7. I only have 1 child and my house is always a wreck. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to the mess, so I just let it go most of the time. I'm sure my husband wonders what I do all day, but he wouldn't dare ever ask. Ha. Hope the rest of your day is better!

  8. I'm right there with ya momma. Toddlers are messy and destructive!

  9. Glad your hubby at least tried to hide it! I got a dent in our brand new vehicle a week after we got it - hubby hardly spoke to me for the rest if the day! Haha

  10. This made me laugh. And man, I can relate. It feels so good to know I am not the freak!! Also we just moved and I don't even know when I am supposed to unpack, paint, organize etc. I have hit someone's car before due to baby brain. I was parking and just drove into a car. I waited and talked to the guy. He was nice. Also when I was pregnant I once drove into a dumpster for no reason. It was weird. And I am a good driver!!
    Patience is so key w babies. I'm all like, let's clean up these blocks!! (By myself) and I turn and see they are just taking out new blocks. Why? Also cleaning 2 high chair trays 3-5 times a day is maddening. I just try to think of moms of multiples, (hello, triplets?!)
    Good luck to us all.
    -Lauren (Michael, 2, Jane, 13 months)

  11. SO NOT ALONE!! I most of the time think its just my house in disarray, laundry piled to the ceiling and kids unbathed for the day. And let's not even mention trying to fit in my shower at some point. Hey, we're all in this motherhood gig together!!

  12. YEP! My house is often the same. It's not dirty but it's not presentable either! I am still waiting on that cleaning lady! Even before we had kids it was impossible to keep it the way I like it b/c Jimmy is so easy going that it doesn't bother him if there's a sock on the floor or the toilets need scrubbed.

  13. So funny because I am having the same type of day. I feel like no matter how much I do, the mess doesn't go away. Mail to be dealt with, laundry to be put away, dishwasher to empty, suitcases to unpack from vacation etc etc...I had a slight mental breakdown on the phone with the hubby regarding the mess, gives me so much anxiety looking at it! Sorry about the car, happens to the best of us. Almost Friday!! ♥

  14. So funny because I am having the same type of day. I feel like no matter how much I do, the mess doesn't go away. Mail to be dealt with, laundry to be put away, dishwasher to empty, suitcases to unpack from vacation etc etc...I had a slight mental breakdown on the phone with the hubby regarding the mess, gives me so much anxiety looking at it! Sorry about the car, happens to the best of us. Almost Friday!! ♥

  15. My living room looked like a kid tornado went through it at the end of pretty much every day this summer. Good thing the boys are back in school! Oh and vacuums, those are really good devices. ;)

  16. I have a 5 month old and I feel like there is crap allll over. I mean he is little how can he have that much stuff right? And before we had him our house was perfectly clean and shined now it looks like a bomb went off all the time. Oh and I also watch the kardashians when I have a few moments!

  17. i love this post. thanks for being real :)

  18. I only have one kidlett (18 mos) and it took me the better part of two days just to get my house presentable for a craft party that I had last night! And my bathroom still left something to be desired... we do what we can and we rest when we can't. I hear you.

  19. Love this post. So true. Every word. I think we all can commiserate. Haha!

  20. You just described my everyday. Cry-texting the hubby, chunky-what-not sippy cups, random tp wads everywhere.

    The bad part, though, is I only have one kid so I have no excuse!!