Pages

Thursday, September 18, 2014

unraveled

We live in a time and age where we feel like we can see it all. Thanks to instagram and blogs and what people are tweeting about you formulate a story about their life, and start believing it. You see pretty, well put-together-pictures and you think it's a pretty, well put-together life. Or whatever. 

And blah blah blah. It's talked about again and again and again in blog post after blog post that comparison is the thief of joy. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes with other people's highlight reel. This is part of their life, not their whole life. Don't beat a dead horse, Katie. And don't worry, I won't.

To be honest? I am not a huge comparer. I'm not. Seeing pretty stuff and neat homes, and well-laid-out-pictures on instagram doesn't make me think you have it all together. Even if you do. I just assume you're like me and a (not so) secret-hot-mess. I pretty much assume that your mornings can be chaotic and stressful, and that maybe you, too leave your house looking like a robber ravaged through everything, and come home scratching your head like, 'crap-did we do this?'. I assume that your kids are hard to wrangle come teeth-brushing-time, and that every day is a struggle for you to make healthy food choices and get your butt to the gym. I assume that we all have our issues. And that's cool, because, we're human! Gosh, we are so human. And my human can be kinda....ugly. Impatient. Exhausted. My human can yell. Oh, my humanness made me eat chick-fil-a yesterday. 

But I have to be honest.

The last few days I have been beating myself up. I am not a huge negative-self-talker. I tend to be like, Ok-Katie. Look how far you've come. You've done good. Keep going.  But the last few days have been different and I'm not ok with it. I feel vulnerable sharing--I do. But in all my humanness I'm going to anyway.

Lately I've been comparing myself. Feeling down about where I'm at and measuring myself to where others have gotten in a quicker amount of time. Standing there doing Body Pump at the gym and thinking, oh my god, look at my thighs.  Comparison completely stole my contentment the last few days. It took over my mind and I absolutely hated it

The worst part is, I am so self-aware about this stuff. If it ever crept up in the past I can tell myself to shake it off and move on fast. I tell myself it's silly. I tell myself that I am strong. I tell myself to snap the freak out of it, because, my gosh, THIS IS NOT A REAL ISSUE. But it overtook my thoughts before bed last night and it kept taunting me. I got fed up, and so I prayed and told God that this is not who I am, and please take these feelings away, because, frankly, it's gross.  

This morning I woke up a little bit early. I came downstairs, brewed my coffee, and read a little bit. Of course, without fail, my Jesus Calling cracks me over the head again with this one:

You inhabit a fallen, disjointed world, where things are constantly unraveling around the edges. Only a vibrant relationship with me can keep you from coming unraveled too.

I'm tightening up ship today. I'm not going to let my mind unravel to the point of comparing myself against others. The only person it's hurting is me--and it hurts my focus. It's a waste of energy, time, and it's a disservice to all the hard work I've put in over the years. 

The buck stops here, because this is not who I am.

(via)

--

I know this is a vulnerable discussion--but do you ever find yourself comparing to others? what's your tactic to stay grounded?

20 comments:

  1. I compare all. the. time. As bad as it is, I think it's normal. That said, I think you did what every one of us should do, which is catch ourselves comparing and nip it in the bud as soon as possible. And THAT is the hard part. Knowing when enough is enough. Knowing that all of the comparisons are, in fact, stealing our joy. It's the inability to notice it that's the problem...the unhealthy bit. So bravo to you for seeing it and stopping it in it's tracks. You are doing great, with how far you've come and raising two beautiful little girls and continuing to keep yourself a priority (you know what I mean...maybe not all the time...but taking time for you) is something a lot of us fail to achieve. So, job well done Katie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love! Great thoughts. Aren't we lucky to have a God who points those things out to us at just the right time?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is so great! As I was staring in the mirror this morning thinking that this time post pardum with my first I was back to being "me" the girl who was athletic, fit and still wore most of her clothes from junior high! This time, there is still loose skin, and a few extra pounds (my daughter is six months) and I am beating myself up about it. LIke seriously. If I want it to change I have to change it - not compare myself to a different time or other people. I can do this! and so can you!:) Comparison is the thief of joy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post! I read Jesus Calling this morning and it really spoke to me too. We could all use a little gratitude and solace in being perfectly imperfect.

    ReplyDelete
  5. great post. so raw, and so real. this is every one of us. and many hide behind this truth. freedom comes with openness and vulnerability. thanks for giving us courage to share our own humanness with you too. ive been there. now single-mom thriving to raise my son alone. i compare and break down and snap out of it and the cycle repeats its ugly self. then grace meets me at every step. we have days on the up and the down, but hang on to the real truths you know in your heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. beautifully said, sister. so glad for that grace.

      Delete
  6. Alllllll the time. Josh and I have a complicated situation. We have a tiny little house that we own, but it's too small for our growing family, so we rent it out. We can't afford a house that meets our needs in the neighborhood I want to live in, so we rent my parents' old house (in that neighborhood). Josh constantly struggles with the fact that we rent, even though it just worked out best that way. It's hard to see all of our co-workers and friends who have these perfect (in the sense that they own them and they meet their needs) houses. Then, of course, you see all these bloggers and their cute little houses, which doesn't help. But it's just a matter of remembering that everyone's situation is different and that we really are blessed to have what we have. We COULD be living in an apartment right now, paying just as much rent as a mortgage payment.

    ReplyDelete
  7. As usual, you hit the nail on the head. The enemy uses the evil of comparison in hopes that we do lose our focus on joy, on being thankful for all that we DO have, all that our heavenly father has blessed us with. That is something I remind myself of on the reg. I have SO SO SO much more to be grateful and thankful for than not. Sometimes I go to the other side and feel so undeserving of all that I have. It is a tricky balance to keep and I have to admit, I am rarely on balance. But like you said, that is where we are human and we cannot help that. For me, it is what keeps me going back to the Word, to my faith, and to my Savior.
    Thank you for being open and honest. I do read all your posts but haven't had a chance to comment because I am on my phone. Now back to work and a real! computer! Keep on, sista! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  8. So glad you opened up about this today. I got a taste of this just a few days ago. There's another mom I see at daycare picking up at the same time I do, and she's always in her cute workout clothes, looking like she just got her gym on. And I thought "ugh, so jealous that she is so committed to the gym! why can I not get myself to commit to my fitness!?". Well... we have a mutual friend who told me the VERY next day " othermom commented to me yesterday that you always look so put-together and collected in your work clothes and she is just so jealous that you have it together." Ha! Hardly. But made me think... the grass is always greener and it's sure exhausting.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm totally with you. I don't feel like I compare myself but every now and then I too fall in this trap...it happens so gradually. The devil is sneaky that way

    ReplyDelete
  10. Katie,

    I am a quite reader of this blog. (that sounds creepy) I love this piece. In fact, it may be may favorite you've ever written.

    Comparison is so hard. This is going to sound so cliché, but it is so true. When I am focused on Jesus and what He is asking of me, I feel completely content and full. Please don't think I mean that as holier than thou. I do not! It has taken me a LONG time to get to this place. It isn't about everyone around me. It is about me and my walk, and my life, and my goals/dreams, etc. I find that when I am comparing myself to others and feeling like I don't measure up, I am also doing the opposite and thinking that others don't measure up. My human nature wants to feel better, so I start to think of others that I am "better" than. That sounds awful, I know. It has been so refreshing to realize that my worth is in my savior and I do nothing to earn more or less grace. I am one who has struggled my whole life with feeling like I am never enough. I am not the cutest or thinnest, and this has been my focus for so long. Jesus asks me daily to focus on His eyes and His heart, and suddenly I feel beautiful and confident. I know that sounds a little corny, but it has been so peaceful- finding this place. And, for the record, I would kill to have your drive and body! :)

    Hugs, LA

    ReplyDelete
  11. I mostly compare myself to previous versions of myself because, as you said, I'm aware what I see in others is a lot of what they want me to see so when I do catch myself comparing I remember everyone has a hot mess express line.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beautiful Katie! I need to take a page from your book. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Great post. JUST what I needed today. Thanks for sharing! <3

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh girl, I feel you. I completely do. I constantly find myself comparing myself to others and I HATE it! Why do we do this to ourselves?? Why should be be compared to anyone but who we were yesterday? It is so hard being in this world now, with constant pictures, news stories and everything...

    You want to know what though? YOU are one of those people for me. I look at you and think wow, she has it ALL together. And you know what? That makes me happy for you and makes me want to be better in the process. I find myself looking on Instagram at you and thinking, Wow look at Katie go! She's such an inspiration in so many ways! It is good to know that I am not alone with having feelings like that and someone I look up to, yes look up to, has the same struggles.

    You are so strong, don't let your mind get in the way! <3

    ReplyDelete
  15. I know I talk a lot about CrossFit and it's so "cross-fitty" to say but since I've started CrossFit I care less and less about what I look like and I focus on what I CAN DO with this body. My body is amazing and lets me do incredible things. Sure I still have tummy flab and dimples but holy hell I'm strong. I worry less and less about the number of calories I eat and instead of focus on how the food will fuel my workout. I use to be religious about wearing my Polar to see how many calories I burned, I was so hung up on it that if I forgot it I wouldn't even workout. Now? I never even wear it anymore. I love CrossFit it totally changes the way you think about your body, and exercise. And I get it, this is so typical of what a CrossFitter would say…but it's fricken awesome! It is hard to do with little kids because they don't offer child care but I actually get up and do it early before my husband goes to work. That's how much I love…and I hate mornings.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ALL OF THE TIME!!! It's what I pray every night for help with! It steals my joy!!! I'm trying my best and everyday I get better! God is how Im overcoming coveting!!! And an amazing hubs that lifts me up daily!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I compare myself to others all the time - and I don't have an answer on how to stop. It's so tough...

    ReplyDelete