Friday, May 30, 2014

times have changed

When I started writing in a blog I was young, had all the time in the world, and enjoyed talking about the mundane and trivial things involved with being a teenager, then college student, then a graduate.

I picked back up with writing pretty intensely when I landed my first teaching job and I had stories coming out my ears about the hilarious things my students said to me and my encounters being the big adult in a classroom full of little elementary aged kids, when, honestly, I barely felt like an adult at all.

Then I wrote about things related to young marriage, and the process of buying and building our first little (and current) townhome. And then about bringing home the puppy who I didn't realize till years later would be such a stinkin' handful and more work than our two kids combined on some days.

We got pregnant and then I wrote about our devastating miscarriage, even though it felt wrong and too open and honest to share on the internet. It brought many people into my life I had never expected it would, and opened up the hearts of other hurting momma's who just felt understood by hearing my crazy intense thoughts vomited on the pages of this blog in the midst of our grief.

Then I had my beautiful Emeline and got to take the year off of teaching. I began to find this deep need to document and capture every bit of her life through my writing and photos, to be forever preserved in 'blog world'. I had time, so much time to write and process, and learn the ins and outs of motherhood, and share my fails and my victories right here. In fact, there is no baby book--her baby book was right here. Every new milestone documented, a month never went by without an update.

I shared about the journey of losing a whole lot of baby weight plus much more, and started to feel what it was like to be comfortable in my own skin. It was encouraging and motivating to write about it here, get some cheers and inspiration, and to keep going on days it didn't feel worth it. I lost 50 some pounds and at the time, I felt great.

I wrote about not being ready for a 2nd baby, and then shortly after, I wrote about being pregnant with a 2nd baby. Don't worry, I got on board, apparently. Because Lucy was as planned as planned can be. But my pregnancy was sorely documented (except for on instagram), because I came to find out that life with a wild toddler and a super sick pregnancy didn't lend itself to as much leisurely writing.

Lucy came and I'm so grateful to have documented when my two sweet girls met. It was truly a high-High in my life that I'll never, ever forget. A few posts about how a new little lady in town stole my heart here and there, and about how she never, ever slept, and oh I'm so tired.

I popped in once in a while to talk about my journey back to running and losing the baby weight again. I was torn in so many directions with my kids, my job, my husband, exercising, church duties, etc, that I could feel myself pulling away from documenting as much.

I started leaving my camera at home more and more so I could be in the present, without a hunk of camera in my face. I felt myself leaving the memories to be in little instagram snapshots from my phone with a few little lines of texts instead of long, drawn out blog posts. My brain felt blank any time I wanted to write, which felt like a huge oxymoron, because, if I want to write, I should have something to say.

I began focusing even more on my health. Upped it to the next level, began spending more time at the gym and getting over a lot of my fears. We cleaned up our eating in such a way that my body began to change and I was finally seeing what I was capable of. I have a good level of energy now for my girl's, for my family, and I feel strong. I felt like it was too boring to talk anymore about this stuff because, in a way, I've arrived, in the sense that I didn't feel like I had much more progress pics to show--to keep up with all that. I just was living it out now.

My priorities of writing and documenting fell to the wayside. I didn't have the time (because I didn't make it) to sit and just write about things in any cohesive manner every day, or even a few times a week anymore. My children keep me busier than I ever knew, and I'm in life deep with them. Sometimes too deep to pull myself out and then write about it.

I'm alright with that, I think. Because times have changed.



11 comments:

  1. EXACTLY how I feel! And I have a "draft" about how freeing it is once you stop caring. Because, I hate to admit, I cared a little too much at one point.

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  2. Oh how I completely understand. I was the same way and then suddenly, like you said, times changed. And just like you, I found my camera just sitting on the table more while I got more involved. Blogging fell to the wayside while I was busy, 'just being' with my little girls. I think about picking it back up, or trying to catch it back up. But, for now, I'm content 'just being'. I sometimes feel a little guilty about not keeping it up, until I remember what I was doing instead. Thanks for this post. It was nice to read someone having similar thoughts in this regard.

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  3. What changes you've been through in the past few years. I found your blog right before you found out you were pregnant with Eme and have loved to follow along with your adventures. Things change, and blogs change too. :)

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  4. I totally get it, but I do miss your blog. Yours is one of only 3 that I read. lol. I'm glad that you are so present in your life with your girls. That's exactly where you need to be.

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  5. Love the times have changed. While I originally started a tiny blog to document my pregnancy adn then birth of my first daughter. I much more enjoy writing in her little baby book and leaving little snippets of treasures in there (her first whatevers). I do enjoy getting advice and reading about health, style and diy on the bloggity blogs though so I hang around. Plus I love hearing about others who are deep in this life with their kids time. BTW your kiddos are adorbs - as are you - always! Blessings and I hope you are out enjoying your day in the sunshine - instead of behind a stupid computer in a cubicle staring at a picture of your beautiful baby girls! :)

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  6. While I mostly get it, even though I'm still just sitting at one kiddo, it makes me feel sad to see so many people leaving the blog world for the instagram world. I mean, it's great because I'm over there too and I can't miss you too much, but I love the blog world and all that it has to offer and the ways we can share and....before I get too rambly, I've had the infertility/miscarriage blog experience on my blog for the past year and it's been the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm just not in a place yet where I'm ready to detach from it.

    Can't you just like, ship them off to school 24/7 and write about stuff instead? {I kid, I kid}

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  7. I don't know how any mom's never mind mom's with 2 kids can find even a spare minute. I give you so much credit, I love your blog, and I love your instagram. You truly are a superwoman! Keep on kicking butt because you're doing an awesome job at it!

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  8. as crazy as IG is...i think our littles will LOVE looking back one day at all the moments we captured and with us (meaning us moms) in the 'selfies' with them. i grew up in the 80's and would have loved to have seen me on a daily basis with my mum and me with her in a picture. they will be memories to last a lifetime!

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  9. Pretty sure your priorities have changed too. And that is a good thing. :) xo

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