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Monday, January 20, 2014

cur·rent·ly - 1. at the present time.

I just had written out a few paragraphs about how awful of a time I've had writing lately, and yet, how much I am dying inside to write but....I just...can't. Then I was about to tell you about how I've just been a little unhappy lately, in general, and well--it's really linked back to lots of things, but mostly, not feeding myself with the things that do make me truly happy. Whoa, groundbreaking, right? If it were that easy, I just need to get back to writing & photography without reservation, and somehow, someway--I think that will help spark the joy in me again. It's this vicious cycle and somehow I'm feeling a jumbled mess and just needing that little pinch of happiness and joy that I find through my creative process. I know, it sounds dumb, but it's true. 

So as I'm sitting here spilling my guts in a post I'd likely regret--I see a new post pop up in my reader from the sweet BA. And she does this thing, which just lets her, well...write. In tidbits, no less-but I love it. So I'm stealing this idea from her in efforts to get the words swirling back around again, to kick up the dust, and maybe I can find more joy here. 

So.


Currently I am...

watching Downton Abbey. Except, not technically. Because I need to really focus when this show (helloooooo, no commercial breaks!) is on or I'll miss something and be all, whaaaa? who's that? So it's on pause on my DVR while I write. We're also watching Breaking Bad. Mid season 3. And holy whoa, why I am watching this show is beyond me. It is the opposite of my norm. And it is Addicting. Capital "A" required.

loving all my hi-rise jeggings from American Eagle. If you don't have these jeans. WHY? They are the best, hands down, best, most comfortable jeans (especially to wear with boots) ever. Go get them.

listening to the buzz of the monitor while both my babies rest and to my annoying dog rolling and flopping around on the floor. 

praying that this little fever/body aches thing Em has going on is short lived because there are 3 days of preschool this week that I paid for and SHE NEEDS TO BE THERE. for my sanity

admitting that one of the best parts of my day is when I'm working out. It's the time when I'm just me, I don't have to think or worry about anything other that what we're doing right there, what my body is capable of, and I'm not worrying about my kids in that moment. It's a mental break for me even though I'm working my butt off. Funny how that works.

feeling frustrated that Lucy misses the cutoff for the 2 year old preschool program for next year, so much so that I actually cried real tears about it. yes. I admit it. I was already excited about 4 hours a week without my kids to grocery shop alone next year, and right now, that won't be happening.

drinking water (after finishing my afternoon cup of coffee), and feeling kinda proud of myself that it's been over 6 months since I've had diet coke (or any soda!). I cold-turkey-quit back in August and I'm proud for not really looking back.

appreciating my home and my surroundings, being safe and warm--little things that are really big things.

learning to shut my mouth. I have an awful habit of interrupting (and my husband reminds me often, love you honey), but I am learning and growing. Years of being part of a big family will do that to you. Years of a bad habit will take lotssss of time to undo. But I am trying.

excited to finish my bedroom. I am so close and I can't wait to share it all with you.

anticipating warm weather, the ease of no-coats, late night walks, playground playing...

bummed that warmth is still SO FAR AWAY though.

wishing I would get my camera out more often, but sadly, my "january 2014" folder on my desktop sits empty. Thank God for instagram, or else this month didn't exist via photos.

hoping to get out of this funk and start feeling more joy soon.


***

little by little, I hope to be around more.

13 comments:

  1. I can't wait to see the bedroom. I know it will be fantastic! I also just wanted to take a second to tell how awesome I think you are and I always look forward to your posts. You always make it feel like you are talking to ME. Thanks for sharing pieces of your life with me and all of your readers! You are truly gifted :)

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  2. Love these types of posts! Hope your sweet girl feels better soon!

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  3. I hate to hear that you are in a funk. I miss your writing. A while back I commented on your blog about working out and I came up with a million excuses not to. Well this weekend we picked up an elliptical that my sister wasn't using and brought it home. Last night my husband and I both got a quick workout it. I only lasted 20 minutes, but I am hoping it is a start. Thanks for sharing your weight loss journey. It is very inspiring.

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  4. Dude, the high rise jeggings are awesome, but way too short for me. Even in the long/extra long lengths. I'm a giant.

    Also, I wish so much that we had a two year old preschool program around here. We don't. Becca actually won't get to go for THREE MORE YEARS because they have to be 3 by September 1st. So, she'll have to wait until she's almost 4 to start preschool. Sometimes, it feels like I am never going to be able to go anywhere by myself ever again!

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  5. You seem to feel this way every January. Winter blues? I don't blame you, I've been feeling the same.

    My January also wouldn't be documented if it weren't for my iphone. I swear, this camera phone thing is both a blessing and a curse.

    I can't wait to see your bedroom! I know it's going to look beautiful.

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  6. oh katie - i FEEL your pain with sick kids!! i have had a sick kid for over 2 weeks - but one seriously sick since tuesday (stupid h1n1) and i NEED him - seriously am DYING for him to go back to school. i am currently listening to him coughing and crying inside that he might possibly be staying home tomorrow ... *sob*

    i love your idea of the currently, i am ... i might just copy you (if that's ok?)

    i hope em feels better - i love reading your blog ... i'm slightly addicted (and a total stalker!) xox

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  7. Downton Abbey is my favorite show!! I'm watching it too, except we don't have cable so I'm watching on air which means Sunday nights are a mad rush to get everyone to bed and settled before it starts. This Sunday, being a holiday weekend, we let the oldest two stay up a bit later so at 9 I had to say my goodnights and the husband was in charge of getting them to bed. :) It is my "me time."

    I'm so looking forward to warmer weather too!

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  8. I think January brings a funk for a lot of people. But at least you know yourself enough to know that taking photos and writing and working out helps you get out of the funk. That's a good thing!

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  9. Just know we all go through those "funks", and I can totally relate. I love reading an honest post from someone who is not afraid to admit when life is just blah some times, for no EXACT reason. hugs to you.

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  10. ^^^what everyone else has said. we all go through those funky times. I think a lot of it is also weather and cabin fever. it'll break and before you know it, it will be all spring and butterflies and sunshine and flowers :) hang in there!

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  11. Not gonna lie, most of the time these are my favorite posts to read and write myself!! It kind of, clears your brain, I guess.
    Also, the high rise jeggings? Holy comfy AND cute! I never thought I would love "high rise" and then I became a mom and now don't know how I ever liked "super low rise" haha

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  12. Ok, glad you said that about Downton Abbey. I feel like I am constantly trying to figure out who the heck they are talking about! I also laugh that Downton Abbey and Breaking Bad are in the same paragraph. There couldn't be two more different shows! HA!

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  13. I LOVE AE jeggings. Yay for no soda, don't you feel so much better? And I'm also an interrupter, C is so tolerant, but it's hard to stop doing something you've been doing 20+ years!

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