So after our whirlwind trip to San Diego (which I still dream about, oh warm weather, come hither), I've dropped off the face of the earth. Not quite. But.
Basically, I've been up to my eyeballs in all things bridal-shower, not to mention regular life stuff like work, meetings, keeping small children alive and relatively healthy, and trying to be a somewhat decent wife. Obviously, I'm failing at a few of those things, I'll let you be the judge with the following story.
I don't know how other mothers get ready in the morning (ahem, mid-morning...err closer to noon if I'm being honest about yesterday), with a few small children running around, one who is in this almost-3-I'm-naughty-now-and-hate-to-listen-phase, the other who is just beginning to crawl and explore the world. But, I usually have to put on PBS, while they sit quietly
The busy toddler-girl ended up back to God-knows-where and Lucy was playing with an elmo book in the same place her sister left her. She was sitting there, happy as a clam for a good 5 minutes, while I got my makeup all done. In the meantime I had thrown my phone on my bed (details are a little foggy...as I've relived this multiple times in my mind), and a few minutes later my phone dinged. I got distracted. Between Emeline and my phone, I turned my body away from Lucy for just enough time that she reached over, pulled the cord on my hot straightener right down on her little hand and wrist.
I heard both the fall of the straightener and a coinciding scream/cry and I was so close by (a few feet, literally) that I had her swooped up in my arms within a second and huddled around the sink running her wrist under cold water. I was doing the semi-shaking-omg-I'm-a-failure-babyareyouok?-thing. Emeline snapped out of a PBS coma and noticed my panic and that the atmosphere changed, running up to me shouting, Lucy, YOU OK? LUCY YOU OK?? Reassuring her it will be okay, all the while she begins running down the steps shouting, Don't worry, I'll give you a checkup! I go get my doctor kit! K, Lucy girl? You be okay!
Dear Lord, who am I to stop The Doc, anyway.
It sounds like a lot of time went by, but honestly, it had been maybe 1-minute at this point. Thankfully, Lucy stopped crying after, a minute? 30 seconds? It was short. But I could see her little wrist got burned and so did a spot on her hand.
I was pissed at myself. So mad, feeling like a failure because I DID get distracted. I am normally 3948304 steps ahead of my children. Other mothers know this feeling. You can survey a scene, see every potential bad thing that can or will or is bound to happen. You try your best to protect them and keep them out of these situations. The truth is, without even thinking yesterday, I clicked my straightener on (and I didn't even use it!) (double infuriating!).
I posted about this on instagram a few hours after it happened. I don't care if it seems silly, but it weighed on me, heavily all day. I felt like I had to let it out, tell on myself.
As the comments & stories came in on instagram, I read every single one and I laughed, smiled, and felt-for every momma. It was probably the most supported I'd ever, ever felt as a mom in the social media world. Over 70 comments and stories from you guys...telling me your bad-day-mom-fail-moment/story to make my bad day feel a little bit better...a bit lighter. There was no one who (told me) that I sucked or how could you have let such a thing happen? There was a lot of 'don't be so hard on yourself'. There was many a 'been there, done that', and some 'I know how much this hurts a mom heart'. There was support. And encouragement. And everybody keeping it real about life and the fact that things happen, and our babies get hurt, sometimes under our watch, and sometimes as a result of something we do, or sometimes out of pure coincidence.
It helped me. And it reminded me why I love being connected with other moms, many of whom I don't necessarily 'know'. Who will keep it real, share their stories, offer a I know the feeling, momma-comment. So, thank you.
And most of all? I'm glad she forgave me.