I just had written out a few paragraphs about how awful of a time I've had writing lately, and yet, how much I am dying inside to write but....I just...can't. Then I was about to tell you about how I've just been a little unhappy lately, in general, and well--it's really linked back to lots of things, but mostly, not feeding myself with the things that do make me truly happy. Whoa, groundbreaking, right? If it were that easy, I just need to get back to writing & photography without reservation, and somehow, someway--I think that will help spark the joy in me again. It's this vicious cycle and somehow I'm feeling a jumbled mess and just needing that little pinch of happiness and joy that I find through my creative process. I know, it sounds dumb, but it's true.
So as I'm sitting here spilling my guts in a post I'd likely regret--I see a new post pop up in my reader from the sweet BA. And she does this thing, which just lets her, well...write. In tidbits, no less-but I love it. So I'm stealing this idea from her in efforts to get the words swirling back around again, to kick up the dust, and maybe I can find more joy here.
Currently I am...
watching Downton Abbey. Except, not technically. Because I need to really focus when this show (helloooooo, no commercial breaks!) is on or I'll miss something and be all, whaaaa? who's that? So it's on pause on my DVR while I write. We're also watching Breaking Bad. Mid season 3. And holy whoa, why I am watching this show is beyond me. It is the opposite of my norm. And it is Addicting. Capital "A" required.
loving all my hi-rise jeggings from American Eagle. If you don't have these jeans. WHY? They are the best, hands down, best, most comfortable jeans (especially to wear with boots) ever. Go get them.
listening to the buzz of the monitor while both my babies rest and to my annoying dog rolling and flopping around on the floor.
praying that this little fever/body aches thing Em has going on is short lived because there are 3 days of preschool this week that I paid for and SHE NEEDS TO BE THERE.
for my sanity
admitting that one of the best parts of my day is when I'm working out. It's the time when I'm just me, I don't have to think or worry about anything other that what we're doing right there, what my body is capable of, and I'm not worrying about my kids in that moment. It's a mental break for me even though I'm working my butt off. Funny how that works.
feeling frustrated that Lucy misses the cutoff for the 2 year old preschool program for next year, so much so that I actually cried real tears about it. yes. I admit it. I was already excited about 4 hours a week without my kids to grocery shop alone next year, and right now, that won't be happening.
drinking water (after finishing my afternoon cup of coffee), and feeling kinda proud of myself that it's been over 6 months since I've had diet coke (or any soda!). I cold-turkey-quit back in August and I'm proud for not really looking back.
appreciating my home and my surroundings, being safe and warm--little things that are really big things.
learning to shut my mouth. I have an awful habit of interrupting (and my husband reminds me often, love you honey), but I am learning and growing. Years of being part of a big family will do that to you. Years of a bad habit will take lotssss of time to undo. But I am trying.
excited to finish my bedroom. I am so close and I can't wait to share it all with you.
anticipating warm weather, the ease of no-coats, late night walks, playground playing...
bummed that warmth is still SO FAR AWAY though.
wishing I would get my camera out more often, but sadly, my "january 2014" folder on my desktop sits empty. Thank God for instagram, or else this month didn't exist via photos.
hoping to get out of this funk and start feeling more joy soon.
little by little, I hope to be around more.