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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

In full disclosure.

Last night I found myself pulling up my 'before' pictures to show a friend. You know, like, my before-before pictures. The ones that are embarrassing to think about, to look at....the ones that make me cringe a little. The 55+ pounds ago pictures.

since everyone likes to mention my stupid mean face in the before, I just covered it up. The awful thing about before pictures is you don't KNOW if you're going to ever see a successful after. So you kind of are...skeptical? Mad at yourself? whatever. you get it. 

You see, she never knew me like that since we're newish friends within the last year. And we were talking about weight loss and stuff, and I was trying to explain my history a little bit. How I really struggled. How I was large. Like, not just 10lbs overweight. A lot overweight. It's my hard-knock story and sometimes I feel like it's kind of a big piece of my past that helps explain my present, if you know what I mean.

Seeing those pictures still shock me. It's a hell of a difference and I know people do quadruple that (I watch Extreme Weight Loss, guys), but it was a huuuuge feat in my life, and still is. It's something I work at on a daily basis and sometimes, while I wish food and fitness didn't have to be a top priority in my life, I'm actually glad it is most the time.

It helps me practice a form of discipline, keeping myself in line--in check, when it comes to healthy choices and getting myself to the gym.

It's been over two weeks since we've revamped our household food choices. It's insane what just two weeks of that will do to your perspective (and your body), but seriously. I cannot look at food the same, I just can't. I'm almost wrecked when it comes to all the good (bad) stuff. I've been diet coke free for over 2 weeks, which was a habit I just didn't know I was capable of breaking, among other things.

What's crazy is how my body already responds poorly to the very few cheats ('treats') I've had. Just a few days ago Declan and I had a date night. At dinner we both made really decent choices, but we had white potatoes (mashed) as a side, and then a latte for 'dessert' (mmmm starbucks). We went into it knowing that this would be our first time straying a bit, and that it was ok. Everything was delicious and felt very worth the small splurge at the time.

But when I got home, my whole body broke out into a fiery itchy light rash. Something, whether it be the dairy from the drink, or the potatoes made my body respond and be all NOOOO you don't eat this, anymore, fool. Declan ended up feeling nauseous and on-edge of puking the entire night. It kinda sucked, actually. Especially because I've never been 'allergic' to anything before.

It's almost weird to me that I'm now one of those people who actually wants to avoid those foods, who wants to exercise. Like, I feel antsy and irritable if I don't get to the gym or my favorite classes. (Don't get me wrong, I still think about pizza errrry day.)

Even though there's a part of me that wants to wear a shirt to the gym that says, "I used to be fat" (ok, maybe worded a tad bit better than that) or, "I've been there, sister!", something, anything that (barely touches the surface) shares my story so I'm more relatable to other women, so they don't just think that this lifestyle came easy to me or something. But, this is me now. And I need to move on from those before pictures, you know?

Yea, they're good for a motivation boost. Yea, they're a testament to my hard work. Yea, they may even inspire people that hard work pays off and whatever.

But the me-now doesn't have to live in that past picture anymore. I'm just...different. It's definitely part of my story, but it's sure as heck not all of it.

****







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24 comments:

  1. You look awesome! Way to go on the new healthier you!

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  2. you look fantastic!!! It is so crazy how our body totally reacts to foods that are "bad" once we stop eating them. Then it makes you think, why was I eating like that for SO long. Love your healthy lifestyle! It is a testament to women with children that it can be done. :) It's hard and it may take a little more work, but it is SO worth it :)

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  3. Insane! Amazing! Inspiring! I just can't get over how you have transformed into...well, YOU! It is not easy but so rewarding. Especially to be able to SEE the fruits of your labor (pun intended). You are awesome!

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  4. :) I'm sure people around you tell you all the time, but- you're amazing! Truly inspirational and kick booty! I just recently went through my own big transformation, changing my eating habits, workout routine, lifestyle, and lost 26 pounds. On my frame and size, it was a HUGE difference! A lot of people now tend to make comments toward me when I say things about diet and exercise like "Well it's easy for YOU!" And I just want to shake them. No part of this has been easy by any means but I've stuck to it! I can totally relate to how wonky you feel when you eat "cheat" things too!! It's nuts how your body just all around does better when you're feeding it the right things! :) Sorry for the long winded comment, I just get very excited when I see posts I relate to so much! Keep it up lady!!
    *Krystina
    By the Seat of My Shorts

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  5. Get it girl! You look amazing! I am making SMALL TINY BABY steps at our house, but my husband is NOT on board so that makes it challenging. I feel like for every good option I give, he presents 2 not so good. We are both 'healthy' but to me, a poptart is NOT a reasonable breakfast...and sugary treats are not good snack options. We're working on it. Well...I am. CHEERS to you and D for being on the same page!

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  6. I just cannot believe you were so heavy, u look soooo slim in the after one, no wonder ur friend was shocked..
    Keep in touch,
    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com
    http://instagram.com/beingbeautifulpooja

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  7. You look awesome! You're such an inspiration. :)

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  8. I'm currently in the middle of the Whole30 (essentially eating Paleo for 30 days with no "treats" like alcohol or sugar) and am slightly concerned about the "reintroduction" of things like dairy and grains. However, I'm not going to take a negative reaction initially to mean that I can't eat that food, I think any food eaten after a long period of time away will throw our systems for a loop in some ways. But if after a few days of adding in, say, dairy (milk with coffee, cheese added to some meals) I continuously feel subpar, I'll dial it back a bit. Any plans to share recipes you've liked?

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  9. You look so great, and you have kept it up which is the hardest part... you rock!

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  10. I ran across your blog sometime ago and have been an avid follower. You were my first inspiration at losing weight. I struggle with PCOS and losing the weight has not come easy at all. I'm down 26lbs, and am at my half way point. Thanks for being you and inspiring me to keep going no matter what!

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  11. YOu are ALWAYS an inspiration to me. Whether its your creativity or your weight loss I'm always looking up to you. For reals. You have kicked fat in the ass and lived to tell about it and hell yeah!

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  12. I'm a fairly newish follower and these photos are insanely amazing! I hope you are VERY proud of yourself. I hear you about eating those good (bad) foods after you've clean your diet. Its like they sit in your stomach like a rock!

    Maria @ A Good Life

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  13. It's so great you don't feel like a fat girl in a skinny girls body - you are a healthy girl in a fit girls body and you look great!

    Stinks you guys reacted that way to eating out, would be nice to know what it was that you reacted to. And I think about pizza every day too... ny/nj/pa style. Does not exist in California, probably a good thing.

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  14. Hahahaha! The face. You're hilarious. I've already told you a million and 2 times that you're inspiring and you look amazing, but I'll tell you again anyway! You rock my face off.

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  15. This is really really good stuff, Katie. Good stuff!

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  16. So - besides inconsistently going to yoga, I haven't been working out in at least a month. I couldn't figure out why I was so edgy and weepy and, oh yeah, getting softer around the middle (for some reason my arms hang on to definition okay). And then it hit me that I had gotten zero exercise in about five weeks. I went out last night running, and then again today before work because I remembered just how amazing I feel when I DO work out regularly. (I'm even planning on going to the 5:30 am Pump class tomorrow.) So, yeah. I know exactly how you feel. Even when it comes to the food making you feel like crap thing. I don't even WANT cheese anymore....and I never thought I'd say that.

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  17. I really understand! I've worked hard to lose 40 lbs/keep it off. I didn't care for exercise (hard to do well overweight) and have worked my steps up to becoming *gasp* a gym rat! Between my sister doing Whole 30 and inspirations like you, I'm attempting to take it a step further to a Paleo/Gluten Free/Whole/something :) HEALTHY! Crazy, me? I feel the same way about how others (mainly at the gym) must look at me - "I haven't been this way forever ladies!!" Thanks for sharing 👊👊

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  18. Such am inspiration my sweet friend, truly. I so look up to you. Xo

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  19. Lady, I can see your abs through your shirt in that second picture! You look amazing-strong, fit, healthy, beautiful!

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  20. So, so awesome that you and your husband are on the same page. My husband has celiac's, so he is already gf, but had a meltdown last night because he felt like he was wasting away since all I cook is healthy stuff now (as of today, on day 8 of paleo). So, looks like I will be adding some rice pasta back into his diet. I am loving it so far, just ready to get my energy back. Today is significantly better than yesterday, so maybe im close :) Thanks again for being such an inspiration (and for answering all my questions on your last post. I never told you TY for that. Horrible at email!)

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  21. OK, so I'm going to be dead honest hear...first and foremost, you're weight loss is truly AMAZEBALLS! You look awesome-- kudos to you! BUT as inspirational as it is to see your before/after shots it is also equally disheartening to me to read that eating mashed potatoes and drinking a latte caused you to break out...and your husband felt like puking?! That just sounds absolutely TRAGIC to me. I want to be a hot momma too but to completely cut out carbs and Starbucks!?!?! I don't know if I can do that...or should I say, if I WANT to do that. I guess I just feel discouraged to think that the only way I'll look like you is to give up pizza. :/ It's kinda like, why even bother (to me.)

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  22. Seriously. Katie, you look awesome and continue to inspire me. Way to keep up the hard work!

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  23. Girl, you look FABULOUS! You worked hard for this, so enjoy it.

    xoxo
    Ronni
    http://anywhere-is.net

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