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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

To marry him.

It was dinner prepping time and not long before Declan would be home. All the toys that exploded from the living room that day started migrating to the kitchen. The girls had gotten play-doh out, 10 million little lalaloopsy toys, and Emeline was whizzing by me every 10 seconds on the razor scooter. Yes, in the kitchen. I'm a real stiff on my rules around here. Shake it Off by T-Swift was playing on repeat on Spotify from my laptop. Spontaneous dance parties were breaking out, as the girls were taking turns "being on stage" (cough, standing on a rubbermaid) and showing off their dance moves.

This time of day can be a little stressful for me, admittedly. I really don't prefer to trip on toys in the kitchen while I'm making dinner.  It's the one place I feel like, keep your toys awayyyyy, and yet, it never, ever happens. The house is a mess, a complete mess, and everyone is getting hungry. My hands are always covered in raw chicken or something disgusting the exact moment someone always needs you this instant

But for some reason, this day, albeit chaotic and messy and loud--felt different. Lucy and Emeline were both playing independently for the most part. They were getting along, and in between dance sessions, there wasn't fighting. There was playing, a little giggling here and there, some sweet sister chatter, sometimes explosive laughter. I remember having a little moment, the kind where you 'check-in' and feel fully present, the kind where I thought, Ok, here it is. This messy, hard but good, not-perfect life, we're living it. I felt gratitude wash over me in a way that felt like slipping into a warm, cozy bed. 

A few minutes later, out of nowhere and in between dance-breaks--Emeline says, "Mommy--I want to marry my Daddy...'cuz he's the BEST".

I looked at her, in all her 4-year-old beautiful innocence and I didn't have the heart to tell her anything except that marrying him is a great choice, because, you're right--he is the best.

I was unloading the dishwasher at this point, putting sippy cups together, something that could drive you to insanity--and I got a huge, massive lump in my throat replaying that over in my head. I want to marry my daddy. And I felt tears building up in my eyes. And you guys, I am not a crier. I'm really not. It takes a lot to break down this stoney heart. But that got me so hard, right there in my now-swelling-heart. 

I thought, Wow. Isn't that the ultimate compliment? She wants to marry her daddy.  

Because to her, in her 4 year old mind, he is the picture of perfect love to her. He is the picture of protection and endless hugs and exactly what it means to be accepted fully as you are. That concept wrecked me. It absolutely wrecked me because it holds so much meaning.  Since we often project our views of our earthly father onto our heavenly Father God. I thought, wow

I want her to always want to marry her 'daddy'. Someone just like him, that values and loves her all the time. That lifts her up and encourages her. That tells her she is strong and can do anything she wants. 

It is the ultimate compliment. 

18 comments:

  1. Ha. This heart (that used to be stone or steel something else super hard) bawls like a baby in regards to things like this. My girl is Lucy's age and doesnt quite get to the I want to marry my daddy part yet but it is definately almost there. He is the best for us (my husband that is) as I am sure Declan is the best for you and your girls! This life is so wonderful and being a mommy is the best kind of hard there is, "It hurts so good!" Love this (and you in a non-creepy internet stalker kind of way!)

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  2. My four year old just said this to me a few nights ago. "Mommy, I want to marry you when I grow up" My heart exploded!!!

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  3. I am sitting at my work desk and totally tearing up over this. Such a sweet beautiful post. :)

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  4. And cue all the hormonal, pregnancy tears. This is great. Love her heart!

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  5. Make me cry! I can remember as a little girl, wanting to marry my dad, because he was the best man I knew. And lucky me--I married a man who is a lot like him. I hope we have girls one day who think the same thing about their daddy!

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  6. That made me choke up with all of my hard stoniness. :) I love it, and had a moment like that this morning.

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  7. So beautiful!! Thanks for sharing this with us!!! so precious!

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  8. Amen. To Declan and your tears :)

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  9. <3 thank you for sharing this. I luckily married someone like my dad and I hope the same for my daughter.

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  10. :)

    Abigail says this all the time and I always say something like, "But you can't marry your daddy because I am already married to him and will be forever!" So, then she'll suggest....well, maybe I can marry Grandpa? And I'll say, "But you can't marry Grandpa because he is married to Grandma and will be forever!" And it turns into this really awesome conversation about the legacy of the marriages in our family and it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy.

    Then I start thinking about the little boy who exists somewhere in the world for her and then it's like....oh geez.

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  11. I totally wanted to marry my daddy at that age too & I still want to marry a guy like him and my grandpa as well! So blessed that I have wonderful men in my life!

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  12. So adorable!! I was able to find someone like my granddad and I sure hope my little girl will be able to find someone like her daddy too! :)

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  13. GAH that is so cute! OMG! Kendall all the time tells Jimmy she's going to marry him but I've never thought that much into it but you are totally right!

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  14. This just totally broke my heart...in a good way :') Thank you for sharing.

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  15. I mean this in the best way but I use to love love love your blog. It was my go to read, it was a day in the life type blog and it rocked. Now it's all these short stories of random events written like you are trying to get published or something. I just missed the format if how you use to do it.

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