And blah blah blah. It's talked about again and again and again in blog post after blog post that comparison is the thief of joy. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes with other people's highlight reel. This is part of their life, not their whole life. Don't beat a dead horse, Katie. And don't worry, I won't.
To be honest? I am not a huge comparer. I'm not. Seeing pretty stuff and neat homes, and well-laid-out-pictures on instagram doesn't make me think you have it all together. Even if you do. I just assume you're like me and a (not so) secret-hot-mess. I pretty much assume that your mornings can be chaotic and stressful, and that maybe you, too leave your house looking like a robber ravaged through everything, and come home scratching your head like, 'crap-did we do this?'. I assume that your kids are hard to wrangle come teeth-brushing-time, and that every day is a struggle for you to make healthy food choices and get your butt to the gym. I assume that we all have our issues. And that's cool, because, we're human! Gosh, we are so human. And my human can be kinda....ugly. Impatient. Exhausted. My human can yell. Oh, my humanness made me eat chick-fil-a yesterday.
But I have to be honest.
The last few days I have been beating myself up. I am not a huge negative-self-talker. I tend to be like, Ok-Katie. Look how far you've come. You've done good. Keep going. But the last few days have been different and I'm not ok with it. I feel vulnerable sharing--I do. But in all my humanness I'm going to anyway.
Lately I've been comparing myself. Feeling down about where I'm at and measuring myself to where others have gotten in a quicker amount of time. Standing there doing Body Pump at the gym and thinking, oh my god, look at my thighs. Comparison completely stole my contentment the last few days. It took over my mind and I absolutely hated it.
The worst part is, I am so self-aware about this stuff. If it ever crept up in the past I can tell myself to shake it off and move on fast. I tell myself it's silly. I tell myself that I am strong. I tell myself to snap the freak out of it, because, my gosh, THIS IS NOT A REAL ISSUE. But it overtook my thoughts before bed last night and it kept taunting me. I got fed up, and so I prayed and told God that this is not who I am, and please take these feelings away, because, frankly, it's gross.
This morning I woke up a little bit early. I came downstairs, brewed my coffee, and read a little bit. Of course, without fail, my Jesus Calling cracks me over the head again with this one:
You inhabit a fallen, disjointed world, where things are constantly unraveling around the edges. Only a vibrant relationship with me can keep you from coming unraveled too.
I'm tightening up ship today. I'm not going to let my mind unravel to the point of comparing myself against others. The only person it's hurting is me--and it hurts my focus. It's a waste of energy, time, and it's a disservice to all the hard work I've put in over the years.
The buck stops here, because this is not who I am.
I know this is a vulnerable discussion--but do you ever find yourself comparing to others? what's your tactic to stay grounded?