Monday, November 18, 2013

Ups and downs.

Monday mornings are just that for us. Typical Mondays. But since Lucy decided to wake up an hour early, I feel like, somehow--my day started out a little, slower? Yes. Less rushed. Maybe I can thank her for that. But I'll take extra sleep any day. It gave me some time to think about the last few days of this whirlwind.

Sometimes I'll scroll through my instagram if I need a weekend recap. Honestly, I forget stuff. This is one of my favorite reasons for IG. This weekend, at a glance, I could just see. Sheesh. This weekend was a rollercoaster.

You see, our weekend started off with awful news for our whole family. Friday morning we got a call that Gram's (Declan's Grandmother, his mom's mom) surgery recovery had taken a turn for the worst overnight. It was surprising to say the least. We all knew about her surgery, but the risk of complications was so low, because if you know his Gram, she's a fiery little pistol that had a whole lot of life left in her.

After hearing the news that things weren't looking too good, Declan and I just knew we needed to go see her and say our goodbye's just in case. We spent the morning at the hospital with everyone, getting tiny little glimmers of hope about her status. Watching the numbers tick upward. Praying. Please God, we can't take another loss so close to his dad passing away. This is too much to handle.

Family trickled in and out all day. See, that's the awesome thing about this family. There's lots of us. Lots of grandkids. Gram thought she had the best grandkids around. While I'm not technically a grandchild, she always treated me like one from day one. I felt just as close to her as my own Grandmother in lots of ways.

We decided to get the girls home for naps and since things seemed relatively stable, we proceeded with our Friday night as normal'ish as we could be. Still pleading for Gram's life. We went out to dinner, and Emeline begged to see Santa for the first time in her little life. It's not even Thanksgiving, I thought. I think sitting on Santa's lap is creepy, I thought (never was big into that). But then, we just didn't care. Fine, if that's what she wants? To see Santa? Fine.

The good news about seeing Santa before Thanksgiving is that the lines are short. The bad news is, you feel sort of like an idiot. We stood in line with all the little girls in their best santa-dresses (sorry, but they are hideous), boys in christmas ties, and moms and dads in matching ugly-sweaters (I'm not joking). Meanwhile, my kid was in regular 'ole clothes and I looked like the parent who didn't plan to do this, at all. Cuz that was exactly the case, but oh well.

She was timid, but happy to see Santa and tell him all about the Hello Kitty she wanted. I was praying she'd just ask for a stuffie or a dream lite, but no. Then Santa asked her "anything else little girl?" and she said, "no, my mommy and daddy said just one thing". HA. Sorry fat guy in a red suit. Mom and Dad want some of the credit, too.

iphone pic. crap.
I felt guilty and bought the smallest package with two 4x6's that I will never do anything with. No, I'm serious. They're currently scrunched in the bottom of my stroller, packed in the back of my car. I'll probably find them next Christmas, if I'm being honest.

But she was happy.

The second we left Santa, I walked out to see Declan's face had turned sad. I glanced at my phone. I saw the texts come in from family and my heart sank.

I knew it. Gram wasn't going to make it much longer. It would be within the hour.

We scrambled back to the car, got the kids to my parents house, and got back to the hospital in time to sing around her bedside, give her a kiss, tell her how much we loved her, and hug family. It was gut wrenching watching Granddad say goodbye to his love. My heart couldn't take it.

The next day we spent time with family all together. The compounded grief everyone could feel, especially Declan's mom. Almost 4 months to the day. Losing your husband, and then losing your mom (whom she was very close to). Two of the people that knew her best in this world. It's devastating.

Life is so frail and we are not promised time, that's for sure. It sobering to me, every time.


The next night I had planned to attend my friend Lauren's Little Black Dress party. It felt weird to just go from something so sad, to something fun. But I knew I needed it, I needed the time out, I needed to go. I am so glad I did--it was a blast.

An excuse to dress up and feel all pretty. I didn't even have a little black dress in my closet, people. I thought that was like, Girl-Code to own one? I suck, apparently. Thankfully I had got one a week ago.

We laughed a lot (thanks to the entertainment and no not strippers, sheesh), and it was just plain fun.


Last night I let Emeline set up her mini-Christmas tree in her bedroom. I was reluctant, it's not even Thanksgiving yet. I love Thanksgivinggggg. But it made her heart happy to fall asleep by the twinkly lights. And then this morning I decided to finally let myself click play on the Christmas music.

I think my heart needs it. I also just keep thinking, why the heck not. Nothing is promised to us. Enjoy what makes you happy. This morning, that's Christmas music.


Pray for our family this week. This Saturday we'll be honoring our Gram's life.


  1. my goodness, I am so sorry friend. this post made me cry, you are so right. our time is so short and we never know what tomorrow will bring. we started elf on the shelf a week ago, on accident, and i thought IT'S TOO SOON! but Kendall loves it and it's the only Christmas-y thing we're doing now so why not? Oh and I might have put some Christmas-y scents in my Scentsy warmer ;-)

  2. Keeping your family in my thoughts & prayers. Losing a grandma is so tough! Especially when you are so close to them!

    And HOLY HOT MOMMA! Look at you in your LBD! :)

  3. You are right, your weekend was a roller coaster. So sorry for your loss with Gram, will be keeping your family in my prayers this week.

  4. I'm so sorry for your loss! It seems like quite a few people are having a rough year - I know you guys will pull through and support each other the best way you can. I'm glad you were able to get some fun in as well - you look amazing in that black dress!

  5. My heart just sank with your sad news....can't even think about my grandparents having to say goodbye to each other. Praying healing, comfort, and peace over you and your family. Thanks for the reminder to hold onto our loved ones a little tighter. Life is SO short.

    And on another note, you look HOT in that LBD. Really. Wowza!

  6. Life is full of ups and downs. It's so tough to lose family members and when they're in close proximity, even harder. I am so sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you and your family this week.

  7. My goodness, what a rough few months. So sorry for you guys, but glad you got a few fun moments in this weekend. You looked amazing in your LBD! :)

  8. My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family. I lost my father-in-law and my father within 4 months and it's hard. Hang in there. Remember the good times with Grandma. Hold your little ones near and dear. Hugs to you Katie..

  9. My heart breaks for Declan's mom and Granddad and everyone else in the family. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for all of you this week. That lbd party looks fun!

  10. Ugh. I'm so sorry for your family. My husband and I lost 3 grandparents in 3 months back in college, and it never gets easier. I'll be praying for y'all. I agree about doing what makes you happy. I've always stuck to a 'no Christmas before Thanksgiving' rule myself and this year while my son was in the hospital for 6 days for strep in his KNEE (random much?), I said screw it and jammed to some carols to make me happy! My soul definitely needed it. :)

  11. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your sweet family!

  12. Nothing to say, sweet friend, but hugs to all of you. Tight ones.

  13. I'm so sorry, again, for your family's loss. That is never easy, ever ever.

    And you, friend, look stunning in your LBD! I don't own one, either. That sounds like a fun little get together! Your hair looks pretty!

  14. So sorry for your loss, have been thinking about your family all weekend. Glad you decided to get out and go to the party. You are looking amazing!!

  15. Reading about the loss of your hubby's grandma ,I have goose flesh.. Loosing family is just the worst, I list my dad at a very young age..
    U did the right thing by going to the party.
    Ur girls are too cute, she actually said , just one wish to Santa.. Too cute
    Have a wonderful week
    Keep in touch,

  16. I am so sorry for your loss and especially for Declan's mom. I just can't imagine how she much be feeling and I pray God draws her close and comforts her during this time.

    Since you shared how much it meant to you all when people took action and did things to help when Declan's mom passed it's helped me be more of a do-er in that area. Finding out someone is in the hospital and bringing the rest of the family a meal or a pizza gift card and what not. It's so much better following through with that stuff instead of just thinking "I really should..." So thank you for that.

    PS That dress is so cute on you! You look fabulous!

  17. Praying for your family sweet friend!

  18. Praying for your family. Declan has been through a lot. Was his dad's passing sudden?