In the midst of sleep last night, I heard it coming loud and clear. The dreaded middle of the night cry. Hoping it would resolve itself, I rolled over and held my breath.
But it came again. And again. Lucy needed me.
My insides groaned a little. My body, almost paralyzed from deep sleep, became to move again, albeit slowly. I used to be used to getting interrupted sleep. I mean, I'm not even sure my body used to really sleep for the first year of her life. But now-the middle of the night cries are so rare, it almost makes it that much harder for my body to accept that fact that, yes, you have to get up.
I scooped my crying 21 month-old up, rubbing oragel on her tender gums, and plopped down into the nursery chair I so rarely even sit in anymore. She laid her head on my shoulder and her cries stopped. She fell asleep. A few minutes later, she popped her head up and pointed to her crib, saying "bed, now". I kissed her, laid her down, and covered her little hodge-podged-pj'ed body up with a blanket.
I laid back into my bed and normally I have zero thoughts except--Get Back To Sleep, Right Now. But as I covered myself up, bringing my comfortable blankets up around my neck, and curling onto my side--I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for exactly where I'm at right now. So much so that I just began to thank God for taking care of my family, for giving us these babies to love and take care of, for the safety of our house, for our warm beds.
My chalkboard in my kitchen has read, "Gratitude turns what we have into Enough" since last September, no lie.
I stare at it everyday. Yet sometimes those lessons don't really seep in deep for a long time.
I am content and grateful now--not just wasting my life waiting for The Next Big Thing. It's so easy to fall into that trap.
Yesterday Em took an unexpected nap...the first one in months, actually. When Lucy and I went in to wake her up, we were greeted with smiles & hugs. We all crawled into that tiny toddler bed and for a whole hour we watched videos on my YouTube channel of their little lives.
We laughed and ooh'ed and ahh'ed at baby Emeline and the cute way she pronounced her words at 2. We watched the vacation recap videos and remembered what the beach and warm sand felt like, we saw the first time Lucy crawled, and when my girl's met for the first time, and belly laughed at the hilarious christmas performance at church. We watched them all and my heart felt just so full and content.
There are challenges and hardships and gut wrenching things we all deal with and have questions about, and why, why, why....but I cannot be anything but grateful for this life.
It is more than enough.