Friday, March 21, 2014

heavy & light

Ever been woken up so abruptly by a dream...scratch that...a nightmare that it's just much too hard to shake, so you'd rather get up at the ungodly early hour rather than risk closing your eyes again?

I guess you could say, that's why I'm here right now. I rarely, I mean, rarely get nightmares--let alone about one of my worst fears (those closest to me dying), and so I can't. I can't even risk going back to sleep because ohmygosh, agony. My heart actually physically hurts and it was just a dream. And yet my nightmare becomes peoples reality, all the time, actually. You better believe I sent frantic texts at 6am because dreams like that scare the crap out of me.


I haven't written all week. I hate weeks like that, but the truth is--I feel like life is just at that point where I'm not waiting for anything. There's no one big exciting thing coming up or huge anticipation of x, y  or z on the horizon. We're just sort of here, now--just living this life everyday and I have to admit it can become totally mundane. It doesn't mean I don't find meaning and life and happiness in it. It's just...the same. And so I feel like there's just not much on my heart and on the tip of my tongue that I'm dying to get out. At least at this second.

So here are a few random, non-heavy/scary nightmare'ish things going on:

-I've been really into the show Revenge (which is probably the source of my nightmare, let's be honest). Sometimes I like having shows completely separate of my husband so I can watch at any time. When we did Breaking Bad together it was torture waiting until nighttime or when he was home/available/didn't have other obligations to watch. I may be a bit dramatic. 

-I've gotten into a solid, s o l i d fitness routine lately and I'm not hating it. I've basically been getting in an hour (sometimes more) of really good workouts a day for 6 days a week. I rest on Saturdays typically. I've even been switching it up and have gotten myself into RPM (basically it's a spin class by Les Mills and it's intennnnnse) and I've added that into my mix. My body is just eternally sore all the time--but I tell myself that sore=changing and so it's not an excuse to just not work out. 
(proof that I do sweat--and yea, sometimes it even drips from my armpits like last night in!)

-With that said, I finally bought myself two bikini's...err...two pieces...whatever the technical term is. I have to say that even despite not being on my tip-top game food wise the last few months, I'm proud of myself for feeling good enough to even try them on, let alone buy them. I will say that my sad, pathetic you-know-whats are really just plain...sad. I used to be a well endowed girl. Funny how after losing lots of weight and nursing two babies they're pretty much, uh, gone. Fun. can I get an amen for padded bras?

-Both my girls have had a winter cough/sinus'ey like stuff going on for weeeeeeeks. They have no fever, other than a cough here and there, though? They're fine. Bouncing off the walls, being their normal crazy selves. I feel guilty for just taking them to all normal-life stuff, but my gosh, if I kept them home for a cough we'd have been homebodies the last month, and well, nope. I can't do it. This horrendous winter has nearly killed me already.

important business, dudes.

-I tried so hard to get excited that yesterday was the first day of Spring but I just caaaan't. I read a weather report that said not to get too excited for Spring-like temps around us until after April 15th, and well--that's 3 more weeks and that's flat out depressing. We even have more snow in the forecast next week. I cringe (more like cry) at the thought. 

'round these parts when it's the first day of Spring, you get FREE Rita's water ice, because--duh. It felt so weird to be waiting in the cold with my sister, Em, and little brother (who flew in for one day only to fly right back out), but it was a fun time anyway :) It would have been a tadddd bit better if it was, you know, feeling like Spring. But, whatever.

-My last year in my 20's birthday is coming up in the beginning of April and my husband and I have planned a one-night mini getaway to Atlantic City. The idea of waking up to nothingness (okay, fine, I mean needy kids) sounds so delightful. I just want to lay there, let out a deep sigh...and know that I don't have to move from my amazing and luxurious hotel bed (yes, it will be a good one).

-Annnnd Lucy just creepily put her face in the monitor and whispered "mommyyyyyyyyy", and so, with that--I'd say my day has begun.

happy, happy weekend.


  1. So jealous of two things--your solid workout routines and your mini-getaway! I need to get on both! And love love love the show Revenge. So good!

  2. Did you find any bikinis with padded tops? Cause I'm right there with you on the nothing-ness. I'm less than an A now, and I pretty much want to cry over it

  3. When I'm done having babies...which someday is like right NOW...I'm going to get the girls fixed. At least that's what I say, when the time actually comes I'll probably chicken out but that's my dream for now.

    And that Frozen shirt???? My daughter and heck my son would kill for that.

  4. Dreams like that are awful. I get them too and wake up freaking out and scaring my husband half to death!

  5. Your random posts are my favorite posts! CANNOT wait to hear how much you rock the bikini--you're going to be one hot mama. So proud of you! And I'm totally jealous of your getaway--my birthday is next weekend, and I get to work. Womp womp.

  6. I just want to tell you I love your writings/posts. You are one of my favorite reads, you are so real and honest and well plain awesome ;) not to mention a rockstar in the fitness dept now ;) have a wonderful weekend!

  7. I am so behind on commenting! I HATE trying to do it on my phone, where I usually read posts, it never works! But I'm at work, shoving my lunch in my face at my desk so I am going to try to catch up.
    1- I hate nightmares that either do not stop even after you wake up and then go back to sleep, or that you cannot shake all day. The worst.
    2- I watch Revenge, so soap opera, but I am committed to the story line and just can't stop.
    3- Glad it is a new release next week because I am already sick of this one, it makes it that much more torturous to know what is coming, or how much longer it will be. And some new music for crying out loud! and I am still laughing about the armpit sweat. Until I remember I had to peel my undies off last night since they were all sweaty, from which crevice, I do not even want to know.
    4- One of my biggest weight loss motivators was/is that fact that my boobs will get smaller. I HATE BIG BOOBS!!! I just cannot even think about what they will become when my milk comes in. There really isn't even a word for it. Science fiction large.
    Last year in your 20s? spring chicken!

  8. OMG. My daughter NEEDS that Frozen shirt. Where did you get it?

    1. It was from babies r us--they set up those little cardboard things in the aisle with t-shirts and there was ONE left!

  9. I love reading your posts and I think your weight loss/fitness journey has been amazing....and I have ridden that rollercoaster before (thought granted not as extremely as you have) but, don't you ever want that soreness to be over? Lol...I'm not trying to be the annoying commenter or be snippy here, I just really wonder that when I read your comments about how sore you are. I know that when I'm first doing a new class, or am coming back to the gym from a break...for whatever reason...but if I was sore all the time I just could not handle it. I deal with it in the beginning because I know I will get past it and be better able to deal with it later on and not be so sore as I get stronger. Does that make sense? I guess I just can't get behind that whole feeling sore constantly thing. FYI, I think you could have gotten away with wearing atwo piece quite a while ago! You seriously look amazing!

    1. I mean, it's not the type of sore where I can't walk up the steps or something, lol. It's the kind of sore you can feel when you're bending down with your kids, when you stretch your arms back (thanks chest flies!), etc. I am in a phase where I'm trying to push myself. Like, trying RPM, etc--that's new for me. So with new classes come new soreness. With body pump, I up my weights after a few weeks/months at a certain weight. With new releases, comes new type of soreness. It's not like I'm a granny, can't walk kinda sore--it's a good, 'i work hard' kinda sore. There's a huge difference. ;) and it works for me!

    2. it's diffidently a work hard soreness/trying new things. For example-friday at bootcamp we used the TXR for our backs and when I bring my arms back i can feel it. For me that means I should workout with that TXR more since my muscles back there aren't used to it..yet.

  10. Did you get a little burnt out on Paleo? I've been doing it since January and I am : / Overall, I really like eating that way…but lately I've been wanting things like a piece of toast with peanut butter or a greek yogurt here and there…nothing crazy but something a little more filing. Do you ever feel like this?

    1. Totally! The holidays messed up our rhythm. While we do cook only paleo dinners, mostly only eat paleo breakfasts & lunches at home, etc--when we go out, we're lenient. I'm probably 70/30 or 60/40 right now. Don't be so hard on yourself that you can't have a greek yogurt here or there ;) and toast with peanut butter is delicious. It's when you get so strict you get burnt out--so try to ease up in a few areas as to not totally abandon ship. hope that helps!

  11. Those nightmares are the absolute worst! I woke up sobbing a few weeks ago from one, and didn't want to go back to sleep. Hope tonight is filled with peaceful sleep.

    Now, about Revenge...LOVE IT!! Binge watched the first 2 seasons in about 2 weeks on Netflix, and I am finally caught up...which I don't really like, because now I have to wait week after week, and deal with commercials!

    You're going to rock the 2 pieces this summer for sure, you've worked so hard to be where you are. :)

    Happy weekend.

  12. We have all had that stinking cough/runny nose for months too...including me, which is irritating because even though I'm trying to still work out, it's been making my asthma bad and I'd just been feeling whimpy every, I took a couple days off, hoping to finally kick it, and now I'm just all emotional and out of whack. LOL.

    Cannot wait for the end of this cold season!

  13. Thanks to discovering it through you, I officially registered for a Polar watch as a baby shower gift. haha! Who knows if anyone will actually buy it. If not, it'll be one of my first post-baby purchases. Back in college, I was pretty nuts about health and fitness. Our treadmill had a calorie counter, and I loved watching those numbers go up. So I know having a watch (that's probably way more accurate than the ol' dreadmill) will only help me get moving after sitting around those last couple months. :) I've only been cleared to do walking and yoga (although I've cheated and done more than that). Starting to miss that sore feeling, believe it or not...

    ps. I love having my own shows. Brad's schedule is so goofy anyway, that I haaaate waiting what feels like weeks before getting to watch a new episode of whatever we're hooked to. First world problems.